I have just met the most wonderful man, he's a T4 paraplegic after a road accident
ten years ago. He's one of the most interesting, positive, kind, sexy men I've ever met
and I'm really looking forward to getting to know him better. I would love to hear any
experiences from those of you who met and fell in love with someone who was already
disabled and how things have worked out for you.

I know sex is going to be different (and I want to take it really slowly, not because of his
situation but because I want to really know him before we get physically-involved) and I'd
like to know from others what I might expect. I want to learn as much about his situation
as I can in order to fully understand him and he is very open about it. I feel more excited
and positive about this guy than anyone I've ever met before and want to take it slow and
steady.

Welcome to the site Jana09..just read through the numberous posts on this topic, & I'm sure you'll be well informed-enlightened even..good luck.

Welcome Jan,

Kiwi said it all.

Welcome and don't be afraid to be direct with questions/answers. I'm sure as you look around you'll find that we are not a modest group at all.

Thank you to all! Are the posts likely to be in this forum and if not
can you point me in the right direction?

And I'll be sure to ask any questions, thanks Texas Ang.

I'm not surprised you've found "the most wonderful man".
It's a T4 thing. We're all like that.
Sure, read thu the posts for information but the best things you are going to discover are the unexpected delights you both stumble upon. Embrace the not knowing and explore, starting where you are comfortable. It's all good.

Aaah Nomis, thanks. I've read some of your posts already, you are full of wisdom.

Your advice is good, I'll just see what evolves. It's already started to make me see the
world with new eyes, and even if it doesn't work out between me and him I'll be glad
I've met someone with SCI (never have before).

there are many different topics for you to post if it is a specific question and such. Like relationship issues, sports, equipment etc. etc. lots of valuable information!

Just remember what Norm said...Sure, read thu the posts for information but the best things you are going to discover are the unexpected delights you both stumble upon. Embrace the not knowing and explore, starting where you are comfortable. It's all good

I can agree with that. :-) Although, my fiance is a T4, so I could be ever so slightly biased.

I found this place to be a huge help. And the people here very welcoming. When I wanted to learn about something specific, I simply searched the forum. Browsing and reading everyone's takes on different things that I hadn't thought about was also a big help. If nothing else, the wealth of knowledge and experience the folks here have shared helped me be able to communicate better with my guy. And if I found that I couldn't find something specific, everyone has been very generous in sharing their experiences.

Welcome!

Hello Ohio and thank you!

I've read your profile and wish you all the best in your endeavours
and in your relationship with your lovely fiance.

As I get to know this guy things will become clearer as well as lots
of questions popping up. It will be a challenge but one I'm really looking
forward to. Before I met him, I knew I needed to be with someone
extraordinary and he certainly seems to be.

T4's are indeed pretty cool people.

Indeed, the T4/T5's on this site seem to be the coolest kids.

You think a t4 is good; wait till ya try a c6!! YEE HAW!

Ya, T4's is the bestest

Sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you guys... C1 C2 kicks ass!!!

This was taken from the "New England Journal of Medicine" August 1997 issue.

SCI paraplegics with an injury level of T-4 (complete or incomplete) have proven in clinical testing time and time again:

1. To be the best lovers.
2. Have the most intriguing personalities.
3. Have the best sense of humor.
4. Drive a vehicle with greater ease and comfort.
5. Can prevaricate with a straight face.

Boys and girls, the list just goes on and on.
If it's in the "Journal" it must be true. They write that stuff for doctors 'n stuff.

E

ahhh in the "Journal" I wonder if they were the same people that wrote the doctors that told me I would never breathe on my own again

Different Journal. Spelled "gernol"
Let's get with the program young lady.
Undermine my authority one more time and it's to the cornfield for you.

haha I stand corrected... there is a program???
Oooo cornfields, I will try to not overstep that boundary again

I'm sorry but - I'm going to have to concur with you on that one. There is just no valid argument against it.

We are the most intriguing, simply because we are the most rare.

It is really easy to break your neck or your lumbar region. And any bad sprain will do the trick.

On the other hand, breaking your spine at t4 where it is protected by the rib cage and is part of the rigid structure of the body protecting the heart and lungs, well, it takes a real effort.

Therefore, C's and L's are a dime a dozen. But T's are few and far between.

Best ,

Gordon

Why you lovely lil' lone star lady with wings, Of course there's a program, got it right here.

Now let me see.........
Program, program, program...
I know there was a memo around here somewhere. The boss sent us all a copy. Didn't you get one?

Oh well, I'll get the cleaning lady to look for it in the morning.
Mean time, yes my dear, there is a program and we need to get with it post haste.
There's a good lass and thanx for your cooperation.

E

Intriguing yes I will definitely agree to that one LOL

just speaking on the behalf of the C's -- in order to break/sprain your neck, you would have to really hit your head pretty hard and to do that without getting any TBI is an accomplishment in itself

wow -- I got some love from E -- I did say SOME ha!

I don't keep memos anymore... along with those "gernols"

I'll try to keep cooperating!

Are you sure that's August, 1997 issue? I've looked through my issue and just can't find that article. Do you remember the author's name?

I can see my thread has been well and truly hi-jacked!

Learning fast about all the different places you can break, so
it's very informative. Mine said he broke T2 on one side and T5 on the
other - what does that mean exactly? He transfers really easily
(fantastic strong arms/shoulders) but then if he's not supported
properly he starts to wobble. Then he holds onto me to steady himself....
It's utterly gorgeous.

I love it when I walk down the street next to him, when I watch him do
all those things that ABs take for granted.

Angel (As Leonard Cohen says, they (angels), are not all departed...)

The sad thing about the neck is that you can sprain/fracture it with whiplash, because it has this big heavy head sitting on the end of it, just waving back and forth wih nohing to hold it in place but some muscles.

TBI is a whole other story. As you say, many quads must have some degree of it. I haven't seen a lot of reference to TBI in the chatty threads. Another thing to consider when getting to understand the reality of somebody new.



Yes indeed. Feel the Love, Angel. Feel the Love.

Best,

Gordon

sorry for hijacking your thread... sometimes we just roll with what others say and lose sight of the main "topic".

thanks Gordon! I always feel the love here!

We are not here to explore our "feelings."
We're here get with the program.

O.K. everyone, back to work!
You too Gordie, get yer nose outa that comic book. You can read about the "plumber" and the "Philipino lady boy's pipes" during lunch hour.

Sheesh, what a bunch of slackers.

E

Hello,


I am new to this forum as well. I was reunited with an old boyfriend from high school who was injured in an auto accident about 10 yrs. ago. (C5) He is amazing. Can't wait to learn and read more about others in the same situation.

welcome to this site... congrats on reuniting!!

Thank God I'm a t4, I knew there was something special about me. ha ha

Hi Danlynn, amazing how the word amazing keeps coming up in relation
to these guys! (and gals of course).

We had a beautiful date last night and I sat on his lap for the first time and
told him I wanted to stay there for ever...

Waaaaaay too much information!!--lol

Finding the right one is NEVER expected, nor compromised.

Sayz me.

My bf is a C5 and I'm head over heels in love. I have never been with a guy that was paralyzed but its no biggie. I met him over a mutual friends house and we exchanged numbers and here we are now trying to have a baby.LOL

Well, everyone here seems to agree that t4-t5s are truly amazing people! I haven't ever met one in person, but those of you on here do seem pretty awesome!

However; I do have to stick up for my c7-c8 hubby..... not too many quads are able to do what my man does! Work, drive, cook.... and a laundry list of other things that I am much to lady-like to mention here!

Hmm...My T4 can't cook (and neither can I) so maybe I should consider trading in.

He won't eat what I cook. His food needs flava!!!! lol

NewWife,

Every time I view your posts i want to cry over the animated dancer. I'll let you know when i get over it.

Pwuff

Pwuff,

You don't like my dancer? It's how I feel some days.......like life is just spinning and spinning and spinning etc etc.

I like her, but it is a painful sort of envy.

First let me say that wild horses couldn't drag me away from my C6!! T4's may be something to behold, but give me a C6 any day!

Now to answer the question. My fiance was injured in a car accident 18 years ago. Like you, before we met I had never had a relationship with a person with a spinal cord injury. I fell in love with him the minute we met so I knew that it was something we were going to have to figure out. Here is my advice to someone just entering to a relationship. Be patient. When he is ready to share the details of his daily life he will. It might take him a while to believe that you can love him exactly the way he is. Keep talking. Keep the lines of communication open. Talk and talk and talk. That is how you will build the trust. Love him. If you are in love with him, just keep loving him.

This afternoon I was with my man and asked him what he would say to an able bodied woman beginning a relationship with a disabled man. He said that it may be a lot of work, but it will be worth it. I couldn't agree with him more.

If you love each other you'll make it. Keep coming back here, ask all the questions you might have, it is a welcoming community with lots of great people.

Good luck to the both of you.

Be grateful you can see her.
And don't be so sure it's a her.

I cant cook either. Curse of the T4.

Hi Spinner, thanks for your post. What you say is spot on; he's very open and we talk about most everything.
Sometimes he gets this look on his face which tells me he feels that he doesn't want to burden me with information
and I just kiss him and tell him to let it out! It's getting easier and easier but sometimes I forget; he had tummy
trouble yesterday and was spending hours in the bathroom and I asked him if his tummy ache had gone away!
He replied "I don't know, I'll have to wait till the morning to check!" But we both laughed and it wasn't awkward
at all.

He's the first man I haven't been afraid to love and I try and show him all the time. We're already talking about
moving in together because we currently live an hour apart but appreciate we shouldn't rush as we both have
pre-teens living with us. So that's a few months down the line. I did mean to ask, what sort of properties do you
all live in? One really frustrating thing for me at the moment is that he can't visit my house because of steep stairs,
narrow corridors etc, there's just no way. Does anyone cope with stairs for example? I'd like to start thinking about
what sort of place would be suitable for us when we move in together.

I live in ranch style house with stairs to the front door and in the garage. The first couple of times he visited I lifted him up and down the stairs. I was able to do it but it made me a nervous wreck! I found a portable ramp on Craig's List, installed that, and it does the trick.

Lets have it three cheers for all the T4s Hip Hip Hoorah, Hip Hip Hoorah, Hip Hip Hoorah.

*sigh* This thread makes me feel so blah and common. Stupid L4 not being interesting enough... no superpowers (that I know of).