I think a couple of the main things that stop people from getting their life back after a spinal cord injury are fear, pride and shame. Fear of being alone with this problem, pride in not wanting to ask for help, shame for feeling less then whole. I have gone through these emotions and my spinal cord injury isn’t as bad as some. My injury left my left leg and foot partially paralyzed, I am a bit tipsy but I can still walk.

Each of these things need to be addresses separately, as a whole they are overwhelming. A spinal cord injury is a loss, just like a death to us. It is a grieving process.

The loss is a feeling of not being the person you used to be. Not being able to go or do things you used to do. Having to have help doing things we used to do ourselves. The feeling of not being accepted by people anymore.

The last thing we want to hear are the words "death and dying" because that is not what is happing to us literally, yet in a sence it is what we feel. The steps below have the attitude I needed to deal with my feelings of loss and not give up.

There are 5 steps in dealing with death and dying, they can be applied to the loss that occurs when someone has a spinal cord injury.

• Denial- (This isn't happening to me!)
• Anger- (Why is this happening to me?)
• Bargaining- (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
• Depression- (I don't care anymore)
• Acceptance- (I'm ready for whatever comes)

As an example, apply the 5 stages to a traumatic event most all of us have experienced: The Dead Battery! You're going to be late to work so you rush out to your car, place the key in the ignition and turn it on. You hear nothing but a grind; the battery is dead.

1. DENIAL --- What's the first thing you do? You try to start it again! And again. You may check to make sure the radio, heater, lights, etc. are off and then..., try again.
2. ANGER --- "%$@^##& car!", "I should have junked you years ago." Did you slam your hand on the steering wheel? I have. "I should just leave you out in the rain and let you rust."
3. BARGAINING --- (realizing that you're going to be late for work)..., "Oh please car, if you will just start one more time I promise I'll buy you a brand new battery, get a tune up, new tires, belts and hoses, and keep you in perfect working condition.
4. DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I going to do. I'm going to be late for work. I give up. My job is at risk and I don't really care any more. What's the use".
5. ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. It's dead. Guess I had better call the Auto Club or find another way to work. Time to get on with my day; I'll deal with this later."

http://www.valdosta.edu/~mgvaldez/Death%20and%20Dying.html

Sometimes there is no time frame in which this occurs, and it doesn’t always occur in any specific order. You just have to go through it to get through it. The more help you have, or allow, the faster the process will be.

How do you come to terms with all this? There are several books and many more people willing to help to find these answers. The Christopher Reeves foundation is a good place to loo also.
One of the first things we need to do is learn that it is ok to ask for help. Asking for help is being smart, it does not mean we are weak; it is ok to allow yourself to ask for help. Asking for help takes the stronger person, it is noting to be ashamed of.

There is a purpose for what has happened; I challenge you to find it!!