Okay...here we go! I haven't been on here in a while...too long actually. I definitely have always been grateful for this "community". I have been injured for 2 1/2 years now. I have struggled with horrible neuropathy ever since. Has anyone tried the neurostimulator? Also, how many of you KNOW you have a syrinx? Anyone tried any kind of approach to shrinking the syrinx? Also, I have lost everything, as I know a lot of SCI's have...friends, spouse, home, job, etc. How many of you have gotten re-married? I also am struggling with my physical appearance. I was hot before the accident! After having 2 children, I was lifting weights and jogging and I looked AMAZING! I have tons of scars now and flab everywhere! I still have the same values and wants as far as a spouse goes but what kind of guy will want me NOW! My struggles with thoughts fo suicide have just about run away. MOST of them! I want what most people want...a great spouse, a home, and if my girls choose to for them to live with me. But....SHEESH! When the heck is THAT all gonna happen! And does it? Yes I am fine being alone but it's my heart's desire to be married again. Anyone have some "words of wisdom" to share?

Hi T Crip,

What is a hot look? A relationship based on physical appearance probably would not last long anyhow.
What kind of guy will want me now? The type of guy who gets to know you for you & the only way that will happen is when you stop being so negative about yourself.

It’s easy for me to say I know but the only way you are going to achieve your desires is to stop being hard on yourself & start thinking positively. When you do, you will then be able to look in the mirror & see that hot looking girl again.

Best wishers,
CR

Yes indeed...it WAS physical appearance. I was in the best physical shape of my life! I was proud of my body ya know? I was proud that I had had two children and could look good in a bikini. I think that GREAT advice! I think I'll go try and find her right now! Thank you!

I'm gonna agree with CR_L1 here. If you have a positive outlook, then people will find you more attractive.

After having divorced my ex 2 years ago, I'm getting married again to a much better woman this month! Things DO change for the better.

Also, you need to have an MRI to see if you definately have a syrinx. What are your symptoms?
I've been dealing with something for the last year, but haven't been able to nail down what the problem is as of yet. I just had an MRI with contrast done (again) this past Friday. Hopefully this time, something will be found. It's my understanding, however, that a "tethered chord" can have the same effects without the MRI showing a Syrinx. When an SCI is involved, all chords have a degree of scar tissue build up around the injury. When there's alot of scaring, it prevents the chord from moving properly and could even affect the spinal fluid from flowing properly. A tethered chord is also very difficult to spot, and is often overlooked as the problem.

I read recently in New Mobility Magazine, that somewhere between 10% to 20% of SCI patients have problems with a Tethered Chord or a Syrinx. That sounds extremely high, but I'm not so sure.

Good luck to you.

I've had two good relationships since my injury, and made some good new friends. It was exactly as CR and Qbounce say: initially, I was so unaccepting of myself, so insecure about the chair, my appearance, the weight I'd lost, that I projected that feeling of not being attractive. When I started regaining my own confidence, people noticed and commented, and complimented.

You're still an attractive woman, and you'll meet someone again, make new friends, new relationships.

I struggle with body image myself although I do believe that body image isn't all it is cracked up to be - like attracts like and I was once approached by and dated a "hot looking" model who thought I had "deep thoughtful and slightly sad looking eyes" because she wanted to get to know me. Amazingly enough I wasn't even looking at her or for a date at the time but we just found something interesting in each other.
You're amazing now, just in less superficial ways.

The suicidal thoughts do bug me sometimes. I have had a few ways in mind which I know would work but for me I have already put my family through enough shit not to harm them again.

I think we all want the love of that special someone and more importantly for some to love another back. Can't say it will ever happen for either me or you but don't give up looking. I am resigned to being single but who knows, there are plenty of great love stories on this site so I know it does happen for some if I decide to get out there and find someone special I may just meet someone.

Greetings if you think you have problems
I had a sci 44 years ago at C7 ans I have a syrinx in the last 10 years I have lost 25/30% use of my left hand,
about six weeks ago I had a blister at the botom of my right leg since then from my knee down it has sores ,dead skin,red bumps and now parts of my body has developed skin like rhino skin and it itchs like hell,
I have one kidney,both lung have had it,
I went to see my GP and when he saw me he made a sign of a cross and ran out of the room,
at the moment I have my right leg elevated and I am waiting for the nurse,
I think I may have upper silesian crutch rot,
I drive a 13 year old, Ford Transit,
I live on my own with my two cats,
I have no wife,no job and I was described looking like a cross between Bin Larden and the Ayatollah Khomeini,
am I down hearted that I am not, things are ok with me
the only thing that makes me mad is we have a almost non exsistent corrupt governent and it is like winter and it is June,
no wonder you are hot living in Florida if you are hot you want to come over here it is in the depths of winter,
if things don't they will stay as they are a quote from the book of life,
hang in there things can only get better Cosmo.

Im with ya girl... I currently have a syrinx and after 2 surgery's it has only gotten worse. I am almost 2 years in and I am having a lot of the same thoughts as you running through my head.. although I am only 19 and no kids lol I always tell myself I will never settle for less than what I would have before my accident. So when and if that person comes around and excepts the chair, then thats that. still waiting.. but right now I feel too insecure to be in a relationship. Try to get your spirits up about yourself and maybe things will come around
best of luck

Yeah...I had an MRI not that long ago that showed a syrinx so for sure I have one. I have heard from a lot of people on here that they have one or the other so I'm sure that's at least close to right.

Thank you guys! It's all good stuff here...and I need to hear it all. I'm really thinking about and going to try and make some changes with how I look and feel about myself. It's good to hear that there are SCI's that have had good stuff come back to them. I really do look forward to better days I just wish they would hurry the **** up!! hahaha!! Thanks to all of you!

Ugh...so sorry to hear about the syrinx CRAP!! I'm glad to hear you aren't going to settle! I'm not either! I am pretty sure I can get what I'm looking for...just have to wait it out and yes, I gotta get my head on straight. Tough when the heart is achin' which is why I wrote a message on here...I need it all.




Wow...okay! You win! Ugh...so sorry to hear all of that. I know I have a lot to be thankful for as far as SCI's go. I DO wish for friends again at the very least. I'm gonna try and keep my head up and get a different perspective going in my head. If it DOES happen to others, I'm CERTAIN it will happen to me which is why I posted. Thank you and good luck to you too!

All good things come to those that wait,
hang in there & keep fighting, it will be worth it in the end.
wishing you the best,
CR

The good stuff will come back. You'll still have good and bad days, like everyone, but the good stuff will come back, and you'll find new friends.
Derek.

If by neurostimulator you're referring to T.E.N.S unit I have one. It does help me quite a bit. but then again we're all different & so there is only one way to find out. I went to physical therapy and they put one on to see if it would help, it did, so one was ordered for me to have for home use. I won't say it makes it all go away but it does disrupt it fairly well......you'll just need to play around with the settings to find what is best for you.

I really don't post but okay here it goes im 33 had my accident this sept will be two years. I choose not to take anything for the pain I just try not to think about it. I do everything myself now. At first I was like omg this sucks and how am i going to go on .tomorrow I will have been with my bf for 4years and like others have said you have to have confidence. I used to love to wear things that now wouldn't seem right on me but you can find things to look good. Don't get me wrong I have bad days but I CHOOSE to keep living my life and you can im if you ever want to talk.

No...the neurostimulator is not the same thing as the TENS unit although they do kind of work the same way but also are different. Your's is an external unit. Mine is internal. They put leads in your spinal cord that are supposed to block the signal of pain from getting to your brain. Then they tunnel the wires from the leads to an internal battery pack. I'm going today to get some adjustments made. It definitely IS helping. Just one step at a time with it. Taper off meds, adjust stimulator, taper off meds, adjust stimulator...and it takes weeks to do that just because of scheduling.

HI :O)

I put a similar post up a while back about confidence & body image, ive been injured 10 years im 29 now...us boys have the same worries....with another thought of 'wimen are looking for a strong man to protect her' .....Ive found that loosing these thoughts is not easy but they are deff not true....Ive had 3 long term relationships since my SCI (i did loose everyone Ide ever known before my accident, my best friend of 20 years couldnt bear to see me paralysed, his words, & he dissapeared after I come out of intensive care, this was hard to deal with and put my self confidence back a mile, but further down the road I kinda understand the way he was thinking, ive found a few people say similar things, just arnt equipped to deal with life i suppose).....the last relationship i had was bad, I was led down a big lie for over a year (basically to get to muny) n without going into it I find it very hard to let myself get close to anybody now.....

The amount of girls Ive seen on here & met with SCI who are not happy by the way they now look, yet I (as a typical lad) think are absolutly stunning is unreal! So unless its just me, I can tell you from a mans point of view girls are just as nice after as they are before an injury especially if the smiling :O) However if u learn how to get them crap thoughts outa yr head please let me know how!! :O)

I met my friend post-injury. When I see him, I don't see him as disabled. I believe when you find someone that will love you, they will love you for you, spinal injury and all.

Hmmm...I guess I didn't think about the guys having some issues specific to the males (other than the obvious) but it's good to know to be honest with you! So thank you! I know I have to get my head screwed on straight really. I guess I'm still a little "fresh". I have only been injured 2 1/2 years but I'm trying to make some headway. I too had my husband of over 13 years ditch me because he said he couldn't handle it so I understand. You just don't think that people that have been around and true to you for that long would just give up and bail. I would just never do that to someone so it's hard for me to relate to that way of thinking and being. I too completely understand the trust issues you have. I have yet to let my guard down but maybe some day I will again. I really don't want to be alone so at some point I will have to at the very least try. I'm a risk taker so it's kinda in my nature to try. I'll keep you posted on gettin' the thoughts outta my head! Thanks for the post!




Thank you for the post! It's good to hear from someone on the other side of an SCI! I'm really trying to keep my hopes that one day again I will have GOOD friends!

It definately does happen, AND it's easier to meat someone after your SCI who didn't know you before hand, imo, because he won't have any preconceived notions about who you were or how your body has changed since.

The person you meet now will only know you as you are today. So smile and be confident in knowing that everyone you meet sees a beautiful and confident woman.

Hi, I just want to suggest checking out the spouse/care support forums if you want to hear the other half's thoughts and feelings upon meeting their sig other. I just started dating a guy two months ago who is paralyzed from the bellybutton down, if I recall correctly I think he's t-7 to t-8 incomplete? forgive me but I'm new to this. From my perspective, he's just about the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I didn't blink twice about his injury, I'm a little petrified about the 3 kids he's raising lol, but hey I never had any of my own and I'm pushing 40,lol. I met him on lava life and it was his confidence and attitude that won me over, plus we both love fishing haha, anyway I was surprised when I came to these forums and saw other women saying a lot of the same things I was feeling for this guy that they do for their man. Plus a lot of people seem to agree that it is easier to have a relationship with someone who already is in a chair as opposed to coping with somebody who was able bodied when you married. So don't let this stop ya girl, I know personally I've found probably the love of my life( although we moving a bit fast eek!) but we're both having loads of fun with each other. We share a hell of a lot more then I ever have with my past boyfriends, it's great! btw skip the suicide thoughts, your kids need you. His did and thank god he's there for them cause his flakey ex sure isn't. He makes a great mom/dad ,lol. I hope this helps a bit. take care:) and btw go to plentyoffish.com it's a free version of all the dating sites and there's buckloads of men on there, be up front my guy was and I liked his honesty about himself for it.

JarJarGal~ I have the same feelings you do. It is going to fast? Steve and I enjoy each others company and I love his daughter to pieces. I as well have never had any children of my own. I feel complete being with him. I often wonder if it is the need to feel needed and question to myself if he only loves me because I care so well/much for him. I may be in the wrong thread but I as well feel more with him than any other mate I have been with. His ex wife did not marry him till after his accident and then the last time he was hospitalized was due to lack of her care then she divorces him. Bi#@^! I honestly think she was trying to kill him and Steve has mentioned that as well. (6'4" weighed in at 90# and is now 175#) Money Hungry.... It is a sticky situation for us. I dated his cousin for 4 years and new his parents well but whenever my ex would come to visit he would make me sit in the car... Maybe he knew that we (Steve & I) were meant to be. I have only know Steve in person for the last 4 months but know everything about him prior and post injury from talk and knowing the family. He is a Great guy!!!! One day at a time and good luck to your new relationship!
P.S. T-Crip skip the suicide thoughts you are loved!