Anyone who has had a spinal cord injury knows that their life span has been cut shorter.

And the higher the injury the shorter still. As a high level quad the top three problems are pneumonia, then renal failure, and stroke. In the 31 years since my accident I have been hospitalized 70 times! A few of those times it was a close call, but luckly I pulled through.

But now I have a new problem called acid reflux, it happens when stomach acid is going into my lungs. Doctors have tried a few things for me but nothing seems to help. Today I signed at my doctors a DNR order [do not resuscitate].

With all the problems I have already, I dont want to live with labored breathing too, and so Im ready to let go. Im sad and disappointed the way my life has turned out, but Im not depressed anymore, and anyway we all have to go sometime.

I know this is a very personal question but are any of you afraid to die?

You must be in poor health to be hospitalised 70 times in 31 years. Either that or I'm lucky as I've only been in hospital 5 times in 50 years, and 3 of those were short stays; just 2 or 3 days.

I'm not afraid of dying but it depends how. I don't fancy being trapped in a fire or drowning, neither do I want to end up a vegetable. What we'd like and what we get are 2 different things, so I think I'll concentrate on living as it feels pretty good at the moment.

My parents knew a man w/ a SCI that lived into his 80s.

I don't believe our injury has anything to do with our life span, as long as we live healthy and take care of ourself. Just like any able bodied person would.

The most powerful of all human instincts is probably that of survival. Just like all other animals our only purpose here is to keep on living and breed as much as possible. All else is nothing more than icing on the cake.

I don't know what all the fuss is about. I've been shot at and missed, shit at and hit, and shot at and hit several times. Been knifed, beaten over the head with 2 by 4's, baseball bats and other blunt objects. Fallen off cliffs. Been in hellacious car wrecks. Even survived late night drug deals in south central Los Angeles. Add to that some horrific drug overdoses and a suicide attempt or two and ya got a lotta close calls.

'Course I'm glad to still be here but hey, when it's time to go, it's time to go. We're only here for what amounts to a few fleeting moments anyway (in the great scheme of things) so what's the big deal if it's cut short by a few seconds?

Some might say it's a quality of life thing. Ya got a loving spouse, kids who aren't a bunch of drug addicted anarchists, a good income, no immediate worries and a terrific outlook on life an' yer not gonna wanna die. If you're in Biafra, half starved, no T.V. and have to walk 5 miles uphill just for a glass of water, ya may look at dying as more of a relief than anything else.
Some might say.

But I don't believe it.
Faced with looking down the train tunnel sized barrel of a .45 in the trembling hands of a crack-crazed, half naked psycho, the starving Biafran will void his bowels just as fast as the contented suburban father of three.

Then ya got yer Christians out there, Hi Mr. Kwagmeyer! who think they're off to a better place. But I've seen some pretty devout bible thumpers who stank up their undies just as quick as anyone else under fire.

Perhaps it's the uncertaincy of what comes after. I would guess it's like being asleep. A really deep sleep, with out the dreams, for a really, really long time. Kinda like comin' home drunk and passing out. Forever.

Recon I'd like to stick around a bit longer. So much to see and do still. But YO, when the time comes, the time comes. No point in prolonging the inevitable. Not if it means inconveniencing everyone. Being a burden. An undo expence on loved ones. Hate seeing some 99 year old codger in a wheelchair wearing an oxygen mask, half blind, can't hear, drool hanging off his shaking chin, clinging to life like a pitbull on coke.
I just want to roll up to them and say, "HEY, OLD MAN, LET IT GO! YER KIDS (who are probably in their 70's themselves) HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN CARE FOR YOUR ANCIENT,DECREPID ASS!

If I ever get like that, PLEASE, someone put a bullet in my head.
Thanx in advance,
E-dog

E-dog. You pretty well said it all.

I'd just like to add this;

I used to think my life was crap, it possibly seems so to some but good to others. I had a couple of cancer scares and some near car accidents in the last few years and realised I am not scared of dying, just scared of dying a slow painful death or before I have done everything I want to in this life and leaving nothing special to be remembered by other than a nice garden and a couple of renovations. My doctors (five out of six) decided they should leave me to die as my life in their eyes wouldn't be worth living. Six days later (Christmas day 1985) I hadn't so they decided to revive me. I am glad they did, their decisions on how bad my life would be were possibly based on how good their lives were.

I respect your choice. That is a brave decision and am glad you seem to have accepted it. I'm truly sorry things have got that bad for you though.

I am not afraid of death, I am afraid of how it will come.

While watching my mother die, confused and in horrible pain I seen something that I will never forget. She smiled, just minutes before her heart stopped she was at peace.

I really don't know what awaits us, and I really don't care. If I can find that peace she found I will not fear my time.

C5/5 tetra and not been back to hospital since 1976. Hell am I tempting fate

Well, honestly, I'm not afraid of death itself.
I'd be more afraid to leave all my good friends and family behind though...

I cant say im scared of dieing but im scared of not seeing my 1y/o son grow up if that makes sence.

I'm not afraid of dying, it comes to us all. I have always accepted my mortality.

What scares me is dying in pain, afraid or alone. My only wish is that when my time is up my death is peaceful.

"Epicurus rejected any possibility of an afterlife, while still contending that one need not fear death: "Death is nothing to us; for that which is
dissolved, is without sensation, and that which lacks sensation is nothing to us.""


Thats why people shouldnt fear death.. But if you believe in the afterlife and that helps through the days who am I to criticized.

When I hit the sand and broke my neck, I was floating face down, unable to breath, thinking my days were over. And when I closed my eyes, about to give up hope, some people pulled me out of the water. That was my big close call. So I can say I know it how feels to die. In that last moment, your thoughts stop and you just close your eyes in peace.

Thats why know I dont wanna die alone again thinking I havent acomplished anything.. So I try to make the most life, so that when death knocks on my door again, I wont regret anything and gladly invite her to come in..

Am I afraid to die????? No,,, but not today...



Edog,,, when I was AB, I said the same about being paralyzed,,,,,,,,,,,,funny,,,, I've changed my mind.

As for the pain,,,, well most of us know that what we would have felt intolerable a few years ago,,,,, seems kinda normal, now,,,,,,, not good,,, just normal.

My wife's aunt Mary is in a nursing home, wearing a diaper,,,,, and a smile,,,,, I guess,, at 94,, dementia has it's plus side.

That's the thing about life,,,,,a good life and and a bad one,, are largely a matter of perspective,,,,,, ask any Biafran.
ed

Good points, Ed, every one of 'em.
Ask any Biafran.
E

I'm 60, I've done the important things I set out to do or failed in trying, my kids are grown and now independent. I'm no longer on breeding duties. I'm on free time, just enjoying life so no big deal if I bump off any time now. But no rush, I'm happy to continue with life awhile longer even if there is nothing important happening.

As with others, I don't mind dying, I just don't want to suffer cos I'm a sook. But I realise we don't necessarily get to choose. It's my last big unknown (now that I've learned the truth about Santa Klaus).

Just today, I've outlived a bunch of promising Palestinian children who were smashed to pieces by Israeli guns just cos they live in Basra. It's unfair that they die when I go on living.

I think you meant Gaza Nomis, Basra is in Iraq, but I'm just splitting hairs....

I think I did, too. It's late and the wine is wearing of.

I blame those white stilettos you keep wearing, but I've not mentioned it to anyone else...

I dont fear the end in any way.........Im the person who believes when its your time... its your time

but its what we do with our time that defines us and I have a few things I plan on doing.

I think this post was mainly directed at SCI/Paraplegic etc etc I am AB. However i'll answer all the same...

No I am not scared of death. However I am terrified (yup huge coward) of the method of death.
If i was E-Dog asking to be shot im the type of coward that would ask them to do it a few times "just to make sure"...
Saying that - my mother was stabbed to death and choked on her own blood-one way I would "not" like to go - same with drowning/hanging/fried etc etc.
But to answer the question-death doesnt scare me - pain scares me - fear scares me- theres no pain nor fear in death. The fear merely relates to that thats unknown and I cant fear that.
Take care
Nickle.

well said,i feel like that aswell to be honest.

Its not the dying, its the leaving behind thats hard.

Nope, not afraid. As long as it's peaceful, I'm interested in the experiece. Not ready today, but when it's time.

Hurb

Embrace death, it is part of every life. Once death is a friend and not a goal, it's easier to live one day at a time.

Why is it that the higher the level of injury, the shorter the life span? What about Lower spinal cord crush and burst fractures?

Seriously? The higher the injury the more neurological impairments--all things being equal. If your injury is too high---your lifespan is only about 13 minutes because of an inability to breath. Each vertebral level controls a corresponding level of the body. The lower your injury the more muscles you have to be mobile and keep active and healthy. With a high injury you have fewer muscles and less mobility and less dexterity to do the things needed to keep healthy and active--bowel and bladder control are tougher as is preventing pressure sores and breathing. Pneumonia can be a real killer for high level gimps as cardiopulmonary function is decreased.

Scoob,

not afraid either.....ironically i was DNR pre-injury....medics at a accident scene at 2 a.m. in middle of nowhere, have no way of knowing...i now wear DNR dog tag

Wearing a do not resuscitate tag would never have occurred to me before,,,, and even now,, I have informed my children, to keep my wife away from the plug.

There was another thread about suicide,, and in that thread I made known my ambivalance toward to the idea of trying to talk someone out of it,,, since I don't , personally, see anything wrong with it.

The idea that one should be encouraged to hold their friends and families hostage with the threat of self harm, simply repulses me,,,,,,,and I speak as one once held.

Please don't think me unfeeling,,, for that is not who I am,,,,but I don't feel the least bit of sympathy for those who commit suicide,,,, only for their families. And I feel even less for those who " attempt" and would tell them,, better luck next time,,,, because each time they go through this cycle, the pain and recrimination, for their loved ones, is the same,,,,,,better if only done once.

My advice for those who choose this course is,,,, study hard,,,, don't f**k it up!
ed

I'm only 13 but nothing about passing away scares me because I know I'll be in a better place

Damn, you and I have more in common than I ever imagined. I'm with you 100%!! I've even told my friend (who was my best man) to keep my wife away from the plug. That's quite an interesting coincidence.

Back to topic--I'm not afraid of death. It may seem weird to some, but I think about death every day. The thoughts of death usually are strongest when I lay down for bed at night. It's been that way since I was about 7 yrs old. I drowned, and was without pulse for about a minute or 2. Since then, I've never been able to stop thinking about death.

When I had the accident that paralyzed me, I had my eyes open the whole time. When the truck came to a stop, I still had my eyes open. I was just pissed I tore up my truck. Still seems weird to me.

In spring of 2002, I had someone put a Sig Sauer pistol to my head and tell me to give him my money. I told him he could have my money when he took it off my corpse (Funny thing is I wasn't carrying any. My wallet was in my friend's car, so the joke would have been on the idiot trying to rob me.). Guess I'm lucky my friend wasn't far off. My friend pulled his shotgun out the car, pumped it, and the guy trying to rob me ran like hell. Makes me wonder if the pistol was even loaded.

I've been in 5 auto accidents that should have killed me, I've flipped several ATVs, 2 dunebuggies, and had the hell beaten out of me a few times. After all that within a few years time, I'm not scared of death. I've cheated it too many times already. My time has got to come someday, so when it does, at least the suspense will be over. But what a helluva ride it will have been!

Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to what will hopefully be a long life with my wonderful wife (and hopefully a child or 2 for us). It's just that thought of death gives motivation to live. Without death, there is really no meaning to life. Kind of like there is "No God without the Devil, no good without bad, and no happy without sad." What would life be like if we never died? Besides the serious overcrowding issue, don't you think it would get extremely annoying after the first hundred years anyway? Just imagine having to put up with the same for a few thousand years. To hell with that!

What scares me is to live without really living. I don't want to end up on my deathbed and not be able to honestly say I really lived. I want to know well before I die that somebody will speak of me to others and say "He really lived."

PS- There is no connection between the majority of SCIs and life span. For some with certain injuries, or extremely high levels, it can be the case. However, those cases are not in the majority.

my only fear is being alone forever. I refuse to believe my lifespan has been cut short because of SCI. infact its actually made me want to do more with my life than what i did before. its also taught me so many valuable things. Its a shame it all had to happen as a result of a SCI but what can we do but move foreward ;)

you should be a little fairer when you judge the Israelis.Look at both sides.Have you been over there? May be you should and get a clearer picture.

well I'm afraid to die and also about whats coming after death. I'd like to die in my sleep fast and painless.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, NOT screaming in fear like his passengers!!!

Nope, not afraid! I believe that I am already living an extra life time!
I am ready to go right now, if I need to go, lets just be fast with less pain as possible.
Although, I'd like to stay a bit longer with my family & friends. There are many beers left to
be taken care of.

Interesting! I used to carry gun and hand grenade just in case I end up in enemy hands or paralyzed!
Well, never got caught by enemy and never had a chance to kill myself, but caught a bullet.

While I was in ICU my hands were tide up to a bad side so I couldn't unplug IVs and end up my pain and misery.
Time passed by and trough ups and downs I learned to love the new life and my experiences.
Disability (good part of it) made me the way I am today and I wouldn't change it now for anything!
Keep on keeping on guys!

P.S. Rudy, I'm sorry that life didn't turn the way you would like and I wish you the best!

Im in the small minority that is scared of dying! But aslong as it happens without me being aware then I'll settle for that!

I used to believe thatlife-span shorter for SCI's but my doc has corrected a couple times says, since I am healthy and active I should have a life spance equal to my AB peers...the ramp up to death sort of freaks me out and what's on the other side a little but it's going to happen if I like it or not...

I'd like to die tonight in my sleep!....... Hang on!!!.. I've got a Cricket Club Luncheon on Sunday where I'll meet lots of friends, so maybe I can die Sunday night.... Arr!!!........But the plumbers are coming to finish changing my central heating on Monday, so that's out... Monday night it is then......... But!!!........Zdenka my lovely PA will be here on Tuesday, and I don't want to miss her beautiful smiling face...... Oh bugger it; I don't have the time to die.....

The nonsense written about the higher the injury the shorter you live is a load of I'm C4/5 for over 50 years and NEVER had a pressure sore. The only thing I'd like to add is that getting old with SCI isn't for wimps. I'll die when I'm good and ready..

I'm with you, Mike. Things to do,,, seems the more I do the more I find to do.

And to noone,,, while I don't think Nomis needs me to defend him,, It's pretty obvious that he was taking sides on any issue other than the relative unfairness of life. I can understand how living closely with an issue,, as you have,, can bring it to mind very quickly, and color the things you hear with a hue the artist never intended. We ALL should cry when chidren are killed,, no matter whose children they are.

ed

I have been technically "dead" twice already and on 4 seperate ocasions they called my family in becuse i wasn't suppoesed to make it through the night. I've beaten death before, and it doesn't scare me. I don't want to die, but who does? If I am ever to the point where all I can do is sleep, drool, and poop, by all means put a bullet in me. Life isn't over, but if I died tomorow I would know I lived a life doing the best I could every day and not sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

There's a Country and Western song I heard about an hour ago,,,, I don't know if it's the name or just a chorus in the song,, but it seems relevant to the topic. It goes " EVERYBODY WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN,, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO GO NOW"

ed

I don't want to go to heaven ed, unless its got good pubs and free booze..

Its warmer in hell, and I hate the cold............

I'm scared of death. No one can tell you what its like really and I hate the unexpected.

Some days I think to myself I want to die then I think no way do I want to die.

I hope to live to a nice old age then just pass away in my sleep.

I am only 27 I have a lot more to do in my life before I go.

I don't fancy the cold much myself either, and I reckon most of apparelyzeds good members will spend a good amount of time in the hot place - so thats were I'm going if I have a say..
About dying I can add that, I've tried it twice now and it's not the hard part in the grand scheme of things, the hard part was coming back to life, especially the second time around here has been an experience I would have been fine with avoiding.
But since I'm still around, I'm gonna make the most of it and live as much as I possibly can and as a bonus make myself an obvious candidate for the unparalyzed afterlife where you don't need to freeze..

i have already let go death wont take me

I am busy enjoying life and getting best out of what ever possible. Not worried about death, and when it comes, I am not going to go down with out a tough fight

Not afraid myself, nearly had that ride twice before...
Perhaps it will be third time lucky/ or unlucky (which ever way you look at it)
Meet ya in the warm place Scribb's

I am not afraid to die, although I do not want to go right now. I remember just after the accident how grateful to God I was alive and that my wife and children were in good shape (my wife had minor injuries and my children did not have a scratch).

Having been close enough to feel the presence of an omnipotent peaceful presence, I am not afraid of being dead........however I am concerned about the act of dying and how it comes. I want to experience things again (the feel of a loving woman against me, among others) that I have missed. I hope to pass peacefully, asleep in my bed and NOT as a result of SCI........

"Some like it hot", Scribs,,, Who's to say that heaven can't be a beach in Tahiti, with sand, pretty girls and a bucket of iced drinks, and in the shade of palm trees???

Sounds like my kind of heaven,,, but you can come if you like.
ed

I want to live - I have 6 gorgeous children, a wonderful husband, lots of sweet friends, and I am very happy. I enjoy living. However, I am not afraid to die. I know where I am going when I die, I know what to look forward to in Heaven, and when God is finished with my work here, then it will be my time to go. But until then, I will enjoy every breathe that God gives me and intend to take advantage of every day because we can all agree that life can change in an instant and you never know what other chances you will be given.
So, afraid to die? No.
Afraid of living? No. I enjoy every second of it.