My ex husband is a c-4 c-5 quad. (7-26-94 the day he broke his neck 8 years in to the marriage)
he is also bi-polar/paranoid schizophrenic.

Back in 06 he goes to the hospital for a burn on his leg caused by me from hot water. I called the doc let him know what had happen... but my husband didn't want to go to the hospital.He was in a manic state due to his doc... for 2 year wouldn't give the med's he needed for his mental issues and was told to get that from a psychiatrist. and he wouldn't go. but I told him it needed to be looked at. so finally 3 days later he goes.

he meet's this nurse. one who had full access to his chart.

After 2 weeks in the hospital it turned from an accident(that was written in the report in the e.r) to I was trying to kill him! all with this nurse by his side! an employee of the hospital.
she assisted with an order of protection. that I was served after I had picked him up from the hospital and brought him home. they called the police... after the order of protection was lifted... accusing me again of abuse. I had to take a polygraph... and passed! the police knew of us... because he would call for a pillow fluff... a drink. ect...

I kept his mental records right by the front door... and would hand that to the police. each and every time they were called.

that was the icing on the cake! I filled for legal separation and guardianship!
his come back was divorce and paternity test on our then 17 year old daughter. our daughter refused... and has forgiven her dad for that due to the mental illness.

Now here I am 3 years later...

and this same nurse... lives in his home with her boyfriend, her 3 kids and her step dad! rent free... all of them! and then he still had to pay her 500 a month! she works full time. the boy friend claims he works and the step dad collect social security.
her 13 yer old daughter has to sit in his room all day.doing what is needed.... saying she wants to be with her friends... I have witnessed this woman dragging the 13 year old by her hair punching her and kicking her in the face... I called the cops... and they say it didn't happen. I did tell the 13 year old that if she ever wanted to stand up to all this I would be ther for her and I gave her a hug. along with my cell#.

I do his fiances as of a year ago when close to 20 grand came up missing, I take him out on outings, lawn care, I do his med's run errands and a whole lot more. he does pay me... enough to cover my rent.

we have a good relationship now that he is on the right meds... and we talk about working it out... he say's he is going to put them out... and when he tell her this... she come back with they are his new family! and they made it possible for him not to be in a nursing home... and they found the house he is in. she never says these things to me... but when I talk with him it is like what he says is rehearsed.

this woman is a predator! I called the hospital she works at when this all started... they told her to back off! I called the Division of aging... many times. on her and the situation.
but I'm a pissed off ex wife. not a concerned ex wife... and he doesn't have mental issues because he knows his name and address. but he is on respridol and depicote. he takes 9 different prescription pills 2 times a day.

I have done back ground checks on these people... and found she doesn't pay her bills including her own job... they had to sue her for their money. they have been evicted from so many places... the step dad I found on him where he contested wills... not one will but 3 wills... and I also found where the nurse and the step dad were buying a house together. I found he has a warrant... and so does the boy friend. they drink and get drunk... I have smelled like a chemical burning type smell... at those times I smell that she never shows her face.

I am woman enough to move on... if I felt he was okay... Not having to deal with it all would be a blessing... but I can't sit back and allow a predator to keep doing this to any one!



He is intimidated... he had a busted chin a month or so ago... he said he fell... His hip is out of place from another fall. His nose was busted due to yet another fall.
and I find that odd because I'm the only one who gets him out. I have confronted this person on a few occasions... and she acted as if she wanted to hit me.

Let me add... I have moved on with my life... I have met a very nice man we have a great relationship. I feel that when people would tell me I would be blessed for what I have done and do for my now ex... came with the man I'm with now. He supports me on crusade to help my ex husband. and he assist with doing thing for the ex.and he even spends time alone with him.

I understand people saying he made his bed now let him lay in it! but we have a daughter... she has to sit back and watch this too. the damage has been done that marriage isn't at all what I want... like I said I have a new man in my life... I feel that people with disability's shouldn't be taken advantage of.


so Please... does any one know what else I can do to help him? this is so wrong!

thanks,
Susie

Let me explain the burn. at that time we had bought a 1926 craters bungalow. back in those days they built the houses with pretty wide door ways. that being one of the many reasons we chose that house.
we had just had a new 6 foot whirlpool put in the bathroom. I had put him in the tub... and he said the water was kinda cool... so I added some hot.

now when we had the tub put in we didn't replace the old galvanized pipes. If any one knows about those pipes they like I don't know how to say it but they leave partials. with the new bathroom and the old pipes... the water would come out slow until I took it apart and cleaned it. at this time the water was coming out really slow. like a trickel. well I turned it on and went and put some laundry in. some thing I have done many times! just gone a few. I come back and there was hot water on the top with his leg being closet to the spout. he got a burn I would leave him still connected to the hoyer! so he couldn't go under.

say you have a sink of cold water. and you run hot but not full force.... just a little... just above a drip.... the hot water stays at the top.

I'm not at all proud of what happen... but I own my mistake.

with him I keep detailed report. on every thing!

when I feed him... I take a bite first to ease his mind he is NOT getting poisoned! part of the schizophrenic.

Hmm..well I'm not really sure what to tell you here. It sounds like your man has a lot of baggage and you have been trying to deal with it all. However, if everything you are saying is true and what you have witnessed is how things are then there isn't really anything you can do on your own. He has to want help in order to receive it. If he allows those people to stay in his home and continues to be around them then you will not be able to do anything about it.

However, I think you should keep documentation of what you witness. If you see him have a bloody nose or bump on the head then keep track of it. Start a file on your computer and keep a log of everything you see, hear or smell when you go over. That way, if anything ever does happen then you have that huge list of evidence against then. You will be taken much more seriously if you can say "I way this happen, on this day, at this time" instead of "well...I remember a while back when he had some mark on his head." Put down all the fact including detailed discriptions.

That's really the only thing you can do if he wont accept your help. Continue to be there for him. Sometimes it takes someone hitting rock bottom before they can see the truth. Unfortunately you may have to sit there and watch as he falls.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted.

If abuse is indeed occuring, you can, with your ex'es permission, get a security camera installed in his room that may document any and all goings on. If and when something happens again, you'll have a leg to stand on if charges need to be filed.

Also, there are spy cams on the market that can be concealed in any location, undetected by the human eye.

Wow! I know what you are going through. Unfortunantly there is not really anything you can do. as long as your ex is "protecting" them or willing to continue to let them stay. We have just been through some of the smae issues with my ex-husband. He was injuried 7/13/07 in an auto accident. He is a complete quad. A few months after he came home fromt he hospital an ex-girlfirend came back and wanted to take care of him. At first we thought she was an angel sent from heaven. They married and she moved him outta his home into her mothers basement. We had no contact with him. My boys went to visit at times but felt unwelcome and didnt like they way thier dad was being treated. She finally dumped him back off at his house in May of this year. We tried to get her for abandonment but he was determined to "protect" her. He said it was his idea she wasnt doing anything wrong blah blah blah! Anyway we called in adult protective services but htey said he could make his own decisions and there was othing we could do. He sees now that we were right. She has since divorced.....Just keep letting him know that you are there for him. But dont be a puppet to these people! He is most likely scared of being alone and wants to hold on to anyone he can good or bad!

Hi,
Good on you for getting out when you did. Bipolar can be an extremely hard disability to live with, throw in a major trauma like SCI and I can imagine it would come pretty much impossible. Please don't take this the wrong way but there was one thing I did want to ask. Have you yourself ever been treated or diagnosed with any sort of mental illness or chemical/alcohol dependency at all? Sorry for asking that but I have my reasons. Namely the same reasons the other organisations won't do much because although there are similarities in what you have been doing that doesn't mean you are some sort of embittered ex. wife. They are obviously not listening to the facts you have listed here and perhaps pre judging your attempts to get help.

From what you say you have been remarkably patient with the woman and your ex and his new family. Just wondering what the smell you smelt at the place he lives. Obviously you've been inside but does the house ever smell of acetone (like nail polish remover). She may be making or on some sort of drug such as meth. In the end he has to also stand up for himself.

Perhaps next time you take him out you should try to encourage him to doing more and perhaps have a plan to get him out for a while and get a protection order and the police could perhaps get her trespassed so she has to leave. Your ex may just not want to be in the house as he may be scared but there could be other reasons like fear of losing someone else no matter how bad the relationship. When you talk to him, don't bring feelings or prejudices into it, don't bring any sort of negativity against her into it. Just deal with the facts. I am sure you know how people who suffer bipolar disorder turn the smallest things around.

There are plenty of groups for battered women, unfortunately not many for abused men but you may like to give one of the womens ones a call as they may be able to give you more info as to what you can do to help him. He must also help himself first though or nothing will happen.

Good luck with getting him some help.

I was just going to suggest that. Yeah they may notice something being amiss if someone has to hook anything in, but a "nanny-cam" would work & they are often disguised as teddy bears......but I'm sure you can get a small camera disguised as something a bit more appropriate for a guy.

Absolutely make note of anytime that he has injuries and any other instances of abusing or taking advantage of him.

Sounds like this lady has no business being in a profession where she'll have access to so many people who are less able to protect themselves from jackals like her.