hey guys,

new to this forum and new to a chair rolleyes.gif

Just out of rehab and living with my boyfriend - just wondering how you guys relax? I always just feel that I need to get up and move to shake myself but erm I cant - Iv found sitting on the couch cuddling up to my boyfriend works but em feel really self consciene doing this when somebody else is in our company or around..... just my body has changed, I look more heavy on top and I just cant get my head around that my legs dont move!

so how do you destress out of your chair? did you feel selfconsciene when others seen you out f your chair in early days??

thanks for any advice! I am about to crack up!

xxx

At first I didn't want to go out of my hospital room, than didn't want to drink coffee with my friends outside of hospital, always worrying what somebody else would say about me being in the wheelchair! It lasted about a year or so, but than I have changed and didn't give a sh** what somebody would say or how would see me. I am still proving to myself each day that I can do as much or more than ABs, and that itself gives me personal satisfaction. Just live and enjoy your life the best you can. Take care!

its been a real long time since my early days

but one thing most people used to say was how different i looked out me chair , think in a gud way

now I always feel more comfy sat on the sofa etc , if there is lots of people around then will stay in me chair as there usually aint anywhere to sit lol
when out n about I usually stay in me chair but think this is more habit than feeling self concious about what others think

think the more u do things the more u get used to it so just do things u like doing and others will get used to n the ones that dont aint really worth worrying about

hope this makes sense you would think english isnt my first oh n only language

enjoy life and takes care

Mark

From one quad to another, I love being out of my chair on the couch or in the pool. When people come in that don’t know me they usually can’t tell I’m paralyzed, “until I need help moving back to my chair or I screw up and slide off the couch some lol”. I’m very self-conscious but I don’t let it keep me from going out and enjoying my self. It only hinders my ability to talk to girls but that’s a different story and you have that base covered so I won’t get off topic here. You can still do a lot so don’t sell your self short just yet.

I find my self enjoying nature a lot more now. I’ve been scuba diving, gone on roller coasters, swimming, the list is endless. It all boils down to what relaxes you or gets you going……The key word here is “YOU” its about what helps you.….. Just get out and see what works for you. It can be anything from sun rises to sunsets with your boyfriend or just anything. I look forward to hearing back from you on what works for you.

Best wishes,

Doug

I love being out of the chair. I think I crossed that threshold before I ever learned otherwise. First few times I went out,, say to a friends house, I would just leave the chair at home. I got lots of piggy back rides...not because I hated the chair but just because I was sooo slow to transfer,, still sore.. and 9 times out of 10 I couldnt fit into a friends bathroom door, so I would need a lift to the potty regardless.

Because of all that, I just started throwing myself around and all over my friends without ever thinking about it. Strangers were a bit awkward at first, but it wasnt disgust or hatred on their part.. just an ignorance that ppl tend to get over within seconds of arrival.

I have been in a chair for a year and a half now T8 complete and I had the same problem, when I first got into my accident, I didnt want anyone to see me in or out of my wheelchair, but then i loved being out of my wheelchair because I looked as if i wasnt paralyzed, but then I realized Im still the same person I was before my accident and didnt care about what people thought of me, so dont let it get to you about not being able to walk because if your friends and family love you they wont care if they need to help you do anything.
I hope this helps
Tony

The only real problem I have when I'm not in my chair is the balance issue. I'm much more secure and balanced in something that was fitted for me, instead of, say . . . a couch, except when I'm sitting next to the arm so I can lean on it, or laying down.

Doug, I haven't done the pool thing yet, but I'm soooo looking forward to it!

When I first got hurt (11 years ago), I felt self-conscious IN my chair, not out of it. I didn't even want to be in it most of the time, I didn't want any of my friends to see me in my chair. I felt awkward, unattractive and weird in my chair. Back then, if I was sitting on a couch or whatever, I would even push my chair out of sight so that I could feel more 'normal'. I think most newly injured people feel a similar way. I definitely don't feel that way anymore. My chair is just something I need and that's that. But I've had over a decade to deal with it. These days, I just relax and de-stress like anyone else. When I'm at home watching TV or whatever, I never stay in my chair--I always stretch out on my couch. If I go out with friends to dinner, I usually transfer out of my chair and sit in either a regular chair (usually sit on my cushion to avoid the hard surface) or get into a booth with them. When I'm at someone's house, I also usually get onto the couch or into a comfy armchair. When I transfer in a public place, sometimes people stare but I barely notice anymore. All of my friends are used to stuff like that so I don't ever feel self-conscious anymore. I think getting your self-esteem back will just come with time.

I've always gotten out of my chair at any chance I have. Wether it be on the couch, recliner, my computer chair in here, if we got out to eat I jump into the booth, hell I've even jumped up on the barstool at hooters before(ya kinda need that downward angle there). It's never crossed my mind though, I just prefer to be sitting somewhere other then my chair if I have the chance as I spend enough time in it as it is.

wheelie cool,i admire your effort to lounge about on the couch.dont you think when you have company get your boyfriend to put your wheelchair in a storage area so none of your visitors even give it a second thought they will feel more at eeze than you sat in your chair and conversatoin aimed at you all the time as though were chairing a meeting in your situation dont change>>>alex

When I was younger I got out of my chair a few times and have pics of me sat on the couch with my wife. As I'm a C4/5 I found I could do less out of my chair than in it, plus I often felt restricted out of it.

Having a boyfriend to cuddle up to must be great for you, so try not to worry about what others may or may not think. It will be hard for you at first, but will get easier as you test new waters.

I wish you good luck and of course; plenty of cuddles on the couch...

Scrib's...... Mike

Relaxing is up to you. For me it's art & music. I love scrapbooking & listening to music. But I've also done less sedentary things like swimming, going to DisneyLand & riding roller coasters.

Being comfortable about the chair & the fact that people stare at wheelchairs just being a fact of life comes after time.....how much time that takes depends on you. But my personal way of dealing with things is to make as light of it as I can. Go out & get a bunch of "I know I'm beautiful but must you stare?" T-shirts or once you're more comfortable "WHEELIE SEXY". I like smart ass shirts like "well aren't you special walking around all homoerectus?"; I like to make light of & joke when I can. But that attitude took a good 10yrs or so....I'm 19yrs post.

My wheelchair is more comfortable as far as my back goes than any of the furniture we have aside from being in bed. So I generally choose the chair.

For me, it has had to be a matter of attitude in my head. I am new to this also, but I was very embarrassed at first. In a parking lot, I would look around before I would let my hubby help me into the car to make sure now one was looking. But, I am very independent and got tired of feeling like I was hiding from things. So, I just got it in my head that I didn't really care and that I would just continue to try to be cool about it. If someone is staring at me, I just smile and say a real friendly "howdy!" They normally always return the smile and then we are both comfortable again. I know that if I am out, even now, and saw someone in a wheelchair, then I would be curious about what happened to them. I don't think it is rudeness but more of a curiosity for the most part.
I still feel butterflies in my stomach when I am seeing someone for the first time since I have become paralyzed but I just go ahead and try to act as normal as I always did and so far, they follow suit. I also enjoy the time out of my chair. If I am going to transfer into a living room chair for example, and we have company, I don't make a grand announcement about it, I just do it and then keep the conversation rolling as I do it, like there is nothing major going on. I have never had anyone make me feel uncomfortable. It is only in my head when I feel that way. So, I figure the least attention that can be drawn to myself during the transition, the better. So, I just keep talking, adjust myself, get comfortable and move on with the evening. Most of the time, someone else ends up coming and sitting in my wheelchair while we gab and I like that (as long as they don't keep rolling all over the room in it). It makes me feel like they are comfortable around me. I hope you can find your own comfort zone.

Hi rue2you, i agree 100% with you just being you. If other people are uncomfortable with YOUR disability, than that is their problem. You are the one who is having to live with the disability. I've been a para for 38 yrs and i just do what i need to do, I stopped considering what other people may think of me or my actions long ago. Also keep a positive attitude and do your best, thats all we can do. Good luck

I rarely get out om chair anymore--I just cannot do the transfers anymore. But, I would if I could and especially to cuddle. You have a right to cuddle, so just do it when and where you can, you'll get used to the stares we all do...

I cant say i gain a lot of self esteem from 2 years being paralyzed...but the weird stare and gaze, i'm good. the thing is that in my country, the disabled IS being treated like a 2nd class citizen.probably not my country, but it's just because most people here is chinese. i really hope i could migrate to US or UK...but yeah, it's just a matter of time.the more things you do, the more you adapted to it.

owh...one more thing.rather than being ashame living in your wheelchair, I motivate myself by being ashame not to be able to do things on my own.I can transfer into cars because i hate everyone sees people give me a lift.i go shopping on my own becoz i hate seeing me in need of companions.i drive my own car becoz i hate people say i'm needy, and for myself, i wouldnt like my friends helping me all the time.well, i guess it's not a problem being shame of urself...it's a good motivator... ^_^

I don't actually use my chair for sitting so much. I use it more as just my "legs;" to get from A to B, so to speak.

I usually sit on the couch to watch TV, sit in the recliners of on couches at friends' houses, and do the same at my parent's house when I visit. Half the time, someone else ends up sitting in my wheelchair until I need it. When I'm out at the lake with a couple of my friends, we usually park in the shade, and I sit on the tailgate of the pickup (just carry an extra cushion...metal on the arse can cause some issues), or in the seat on the boat (belted in of course). I have unfortunately had to use the wheelchair for about the last 2 weeks while at my computer due to my old office chair falling apart with me in it (not fun). I also get up onto barstools (you should see the stares and reactions...priceless!), into booths, into movie theater seats, etc.

Most importantly, remember that you are not your chair. It is just your replacement "legs." You only have to use it to get from A to B. If you want to sit on the couch or recliner, go for it. There's no reason not to. If you want to stay in the wheelchair, that's your call too. To hell with what the rest of the world thinks. Do what you want to do, not what you think others are comfortable with. If someone is bothered by you sitting somewhere other than a wheelchair, that's their problem. It's not your only seating option, especially not in your own home.

It was hard for me to get used to my legs not working as well. I've gotten out of the pickup without getting the chair out before...Landed face and shoulder first. That was embarrassing. The second time was worse, as it was on concrete. Luckily, I didn't hit my head that time.

For me its the opposite.after 1 year i still dont like people seeing me in my chair if they dont have to.if theres a sofa near by,im on it.just makes me feel more normal and no different from others around me.i hate car parks as you always get the nosy person tht just stands there and blatently stares at you like your from planet whoo whoo! Just try to be your self and concentrate on what your doing and what is best for you.lay on the couch if YOU want to.swing from the lamp shade if YOU want to haha,yu get my drift it all comes with time

Maisy

Self Esteem is probably the hardest thing to get back. Like a prev. post I like pools, what I really like is a LAZ-Y-BOY! People will never know your in a chair. 11 yrs later though cars stil bother me

I stay out of my chair as much as I can and have been like that from the start. It use to drive my parents crazy they would always worry I would hurt my self with so many transfers. Most of the people I know in chairs rather sit on the couch.

I find able bodied people want to try the chair out, go figure

Me too, whenever I was out of my chair at first, my friends love trying it out.

I can't believe I'm realy replying to this self induced rubbish

Get out there and

Love to live - Live to love