I want nothing more than to have children. But our current life is already a lot to handle (Autonomic Dysfunction, Spasms, Bowel Issues, Bladder Infections...generally "not feeling good" about 3-4 days a week), so I worry about the decision to have a child. When will I sleep on those nights where he needs to be turned 4 times and the infant needs feeding or just keeps crying? How will I cope as those nights become more frequent? Will my spouse wait for hours in pain lying on his shoulder while I care for a crying infant? Who will put him to bed when I'm nine months pregnant and the aid doesn't show? How will I cope with the emotions and stress of being a new mother and having to do the bowel program because there's a terrible snow storm and the nurse can't come? Will I just stuff myself with food, smoke, alcohol, depression medication, sleeping pills, caffeine, and denial? Will my head literally spontaneously explode? I want to know how y'all have managed through these times. And I appreciate it all.

Peace and Happy New Year!

ok look at it another way
How much do you want children? if that is what you want you may have to choose between your partner or a possible family. If you decide not to have kids will you feel bitter in 20 years? Does your partner want kids. What help do you have?

No one can answer your questions really. Depends on your relationship. We have 3 small boys (2 months/19months and 5 yrs) plus my husband has serious mental health issues plus there is me. But on the whole we have a happy and loving family if slightly bonkers in all senses of the word!! We use humour to the max, dont get to stressed about anything, and know when stuff doesnt really matter.

Children have added so much to our lives. Although we did do our first big shop with the 3 boys plus a wheelchair and 2 trolleys yesterday..... not for the faint hearted but we managed!!

Thanks Lucydog. I really appreciate your time and energy and I admire all that you have in your life. It sounds like you've made a wonderful family.

I understand that no one can actually answer some of these questions. But I'm trying to be realistic in this decision.

Seriously everybody, PLEASE write about the logistics of how you managed the infant, then toddler, then young child! What kind of extra help did you get? How was your extended family involved? How did you prepare for the many nights when the caregiver/new-mommy/wife/individual is too exhausted to make dinner?...and frankly, shouldn't have to at all. I want us to logically talk about how we plan for and successfully execute a life that actually does include more responsibilities than a human is equipped to handle.

There are days in our current life--with two dogs, full-time work, waking up 1-4 times a night to turn him, complete C5-6 life and all those complications, a house, dinner, gardening, errands, laundry, cleaning, and my own needs--when I look in the mirror expecting my head to explode I work really hard to make sure I'm not always working and that I simply STOP sometimes. But I'm always and forever behind in my responsibilities, stressed, and worried about additional weight on my shoulders.

As the days go by, our time together becomes more and more accentuated by the disability as he suffers from more shoulder and elbow pain, almost constant bladder infections, never-ending bowel annoyances, thin skin on his heels so his feet jump, difficulty sleeping, Autonomic Dysfunction which often leaves him feeling "light-headed" and generally off...too many to remember.

I am here for him infinitely. I love him with all my heart and I want to spend all the time with him that he has left because I am so grateful he lived through his accident and that we were able to meet and fall in love those 8 years later. It may be that adding another responsibility will make me unable to enjoy life with him. I don't know...I want to hear from other caregiver/spouses about how they have addressed these questions/issues.

Thanks to everyone
Peace and Happy New Year

My husband and I plan to start trying for a baby in the fall.

Our plan is to hire caregivers to be there from about midnight-9am for the month before I am due, and then at least a month or two AFTER the baby would be born... So they can turn him throughout the night, do showers, and get him up and in his chair. We figured that if anything DOES happen, and a caregiver cannot show up, we can handle it. My husband also plans to work his turns throughout the night into the baby's schedule. It only takes me about 5 minutes to turn and cath him in the night. And as of right now, I only get up once in the night to do so.

I get paid full-time to take care of my husband, so when I hire caregivers, I will not be paid for those hours. So we plan to only use them as little as possible.

It does sound stressful, but it'll be worth it.

I am coming at it from another perspective altogether. I am the one with the SCI...I'm a para and we have a 2 year old son who is the most amazing kid ever. Are there days when its really really hard...without a doubt. Are there days when I'm have major spasms and back pain and hubby calls to tell me he has to stay and do a double and Kai has been crying all day and I want to cry myself...without a doubt. Bottom line is...it can be done. You can do it. And you will manage. You can and should sit down and talk it all through, but seriously no amount of planning in the world will completely prepare you. This has been the most fantastic journey that we have ever been on and not one ounce of planning would have prepared us for the real deal! Good luck to you. Babies are the best!

Only one way to find out for sure.

I know it can seem like a scary thing to take on but it can be done. I got hurt in 1975 and
became a C6-C7 Quadriplegic. My wife, Debbie and I got married in 1976. Our first child
was born in 1979, our second in 1981 and our last in 1986. Looking back I'm not quite
sure how we did it. I worked full-time as a computer analyst and then later on opened my
own computer consulting company. I closed it in 2000 when my health started to get
worse.

I guess we just took one day at a time. Sometimes I had to wait while Debbie saw to the
kids. (And yes there were times when I was in pain). AD did take precedence over
everything else though. Sometimes the babies would have to cry while Debbie worked
with me. All my kids are adults now and it didn't seem to have affected them. We didn't
have a nurse or an aide to help. Debbie did it all up until the children were born. We lived
away from family for our first two children's birth and my mother flew to where we were
living and took care of me for about two weeks then Debbie took over again.

I was fortunate that I was able to work full-time the first 25 years of our marriage and was
not in the hospital very much. Debbie ran a daycare out of our house for about 7 years
and then we took care of foster children for 10 years.

Once my kids could climb into my lap and they had good balance, I loved having them ride
in my lap. In fact my daughter, my youngest rode in my lap until she was 10 years old. I
loved every minute of it.

You can't drive yourself crazy worrying about this or that. It will work out. We are so
glad that we had kids. Now we have a 3 year old grandchild and another on the way. My
granddaughter loves riding in my lap now.

I say, "GO FOR IT!" But really it is you and your husband's decision.