Do You Have A Relationship With The Person Who Caused You're Injury Options

[Blake]

I have a pretty close relationship with Mark who caused my injury and most outsiders find it odd. Most don't see how I can even look at him. I've never really placed blame on him and neither did my family except my brother Barron. He was only 16 when he hit me and I know he blames him self everytime he looks at me so he doesn't need any blame from anyone else.

I have a hard time explaining to people how I can be friends with him and when I do try they don't really get it. Does anyone else here have a relashionship with the person who injured you? Am I really nuts for not blaming him? That's sure how some people make me feel.

This post has been edited by Blake: Nov 4 2009, 12:16 AM

[LeahCaprice]

I have a pretty close relationship with Mark who caused my injury and most outsiders find it odd. Most don't see how I can even look at him. I've never really placed blame on him and neither did my family except my brother Barron. He was only 16 when he hit me and I know he blames him self everytime he looks at me so he doesn't need any blame from anyone else.

I have a hard time explaining to people how I can be friends with him and when I do try they don't really get it. Does anyone else here have a relashionship with the person who injured you? Am I really nuts for not blaming him? That's sure how some people make me feel.

It most surely was an accident, why hold a grudge over something that he's got to live with anyway? Isn't that punishment enough? Good for you for seeing that he is still a good guy and didn't harm you intentionally.

[Beautiful]

I was injured at 3 years old. Drunk driver hit our car head-on.

I don't know her, I've never met her, or anything, but I don't hate her. Sometimes we can't control the situations we are put in. But I forgive her for what she did. It was stupid to drink and get behind the wheel, but we all make mistakes.

I don't think you're nuts for being friends with him or whatever. I think it makes you a better person actually, stronger. I don't like holding grudges and having a "hate" towards people. It just isn't me. So good for you for being able to forgive him and moving on with a friendship!

[Ratticis]

The guy who caused me to be gimped is named Chris. I've known him all my life. He's a good guy most days, an idiot at time, and a wee bit nuts. . . he also needs to get laid

[bradgrove]

The driver of the ute I was sitting in the back of is still a good friend of mine. I think the accident has hit him harder than it has me mentally and emotionally. We come from a rather small country town so when it happened everyone new who got hurt and who was driving. While I was in hospital it was extremely hard for him to get out and go to the pub because of all the looks he always got.

He never talks about what happened and no one ever brings it up in front of him. I don't really care though. I joke about my accident and disability almost every day but as soon as the drivers name is mentioned by someone, the joke stops. It is still a very touchy subject.

The hardest thing for me and my two other mates that were there when it happened, was going to court over the accident. We all knew it was an accident and he wasn't to blame, but sitting in court with him listening to what you have to say about everything when you have never spoken to him personally about it is extremely hard.

Luckily, the charges were dropped, but he ended up moving up north, about 5 hours away. He got a new job, but everyone knows he moved because of what happened to me, even though he knows no one blames him. It's just human nature. We still ring or visit each other every couple of months just to show everyone that everything is fine.

Our friendship may not be the same as it was but we are still good mates....

[Blake]

I'm glad to see that i'm not the only one who doesn't blame the person who caused my accident. Even the friends I have that are in chairs say I'm crazy for not blaming Mark. I wish I could help Mark get over it he's 23 now and just getting his life back together. We've talked about it a good amount and he said it's jus so hard to be the guy who paralyzed a 5 year old on Christmas. I just wish he coulld see i'm ok with things most of the time, I lead a pretty good life.

This post has been edited by Blake: Nov 5 2009, 02:58 AM

[qbounce]

Loved ones often blame themselves for not having been there when the accident happened, or for the events that occured leading up to the accident.

Others blame themselves for the SCI happening within their home, or during their time spent with the person who's accident occured.

One thing we can't do is make someone else feel better for a guilty conscience, when they had absolutely nothing to do with the event. The same thing goes for the ones who actually did contribute to the accident.

Only one thing helps in healing these wounds . . . . TIME. Time doesn't heal anything, but it HELPS.

[ClaraTaylor]

I lived a street away from the chap that did this to me, and coming from a tiny village this only really added up to five houses and the corner of a field.

He'd seen me grow up, seen my family living our happy little life, seen my friends and I as we used to walk across the field behind his house with our sledges in the winter, seen me cycle past his house twice a day on my way two and from work, he even used to see me drive by on my way to hospital for appointments after the accident...

... You can't see everything.

Our mothers are good friends. Whether they had some emotional discussion I have no idea. But they meet up every Wednesday for tea and card making.

He's not a bad chap, okay so he's an idiot for doing what he did but I don't hate him and as one of the old ladies told me "He was in an accident himself when he was younger, everyone else in the car died and he was in a coma for months. His brain was ever so badly damaged... you'd think he ought to have known better"
She was a strange old lady.

I know in the local pub that harsh comments were made and the odd punch thrown at his direction (well seven is an odd number) but most in the village have accepted it as an accident and that's what I do too.

The fact that I know he had two more accidents after mine (or should that be ours?) including one where he wrote off two cars and then went on to find out he had one more before mine (na, I don't like sharing) does worry me but having contacted the DVLA I found out there was nothing that I could do.

He seems to have finished his killing spree and now drives a mini bus full of school children every day. I guess his life isn't going so bad.

I still insist on free drinks at the pub every time I see him for the loud "this is the man that tried to kill me" always goes down wonders if I don't like his girlfriend at the time.

[wheeliebear75]

Well in my case it was just a sign that didn't stay where it was supposed to; I don't hold any responsibility on anyone for it....never did....it was just an accident. I only get angry & upset with Sizzler (where I got hurt at) for doing EVERYTHING they could to pay out as little as possible........trying to say that they should ONLY have to take into account how far from "normal" I was and that all the stuff about me being above average & in college prep classes before the accident shouldn't even be considered.

But you're not having THAT kinda thing......doesn't sound as though the teen or his family was trying to wash their hands of anything. And as for you being able to forgive him.....that just shows that you've "moved on". There is no such thing as a time machine where we can go back to the day before or hrs. before we got hurt & do things differently.........holding a grudge wouldn't help you accomplish anything. And I've never known of anything good to come of hate & generally only the one who is busy holding the grudge is the one busy suffering any by said grudge.

No there may not be any physical scars from that day that he hit you........but that doesn't mean that he wasn't still scared. You're right in saying it isn't necessary to hate him for it. Most people can't understand how/why the Dali Llama sees things the way he does............some who see things differently from him would say he's a nut-case while others though they may not see things in the same way as the Dali Llama can at least see & admit that he has a different view that comes from "a higher place".....not a bad place or weird just different. OK so you're the Dalli Llama of the SCI world.......you've reached a much higher place than most........and like the Dalli Llama.......when other disagree with your views or philosophy just smile & move on.

[wheeliebear75]

Loved ones often blame themselves for not having been there when the accident happened, or for the events that occured leading up to the accident.

Others blame themselves for the SCI happening within their home, or during their time spent with the person who's accident occured.

One thing we can't do is make someone else feel better for a guilty conscience, when they had absolutely nothing to do with the event. The same thing goes for the ones who actually did contribute to the accident.

Only one thing helps in healing these wounds . . . . TIME. Time doesn't heal anything, but it HELPS.

Funny you should mention that qp. My Aunt to this day still kicks herself for having chosen where to go for her birthday dinner. It wasn't her fault for picking where to go but she still feels like she is partially responsible. It's even something she has had to go get counseling for......but even with the counseling it's just something she hasn't been able to totally shake off.

[luvmyc5]

My guy blames Trevor for his injury. Trevor dropped him on his neck intentionally, served only 6 mos in jail due to "lack of evidence" eventho my bf mom was a witness and at every court date. He cries occassionally because Trevor is walking around and he is stuck in a chair with limited mobility.He says its not fair

[Soryfam]

I don't totally blame the doctors who missed my diagnosis at first, but I do wish at least one of them would say "I'm sorry" we didn't take you more seriously. They do now, and that helps, but I especially wish the PA in the ER who called me a drug seeker and said I was fine would have at least told me he'd learned from the situation. I'm not really made anymore, just sad.

Sandy

[marty07]

my best mate was driving the boat i was behind when i had my accident and another mate saved my life by rolling me over for air... we're all still really good mates, hang out almost every week. i still go out in the boat with them, just no wakeboarding for me haha.

but yeah i don't find that the relationship between my mate who was driving and i has changed at all.
and i owe my life to my other mate. its hard to explain to some people.. i dunno know its kinda like a special bond..

[tonimichelle]

i broke my neck in my yard when my husbands friend rick rolled me thru a somersault. i think he pushed down a little too hard...then he left b4 the ambulance showed up so jeff was looked at with huge suspicion! anyways. i dont blame him. jeff, my husband does. jeff wants to kick his ass! we dont talk to him anymore, though. it is too awkward! the one time i saw him he said- oh, you arent even in a wheelchair!- ...toni