wuts good my sci people? i think im going crazy. im fresh out the hospital and havent had much time to cope with my injury yet. i get frusterated at home so much cause when i transfer i cant get over the cushion on my wheel chair and my pants go down and the cushion folds, not to mention the wheelchair that is a loner till my custom one comes barely even locks and slides on the floor.. i cant do nothing but bow my head and all these questions run thru my mind 'why? why me? why did that bullet go thru my spine of all places? y did i drink a bottle of hennessey that night?' i dont get no help from home aides cause the insurance co says my level doesnt qualify me. its tough jus sitting up when im in bed and getting on the commode and washing my self.. i havent even took a shower or bath or felt water run down my skin in months. theres a lot of negative energy and argueing with my girlfriend cause my condition is so demanding. we at the point where we need to split up for a while jus to breathe. everything jus seems so tough.. i don't mean to complain cause im not one to be like that.. but i need some support, someone to relate or give me advice to take all this stress and let it dissapear.. poof, i am not the type to get depressed but i think im finally at that point.. help me.

I had the same problem with my cushion folding when I originally attempted transfering with jeans on. Keep your head lower when you pivot your hips. This should raise your hips higher over the cushion.

It takes time, man. Your feelings are natural and part of the healing process. But I'm sure you didn't want to hear that sh#t.--haha

Been there done that . . . . . it WILL get better!!

Sounds like you need a little rehab. But if you can't get that, practice on balance, first. Once you get more confident with that, the transfers will get easier. Strength train using your body as the weight. You need to weight shift anyway, so use it.

Things will get better, easier, faster. But it takes time,,, so patience is pretty important.

Sounds like you have a ROHO. I love mine, but you gotta go high with the transfers or it WILL roll up on you.

Come on back with any specific questions,,, you'll find a lot of good answers here,,,, I certainly have.
ed

You're soooo not alone. There are many of us out there man, it's totally okay to feel this way. And it's totally normal for you and your woman to be fighting. My injury was june 1st '08, 'lil over a year ago. My bf and i weren't the best before, but we loved each other. Now it's been a horrible downhill battle. He's always complaining about it being too much on him, and honestly i really think it's for the best that we split, but i'm all alone here. It's not his fault of course that i have two kids already, it's not his fault both my parents split after my accident, it's not his fault (sometimes) that i'm so damn depressed some days, it's not his fault i don't really go anywhere anymore (oh wait, sort of it is), etc....I'm just saying most things aren't your fault, nor hers. Unless she's a conceited, heartless bitch that can't think beyond herself, that would be HER fault. Sorry to tell you this, but most relationships, from my experience, don't workout after things like this.

Like my night tonight for example: I live in a very small town and the fair/rodeo came through. It's kind of the only thing we have to do or look forward to every year. My kids just turned 5 and 7 this week and well, they are at that age where they wanna have fun. It's already bad enough we don't do as much cuz of me. Anyways.....he had to work on his dirtbike(same thing i was hurt on) at a friend's house today. He left early this morning and was gone all day. He promised the kids and i he would take us to the fair/rodeo. Well it started at 730. He got here at 730 and we were late by over 30 minutes. Then he complained the whole time, cuz we have to drive MY lil car because it's the only one my wheelchair fits in, and then he hates my clutch, my steering wheel, the cars too tiny for him. Then the line was over an hour long, but since we were from the area we knew a short cut and got in. It was a mad house, being that late and needing a close parking spot in nothing but mud and dirt....it had rained for days prior....

you should also know he's the type that's very easily embarrassed. He always thinks everyone is watching HIM (like they have nothing else better to do), so w/ me like this he hates taking me places. Also instead of being like most men i know, he won't open up his damn mouth for anything. Won't ask, "hey is there a handicapp spot? Hey can we park in there?". Nothing! Won't go look for open seats for the kids. He would rather stand up in other people's way and complain about how we never should have left the house, "this was such a bad idea".... Says it's too hard, too much trouble for him. He's tired from being gone all day....

anyways, the whole time there he had this frustrated face on. Never tried to smile for the kids. Never tried to hold my hand, kiss me, or just show anything like i just might be his woman. Let me also share that i find myself very attractive. Call it what you will, i'm not vane, but i'm attractive and very bubbly. Never meet a stranger and i'm always smiling and trying to make others laugh. It's what i do. So i don't understand what his freaking deal is!!!??? So i go on, making jokes, putting my hand on his leg, just anything to ease the mood for him. Realize, i didn't really want to go either, but ya know what? Sometimes we SACRIFICE things for others that we love. He has no idea what i go through day in and day out. Every moment of the day i have to feel and know and see and do things he can't even comprehend. But i don't roll around talking about that. I don't just cry my eyes out everyday and scream why, why, oh why to him. (i do to myself sometimes though, and god) So, why can't he just put a smile on his face and see how hard I'M TRYING?? Why don't they see we are doing all we can??

He continued to complain, we left the rodeo early, and then attempted the fair. The kids got to ride a little bit, but the he complained the whole way back to the car, and then big time on the way home! I just, being the kind of person i am, don't get people like him. If you really and truly love someone, you may get tired at times i'm sure, but not hate and be so dang rude to them; and them cut them down. Always reminding me how he said motocross was his sport and i had no place on the track. Always telling me that it's just too hard dealing w/ all this.... LMAO!! HE HAS NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT HARD IS MY FRIEND, NO IDEA! I can't help you w/ the relationship, obviously, but i vented to you so you can feel free to vent to me.

I think my hardest thing is not being able to be the mom i wanted to be. I can't get up and show my son how to throw a football or how to box. I can't show my daughter some cool dance moves or show her how to stand, bat, and swing. I feel helpless all the time, and there's never anyone there to help me. I'm honestly completely along in the world, and trust you me; at times it gets so damn depressing i don't wanna be here anymore, but who's better for my kids. God knows i wouldn't still be here if it weren't for them, cuz my bf and injury would have already sent me over the damn edge, lol!

okay, well i could go on forever obviously, so i'll let you go for now. I'd like to say things get better, and for some things and to an exent they will. I've never given up hope that i would walk again, i think it's all pyschological, but i need that to keep going. I"m getting better at knowing my body and how to make things work, but it's always frustrating and it will always be on your mind, you just have to learn how to put better things in front of it. Don't ask why, just know there's a reason for it, and have faith that's it a good reason. Nothing good ever comes from asking why, just move forward.

It's maddening to think how such random incidences can have such a permenant and devestating effects so suddenly. It's the beginning of a new road in life with SCI but you are not alone.
Having a supportive community, family, and friends especially during rehab from SCI is necessary. It also helps to have goals and something to reach forward to. Small steps at first are totally normal; doing transfers etc... Have patience.

Reading your post brings back memories of my own time of injury. I remember how hard it hit my pride, how self conscious I was at first. I remember being in the ambulance that picked me up when I fell and how freaked I was cause it literally felt like half my body was missing or "floating" somewhere...and asking the paramedics what was wrong. "Spinal cord injury" they said... I couldn't comprehend what I heard cause from what I knew at the time SCI was some permanent and terrible thing that happened to other people I saw on the news or something but not to me. It was weeks before my first shower and I nearly went into shock when I first saw how atrophied my legs had quickly become and when I realised what was lost.

I recall the girl my age or a bit older who was in the bed next to me in the hospital after my surgery. One night some guys broke into her house and killed her boyfriend, and shot her in the back leaving her a complete. She was also pregnant at the time and lost her baby from the trauma. The time then when I met her in the hospital she had had this incident years before and was in for reocurring pressure sores that wouldn't heal. But I remember her telling me her story and what an inspiration and a friend she was. She still had a sense of humour after all that years after. This isn't to make any lighter of your experience in any way at all but just to offer encouragement as it did for me. SCI leaves a permanent scar on life, no denying that. There will be people who understand and those who don't. I know the last thing I wanted to hear was "cheer up! It could have been worse!" (Though it was true I wanted to deck the people who said that).

Hang in there. It may seem hard now to find or see any humor etc to come to terms with anything but it'll come in time. I have a feeling though if you're on these boards the humour will undoubtedly come faster.

Been there myself as well, laid down for 7 months and spent 2 full years in hospital, craped and pee in the bed, cried my eyes out and and had a trillion questions in my head! Take your time bud, it's not easy at first! Don't get discourage cause you will find the way how to handle your new life easily, day by day - step by step! Stay strong and be patient.

QUOTE (edlee)
Things will get better, easier, faster

We can rebuild him. We have the technology!

I was crying through this whole thread of posts and then Ratticis just made me laugh outloud.

This is a crazy injury!!