I'm new to this site and have been doing a lot of reading. Particularly in this section, I just feel like there is so much to say I don't know where to start. Mostly, I wish we could just sit in a room together and share our stories/experience. I have been in a wheelchair since I was seven which I really can't believe was over 30 years ago.

I've been so miserable, I was sure it would never end. I've been so happy I was sure life couldn't get any better. And everything in between for all different reasons all while I was in a wheelchair. And as I have said to many (annoying) people who can't keep themselves from saying "I just don't know how you do it?" (I wasn't aware I had a lot of options>) or "how have I always had such a positive attitude?" I remind them that 1) Given the unfortunately large number of walking people that are depressed these days, walking clearly isn't the key to happiness. It's just a lot more practical! 2) They aren't around me all the time and I have my tantrums (serious ones!) just like everyone else, I just try not to freak out in public.

But, alas, I get ahead of myself. Most of you start with why or how you came to be in a wheelchair. I don't. My story generally makes people really uncomfortable (at first). Later, they start sharing with me and it always ends up better. I'm not sharing for attention or pity but for whatever reason I find that when we are start sharing our stories it helps. Also, this is a different situation so, here I go... It's not short.

My mother's VERY angry boyfriend chased us down with his car after. We knew he was coming since (in his rage) he said he was coming back with his gun. We left in another car. I was in the front seat on my mothers lap, no seat belt, etc. He caught up with us and slammed into our car until it went off a cliff. (Believe it or not, his name was Cliff. Seriously.) I wouldn't be alive to write this but as our car came off the cliff, one of my kindergarten classmates and his mother were gardening below. They saw us and called for help.

He never went to prison because my mother and her boyfriend said it was an accident. It was there word against the driver and I have always had amnesia of the whole event. There were witnesses to the argument but apparently that wasn't enough.

The BIG irony is that as a result of this unbelievable event, I was finally taken away from my mother and given to my father. A wonderful, loving, funny man who always treated me like I was a regular kid. He was my best friend and he endowed with a sense of humor that can handle a whole lot of crap.

I don't believe there is a reason for everything but living with my Dad gave me the chance I needed to graduate highschool, go to college, and have a life. Again, I don't believe there is a reason for everything. There are too many horrific things that happen in the world to believe it happens on purpose but I do believe that sometimes amazing things can happen as a result of a nightmare. Then, again, sometimes a nightmare is just a nightmare and hopefully, at some point you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in my own nightmare right now but that is another story.

I have been a first grade teacher for over ten years. I may not be able to walk but I have changed children's lives. I proved that I could teach in a wheelchair, unassisted just as well as anyone else. In fact, the one thing I don't mind bragging about is that I am a really good teacher and no matter what I know I've made the world a better place.

For all of you new to the chair, one of the many reasons I went into teaching was so that there would be 20+ kids that would become grownups that wouldn't stare and well, just be stupid. I wish I could do more but it's a start I guess. I promise I taught them to read and write too

In highschool, I was sure I would never have a boyfriend. In college, I learned there were great guys that just didn't care. I met my first love and he raised my expectations considerably (maybe a little too high, if that's possible!). You are NOT a burden on your significant other. If you have a loving, significant other don't lose them because you can't handle your disability. Please find a way to be patient and some day you will be so grateful to have a shoulder to lean on. I'm in between relationships right now and I would give anything to have someone to come home to, to wake up to.

I apologize for the maximum verbosity. I just wish when I was new to my injury that I had someone to talk to. I'm having some of my own problems right now. I'm not feeling very helpful to myself these days so maybe I can help someone else.

That is some story, and you tell it well, Just keep at the good work, and do not slide into depression, Your father sounds terrific, is he still around, to help keep you boued up. (l hope so). do you have any other family around.
I think you will find this site very informative.
I do not have sci, and but have very indepenant doughter, who doesm, but she is lucky that she is able to walk, with cruthces,, I have found this site so good, and the people here are very interesting and funny and really very uplifting. So welcome
Cate/

Thanks, Cate. I feel very welcome and your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Hi desertgirl8,

That was some story. Your attitude in all this has been amazing. Don’t let that go. You obviously have a lot to give and will find your strength again. I love the part about walking people being depressed also. Most AB look at us as different in our emotions, but when you think about it the world has its problems, able bodied or not. We should not be defined by our physical abilities but what is in our hearts and what we can give.

Carole

Desert your are my type of person, you sound like a great person! I too wish we could get together, sit around and chat! Im sorry about the accident.. sounds as though you dont need the sympathy and have made a great life for yourself.

Can I just say that I completely agree and understand what you mean by this "I've been so miserable, I was sure it would never end. I've been so happy I was sure life couldn't get any better. And everything in between for all different reasons all while I was in a wheelchair. And as I have said to many (annoying) people who can't keep themselves from saying "I just don't know how you do it?" (I wasn't aware I had a lot of options>) or "how have I always had such a positive attitude?" I remind them that 1) Given the unfortunately large number of walking people that are depressed these days, walking clearly isn't the key to happiness. It's just a lot more practical! 2) They aren't around me all the time and I have my tantrums (serious ones!) just like everyone else, I just try not to freak out in public." - I couldnt have said it better myself.

Take care of yourself

Your thoughts mean A LOT. I've spent a lot of time trying to find the best ways to articulate how it is to be in our crazy situations so it's great to get feedback from people saying I got it so right And it never gets old having someone tell you how great you are! Am I right?!

I also really miss having a friend with a disability to talk to. It was over a decade (1989) before I went to college and met someone I really liked who happened to be disabled. Different kind of disability but talking with him was such a relief. I never experienced it before and didn't know what I was missing!!

Of course, the bipeds think all us disabled/wheelchair folk must be friends. Like they are all good buddies just because they can walk?? Or all the people with blonde hair must know each other by name? Right......

I can be patient with 7 year olds for not stopping and thinking before speaking/acting but adults just kill me. They can be so smart and so stupid at the same time. Oh well, quite a bit of their ignorance benefits me so I think I'll keep it between us and my biped friends who I know won't tell

Please share a story with me anytime. I'd love to hear it.

Until we meet again...

Jacqueline

Glad you found our little area here desertgirl, and yes you said it very well, from the lows to the highs, the wheelchair might effect the mood sometimes, but not all the times. Yes AB people can be nuts about thinking we all know one another, we all want to race, were all drunk drivers when having a drink at a bar....etc.

I've worked for another para and with another para but didn't have much in common with them, so haven't really every been around another person that i have much in common with other then they were also in chairs. I'm still waiting for Ches come by my work and take me out to lunch and have a talk, maybe I'll even pay for the food!

Hi Jacki, and welcome.

Seattle is a beautiful city,,,or was many years ago when I was stationed in Othello.

You sound like an interesting person,,,one who will, I hope, come here often.

I hope that your present situation improves,,,,and if it does, come tell us,,,,if not ,, come rant about it (always makes me feel better).

Either way,, happy to have you here.
ed

Hi Jacqueline,

Good to meet you. Its a shame that we all have to come here because of something negative. I read your post several days ago and I have been thinking upon it really..The following really struck a chord with me, much more than I can articulate:



I think its because that is how things often appear and are rationalised in my own mind. I am very introspective and as sleep evades me most of the time, I try to stave off pain by thinking too much. Or is it that I am vulnerable and downtrodden by the pain that I become too introspective? who can tell. I think that I have always been that way, incapsulated by my dislocations and compounded eventually by my paralysis??
Sometimes it takes more courage to admit to a nightmare, than to the reality it is mirroring.

I can not imagine how your father felt and reacted to your injury, never mind what an effect it had on you in such a tender, formative stage. I must say that you made so much sense and came across so well, that you are a testament and example of the love you gave and received for him.

You sound like a person who is a thinker and someone who has and still is accomplishing to your own plan not the one others seek to allocate for you!

I liked the comments about the innocent comments of a child, sharply contrasted with the ignorance and lack of understanding of the adults. Its important to bridge that gap by teaching those children, but also by correcting the adults..something which takes a lot..of patience..

Ok sorry for the verbal diarrohea...must me the meds talking..lol yeah right...


Hope to see you around here,
Take care,

K

dear desertgirl
you speak right out of my heart. your story is amazing and sad to. i'm paralized for 35 years now.you can say that i grew into it.i have no time thinking about it to much.i keep myself busy.with husband and kids.
i like kids and studied to be a teacher for special education. i never worked though.but i volunteer sometimes.
if you like we could write to each other cause i'm too are looking for someone to write to.
take care noone