Hello.. I'm a new member and after reading around a little bit I have found a lot of information that I never thought about. I am not paralyzed in any way so I hope it is alright for me to be posting here. I just have a few quick questions. I love to help anyone in need and honest answers would be greatly appreciated.

As a whole, do you think anyone in a wheelchair would accept assistance from people? (Getting in and or out of vehicles) or any other types of assistance you can think of?

Also, I have so many questions and sometimes I just want to ask someone how they got into the position that they are in?... Like if they have been in a wheelchair their whole life or are in there because of an accident, etc...

I guess I am wondering if these things are inappropriate or not because I am not the type of person that ever wants to offend people yet I always want to help someone in need, whether it be a simple need or a more complex need because I have been blessed with so many things in my life.
Honest opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much and God Bless,
Alan Robinson

Hey welcome to the form glad to see there are good people out there welling to learn. If i knew you then i wouldn't mind if you asked if i needed help getting in or out of a car but if i didn't know you then it would be weird. But it is ok to do little things like hold a door or open one for us just dont rush over to the door to help if your by the door then its ok. I know I am hard headed an dont like to be helped, i would rather do it myself. If some one ask's to push me like up a hill i would say no because it makes me feel helpless. So yes its ok to help but it depends what it is.

I like it when people ASK if I need help.
I like them even more when they LISTEN to what my reply is.
Even when I don't need help I love it when someone is generous and friendly enough to offer. I love that brief, positive interaction.

If they start pushing me without asking, and they aren't a small child, my reflex is anger.
If they try loading my wheelchair into the car without asking I'm quick to tell them No, I can do it myself. (strangers mess the job up and cause unnecessary problems)

I'm a proud, stubborn para. But I don't always get it right.

I once temporarily lived at the top of a hill. At the time I had a van I parked on the street and manually lifted my w/chair high into the van. It was a smart technique (so I thought). Anyway, one winter's morning heading to work, the chair dropped out of my cold fingers at the crucial moment, did a pivot on its own and headed off downhill. I had to ask the next person who walked by to retrieve it - by then in a hedge about a 100metres downhill. I could see them pondering whether to help me or not. They did.

I also always appreciate offers of help. Most of the time I don't need the help, but I'm grateful for the offers because I know that on any other (read: crappy) day I might just need it!

Having said that, once I've declined an offer for help, I don't want to have to keep declining when the person continues to say, "Are you sure?"

Here's a scenario I encounter frequently: During my son's little league games, I often choose to sit on a nearby grassy berm to watch the games, because the hard aluminum bleachers are just too hard on the ol' bum. I do struggle with getting up from a 'floor' position, and that generates a lot of offers to help me up, which I do appreciate. But because my body dynamics are so different from the norm, I have to move a certain way. Most people, when offering a hand to help pull me up, will try and control the movement of the lift, which inevitably makes it much more difficult for me than if I were doing it alone. So I usually will decline such an offer, although I probably could really use the help. Recently, I've started saying, "Yes, only if you let me do the pulling up and let me use you as an anchor."

So even when someone seems to be struggling, they may still prefer to do the thing themselves for reasons that may not be apparent to others.

I guess offers of help is a tricky business...kinda like poker...you gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em! But genuine offers of help are always welcomed and appreciated by me.

I don't mind people asking if i need help getting in or out of the car-i do mind if they persist or stand there and say "looks like you've got that down to a science" after i've politely declined their offer.
I don't mind people holding doors for me either-as long as they don't accidentally block the door doing it.
Doesn't bother me at all if someone offers to carry a large package from the store or post office for me, it would bother me if they ran off with it though.

What's really annoying is that ab s are so adamant about refusing help from me, you should see how people act when i hold a door open for them.

That is key and I think everyone touched on it. I don't mind some one asking me if I need help, but when i reply with a "No, thanks.", then it would be nice if they would listen, the number of times people go ahead and yank my chair out of my hands when getting in or out of the car or a door when i'm trying to come in or out of one is amazing.

Also if they run across the room or parking lot or what ever to offer that assistance it is annoying as hell, although sometimes it is also funny to see some fat man that hasn't broke a fast walk in a decade all of a sudden try to sprint over to you so he can yank open the door you already have open and hold it for 2 seconds while he is about to die from breathing so hard.

Over the years we figure out how to do things that are best and easiest for us. Not once has some one that has offered and been turned down(But attempted to help anyway) for helping take my chair apart and put into my car gotten close to how I want it done. Most don't know the tires come off, don't know the seat cushion comes off, that the back folds down and then in which way I want to bring it across my body to as not to catch it on the steering wheel or my stomach. Instead they just try to pick the whole chair up and shove it at you like there is some magic portal it will squeeze into as it gets closer to my head.

My answer was No.

Yep - my take on it too. Getting a chair in and out of a car is a whole sight easier if someone doesn't try to help but I don't mind being asked.

If I knew you I'd not mind you asking how I got in the chair, if I didn't know you or I'd only just met you I'd consider it the height of rudeness.

I hate it when people I don't know offers help w/o being asked. One exception being the person in front of me holding the door open thats just being polite. Other than that I can open the door, push myself and lift my own chair Leave Me Alone.

I dont really like being asked if I need help unless im doing something quite heavy. I dont mind people holding doors as they can be awkward and heavy and its also just poilte.

I trained my old boss pretty well. He would happily stand and let me struggle because Id told him so many times I didnt need any help. He used to say, just ask if you need any help, and I was happy to do so when I did. So I guess thats sort of a question of trust. Mind you Im sure some people must have thought he was a real son of a ***** as I struggled along with him strolling by my side. But thats how I like it!!! Ill do it myself thanks!

DITTO.

I always thank people for holding doors open or waiting for me to pass through an opening before them, but it really p****s me off when I am not thanked for doing the same thing for an AB.

Hi I dont mind being asked either but just the other day i was taking my dog out and she did her bottom stuff just as i was going to pick it up had the bag in my hand and was already bending to get it a women came out of no where to see if i could manage to pick it up i thought it was funny some 1 offering to pick up poo 4 me lol i tried not to laugh but it was hard to keep a straight face,I dont like people stood watching me getting in or out of the car i realise they are interested in how i do it but to just stair i think is so rude i feel like telling them to p*** off.Of course if i wanted the help i would love to think some 1 would but not so sure.

Silone74.

DITTO again

One odd thing that got me a while back was...

I was pushing up a slope and stopped to look in a shop and held myself on the slope.

All of a sudden I was going up the slope. Yep you guessed it someone was pushing me!!

It was a short slope and I was taken a bit by surprise.

Then I was at thetop of the slope. This guy said "there you go glad to help you" and walked off.

Must confess I was surprised and (oddly for me) lost for words.

I wasn't offended as such just bemused and a tad thrown. I could imagine him getting home and saying "I had to help this poor guy up a slope as he was stuck"

I sat there then turned round and went vack down the slope to look in the shop window. A wry, puzzled grin on my face!!!

Have to say I often continue to hold doors open for people after going through and luckily so far have never had a negative reaction!!

Both my husband and I are in wheelchairs, so we get asked if we need help a lot.

I think the others before me also stated that it's okay to help only if you ask first and wait for our response.

Don't just start pushing us or grabbing our chairs and start to "help". Also, a situation I encounter which bugs me tremendously is when I'm opening a door for my husband (he's a quad) and I'm just sitting there holding the door, when someone will rush over and grab the door from me. Do I look like I need help!? Sometimes before they can grab the door I'll state that "I'm okay! Thanks!" They never listen and still grab the door. Just bothersome and kind of like a slap in the face. Thanks for reminding me I'm disabled, I had forgotten for a second.

This has also been touched on, but when I'm by myself loading my chair in or out of my car I sometimes get asked if I need help as well. First off, why would I drive somewhere by myself and not be able to get in and out of my own car? Perplexing. My usual response is "I'm fine thanks! I do this every day!". Their response is sometimes "Are you sure?" Why would I not be sure? Of course I'm sure!

So, if you feel you need to ask us if we need help please wait for our response and listen when we give it.

Well.........if you think about it........if a person is getting in or out of their car............and they are alone...........they may have done this by them self a few times. I think we generally appreciate the gesture and see at as an extension of kindness. The big thing like everyone else said........ASK and LISTEN to the answer. In some cases holding a door open may be a good thing (in case of a heavy door) but grabbing a door to hold it open in another instance (someone who can walk but needs canes or crutches etc.) the gesture may end the person they were intending to help sprawling on the floor.

My Mom and I were taking a taxi. I was transferring and Mom was at the side in case I needed help. The taxi driver thought the wheelchair was in the way of Mom helping me; so he helped by moving the wheelchair out of the way. The problem was that 1/2 my weight was still in the chair; so I wound up getting to know the curb REAL well. He meant well..........but he didn't ask.......he just did.

I think most Able Bodied people haven't got a clue of what a person with a disability is capable of. Many if not most of us value our independence and want to do as many things for ourselves as possible, even if it means it takes longer or is "harder" for us to do..........we still want to do it. I think it's a pretty safe assumption to say that as disabled people we're generally more underestimated than any other minority group.

I'm kinda of curios about something. (Please don't take offense to this)Why is it that you are so curious? You are able bodied and you don't have any affiliation with someone with a spinal cord injury? Just was wondering what's up............that's all.

I hate it when someone is watching me struggle.So, don't stare and if I need help I'll ask for it. I struggle with things every day, it 's a part of my life that I've had to accept as a para.

Stopped at a store today, they were pretty slow as I was the only shopper in the while thing. I got what I needed and paid for it and then get out to my car, as I opened the door I noticed the cashier coming out to me, I thought maybe I had forgot something or dropped something out of my wallet. He just walks up and stands beside my door. I say to him what a warm day it is and he just nods. So I thought maybe he was just interested in how I got in or how I drove, but he still never said anything. I went ahead and jumped up into the passenger seat and turn around and pull off the first wheel. He watches me and as I turn back around from putting the wheel in the back seat he is struggling to pull off the 2nd wheel, he is pushing the button but pulling up at a high angle so that it isn't really coming out very well. So he proceeds to sling my chair around while trying to get it out. I didn't really know what to say to him, but I did go ahead and say "Thanks man, but I can get it" again he didn't say anything and continued trying to get it out. He finally gets it out and hands it to me, so I take it and put it in the back seat. I turn around and what do I get? The back of my chair in my face as he tries to push it in and squeeze it between me and the steering wheel, the back isn't folded and of course I turn it side ways to get it in. It took some work to get the back down and it turned while he was pushing it at me. Finally I get it in and say "Uhm, I guess thanks, but next time let me do it on my own ok?" He didn't say anything and just walked back into the store. This whole process took about 4 minutes and on my own I could have done it in less then a minute, also during this whole time he never said a word, didn't even nod or grunt or anything. It was pretty weird and I would have thought he was a mute if he hadn't told me the amount I owed when I was checking out.

It was the liquor store though, so I came home and poured myself a drink....

I think sometimes we have to chuckle at these situations and to an extent feel sorry for the person who is ummmm "trying" to help!!!

They havethe problem not us as it were!!

I am disapointed to see the stats swinging to NO
I would have thought everyone would be pleased that the general public are more happy to approach someone in a wheelchair with a "hi need any help? ... No? Ok no worries". attitude
Rather than in ye olden days of crossing the street as it were!!

if it were just that. "no? Okay, have a good day."

but it's always "are you sure?" or they think i'm pissy for refusing help. WHY IS THAT? if I don;t need your help, and thank you for the offer, but decline, why am I looked at to be rude?

That.

Yeah, this is a strange persistent behaviour found on this southern side of the globe, too. I find if I’m more social or joking with my replies it puts people at ease and less likely to interfere. But, of course, I don’t always feel in the mood for that effort.

Tough isn’t it, that we sometimes have to suffer over helpful people. Hmmm.

I don't like people jumping in and helping me because they feel sorry for me, but if I'm trying to do something and I find that it is to much or to hard for me to handle, then "I" will ask for help. I'm just got "stubbern pride I geuss.

I can certainly recognise the sorts of help people are offered and I find it just a little annoying sometimes, Mind, come to think, no one has offered to lift in my new titanium chair and I have been hoping a muscular type would do so only to find the frame as light as a feather!

In previous chars I have had the chances of falling out have been higher that the present ones. Now where I used to live if one falls out there might be a few peopple star momentarily but one is on one's own to pick the mess up. One of my first visits to the town I now live in featured a fall out backwards - I had misjudged a curb. Before I could draw breath, two burly Scotsmen lifted me by the arms and dropped me back in the chair some else had righted! No that's the sort of help that come in handy!

I think it is very nice of ppl to offer the help without being asked.
So even with stuff that I do not need/want help with I really really appreciate anyone asking. Because I am thinking, that this person goes out of his way to try and think about our situation at this particular moment.

Also, to the people here who said they hate it when someone offers, please refuse the help nicely, because the attitude one disabled person displays,directly relates to whether or not that able bodied person will offer help again in the future, to someone who might actually need or want it.

I don't mind people asking as such, but it is usually little old ladies, not too steady themselves, who ask if I need help when I wobble to get my wheelchair in or out of the boot. My usual reply is 'No thank you I have practised this a lot.' Truth is I have got my way of doing it so it is in snug and it takes me less then a minute to get it in or out.

In a supermarket I ask if something I want is high up on the shelf. At doors I often have to ask people if they insist to hold it open standing another way as I don't want to drive over their feet.

I see the majority of replies have been from paras. I am a quad. who is lucky to have assistance with 80% of the things I need doing.
I totally agree with 'WheelsWithAttitude'. Not all of us can do what other's can, & I never refuse assistance (more rather to assist my carer than myself) so please heed the above reply.
I personally love 'helpers' like JustCurious... I was married to one for 13yrs.

The original question is so badly worded! If you NEED help, then of course you're going to want or NEED it. There's different degrees of disabilities.
Someone who's able to perform a task can be compared to an able-bodied person at a supermarket. You've just been asked if you want your groceries loaded into your vehicle. Your answer will depend on your level of disability and your dispostion. This holds true for anyone (everyone could use help once in a while).

If anyone approaches me as I'm getting in/out of the car, and offers to help, then I usually reply," Today I can manage, but I really appreciate you stopping to offer to help me." I say this because I don't want any AB to be put off asking someone who may need help. My reply has never offended anyone and I don't feel as though my ability has been questioned.

Some time ago I broke my ribs and I know how bloody painful it was to get the w/chair in/out the car, and would have given anything for someone to stop and offer help!!!!!!

In Supermarkets, if I'm asked if I need help reaching anything, I use the same courteous reply. Never had any problems with that. Sometimes further round the store I've had to smile and ask if someone who previously offered help, could reach something too high for me to reach, this they have done with a smile in return.

Just be courteous, it doesn't cost you anything, but may make an AB who was refused last time, still make the offer next time.

Hi macca
I think that is a really nice reply

I like the least amount of assitance possible accept when I'm lazy

really depends on the situation... in most cases the answer is no and the most important thing is, as others have said, to ask first and not insist if I say no! and please don't stand there and stare at me and watch me struggle if I say no.
getting in and out of cars - I don't drive but when getting in the car, I do need someone to put the chair in the back seat. I will explain to you how to do it because most people don't know how. Getting into a regular car I can do myself and it's really easier to do that myself. If it's a van or truck a boost up is appreciated - but most people don't know how to help and will grab my arms rendering me totally helpless or hold out their hand for my to steady myself on, when what they really need is to grab my legs while I use my arms.
if I fall out of the chair I'd definitely want help and hope you'll ask.
doors - only if you are in front of me because it would just be silly for me to barge in front of you just to show I can open it myself. But if I'm in front of you, I'll hold it for you - I don't want to get out of the way and wait while you open it, especially if you put your feet right where I have to move.
doing the laundry in the laundry room - no.
using the toilet - no.
here's what I really hate - if I'm in the way and you take my chair and start pushing it to move me somewhere else. If someone is standing in your way you wouldn't push him in the direction you want him to go... so don't try it on me either.
not really answer to question but here's something that was irritating - I went out in the rain because I needed to go to the bank. I lady I passed on the way said "it's raining." I said "yes it is". She repeated that it was raining. Was I supposed to turn back and go home? I have things to do also.

You said "Also, I have so many questions and sometimes I just want to ask someone how they got into the position that they are in?... Like if they have been in a wheelchair their whole life or are in there because of an accident, etc..." Why do you need to know what happened what good will it do for you to know will it make a difference if it was a wreak or a shooting and remember you are asking a person to go back to a very painful time and you could ruin someones perfectly good day because of a your morbid curiosity.

that's right, I don't want to be asked why I'm in the chair, at least not until I get to know someone. Everytime someone starts out with "Can I ask you a personal question?" I know what's coming. Also get tired of hearing "was it a car accident?"

I was in a chair for a while and I had good and bad days. Sometimes I would mind, some days I wouldn't. I think as most on here have pointed out, always ask first. As for asking "what did you do to yourself" or "what did you do to your leg", no, no, no, no, no. To me it would be like going up to someone and saying "I couldn't help noticing, but why do you drive such a crappy car"? Just a big no-no to me. Fair enough if you have offered to help and help has been accepted or you have known someone for a while. I just feel like I would prefer someone to be interested in something other than that. If you are under about 9 years old though, not really a problem.

I have a story though. Because I now walk and can do a pretty good impression of a good walk if I do say so myself, I now have two walks. One, my "formal" walk I use for job interviews or hot dates which is a pretty good impression of a proper walk or my casual "wearing jeans, hey it's the weekend, no sweat dude, yes I do walk funny" kind of walk. As they say, you can fool some of the people all the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time or something like that. But sometimes some people are just fools.

Most of the time I use my "casual walk" although other times my job interview or "formal walk" is more appropriate. Anyhow, I was "casually" walking through the local shopping centre on a hot Saturday, using of course my entirely appropriate "casual" walk. A guy in the bus shelter yells out, "hey, what did you do to your leg?" Normally I wouldn't mind but after a while you get a bit sick of being defined by just that. My medical history is mine and I share it if I feel like it. I hadn't planned it but said back to him "nothing, I am playing the part of quasimodo in a play in a few weeks time and was practicing my walk". Anyhow, on cue (as any great actor pretending he is playing the part of quasimodo in a few weeks does) I switched to formal mode. I had to cross the crossing and looked back and smiled at this guy who was standing there looking puzzled at me.

I am not sure if he was convinced or just thought I was nuts but I really don't care. I was able to make him feel awkward instead of feeling awkward and it felt pretty damn good.

But thanks for asking as sometimes it is nice to get help, my friends know me so know when to just jump in and help but strangers should always ask in my opinion.

I completely agree with practically everyone here. . . ASK first and then LISTEN!! I am in a fairly lightweight chair that really isn't an effort to push, I can open doors on my own, get in/out of the car by myself, etc. I do fine on my own.

I hate it when people see only the chair and assume that I need help. I have had people grab my c hair, doors, my dog, etc., etc., out of my hands because they see "that poor unfortunate girl who needs help with everything."

Has anyone ever had a total stranger come up to them and demand to know your entire medical history BECAUSE they are a nurse or a doctor. or (it gets better) they know your parents? I always think that if these people were really what they say they were, they would know better! "I'm a nurse," a woman says. "What happened to you?" This is out in public, NOT in the emergency room!

I have a partial solution to the problem of folks who assume that I need help: be very polite but also very firm. If someone grabs a door or something else out of my hands, I will often take it back from them with a smile and a firm "It's alright, thanks!" Sometimes I have to repeat myself, but people get the message.

As quite a few people have already said, provided someone asks if I need help, and listens to the reply, then I don't mind. Sometimes I need help, sometimes I don't. I'm stubborn enough to always try on my own, but sometimes I need someone to give me a hand.

I like macca's answer to "Do you need help?" - it's better than my standard "No, I'm stubborn enough to do this on my own"!

As for your other question, I prefer not to talk about how it happened with people I don't know, so if someone asks me on the bus or in the street, I'm not pleased. I've learned to be polite and firm in saying no though!

Ok for all those people who said .. NO ... Think hard about this ... so you get in the car. Flick your brakes off. You sneeze/slip/whatever. Then ... Your chair roles away! oh yes it does so happen!

Is your answer still ... NO .. to help??? Go on is it really that bad for some passerby to say "here you go. Guess you might need that at the other end" Then you have a quick laugh with them and say "cheers" . Start your car and drive off.

Think hard! Sods law says you'll have the exact scenerio happen tomorrow! lol

In another thread on here, there's that story exactly.

(It was probably you that posted it... I can't find it now to check!)

Hi, great point. A number of years ago I worked in a corporate office. If I see someone coming (man, woman, black, white, ab, not or whatever) up to a door, I will hold the door open. It is common courtesy and something I have always done. I suppose I used to do it more after I started walking with two sticks and found it hard to get through them in a hurry without thinking I would hold people up. Opening a door for someone just made it easier. One day a woman walked up to one of the twin glass doors I was walking through and I held it open. She let out an audible sigh and pushed the other door open and barged through. A couple of days later I was walking through the same door and she was approaching from the other side. I opened the door and held it open so she could walk through. She stopped and sighed again and walked back the other way. By then I got the message. She didn't want it opened for her. About a week after I was walking through the same door (into the caf) and she was walking behind me. I saw her coming up behind me and briefly held it open, then it clicked that she didn't want the door opened so I let it close. She glared at me like I had just eaten her new born baby. For quite a while later I was cautious of opening doors, especially to women. I think people can also feel the same way to anyone who rips into them for doing something when they were genuinely trying to do a good deed.

There was a period when I met a lot of women who reacted strongly and negatively if I opened a door for them; this was before I was in the wheelchair, must have been the early nineties. The thing was, I would've done the same thing for a man who was walking behind me - it's courtesy. But I think there was a period of time when a lot of women felt it was somehow patronizing. I don't get much chance to hold doors open for anyone these days, it seems to freak people out a little. Maybe it's the eye patch!

I have spent the better part of my life bending over backwards to help people. All it's ever gotten me was my face stepped on. I will accept any and all help offered. and if it ain't offered I'll ask for it. As for a tip?
I tell 'em "yo, don't mess yer back up."
E

Clara, I know how you feel with being peeved at the friend for being concerned what others think. Sometimes I think (and I've mentioned this, too!) that guys have sometimes struggle to strike a balance between being polite and helpful, as society in general expects them to be, and also letting their female friends be independent. Most likely, your friend, like a lot of people, was raised to be chivalrous, to open doors for women, etc. Old-fashioned manners in modern times! At the same time, he wants you to be happy, so he must walk a thin line between helping and not. A lot of guys I have talked to have trouble with this, and it's not their fault. Society expects stuff of them, too.

When would it EVER hurt you to allow someone the graceful gesture of holding a door open?
At best you made that persons day by allowing them to do a good deed. On top of which, you've saved your shoulder an extra door openning for another day.

Sometimes we have to put our ego's aside. We KNOW what our abilities are. Does it REALLY matter if a perfect stranger doesn't?
This ONLY refers to door openings btw.

Actually when going through doors I'll often (always) clance behind and if someones following me I'll stop and hold the door. Pritty much till now I haven't given it a second thought!!!!

You get the "thanks very much" and you both go your seperate ways!!

Just being polite!

I sometimes think we OVERTHINK things!! If you follow?

opening doors is what it seems to come down to most. i work in retail at the moment and so i get in and out of the door to our store quite often. if there is no one around i have no problems, if there are people coming in or out, the opposite of me and using the other door i have no problems, if there is some one in front of me or coming the opposite direction of me and stops and holds the door open for me i have no problems.
the problem i have is when there is no one around and i open the door and then out of nowhere some one runs up and grabs it from me and almost pulls me out of the chair or when they run ahead of me from behind and open it while standing in it so that i'll run over their toes if i try to go on in, then when i hold the door myself and tell them to go ahead, figuring they will go on up and open the next door, yet they still stand there holding the door and standing in the way and i have a problem when i am the first to a door and stop and hold the door open for some one to come in or out and instead of doing that they stop and take the door away from me and even after i say i have it, they continue to stand there.

I had a lady the last day i worked that falls into the above category of who i have a problem with. i was about about 5 foot from the door coming down the sidewalk from the right side, she was about 10 foot coming from the left. so i got to the door first and opened it as wide as it could go and was somewhat to the side/behind it, and smiled at her and kind of nodded that i had it and for her to go on in and she could get the next door. instead she walks over behind me and "Oh dear, let me get that for you", i let her know that i had it and was fine, if she would go on in. so instead she stands there and tries to push me around the door and inside, like i was stuck and unable to move. i again told her that i was fine, but she continued to try and push me through. i finally just gave up on her and let go of the door, rolled up grabbed the other door, pulled it open and went through, letting it close behind me before she could get to it. Rude? yes probably, but i feel that i put up with that shit so much that i some times just don't care to deal with it.

Sorry Texas,
But this was something I guess I was reffering to. Make life easier for yourself sometimes. You know your abilities, so really don't need to PROVE anything to anyone. Letting the older woman Believe she's done a good deed is so much easier than fighting over a door, imho.

I'm learning so much from you guys all the time.
Thanks
Gary.

It depends on the situation. I don't like people to push me it makes me feel like i'm a little kid again and somebody has to hold my hand. I don't mind if there is something I can't reach and sombody gets it for me , things I can't do myself I don't mind at all if somebody helps me. I just like to try to do most things by myself it makes me feel more independant

I gotta be careful! Been livin' with this gal (fiancee now) for about 2-1/2 years. It's easy to ask for a hand with little things .... but too easy. I catch myself sometimes. Just yesterday I told her say NO when I get lazy and ask for a favor. I can dump my own piss bag, mix my own morning brew, get outta the lazy boy, into the w/c and do the dishes. And the list is a lot longer. I'll take assistance from a walkie who doesn't know any better (opens a door and stands in the way); otherwise, I HAVE to take care of myself as much as I can.

I asked my husband, and he chose 'Yes', so I voted that.

We were in Tennessee last year, and what left the biggest impression was how everytime we stopped, and someone noticed the wheelchair, they always offered to help, which I more than gladly accepted! Here in Michigan, my husband once in a desperate situation ASKED passerbys to help. Most just looked at my husband as if he had two heads, and cont'd to walk on. NOONE ever helped him! Wish insurance would cover one of those fancy vans that have the lift. Unfortunately it does not. Since that day, my husband no longer travels alone.

AB people help each other out all the time. I just dont see it as a big deal. As long as they follow instructions we are glad for the help. So far all have been good listeners, except one realtor, who got 'bit' on both hands by the wheelchair, when unfolding it. He shoulda slowed down and listened. He listened after that, lol.