I think some people are born fighters & will take on any adversity with a "I will be the one on top.......or die trying" attitude. Others breakdown and give up over things that although not good are not really the end of the world like the person thinks. We are all different & although nobody "likes" living with SCI, some of us are just more determined than others to keep trying. As children I wonder if those who have given up......were not also the children saying "I can't". There are few things in life that change a person's world like SCI, it is a shame though when a person can't see that they do still infact have a world.....it's not over, just changed.

Well, i can't say I "like" living with an SCI, but I don't dislike it! I've had fun since, and met a lot of great people I wouldn't want to give up if I could go back. I was diagnosed as a t3 complete. As each(6) doctor came to tell me that I'd never walk I stopped him and said I don;t want to hear it, please leave. Three weeks later I was rediagnosed as a t5/6 incomplete when i started moving my feet. I now have limited sensation but walk with only one cane, sometimes two, no AFO's. Plain stubbornness, maybe, but gotta fight the fight, you're right... prove em all wrong I say.

5 years ago "The medical team " looking after my Husband told me that I have to be realistic & accept that he 'll never walk again.
I came back home from the hosp even more determined to help him in his efforts to walk again
Today he walks with a walking frame quite well.
Life does not stop because someone has SCI just our point of view regarding life changes.
We re evaluate our values,even make new ones and learn to prioritise better.

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing " Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Fight or blow you brains out........

There is no choice you fight, fall down then repeat, period !

Be Big,
Alan

I used to be an 'I can't' sayer, but my experiences over the years have made me a fighter and taught me that I can do things. Perhaps being fiercly independant helped. So when I was faced with this SCI last year I never questioned whether I would walk again or not. I just got on with the program and 10 months on I can walk a short distance with crutches, live on my own and look after myself without any help. It never occured to me to give up in any way.

This is a very good entry and one well worth repeating in my view.

You have to fight. On december 10 2005 i was a passenger in a car vs stationary train i survived had major heart surgery coded on the table surgeon hand pumped my heart,had a blood clot go down my spinal cord. 2 months of hospital stay and still alot of physical therepy. I have proved myself time and time again that i am a fighter. Yes we all have our bad days we struggle with some of the simple things that able bodied people take for granted everyday, but what makes sci people different is that if we dont fight we will never be able to improve to ourselves and others that we are the same people, just that we sit down to do everything.

Sincerely,
zanders21

everyone got its ups and downs.

the question is more like ''to live or commit suicide?''.

if we survived our accidents/injuries, there is surely reason why God decided to keep us on this planet. we must find out why he decided to do so and try to accomplish our mission.

Often probably those reasons are experienced by others without even our knowledge, but I agree feeling it as not our place to ask why. Suicide is denial of purpose probably to its fullest...the opposite side of the spectrum.

It was an easy choice for me to take up the challenge of surviving, and do it well. I thrive on challenge and rejoice in my independence and enjoyment. The alternative of death, to me, is a no brainer.
But I don’t expect everyone to see it how I see it. Maybe those who decide to end their lives have compelling reasons beyond my understanding. I think they deserve that respect.
I didn’t fully react to my paraplegia till 13 years after the event when a relationship fell apart. Thankfully I didn’t rely on “help” from others and went into a natural depression for some months. The pain I confronted in realising my reality was so intense that, at times, had I been handed a loaded gun I would have used it. But also I knew there was no gun and I should check out tomorrow.
I emerged from that experience with the strength and confidence I enjoy today (and, believe me, I love my ageing life with pure passion).
I no longer fear those depths where I’ve already been. I believe the rewards from such experiences only come with the risk of going face-to-face with your own life. You choose.

It's not a fight, it's an acceptance.

To fight or give up... is not a choice we have the luxury to make, a recurring theme with SCI.


Interesting notion...
On the other hand (IMHO), God designed our bodies & minds to know when enough is enough. It's only relatively recently that "we" have decided to redefine the balance, even to the point of keeping people artificially alive. I know there are those alive today who wish modern medicine, in all it's scientific glory, had a sense of humanism.

Personally, I don't propose to know what God intended for me (one day I hope to ask him); perhaps this was his intention. Then again, perhaps his intention was mercy, denied me by a well-meaning system deciding to effect my quantity of life without the means to consider the quality.

Just food for thought.

There's certainly something in the psychology of the fighters, and it's probably a nurture issue. Something from childhood. Certainly a child who grows up opting out because things are too hard is unlikely to be a resilient adult with the ability to cope with a harsh reality, whereas a child who was something of a scrapper is probably better able to handle adversity. That seems logical. However, I find my own story at odds with that idea. I was a bit of an "I can't" child; I was a perfectionist in passive pursuits like study and art, but if something was physically difficult, I quit before I started. However, faced with the wheelchair and the other complications of my adult life, I found a fire and a will to succeed within myself.

Nomis, when you say "It's not a fight, it's an acceptance", is that an analysis of your particular case or a broader statement taking in your observations of others? Do you mean acceptance of your reality or acceptance of your limitations, or acceptance of yourself?

I mean when I stopped fighting what I couldn't change, I began to accept my limits as part of me. I see my limits as my reality.

But I'm still prepared to push my limits to their potential limit. I can't walk but I'll push my remaining mobility to get what I want. And I do an admirable and effective job with my limited mobility. It works for me.

I can only trust my own experiences. Observation of others may provide incentive but it's just wishful thinking till I make it my own.

But this isn't likely to make sense to a recent SCI injured person. It shouldn't. You still need to go through a process of exhausting your options. You don't want to miss an opportunity for recovery. But if you've been chasing the dream for 30 years then I'd suggest it was time to try a different approach, such as giving up the fight and settling for what is.

I understand now. Thanks for clarifying that; I kept trying to get my head around the concept you were describing, but it was eluding me.

I agree, time changed the nature of my fight to something more akin to picking my battles and not banging my head against the wall anymore.

My dad is now in intensive care wth a C4 break (9 days ago). What can I do to help him apart from feed him soup with a syringe? I try to be as normal as possible and tell him the truth and be positive - is this right? My dad was very fit and made it clear to us that should anything like this ever happen then he would not wish to continue......I guess its more easily said when your fit and not in that position, and perhaps I would have said that too, but now its happened I couldn't feel more the opposite. We can only see him for 2 one hour periods a day and he is stuck in a spanish hospital and totally disorientated.

HOW CAN I HELP? what mind challenges can you set yourself to pass the time looking at the ceiling in between visits? he is desperate to have us around more but still wondering whats the point. He is a fighter though, and this is the 3rd life threatening accident he has had to try to get over. I think this time he feels his luck ran out but we all want him around for a long time yet.

Any advice is welcome

Can't you get him back to the UK? Think he should get back to the UK as the system is well set up for what he needs.

BOTH...

I have recently had to fight and give up all at the same time.

My man has been denied insurance in our state and in order to get him insurance and the care that he needs "WE" have had to put him in a nursing home. He will only be there for 45 to 60 days that is to just meet the reqirements for this state program to pick him up to begin to recieve his benefits. This was and is very hard for me because I hate that I had to say that I can not care of him at this time. The state put our funds together instead of just going by his income alone. We are not married. At any rate when they put our incomes together he makes to much money to qualify for benefits.

So this was our only way to get him to receive benefits. I have fought with the state by appealing and appealing. Their fianl decision was still "NO." So this is what we have to do.

I hate that I have to do things this way becasue I want my man at home.

My man told me to look at it like this. Now that this process is under way he will now get the services that he needs when he does come home. That will mke things easier on me. He also said that it would give me a break for a while. In which we both know that I desperately need. I have to take care of him and our two samml children. 10 months and 3 years old.

So i guess I had to give up and and fight!!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now. I am the first girl he's dated since his accident five years ago. We both have pretty sketchy histories with the opposite sex, but this time, it's different for both of us - we are so in love and being with him has taught me that being in a relationship is not just about rules and about pain and being let down, but that with the right person (and he is perfect for me) it can magic

But here's the thing. Our relationship is relatively new, and we're both at pretty crazy points in our lives (in between leaving university - finally! - and getting grown up lives and jobs etc.) so we have never really dealt with the fact that we're in this unconventional relationship. I have never really stopped to consider all the things that his being in a wheelchair means for him. Anyway, recently I have started apartment-hunting because the place I live in currently is inaccessible. And finding a flat on the ground floor, or with an elevator that I can afford on my measly research assistant salary is proving next to impossible. And he's been wrapped up in his Masters degree, and he hasn't been sleeping and he's been sick, and so I can't really justify calling him every five minutes to bother him with this (it wasn't even his idea that I should move). I don't know where I'm going with this. It's just that yesterday I was sitting in my therapist's office crying my eyes out at the realisation about how ANGRY I am that my boyfriend can't come over on a whim and spend the night, that sex (which we haven't had) is gonna be such a production, that everytime he gets sick I get so scared I feel like I will stop breathing... I am angry and scared, and this is so hard. I love him so much, and he's the love of my love, and I don't want to ever be without him, but I am just having a hard time processing all this (6 months after the fact).

I guess I just needed to vent

I've never said "I can't" only "I am unable to at this time". Given time I'll do anything

well i would have said fight but lately i am wondering if it is worth it.

I feel like giving up most days now (yes i told the gp and back on anti depressants).

I suppose Nomis is right about coming to an acceptance, at the moment i am wondering if i am doing too much and being unrealistic. perhaps a slower pace and less work would be good for me i don't know, all i know is i am so tired of constantly being this 'person who does'