[font="Comic Sans MS"][/font]

Hello I am new to this blogging/forum stuff so please bare with me. I am a caregiver to a C6/7 female. She seems so depressed to me, there are alot of issues with accepting what has happened. The SCI has been almost a year, I believe she may gain all feeling back into her legs, but I really don't think she will walk again. She is an older lady who has alot of other medical issues that I think are not helping the situation. How could I help her with the coping process? She has other issues to such as suffers from alot of AD occurences, as psoraisis of the Liver, has a cath and ileostomy, and a stage 4 pressure ulcer on her tailbone. She is a wonderful lady who has been through a lot. She used to be an avid dancer, engineer drawer, and loved to care and ride her horses. I am not sure how to redirect these interests to her. I have suggested getting involved with special olympics, I was poooopooooed on that. I have suggested going to the local dancer studio and volunteering verbally to the older girs who would understand that she can't dance with them. I have suggested hiring a handy man or 4H group to help tend and ride her 2 horses. She sees her horses everyday, but as soon as she thinks about not riding them and what not she gets angry. During the day, she sits and mopes over all the things she can't do, wouldn't accept adapted help so she could do somethings, she stares at the walls and cries and cries. She cries over all the things going on. 4 to 5 outbursts or more a day. Instead of thnaking God that she's alive and loved and adapting to the NEW "WOL" she is fighting everyone. She won't follow doctors orders for the pressure ulcer to heal, she won't eat a proper high protein and fiber diet, heck she won't even drink a decent quanitiy of fluids. I am at a lose, she has so much potential and knowledge that I want to find the loving lady in her and make her see this is not a disaster. I know one has to grieve and work it out in the own minds. And that you can only help someone if they are willing to be helped, etc. But I am their hired help, I live here 24 hours a day 5 nights a week. I want her to make progress if nothing else but to help her husband and the little bit of family come around, I think her negativity is why alot of people have disappeared. I am even thinking of finding a new client if I can't make some headway. I don't want to leave my client, I have been with her for 6 months and I think she would have huge huge set back if I left her. Does anyone have any ideas what helped you or them get through this difficult time of accpeting your new way of life? Her husband is not as emotionally intuned with things as I wish he was, so I am doing this pretty much single handed. THank you all for reading and dealing with my babbling, but I had to get it off my chest with people who know what I am talking about. My outside friends of this situation have NO clue and look at me like I am just wrining. Have a great weekend. ~Confuzedladi09 in Washington State

Gosh

That is one heck of an email. I don't think I have time to answer it fully, but can give you a brief start.

1. No, you are not wining. Its a very tough situation youm are in, but not an impossible one.
2. No, its not unreasonable she is crying 4-5 times a day. Let her, she may cry like this for another year or so.
3. Yep, she is depressed.
4. Yep, many ideas get pushed away by the injured person in the beginning, they don't want to see them loosing their old life and being replaced by this rubbish one as a tetra. Its probably too early for her to see herself as a worthwhile member of the community again but with wheels.

As her carer you main goal is to keep her physically well if she is not strong enough mentally to do it. I mean looking after her pressure issues, food and drink. Don't take no for an answer but gently persuade (I'm not saying bully here, but I am saying be insistant) to make sure she takes appropriate care of herself. Talk to her and her husband about your concerns re her pressure sore, her food and drink intake. The high fibre can be relaxed a bit, but not the good high protein food needed to help mend her sore. If you don't help get her sore sorted she could be on her way out in any case.

I'll re-read your post again, and hope to give some more ideas when I have some more time. Oh, and sorry I didn't introduce myself. I'm a female C6 complete with 27 years under my belt, who has unfortunately been in the place similar to she is in now.

Hugs

Izzi xx

Please, please, please don't take offense to this . . . . I got through alot of your e-mail, but couldn't finish it because you didn't break it up into paragraphs. It just became extremely hard for me to read. Please break it up, and it won't look like such a huge chunk of words.

Why don't you see if there's a support group at her hospital where she can meet others in her situation? As she builds up her confidence and accepts her new life, she may even be inclined to help other newly injured people going through the same situation.

There's nothing more gratifying than the feeling one gets from helping someone with advice, or just to lend an ear. Best of all, it's free!

I would just add that the medical problems MUST be properly adressed.

Do these people, menaing both the patient and especially her husband, realize that there are immediately life threatenning issues involved? With the sores and denial you describe, the Grim Reaper is close at hand.

Perhaps you could help her make herself look pretty. My husband is 10 months into his injury. I like to make him look nice. New clothes, nice scents, clean cut, etc... I know that it makes him feel much better.

It will never take away depression. As mentioned by some of the others she probably needs some medical advise too.

But just try and remind her of the things she can do that are "somewhat" normal according to her regular life. Paul & I still drink coffee in the morning and read the paper. It's just a little thing that still feels normal. Sort of our little escape from everything even if it is for just a few minutes.