Hi I'm new to this forum, but was so delighted to find it.

I've been married to a wonderful man for about three and a half years. He had his accident when he was 16 and he's a c-5 hemi-quad. This may seem like an awful question, but it's one I really need answered: my husband never dealt with his accident emotionally (at least that's my perception of the situation). 14 years after the accident he's still frequently frustrated, and even angry/depressed, about his physical limitations. He'll often comment about the how in shape he would be, how great his life could have been ect.

My questions is does this ever change? Will he ever accept what's happened and his physical limitations? I try to be supportive, but after this long I just want to tell him to buck-up and change his thinking...which makes me feel like a real witch.

Help! What can I do???

I"m not sure here....it took my husband about 6 months after his injury. I can't say he's "over it" but he has come to terms with it. We still have bad days, but they are few and far between not......Each person is different...

You knew him, had plenty of opportunity to get close to and eventually marry him. So, his situation couldn't be any different since before your marriage, right? I'm sure you married him for everything he is, not just those specific things you fell in love with him for. You also can't marry someone in the hopes that you might some day, down the road, help him change certain aspects of his life.

How about smiling saying something like, "Imagine that, and I married you anyway!" When he gets down on himself. Beating someone up when they're already depressed is more frustrating and counter productive for him.

That said, as far as depression goes, did he or does he take antidepressants? I'm not going to get into psychological therapy because he's so long post SCI.

Also, does he deal with any chronic pain? After SCI, those who suffer from pain may find it more difficult to deal with their abilities if they haven't gotten past their chronic pain issues.

After this long he may never change his thinking. But maybe in time, when he knows deep inside that his support sytem (you) is cemented in place, and will always be there, then he may feel comfortable in his own skin.

I'm glad you've found this site. Introduce him here also. . . . . . it couldn't hurt.

At 30 your husbands life can still be great, its all still ahead of you both. Sounds like depression may be playing a part though. Also I think about 25% of people never accept their injury ( someone has the stats here) so he may be one of them. I know you want to tell him to buck up but if he is depressed then this doesnt help a jot.
Sorry I cant be more positive, Im sure someone will have some better ideas than me though!

Thank you so much for the advice.

When I married him I knew this would be a life long battle, and I do believe he'll be in the 25% who don't accept their circumstances.

At the end of the day I love him so much and I just get frustrated that I can't fix something that causes someone I care so much about pain.

No matter what I know I married the right man for me.

Thanks again.