i was wondering if anybody could give me some advice on how to develop a social life now, with SCI.i have lost the friends I had before the injury as i was just about to go to college, and all of my old friends have gone to college and since have got work in various parts of the country. i have been injured for a while now and i have tried to be proactive and to get out there to meet new people even though body image has always been a problem. Unfortunately, because I am now between 3 and 4 foot in my wheelchair and have a paralysed diaphragm I cannot project my voice, and become ignored and lost in noisy and crowded atmospheres. I become embarrassed about such situations: embarrassed that I am different from everyone else, and stuck in a wheelchair without the ability to do much for myself. I spend most of the time when I am not at work in bed at home and now.

Has anybody heard similar experiences, how did you develop new social contacts and overcome these problems?Thanks

The best advice i can offer is 'take a deep breath, and go for it'. Look up groups in your community you can join, do volunteer work, mingle with your coworkers. Staying home in bed is no way to meet friends. Do you consider yourself a shy person...because thats half the battle.
I find, in my experiences, the chair is only a big deal if you let it be one. You can still be the same person u were before, personality wise. Dont let the chair run your life.
Everything your feeling is normal. Its a big change, and its different for other people...it may take time, but it'll get easier.

Hi stillstriving.

You say “... i have been injured for a while now…” so I’ve no idea where you are in your rehab. If its 20-plus years, you’ve got a problem; if it’s less than 10 then you’re still on a steep learning curve.

You seem to have a clear idea of the challenge facing you – developing effective ways of engaging people, overcoming embarrassment, etc. It may be frustrating having to relearn your way into society but that is the challenge. You’re probably already further along that path than you give yourself credit for.

I’m a bit short on practical suggestions – hopefully more informed C members can help. But I do identify with losing friends to college, etc and left somewhat socially isolated in a small town (all many years ago). Initially, I found my job and caring for myself was about all I could handle. Friends gradually grew from work. I’d invite them home to play pool or give them the thrill of taking me to the pub (it seemed pretty normal to me but I could see they felt good about it, being over-enthusiastic, protective and proud). Life just got more social and I got more choosey both of my friends and my activities. But along the way I changed from being a fairly shy person to being upfront and even loud when I need to and heaps more confident.

I’m now reasonably pleased with the apparent skills I’ve picked up to engage with people from a w/chair. But I’m thrilled by the admiration I have for the many many quads I’ve met who’s skill far outreaches my own. Those guys gave me inspiration and today I still feel tears of gratitude for their gentle gift.

So, I’d say, it’s an important challenge, a lengthy learning process and you’re probably heading for social skills well beyond the norm. Best of luck and I hope you enjoy the rewards.

seems a bit like me a year ago. I got bored being at home alone all the time. Art classes are more freeform and good social environments. and look for sports teams. I never wanted to play or even watch sports AB, but I'm finding if I don't have anything to keep me active now, I get antsy. If theres social SCI groups in your area check that out too. I mean AB friends are cool, but I find that my injured friends are more fun for activities. My AB friends just want to stay in with a movie.

That's some irony