Sci has made us redefine intimacy.

Is sex ONLY about penetration? I mean... I "know" that this is the definition of sex I guess, but don't definitions of things change a little with sci?

My sweetie "could" take viagra and we could have penetration, but he couldn't really feel anything with that.

I could, on the other hand, microwave some chocolate chips till they were warm (it only takes a few seconds if you are gonna try this at home, so don't scorch the chocolate chips by microwaving them for a whole minute or anything) and brush soft warm melted chocolate on his neck with a paint brush, then freeze the chocolate with an ice cube to make it firm and nibble it off his neck. VERY intimate... VERY sensual... and VERY much about him.

I try to imagine the pressure he must feel (completely in his own mind) to please me. Sometimes it HAS to be about him and not me.

Anyone else want to share some fun ways to enjoy the "parts" that have feeling... to show my sweetie how much I love him?

For my hubby, it's about touching the sides of his belly and the upper part of his back "just right". He gets so mad when I cut my fingernails really short! I can only imagine that what I do would make most men giggle, but it really turns my hubby on. He has a thing about not touching his neck, unless he is super horny, so that's the last place I go.
For us, it's about pleasing each other. I do what I can to please him, but he finds pleasure in pleasing me also. He is the only man who has ever made me orgasm with oral stimulation. He listens intently for my cues and does exactly what I scream at him to do. =)
If we just want to be intimate with each other, we spend a lot of time just touching each other. It's a really great way for us to connect with one another, with out the pressures of "doing it". Kissing and talking about what we'd like to do to each other is great as well.
Just telling each other how much you love one another is great, however, a little lick or nibble can really exciting as well and sometimes a nibble is more effective, depending on what he can feel.
We also tried a vibrator. It's feels great to me, but he said the sensation that he felt was weird, so we nixed that from our play time.
I guess the huge part is just to be open to trying new things. If you are really comfortable with each other, it can be a really exciting time. And if you end up with the giggles, just be glad you are both grown up enough to have fun with that too!

Tolking about this INTIMACY, to me it always in my head, i mean most of the time.
But my big challenge is how to find same, becouse I dont even have the confidance to approach a lady.
I rely feel the pain of not having same one, the first time I tried to approach sameone, I was give a negative answer.
How should I go about it or is it not me!
I think I equally need LOVE

SCI or AB everyone gets more no's than yes's or it wouldnt be any fun (if everyone fancied everyone else now wouldnt that be boring)

if at first you dont succeed try try again you will never get more yes's than no's but a no is moving you closr to the next yes

if you dont put yourself in the mix then your never going to get picked

have fun have a laugh

wells that my words of wisdom for the day

Mark

I share this sentiment EXACTLY!!!!!!!!! I wasn't saying that me and my sweetie NEVER focus on my pleasure... just that I need some new ideas for ways to please him.

Finger nails are something I struggle with keeping long because I manage to break them off all the time, but I will have to give it a try and see how he likes it! (And if worse comes to worse, buy some Lee Press On Nails!)

Aka do not give up hope! I do realize that there are women who aren't open minded enough to see what an amazing relationship they can have intimately and affectionately. (With an AB guy or a guy with SCI) But we are out there, and when you find the "right" person, you will be VERY happy together!

Pixie - I was a nail biter from the age of three. When my husband and I first started dating, I had fake nails on for a wedding. Needless to say, I had to break my bad habit real quick. I don't keep them super long and when I do cut them down (cause I have to be able to type for work), I just bend my fingers and use the edge. Dunno what it is, but it drives him nuts.

Aka - Don't give up! You will find someone. Just make sure to be yourself and try not to make it all about your disability. The more you can show people about who YOU are, the more they will learn to see you for that person.

me and my boyfriend do alot of oral. he doesn't feel anything but he does orgasm. he gets tingly sensation all over and he said it feels like his head is going to explode! we also use viagra and that how he usually gets an orgasm. i've used my hands before and that worked. just experiment and you'll get it right!!

you are something else! (if you did not know..) the idea with the chocolate is really cool. i have dated a para for over 15 years... we are engaged..... just the fact that things are "different" makes everything more exciting..... sort of like riding a motorcyle sitting backwards..... who would have thought it would be something to do! in any case..... sharing ideas is a GREAT to help each other..... i have told my fiance numerous times that he needs to visit the local rehab place to inspire those that are new SCI patients.... if they see him, it WILL reinstill their faith...

I'm glad to see that some of you have a giving man...

I didn't have that! needed it! badly!

my ex just didn't want any parts of it.

Hey ya'll!

I usually read a lot in this forum and try to learn things, but there's something that has been bothering me. I don't usually talk about my sexual life with other ppl than my boyfriend, but I guess I need some input.

Well here we go; We've been dating for a year and a half or so, and he's the first guy i have ever had sex with. (he's a T12 incomplete) and even though I have read a lot of threads here, and tried a bunch of stuff, and keep trying to be creative, I feel like he gives me way more than I do. Does it mean I just don't have any experience and that's what makes me not be able to make him orgasm/come? I know it has a lot to do with his SCI, and that maybe, even if I was an expert, there would be no way for me to do more, but I really believe I can do better and finally feel like having sex is not just one way.

I would appreciate any advice. Thanks ;)

Touch me anywhere I can feel and I go nuts. But I have to confess that I've found this so "different" that I've seldom made that clear to my partner/s. The more I'm touched the more outta my head I go. Head rubbing is scrumptious but nuzzling into my neck and I see stars, I'm outta control and in your power. Blow gently in my ear and I'm orgasmic.

It's a strangely self defeating fact that I'm embarrassed to make clear what really sends me into orbit. Sometimes, of course, it's so obvious I can't hide it. But cos I seem so different I'm reluctant to be open about it. So, don't trust what your SCI partner tells you. Go ahead and do it anyway and decide yourself from the reaction you get.

Using prostate massage techniques my man can climax very quickly with great intensity. There is nothing that makes me happier than being able to do that for him. I would highly recommend looking into the techniques.

hi i have just started dating a sci and its hard all new to me. im trying to get used to all the changes in this different relationship and the challenges its bringing,, the sex issue is complicated how can i make him happy when nothing works ,he isnt worried but i really want him to enjoy us

Thank u so much for that Nomis




I will definitely look into these techniques, it sounds very interesting. Thank u Spinner!

my husband is 18 months t5.
for 18 months there has been no intamacy, he is not interested at all. at first i tried (i really tried) even to talk about it is a complete no no. we had a great sex life before the accident but he doesn't want to try anything. and considering how outragously daring he wanted to be before his accident it is very surprising. what can i do

Nomis - read your post with great interest. Me and new T4 man haven't been intimate yet, apart from some lovely kisses but I'm really looking forward to exploring further. I'm actually quite pleased there won't be a focus on penetration and he's already told me that what sends him into orbit is touching and caressing the lowest point around his chest where he still has sensation - he says it's mind-blowing. I love a man's neck, chest, shoulders and arms and like doing massage. Do you think he'd like a nice neck/shoulder massage with some nibbling thrown in?? As a T4 yourself, is penetration important (with the use of drugs), do you do it to please a woman or is it for your own satisfaction?

This is quite personal but as a woman, I've always found it really uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of oral and manual clitoral stimulation (yeah, I have hang-ups!) and have found it easier if a man has just got straight down to it, even though it's not the most rewarding thing for me and more often than not I don't orgasm that way. Maybe this could be a whole new learning experience for me then, to teach myself, in the hands of a considerate lover, to accept pleasure. I certainly love giving pleasure and as long as he wants this, I'll be very happy indeed. I'm seeing him tonight - we're going out to dinner and he's booked us into separate rooms at a hotel so we can drink and don't have to drive. I don't want to share a room with him just yet and have made this clear to him. Very excited!
And thank god for this site!

Hope you have a wonderful time

And just relax about the recieving bit, sometimes it's /good/ to recieve rather than always give. He'll be enjoying it just as much as you will I promise you.

aah, thanks Clara !