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I sat in it..

I am sure you will all join me in thanking Simon for instigating this site and for all the hard work he puts in during the year to keep it going. Many times during the past year I have been so grateful that I could turn on the laptop and just see what was going on in other peoples lives and compare our problems related to sci or just generally surf the site and add my comments or not. So on behalf of us all a big THANK YOU, a happy Christmas and I look forward to Apparelyzed in 2012.

When I joined this website about a month ago, I had so many questions and I felt so lost, distraught, and confused. Although I do not post much I keep up with everyone elses posts and I learn new things everyday. Even if they don't apply to me now, im sure they will be helpful in the future. Fortunately I have had very little complications with my injury which I know is a blessing. I felt like I lost a big part of me and who I was when I got my SCI, but for the first time in my year of being injured I can say that I feel like the beautiful, confident woman I was before I was injured and I owe it all to this website, the wonderful people I have gotten to know, and even the members I don't know. I feel that no matter what happens Im going to be ok, and that is a great feeling! I realize I am still going to have my ups and downs and its not an easy life we are living but for me to feel this comfortable so early on is amazing. I put my life on hold because I felt so alienated from the world, but I finally feel like Im ready to get back out there and join society again lol. You may or may not realize it but you all made a huge impact in someones life. So thank you for sharing and inspiring me! I just thought you all should know :-)

Will goes a long way but won't undamage a damaged spinal cord.  Will power comes in when there is an incomplete injury, function returns, exercise, returning movement or maintaining movement...etc.  Will becomes or defeats walkers.  If there is no function then the only time will power will help you,  is to foment an emotional change so you accept yourself as you are.

 

If you have returning function use your will power to help you work toward your goals, if you have no returning function or you're complete then use your will power to become the best you that you can be.  

Your injury is yours. Your grieving process is yours. There is really no comparing your situation with anyone elses. You need to get through it the way you get through it. One wonderful thing about this board is that no one tries to trump anyone by saying they have it worse. There is just lots of support. The board is here for people to feel safe getting the whining and complaining off their chest.

I deal with my sci like I do with ex girlfriends. There are things that always remind me of them, but I can't let those memories dictate what I like to enjoy currently. I just have to keep pushing forward and hope for the best.

Hi Lav ,

This baffles me, not your wanting people to know you are one of the walking wounded, but that someone would be angry/upset at your walking...wtf is this "person" or these "persons" thinking, this type of discrimination/ignorance is simply sad...and ugly!

Why not just have separate websites for each sci level, for completes/incompletes, oh wait; those that use anti-tip bars, pretty pink spokes, frogs legs, pneumatic tires...how about hair/skin/eye colour, length of fingernails, size of their

I'm not going to vote either, unless you add a check box for

I don't give a flying f*@k what your SCI level is, or how severe or not, you're still a brother/sister; family!


A friend, rehab buddy Duncan, c5 like me, walked out of hospital...what a joyous moment! My carer has a plate at c4-6, a disc issue, she shouldn't be walking but is, "all" that remains of her SCI is partial numbness in her arms n fingers...lots of nero pain!

Those people that lambasted you for being honest, need to get a life; pull their heads/hearts out their assholes!

PS. I tried to be PC, really I did

tomsov, you need to better understand the situation...and not just accept what the shallow politicians say. It's not the people's fault. Many good people are out of work. The western financial system no longer works.

The fault is with the bankers and money people of Wall St. Blame them. They created the money borrowing frenzy and they juggled the money to disguise that it didn't really exist. The Occupy people are the gentle reaction. If something radical is not done to reorganise the way we use money then it's going to lead to big-time violence. Last time there was a great depression it led to Hitler and Nazism.

The old way no longer works. It's not going to be fixed tomrrow and more people will find it harder to find jobs, maybe including you.

Its good to vent, and its good for newbies like me to read these vents. 

I too love logic, to me its the mathematics of life. You take a set of circumstances, and almost predict the future. You use logic in bussiness to simply predict a scenario as black or white, yes or no, sign or walk away...

All I can say, is that our new life has very little logic. I cant predict that we will join a supper on Friday evening, as there are too many variables in the equation, pain, illness, just feeling down or being tired. None of my past learned equations work anymore, these days, I am flying blind.

 

My wife spent 21 days in ICU, ventilated and heavily sedated. I spent 21 days next to her bed quietly reading every possible scenario, and trying to find answers to the one million questions I knew she would ask. Preparing for the battle of the mind I knew she would face.

My preparation didnt help much. All the reading, all the research, all the answers couldnt prepare me for what lay ahead! All my life, I have been ambitious, but content. We had a good life, no, we had a great life, but sci changed my outlook, stripped away my positive attitude, and beat me into the floor.

 

Heres the thing though, I didnt have to stay down, I could fight this thing, and maybe I cant reverse the impact this made on our lives, but I will not let this horrid thing take more from us, than what I absolutely can not save. Sci took my wife's function from T5 down, but I will not let it take my wife! In rehab we were told that in South Africa, 99% of males walk out on their female partners with sci, and that our marriage was basically doomed from the word go. Logically, no one would take a bet on those odds, but I refuse to accept that reality. I will fight to change those odds!

 

I am not the one with the sci, I know, but believe me, the sci is in my life, a part of my life, and the impact, the loss and the pain is devastating!

 

My point is this. If sci has robbed you of 100 things, dont surrender anything that you can fight for. I love my wife, and I long daily for the functions that she has lost, and I mourn for the future plans we had that now seem impossible to achieve. Sci took those things, yes, but I will not surrender my mariage, I will not surrender the wife I love with all my heart.

Why would you surrender a future love, a future wife, your future kids, because you think they might consider you a project. My wife is not my project, nor my patient, she is my life, and I will fight for her untill our new normal is the best it possibly can be.

 

Fight for the people you love, and fight for the future you can still have. I admire your tenacity for what you have accomplished to date, and yes, you are an inspiration to those of us still finding a way to independance. I would so love to read in time, that you also had the courage to push even further, to fight even harder and to accomplish even more...

Carbs, fats, protiens, de-toxing, it doesn't matter. I've just discovered the truth:

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine 
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats  
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

"You drive my point home exactly if you meant to or not.
 
The bottom line is not about guns. People are the problem. The bad guys will always find ways to kill other people. Guns, like a wheelchair, is just a tool that makes it easier and less ."

Lol context and opinion is everything. I know the adage you allude to "guns don't kill people, people kill people". Well the truth is that People with access to guns kill people an awful lot more than people who have access to knives, clubs and as you suggest wheelchairs.

Man has killed other men with just about every tool imaginable but my point was that a handgun is a tool that's only purpose is to kill another human being. It's not going to stop any large animal or drive in a nail or any other useful thing. It's design, purpose and function is to kill.

My point is that if guns are readily to hand people who are bad, mad or just plain old stupid have more chance to cause harm. If this latest crazies mom hadn't been a gun owner do you think he'd have gone to Sandy Gap Elementary with a screwdriver or a knife?

Now I actually don't think the right to bear arms is an entirely bad thing but within a regulated framework or in an approved militia ( as I believe was the original intent of your constitution). But your country needs to get a grip on itself and talk about this and reach an American solution that doesn't mean going back to the Wild West.

Your society licences and controls many things that CAN kill such as cars, motorcycles, alcohol, drugs yet it cannot find the strength to control the thing that exists only TO kill.

America has an EMOTIONAL attachment to the gun and like most doomed love affairs your friends looking in can see the likely ending while the lovers are blinded by their emotions.

Tom

hey, last night well it was through the day to about 8 or 9 but still i went out with the lads to bars etc and for a meal for a little christmas get together, i didnt mind to much about going for a meal as ive done that a few times but going in and out of bars and clubs was a little weird, might not seem much but it was a step, the main one was everyone standing so close and so high also i needed to toilet and it was at the back of this club so you had to pass the bar to get there but with it being a club the bar was full from the bar to the wall and i couldnt just squeeze in and out of everyone so i caved  and got my brother to help me get through but i had to do it alone on the way back - not so bad, pat on the back for me yay - i think, normally the though of going out would of put me off, getting ready etc getting there and just the whole thing but i thought f**k it, its christmas time and it was a good time i enjoyed myself and just thought i'd share hehe

I've noticed a few posts on "how dare some one help me" or "I hate it when...."

This is my take, since I don't think this has really been addressed in this way; (if it has excuse the dual beating to death of this topic)

Not at all to be rude or misconstrued, (as many members are want to do) , but.......One thing to consider is, how confident do you appear putting your chair in your car, or moving through life, shopping, carrying things? We all have less functional days.

I'm really new at this but really work to look competent and confident. That said....we all have bad days. We drop the body, drop a wheel...etc. Cuss as the body hits us in the face.... I just can't understand a person forcing help on someone who didn't appear to be struggling in some way.

I truly hope you don't find it offensive, but it's a possibility because no one is 100% strong all the time, could it be that maybe, just maybe, you appear a bit tired, weak, uncoordinated. I often head out walking only to find out...I collapse and can't finish. Help would really be great then and sometimes I do get it.

Another thought is the universe is forcing help your way in an attempt to encourage you to perhaps help others or wake you up to the needs of your fellow humans, being that you are so capable.

At any rate... people will or won't help based on their nature...please come up with a decent non rude reply when you are at home or not in danger of receiving a drive by helping hand!! Watch out for Boy Scouts too!! But seriously....we all have feelings. Imagine how you would feel if you saw someone struggling, you tried to help, and your head got chewed off. Be decent to your fellow man. Treat them the way you'd like to be treated, a smile a laugh, a thanks but no thanks any kindness goes on for miles....or simply telling someone how they can help. Would it kill anyone to let someone put a wheel in, or learn to fold down a chair back? My friend felt bad for me and moved my chair to the back seat for me so my son could get in. I can handle it with the cane myself, she put it in sideways, but it was important to her to help me and didn't hurt anything. I can get it out or my husband can....life goes on

Yeah I can hear the argument from full time users now, certain way, etc,,,,, when i do it myself at a store, I have to do it a certain way....BUT it won't kill anything to let a person put a wheel in the back. or fold the back, plus they learn something new.

The moral....let go a bit and get some happiness back, it's no fun being angry and looking for a fight all the time

Similar to the  five stages of grief :denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. our family also grieves the loss of the life we/they had before our injury. 

but sometimes blaming is what people do to rationalize something they don't understand, like an accident that rocks your world. 

 

It hasn't been long since your injury, in time hopefully she can work through this, or may need others to talk to. I don't personally believe another person is responsible for our happiness, that's a heavy load for anyone to bear SCI or able bodied.

 

Myself, I ran through a thousand times in my head , how could I have  mopped the floor differently?..I got the same answer every time, a freak accident 

 

Take Care

My sisters wedding this weekend

So, after 6 years, I decided to give my Bromakin Street Classic Ti a prezzie!

I know, I'm just an old romantic! So, I decided to treat it to some Froglegs, and a new set of Marathon Plus tyres!





So now I have full suspension, I really do have a "spring in my roll" (so to speak!).

All supplied by http://www.bromakin.co.uk

Simon

I have an update

 

I complained and had an email from the Library Superviser saying they want to put this guy on a disability awareness course and that they were taking this seriously. I said that I would be happy to talk to him personally and tell him the way he acted was wrong. You talk to people directly, disability or no disability. 

I hate causing all this trouble but then again, if I didn't complain he might have treated someone else badly and they wouldn't have been as forgiving as me!

I think all of us need to stop saying  

 

I know how lucky I am

Believe me I am glad to be walking

I know how blessed I am

 

etc.....

 

I think we all need to stop apologizing for feeling the way we feel. Angry, frustrated, disappointed, cut down, let down, left out, left behind.  I am just as guilty for these "well I hate to complain because I'm so darn lucky...but"  moments too.  I am trying to stop and to say what I mean.  We have just as much right to our feelings of confusion, pain and loss as any complete or more complete incomplete.  We have all been affected by SCI.  So what, we can ambulate...a little, a lot, some, sometimes?  I think we need to stop worrying about offending the people who can't walk.  We also need to not worry about our friends who can walk and what they will think if we show up in a chair because we just can't walk that day.  I do it, I give them a heads up though if we're going out in a group.  There are some days....and I know all of you have them, (if not then I must be the odd girl out) when we would trade with someone who knew they would not walk again just for the knowing what a day will bring.   It gets really irritating to be made to feel that we have less of a right to complain, let loose, let down and let it out than a person who can't walk.  It's just the way the cards fell for all of us. I'm sorry about the hand that some people got, especially the people who let depression and bitterness so define them that they can't accept the rest of us for who we are or aren't.

 

Moan all you want to Alex J.  It sucks to not feel your feet one day then the next the carpet feels like broken glass!  Who in their right mind would want to trade with us for that?  Who in their right mind would want to trade with us for clothes that feel like sand paper rubbing your body 24/7 except when you drug yourself to sleep.  Yes, I hate summer because the burning pain gets to suicidal levels...no, I won't commit suicide.  I have not nearly annoyed my son and husband long enough!  They aren't getting rid of me for decades (hopefully!)  

 

So complain away...feel the way you feel...make no apologies to people who are ugly, ignorant, or not worth knowing. 

There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy people and I have ran into a group of unhealthy people. I did not ask for the type of feedback when it comes to downgrading. I am thick skinned but I have enough respect for myself not to put up with these kinds of people. I for sure will put myself around some healthier good hearted people for you guys surly do not fit that category. My position will not change either. :-)

 

Jen, I hope you can read this objectively because I am reading this thread (in it's entirety at least) for the first time and I have nothing to do with anything that's gone on here and have no reason to be anything other than totally honest. 

 

Nobody was rude to you.  NOBODY.  You are brand new to your injury and you were being given some perspective from other people who have lived with similar (and in some cases much worse) injuries for a very long time.  I think you need to look INWARD as to why you reacted so strongly to what was absolutely nothing but friendly and realistic discussion of what we're ALL dealing with in our lives.  If what went on in this thread alone is enough to give you the apparent conniption fit that it did, then I have bad news for you regarding your injury.  Because WHATEVER the final outcome is with you and your injury, it's going to take a strong, thick skinned person to make the best of it.

Jen,

 

Your post has been bothering me since I read it this morning.

 

My concerns are:

• You are so early in your injury.  Do you think you are through the grieving process?  I know you want to be positive, but you need to grieve in order to honestly begin the road to recovery.  The people in these forums have experienced unimaginable physical and emotional pain and they are here to support and guide you.  Don't blow them off.
• Bickering in the threads always upsets me, although sometimes I derive entertainment from it.   I hope your departure is not due to people just being honest.  Yes, there are some people who come on a little strong and I imagine you're not the only person who has been offended.  But most people have insightful, humourous and compassionate things to say.  They will also cheer you on as you progress.

I wish you the best for your recovery and hope you will feel comfortable to come back to us should the need arise.