Ten things never to say to a disabled person

1. "It's OK, I know how to deal with you, I've worked with the disabled."

2. "Is your partner disabled too?"

3. "So, what's up with you?"

4. "If I became disabled I think I'd kill myself."

5. "I saw this great thing on Tomorrow's World that could help you ..."

6. "There's a disabled woman lives down my street. I see her going past sometimes."

7. "Wait there ..."

8. "It must be nice to get out and about."

9. "I think you're really brave."

10. "I really admire you."

Its quite a balancing act itsnt it? I find that talking to other disabled people. In a sense its kinda hard to blame people for stupid remarks when I'm disabled and I have to make sure I don't say anything rude or stupid.
Then again, some people are beyond help in their stupidity

I really hate it when people tell me I'm brave!!

Yeah........even just reading through them gets the pulse rate speeding..........

if anybody else says they 'admire' me think I'll have to be strapped down......

TELL ME IF I'M WRONG BUT THE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY FUC^*ED UP THING TO HEAR IS:::


IS THAT YOU'RE NURSE?

amigo, mi mejor tambien! ;)

Or 'How does your husband cope with you and the children?!' Grrr when someone says that, I dont even digify it with a response.

I also hate being brave and admired, dont they realise I have no choice?

If I had £1 for every person who's said " What you done to your leg ? " I'd be rich !

"i wish i got to sit on my arse all day" i'm always speechless (which is rare!) when people say this to me.....yeah i just love sitting on my arse....ALL...THE ..TIME!

I don't like being told I'm brave either. I was told that all my childhood and it only confused me and prevented me from sharing what I was really feeling at the time. My Dad's side of the family has made me into some kind of a poster child and I hate it. The truth is, they don't really know me, nor do they know what I contend with on a daily basis...they never see me when I'm being 'not brave' and downright defeated.

I think I've told this following story before here, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself. On a trip to Alabama to visit relatives, we had attended a church...afterwards I met the pastor, who asked me "what happened to your leg?" So I puke out my well-rehearsed story, after which he seemed to struggle with what to say next. He finally sputters out, "Well....uh....you know....there's a little gal over in...uh...***** county....and well....uh....well, she's crippled too". I thought he was going to expand on that, but it seems that that was all he wanted to say about the subject. I wasn't quite sure how to respond. The thought occurred to me to say, "Oh, then I must surely know her, as we crippled folks have a club, you know".

I hope you're not drink driving in that.

You know theres a speed limit along here don't you?

There's a man who lives down the road from me and every single time we pass him he says the thing about the speed limit, it wasn't funny the first time.....

We have a friend who's a cop who told me very seriously one night that i COULD get done for drink driving say what???? How on earth was i supposed to get home....do people get done for drink 'walking'! The way i push i am hardly a danger to anyone..including myself

BTW, sweden has got such a low prohibiting heavily drunken people walk. ;) if you walk in that condition, they even take your driving license.

Amazing!!!!

Or ... my personal favorite:

"I have a friend that was paralyzed, but they never gave up! They worked really hard every day ... and after 3 months they were walking again!"

I had a lady who was wearing glasses tell me that. So I told her I used to wear glasses and that I was able to get rid of them by trying to see harder!

Oh, that's rich! I'll have to remember that one.

yep i get that one too.


jane

What about when people talk to your able bodied standing partner over you, and blank the person in the wheelchair.

I am abled bodied and have mastered the art of taking a back seat and not catching people's eye so that they talk to my partner instead of me.

I find it very rude!

Oh i hate it when that happens!!! Even when i'm buying make-up i've had shop assistants ask my bf what foundation/lipstick i use...he'll look at me and say 'i don't know, what foundation do you use julie??' normally theu're quite embarrased BUT they never appologise.
My 2 friends were shopping together and my friend (who happens to be aboriginal) asked the shop assistant a question and the assistant looked at my white friend and answered the question, refusing to look at my black friend!

Itake it you walk and 1 leg is better than the other ?

How about "Does he want ? with that?" What would he like to drink.

My wife's reply "ASK HIM HE'S NOT DEAF"

I get that all the time so I start singing really loud so they have to notice me.

my god all that must be so annoying but just from the other perspective my mother has parkinsons and hates to ask for help so if she is struggling with something i have to step in or trouble.

on the other hand i have to wait to be asked by my rugby mates so it is really difficult to go from one mindset to another. so - if i get it wrong .......... sorry

I know what you mean my grandfather was blind, so we helped him out all the time and he was fine with that, but one day my sister and i were at the train station we noticed a blind man struggling to get on the train so we went to give him a hand...and he started hitting us with his walking stick
So yes, everyone is different

I do get alot of comments also but the ones that get me are "But your so pretty" like beauty is supposed to ward off any accidents or make a difference, or its only supposed to happen to ugly people (if theres such a thing) what kinda crap is that?

Or If that were me I wouldve killed myself. So you think my life is that bad and miserable and you havent even rolled a mile in my chair to experience what I see as a wonderful life.
Some people............

you could add "you're lucky you get to ride instead of walk"

I get told by people 'that i'm just lucky i have my looks'?? Does that make being in a wheelchair easier!!??
Or 'isn't it nice that you dress like a normal person!'

"Oh, so you can do that yourself?"....after stating that I'm off to do whatever.

"Actually, no I can't....I just thought I'd place myself at risk and provide entertainment for the rest of you."

This w/e and elderly relative said to me...

" So do you sit in it all day, or do you get up and have a little walk around a bit?"


Yes OF COURSE Im sitting here because Im just too bone idle to walk around. What am I thinking of?

Yes, my left leg is a lot weaker than my right and doesn't always do what i want it too. so is my left arm/hand but people don't tend to notice that . I found it worse in the winter than the summer - people assumed i had been skiing !! I wish.

Ha ha! That's a good one! I cannot stand the 'speed limit/drink driving/driving license' comments! If you're make a joke, at least try and be original purlease!!

I work in a school and a kid said to me the other day about it being good to be able to sit down all day. Well, personally I'd rather have the choice but maybe I'll just being greedy!

My sister ordered some tickets today to go and see a comedian..after explaining to the lady that i'm a quadreplegic, the lady asked Ang if it was possible for me to walk down the front of the theatre without the wheelchair........ahhh, NO!!

The daft bat the woman not your Sister....woops time for work....laters

A good friend of mine did ask me earlier if new boyfriend is disabled too! I just had to laugh! This is the same friend the other day who asked whether I'd tired a lavendar heatpack to ease my back pain, but then it did dawn on him that I might not be considering major surgery if that was the answer to my problem!!

I actually got "When was the last time you tried to walk?" the other day..

I walk pretty nifty around the pub but some one was still amazed when I said I could drive.
"don't be silly, he can't drive" .....

^^ yup, jason gets that all the time. he'll be like, "wanna bet" and go out and drive round just to prove a point, but i suppose, any excuse for him to be driving...

One time, I was out with my wife and some of her near family (not her Mom, but her Mom's twin sister).
We were "walking" around a park area and there was a big hill so my wife assisted me. Well my wife's aunt was also pushing a baby in a stroller and she said to the baby "Look Ronald, he has a stroller just like you!"
OMG I was fuming. I had to bite my tongue hard to not say anything. Needless to say, I try to talk to that woman as little as possible these days.

nice to know someone else feels the same way

My daughter and I have had all of the tings you have mentioned happen, Neither she or I find it rude or out of the way! We view it as the other person eather is curious or not understanding the disability. For an example just today my daughter and I was in the grocerie store, an elderly lady began talking to us. In the conversation we mentioned that my daughter is a vegitarian, the lady then asked if my daughter was in the wheel chair because of eating meat. We found it quite funny! people are just curious, I dont think most mean any harm. My daughter will tell people if they have questions to please ask her, no matter what it is. After all....... No question is a dumb question! I think we all want people to be more understanding of the diffrent types of injurys and what health issues go along with them, so how will we build awareness? not by getting upset if another person askes a question! even if it is a question you think is dumb.My daughter always says that a person who is comfortable in their own skin will not be uncomfortable or have issues with another questioning his/her abilities or disabilities. Please excuse my miss apellings!

linda... agree with you! hi to your daughter and you. ;)

Hello back to you!

I agree with Linda also, but I have to say it's not the questions I have problems with it's the comments or actions that bother me.

I was in Best Buy one day(well I worked there for a bit) and a couple came over and started talking to me and asking about my injury, it didn't bother me at all, as I'd rather people ask then just assume. After a few minutes of talking they left, but a couple of minutes later the returned. They asked me if they could pray for me. So I said sure, go ahead. Little did I know that they meant right then and there. They both put their hands on my head and back and started loudly praying. I'm talking the sort of stuff they do on TV where they "miracously" heal 100 people a night. This lasted for about 5 minutes and I'm just sitting there mortified, thinking my boss is going to come fire my ass or something as half the store can hear them and is coming to see what the commotion is. When they finished they actualy told me to stand and walk because I was cured.

I would be moretified!!!!!!!!!!! You poor thing

Ahh, thats bad.....

I agree that although I don't mind people coming out with some daft questions etc. Sometimes you think.....come on, thats a little ignorant. I always think then speak...some speak and then...speak

I do think even the comments are not ment for insult, most that we hear are just the person is ignorant of her condition. Not ignorant in the terms of rude just in the turmes of lack of knowlage of her condition. My daughter is very sicure with her condition, you can say anything to her ask her any question she will ancwer your question, correct you or laugh! She is understanding of others thinking no matter how crazy it seems. Among many things my daughter is a dog trainer, the other day she had another trainer ask her if she knew this other trainer who was from another state. She went on as to how good he was and that he was also in a wheel chair. My daughter explained to this person that she didnt know the the person she was refering to, she also explained that because she was in a chair it didnt mean she knows every person who has one. The woman appologised to my daughter saying she didnt mean to insinuate anything, she just thaught that maybe she went to some of the same wheel chair activities he did. My daughter again explained that she doesnt go to wheel chair activities and if she did she probably still wouldnt know this man, she also let her know that because a person is wheelchair dependant it doest me that all of them go to places where just wheelchair usesrs go. This is another miss understanding of most people, they think because a person has a chair that they must attend groups for wheelchair users. My daughter kindly explained to her that it is a miss conseption and that there are many others as well. The women had no clue! my daughter was not bothered by her comments, she simply corected her! After she told me thats one more educated person lol!

I don't agree with some of those recent comments. I'm not okay with people asking me questions just becasue they are curious. It's not that it digs up old or bad memories for me, I just don't particualarly care to share my "life" stories with a complete stranger. Just because they are curious, I'm expected to share that information with them? I don't think so. Does that make me a biiter cripple? I'm sure that's what people would say.

That is really the only one that gets to me... the rest are not so bad if they are honest and from a compassionate place.
Though, I have never heard the "is this your nurse" one... that may get to me.
In a MySpace site there, apparently, was a show on TLC where some Motivational Speakers who had to spend a WHOLE 24 HOURS in a chair. They have had to do many difficult things. They all said this was the hardest and one lady said that if she had to do this for life she would kill herself... this was a person who's job it is to motivate people? Good Lord?!
I don't know the name of the show... If I find it I will let you know.

The first statement... I wonder how someone would react if you replied "got a pocket knife"?

I love the "nurse" coment. I've had that one before too. There was episode od The Office that did a good wheel chair joke.
They were at an office party and Michael, the lead of the show, was talking to a co worker (the guy in a chair) and asked if that was his nurse? The woman standing next to the guy in the chair. Chair guy replies, "that's my wife", Michael replies "score, marrying your nurse". It was pretty funny.
Family Guy also has some good wheelchair jokes