My boyfriend was injured 3months ago, he has a complete injury. I actually feel quite on top of things in terms of dealing with it. We lived together for 2 years b4 his accident and plan to move in together once he gets out of hospital, does anyone living with a partner in a wheelchair know of any HUGHE diffrences which i should expect???
I know life is gonna be full with rollercoaster emotions and i am just interested in hearing from woman, or men, who have been or are going threw the same thing.
I am 21 and lookin for buddies to share similar experiences...............

Also has any 1 herd or been involved in Project Walk which is based in the U.S, or the new centre Standing Start set up in Cambridge. Looks amazing, not thinking it will bring about a miracle but seems to have heaps of benfits.

I belive in positivity, so any extreme negativity, please keep to yourself!!!

Positivity is a good thing........More needful will be patience

All here wish you both the best.
ed

What ed said and give him space don't do things for him that he can do for himself. Be an observer you can learn a lot from seeing. Good luck.......................

Hi! And welcome to the forums! My husband was injured about 2.5 years ago. I think the first year was the hardest for us. We still have our bad days...but we have overcome so many challanges...that little things seem easy now.

Anyways, as far as advice goes...I have to agree with Longhaul...you want him to be as independent as possible. And it will make things easier on you and it will make him more confident too!

For us...when he came home from the hospital...you kinda learn as you go. What's easier...? Should we move this rug...?? ETC.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

My injury is relatively minor compared with many (incomplete (one sided) L2). My wife used a bit of tough love with me, I just felt sorry for myself, wanted to do very little, did not want to push against the pain and weakness, but she made me do it - at times causing major arguments, but in the end I no longer have to relay on her. So essentially as far as our relationship is concerned things are normal (sex is harder work but I am going to be a Dad again soon so even that is functional). Sure unlike me with a higher and complete injury your boyfriend will never be essentially fully able, but there will still be a lot he can do for himself from day one out of hospital and more as he accepts and adopts to his new 'body'. Chin up for both of you.

i was 21 years old at the time of my injury and am diagnosed as t6 complete. I also had a girlfriend at the time.

Her parents actually split us up... they didn't want their daughter to even contact me. But you know what...it's been a year and a half since all that happened...and now i realize how much support the girlfriend had been for me.

I had negative feelings toward the ex at first ..but now I'm just grateful when she was there when I really needed her. Hopefully things will last MUCH MUCH longer for you than it did for me... but no matter what happens, your going to play a huge part as support for your boyfriend.

Things are going to be just as hard for you as your boyfriend...maybe even harder... but hang in there! Best of luck to you.

James

Hi ScottishBird, glad you found us though I'm sorry that you had reason to.

I think my biggest surprise in adapting his apartment was that I completely underestimated his reach. Before he came home I tried to guess which shelves, etc, he'd be able to use and put the most-needed items close. However in actual practice he has a much smaller "reachable sphere" than I thought. So make sure he has a couple of bedside tables with baskets or drawers so he can get all the things that he needs. You will just be amazed at what needs to be right next to someone when they can't just pop out of bed and go grab a drink, or the TV remote, or a clean shirt, or the phone, or...you get the idea. But not too close - he needs to regain his strength so he needs to be reaching and stretching as much as possible.

You already know intellectually that your emotions are going to take a pounding but it's going to take you by surprise anyway. Stop, breathe, laugh, come to this site and ask questions, LET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY HELP WHEN THEY OFFER and just keep that positive attitude.

Good luck!

-Janet

Thanks guys, so appreciate the responses, really good to know that am not the only person on the planet dealing with something really hard which sprung out of no where and changed our lives forever!!!

I know things will get easier in time, and the situation will become more and more normal! BUt that doesnt stop the thoughts of wishing every day that it hadn't happened! Does any1 feel that a year or however long down the line u actually just accept the wheelchair in ur life and it would almost feel odd without it there???

Will b bak in no time with more questions and inputs
thanks again
lots of loving!!

I feel ya! Im 23 my bf is 20 and he has been in a chair for 9 months It has gotten a lot easier buti must admit I hate the chair. I dont think I will ever like it. The hardest part for me is not the chair itself but everything that comes along with it. Mood swings depression anxiety on both ends and most of all those dreaded condom caths that r not reliable.

I wish everyday that he drove his truck! I hate that he has to live like this. If I could I would trade him places in a heartbeat. I miss my cocky dgaf bf...lol

Im so sorry I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy

feel free to contact me

I would say yes...probably after the first year, or year and a half. We have accepted it. We realize that it is OK to be in a wheelchair, it's not the end of the world and it's not really that weird anymore either. Some people still make a big deal of it, but not my husband and I. We are truly happy again.

hiya

yup is hard at times, is great at times.... i remember reading about a guy who'd been injured for ages and was driving into a disabled space when his g/f said - hey, you can't park in a disabled space!!! it's like that sometimes with my pal - totally forget she has SCI. we have a good times. but ... sometimes it is hard cos we can't do stuff spontaneously, or getting out of bed for the 5th time that night to sort stuff, being knackered a lot, just the everyday-ness of it all ... having said that, we go to a friend's cottage in the scottish woods without electricity or phone or mobile signal and we just get on and live and have fun. we go on holiday and take monkey pole and bed handle and all the gear (roof boxes are the business)... we like making gadgets and problem solving and we have lots of friends who don't seem to be put off by the wheels (and get a powertrike - it rocks!!!!)

i can do all her personal care and i'm proud of that... i never thought i'd be doing that kind of stuff but really it isn't difficult and it gives us an intimacy in our relationship that is really special.

i think it is important to make sure you get support for yourself - i'm a counsellor and i go for counselling! i really need that space to talk about my stuff cos otherwise it's all a bit overwhelming.

scotland - wheelchair curling, sit skiing - get out there and have fun!!!

PM me if you want to chat.

cheers

Teaser

Scottishbird,
It's really important he be totally independant in the chair before you look into Project Walk, or the like, simply because both your lives will be made easier when he can do everything for himself.

Also, after a years time things that seemed foreign at first become second nature and the chair isn't seen as a hinderance, but a necessity for mobility and independance. Of course I don't like being in the chair, but I'm glad I can still do most things I used to with only minor limitations, thanks to the chair.

Hey my husband has been injuried for a little over a year now. He is 27 and I am 26. He has a 9 year old and we have a 3 yr. old together. It has been a struggle everyday to get to where we are now. Just a few months ago I was on here for the 1st time asking advice on how to help my marriage b/c I was afraid it was going to fall apart, but I can happily say that now we are doing MUCH MUCH better and things are getting back to normal(if there ever was such a thing). I was like you in the beginning a had a hold on everything and was suprising myself in how well I was handling and taking everything. Then a year later it seems that that was when things began to fall apart. I was just getting overwhelmed with everything and I started keeping more of my feelings from my husband and things just kept getting worse. I felt like he was being to dependent and was feeling sorry for himself and just wasn't trying like he had been. So 1st of all please no matter how you feel and even if u think it may hurt talk to him about everything and how things make you feel. And make sure you encourage him to talk to u about how things make him feel. I will tell you that postive thinking is the way to go and I will tell you that you will have lots of ups and downs to come...but remember when things are down God will help you if you ask and when they are up be thankful and enjoy them. It gets easier as every day passes but then of course it is life and you know life likes to throw those curveballs sometimes. I am also looking for a friend/buddy that I can chat with about things b/c lets just all face it sometimes it is easier to talk to someone else about things first than you partner, and sometimes it is just easier to talk to another female. So if you would like you can write me or whatever if you want to chat sometimes. My email is brandielaw@msn.com and my myspace address is myspace.com/brandielaw. I would love to hear from you and I wish you all the luck.

Hi

I'm 23 and my boyfriend was injured 3 years ago. We've been going out about 4 years, and are more in love than ever.
Things do take a bit of getting used to, but really it's all just trial and error, and trying not to dwell on the things that don't work.

The thing that got us through the hardest bits (while he was in hospital and in a care home), was sneaking off for an intimate moments and talking about what was going on and how we could improve things. Staying possitive is not always easy, but its amazing what a difference it makes.

We also decided early on that I'm his girlfriend and not his carer. So while I do do some of the care stuff, he doesn't rely on me for it.

The main issue we have is privacy, as he has full time carers, but again you just have to be resourceful.


Hope this is helpful,

Good luck and feel free to get in touch if you want to chat,

Actually if you wait til he becomes totally independent in the chair, you'll no longer have any need for Project Walk. I was lucky enough to start there at Project Walk about 7 months ago and as frail and helpless as I was at the time I am much stronger and am able to do much more on my own than I could when I initially got out of the hospital. It's never too early to start lookin into Project Walk and the likes. My wife and I thought I had to get a lot stronger before I could even attempt it but after talking to them, Ted said "Just get him down here and we'll take it from there." They never promised me any miracles. They did promise that I would feel better, stronger and they were absolutely right! I do agree though that after a while the chair isn't such a huge scary ordeal as it is at first. Almost two years later it seems like just another part of life to be dealt with. It's a part that sucks forsure but a hell of a lot easier once you get your mind around it. I hope this helps. Good luck and Cheers!

I understand what you are going through but know he needs you the most out of everyone. My bf and I had been dating a week when he had his accident. He is a t11 complete and we have been dating a little less then 3 months right now but I do everything I can for him. It gets hard but he started out an optimistic person & he remained one. We have our little fights here and there but over all we have eachothers support. I live with him and as of right now I am his caregiver until his 2nd phase of rehab. (when he learns to be more independent)
Know this, there WILL be hard days & you will still learn alot about eachother but also know that your relationship will be on the fast pace. I love him dearly and even though its been only 3 months we completed the hard part. It will only get better and as long as you two stay strong it will keep getting better.
Do loads of research & if he is in rehab go to every class & gain as much knowledge as possible. Heck I moved in to the hospital with him and stayed through it all, I go to school & take care of him so if i can do it so will you! I am only 21 and him 25 but after this phase of our life, this tiny bump realize that you have a life full of love and support & all of us in this forum!!!
Much luck and you can PM me anytime.