Hi all! I'm not only new to this site, but also to everything it is about. 2 years ago I wouldn't have even dreamed about ever being with a man in a chair, but thats only because he wasn't in my life yet.
Some background... Ive known Matt (my boyfriend) since we were kids. We grew up together and being 3 years older he picked on me all the time. We didn't know it then but it was Love.
He joined the Army right out of high school, its all that he ever wanted to do besides play baseball. He loved every moment of it. He was living his dream. He was deployed to Iraq in 2007 and 2 months before his scheduled return home he was shot in the neck.
Now Matt is a T1Para and has adjusted to this new life style very well. He has surpassed a lot of what doctors had told him of his abilities and he amazes me everyday. He is my Miracle.
We just started dating recently, but we have been talking since his injury.
Really I'm just looking for advice, anything that anyone has to offer up. Connections with people who know what this transition is like. Ive noticed a lot of people on here were with their significant other pre-SCI, thats where we are a little different.
All of my views on life have changed since Matt has come back into my life. I look at things so much differently and with a whole new respect for people whos abilities are different from my own.
Also does anyone else constantly freak out about health issues? or is that just because Im new?
Anything helps, and Im not shy.
Thank You! & Love!

welcome to the site matt is lucky to have you

Welcome! If you're looking for similar stories about how a lot of the people here got their SCI, try the General thread. There's a topic at the top that's pinned called "Spinal Injury Stories". I think almost everyone here has posted in that thread at some point, and you can see how different every type and level of an injury can be.

Matt is lucky to have someone like you. I think we all have come out of this sort of thing with a new outlook on life, and it's rare to find someone who stays devoted when it happens. Good luck to the both of you.

My story is similar to yours, and all I have to say is to relax....learn all you can.....and then go on loving him just as you would anyone else. Feel free to email me if you have any specific questions!

Hello and welcome! I'm one of those who met their man post SCI and I came here, like you, to
connect and find advice. Matt certainly is lucky but then again, so are you, to be with such a
wonderful individual. My man has opened my eyes to so many things and I'm a better person for
having met him.

There will be challenges and I'm still learning about them, but what's life without a challenge!
Wishing you happiness. Jana

Thank you so much! Yes, I know I am lucky to have him! So lucky! He is a blessing for me and I'm very grateful to have him in my life.
Im trying to learn all I can here, and trying to ask questions of him as well, but theres only so much that I can push myself to ask him at this point.
Thank you for the welcome though and I hope to learn alot from you all!

He sounds like a great guy who has come to terms with his SCI and may be ready for a committed relationship. All the best in your new love and good luck to both of you.

Hi mfawcett,

my story is similar to yours, in that I knew my boyfriend since i was a child, but only got together with him after his accident.

It was a pretty steep learning curve. Even though I am medically trained, I still discovered I was hopelessly naive about SCI.

My advice to you would be to remember always that you are his girlfriend, not his nurse or carer. It can be all too easy to do too many things for him because it is easier for you to do them than for him. For the relationship to remain stable you need to let him look after you as much as you look after him.

The next important thing to remember is to take time to concentrate on yourself. Your boyfriend's rehab, recovery, and adjustments to life with SCI are huge, and miraculous, and of course (when they are going well) something to rejoice in and celebrate. But don't lose sight of your own miracles, and your own ambition in life. It is important, not only for yourself, but also for him. When things are going less well for him (and believe me, there will be plenty of times like that), then he will need to draw strength from you and from your successes in life, in the same way that you draw such strength from him.

Lastly, and this still gets me all the time, Guilt. Being AB and being with someone in a wheelchair, I still find it difficult to do the things I know he used to love doing and now cant and not feel guilty about it. But I know that my boyfriend would hate more than anything to feel that being with him was stopping me enjoying these things. So I work at it. And I strongly believe that honest communication is key to dealing with this. If you can openly discuss your feelings about this with each other, then it is much easier to deal with them.

There are all sorts of other useful practical things that I'm sure you'll find lots of answers to on this site - it has helped me hugely, but those are my Big Three, that I (try really hard to) live by. Keep those at the back of your mind, and then go out and enjoy your relationship and your life!!

Cat