Looking past the injury (if you can, I know it is hard) and the health consequences of your injuries. Do you consider your life to be better or worse post injury with regard to the new person you have become inside.

u must have been living one shitty life for it to be better post injurie is all i can say...................

Liked my life before, thank you very much. I'm much grumpier, less patient (no idea why), and I swear like a trucker now! I was a very upbeat, positive person before my accident. I have to really work at it now.

Well, my husband is the disabled one. But I think I am just as happy as I was before his accident...just in a different way.
Like CityGirl said.. I am also less patient, and grumpier. But I also feel this whole experience has made me a much stronger person. I used to complain about the little things, and now I am able to brush those little things off.

Eh, I guess I would choose my life before. lol I dunno.

ya, not to be an ass, but your not the one in the wheelchair............

Not to be an ass...but you are kinda being an ass.

There is no way I could say my life is better now, I can't do the job I loved, the things I can still do that I used to do before are somewhat modified, are not as easy and for the most part not as fun. If some one offered me my old life back I would take it in a heart beat. But that's not going to happen, so I'll just have to get over it!
Trin X

no i'm not, just factual, theres no way even though u live with a person in a chair, u cannot know if a person is better off before being in a chair, u are not the one in the chair, hence the topic of this thread.............you can ask yourself are you better off before you met someone in a wheelchair or not, but not are you better off from being in one.............

dont see how anybody can say better off after [ unless they have mental problems lol ]

That's why I was saying on MY behalf. Not my husband's. DUH.

Hi guys, sorry if I offended anyone. As I said, looking past the physical if you can. Personally I feel I have a better job, am paid better, are more confident and generally appreciate being alive far more than I ever did pre accident. Yes, there are plenty of negatives. Yes, physically, my life sucks and yes, if I could go back to being able bodied I would in an instant as I am sure most of us would. It would be great to be able to keep the insight, confidence, outlook and new perception I have gained which I would never have done living an AB life. I don't think I could have ever grown or expanded as a person as much as I have post accident. I never appreciated being caught out in the rain before or really stopped to listen to the birds singing on a Spring morning or appreciated all those things I took for granted on a daily basis.

I don't even know what to base my answer on. My first instinct is to say no, I liked my life before but then again I wouldn't want to take back certain experiences I've gained because of my accident. I guess it doesn't really matter since we don't get a choice. I just try to make the most out of the life I've sorta pieced back together...and I think I did a pretty good job of piecing.

The trauma of a spinal cord injury affects more than just the person using a wheelchair…it throws chaos into the lives connected to the person as well. My parents feel every pain I do...along with my best friends.

!MY LIFE IS FECES!
But I get a check. From the government. Every month.
Free money. No heavy lifting. No excess thinking.
Just wait fer that sucker to come rollin' on in. Like clockwork. Every month.
Ain't much, but with the occassional stem cell treatments I do it gets me by.
And now I have time for Tango lessons, 'n mountain climbing, pole vaulting contests.
Hot dang, maybe I'll become a famous football star! Or a world class figure skater.
Or maybe I'll just kick-back in my chair and relax. Have a beer. Smoke a joint.
I can read a book. Have a look, see what's on the lobotomy box.
Nothin' better than I love Lucy ay four in the afternoon. The highlight of my day.
Yep, feces it is. But then, I wasn't doin' a whole lot before the injury so I guess I'm alright.
Probably feel a whole lot different tommorrow.
Usually do.
E
i just write the shit. you don't have to read it

there are good and bad things about both. i do feel i am a better person, i look at someone that may have some kind of disability or another and actually think what they may be going through, when i was AB i would just look and think "sucks to be them" as hard as it is to actually think i was one of those people but, i was a sucky person on that subject. So i know i am a better person by far, I am alot more driven to do things, like school or learning new things.. but same as city girl! i cuss like its going outta style! haha i would take my old life back for sure but i am glad for the better person i am now!

My life is better now because before my accident I was living a wild and crazy life. I didn't think about tomorrow. I was living for "today". Now I realize that there is more to life than having fun. There is an after-life, and the way we live now will determine where we will spend eternity. My accident brought me closer to the Lord, so I have became a better person......in my opinion.

It seems a little less than charitable to think that able bodied loved ones / carers, because they are not the ones in a wheelchair cannot feel the effect. Physically that is obviously the case, emotionally however it is a very different story. So in some respects it is a shared situation.

I wonder though, if it is particularly helpful to ask if life is better post SCI - the harsh fact is that no matter what the answer is, the clock can't be turned back, however much we may wish to do so, I suspect most folk would, self included for my son's sake. I guess some might resent what has happened and I think I can appreciate that because SCI brought uninvited and unwelcome change - but resentment means clinging onto the past and prevents moving on, but moving on is what has to happen.

Whether SCI and those affected by it makes for a better or stronger person, if not better, or stronger, certainly more experienced and adaptable.

The reason for this poll is to see how others view themselves and their lives. Of course none of us can "go back", but the question wasn't "would you go back?". We seem to be stereotyped into two groups as disabled people. Those who are the mythical paralympian superhero who loves life and has never shed a tear and those who don't do those things. Unfortunately sometimes society seems to judge us on those two criteria alone and sometimes there is an expectation that if we haven't dragged ourselves up Mt Kilamanjaro we are somehow not "coping with our disabilities" although most people quite possibly wouldn't have achieved those things if we had led able bodied lives. I am trying to get an idea of how people on this site feel about the person they have become inside no matter what they have achieved, whether they sit watching tele or enter every wheelchair sporting event out, are married, single, straight, gay, whatever. Basically, I am trying to assess a level of happiness or unhappiness compared to average able bodied lives. Obviously if we include the physical it would probably overwhelmingly negative but then that is understandable which is why I have excluded that. Hopefully though, as we are able to discuss anything on here from bowel function to sex this shouldn't be too offensive to most of us on here. I do apologise if anyone feels otherwise. Thanks to everyone for voting, reading and posting so far whatever you voted or posted.

I understand what you meant by this question I think. I've often thought about the person I would be if I had never been injured. Would I have been a good person or a happy person or has my life outside of my physical situation turned towards the better? I think a yes or no answer is too black and white. I happen to really like who I am inside right now. Of course there are things that need improvement, but overall I think that I've turned out to be a pretty good person. However, I think I was already on that path before I was hurt. I was hurt at a young age (13), so I didn't really know who I was at the time, so the comparisons a little tweaked by that. I think I would have been similar if I wasn't injured to who I am now. Probably a little more arrogant as I would have been a real knock out if I hadn't been injured (after my accident I gained a lot of weight whereas before I was very athletic and tall) and was already developing a bit of an attitude problem. But the good parts of me were already showing through back then too. I always wanted to help people and made friends with everyone, especially the loners and outcasts because I wanted to help them. I was a natural leader and a precocious learner. These are all things that developed further later in my life.

As far as happiness, most of the areas in my life are pretty fulfilled. I love my family and friends and feel really lucky to have such great people in my life. Many AB people can't say this, so I know I'm lucky in general, not just for a crip. I have a job that I like, although not all the time, lol. And in general I just have a positive outlook on life and enjoy it. Even healthwise I'm pretty good. There are frustrations here and there, such as finances and my love life, but that's not exclusive to me or other wheelers.

My life wasn't changed an awful lot by my accident as I already had MS and been using a wheelchair for several years anyway.
I already lived in an adapted bungalow with my carers looking after me and pretty much had accepted the way my life had become.
I don't think I have changed that much as it's been a progressive thing.

never mind airart some people don't read the question properly it specifically asks a question about the disabled person not the wife/husband/carer she should retract the statement not try to cover up some daft people on here

thats easy...ain't nobody want to be like this.

What?

The question does state YOUR injuries...but it doesn't say that a wife cannot answer the question. She wasn't speaking for her husband...BUT considering that she was with her husband before the accident, HIS injury does directly relate to her, whether you see it or not.

This is very tricky question. At first I considered it stupid, almost offensive (I am sure everyone of you know what I mean) but as I went through all related posts I realised that it includes kind of philisophical component.
Nevertheless I think thet the question is not very appropriate, it is too complex but basicaly the answer is related to our personalapproach to life. Important is how we deal with all aspects that duddenly appear after the injury.
Also we have many questions (sometimes with contradictory answers) not only if we are better or worse:

Am I better: no I am less abled, disabled, handicaped, invalid....
Am I happy: yes, no, I may be angry or I am able to have all range of feelings
Do I miss walking: no not at all
Would I like to walk: yes very much, I will buw walking from a first seller who would offfer me
...
etc.

but I have my life, any a change would require adjustment: What I may conclude: SCI made me more ready to adjust to major life changes and challenges (this is only guess since I actualy don't know how would I act if simmilar life callenge appear again)

Well, i'm not the one in the chair, but i KNOW that my partner would be DEAD if he hadn't has his

accident, either in a fast car or on a bike.

But i also know that he would have had a lot of fun doing it, and not the painfull crappy life that

he has now.



maria x

Looking past the physical condition like you say... my life is better now. I am much more patient then I used to be, maybe that comes from laying helpless in the hospital for so longer. Yeah there was a lot of the frustration and impatient feelings while learning how to do things again but in day to day life I find myself more patient and appreciating things much more.

I appreciate the small things in life... now when I used to hear that I thought people meant the smell of grass and the sound of birds, but I have learned that those small things in life are more simple things like being able to go to the bathroom on your own (and not have to be pushed or have someone standing over the top of you). Being able to eat on your own and being able to roll yourself over or situp. I know there are those on these forums that due to their injury level are not able to do some of those things still but luckily I have regained enough strength to do them all on my own and those are the simple things in life that I have learned to appreciate, just to name a few.

I used to just wake up in a bad mood many days (back when I was AB) and one day I went into work and saw this lady I worked with and she was always in a good mood and I was again grumpy that morning and she looked at me and said "Your day is only as good as you make it." and that phrase somehow just clicked in me. It was like a light came on and I have carried that with me today which may have something to do with how I feel emotionally I have come through this and still be a happy and strong person.

what a stupid question. Are you serious?

Oh yeah... I'd love to be poked and prodded in my ass so I can take a dump every night.

So I take it that is a no?

i think that could be interpreted as a no!!!!!!!!

Now that you mention it,

I've had the pleasure of dealing with a pressure sore on my ass, and am currently nursing a blood clot embedded in my skull that's blocking 90+% of my left jugular vein. It keeps me down half the day, fatigued and unable to do much alot of the time.

But, I came from a life of wanting something other than a drunk up wife, and the occasional massage from a stranger for physical contact.

Well, I got what I asked for: the crazy woman's gone, and I have a new lady by my side. I had full disability insurance through my work, so I got to keep my house. Now I have the ability to stay home all day. No worries or cares to speak of. Just take blood thinners to prevent any further clots and hope on high this sucker dissolves soon so I can spend more time with the new squeeze.

I'm not hurting now, and actually like where I am better. Only because I know I'm young and my health will rebuild easily.

But, if you think you got it bad, consider moving with your disability check to Asia. The money goes much further there and the ladies love foreigners.

Took me a while to decide to respond to this question,,,, and , no, I didn't post a vote, since the question was " are you better off or worse" , so yes could mean better or it could mean worse.

Since my injury occurred late in my life ,,"58",,, most of the good things that many have written about, had already happened. I had learned to "slow down and smell the roses" , and to appreciate the little things in life.

I had already had the chance to find success in a field of work that I enjoyed, and in a sport that I enjoyed.

The only thing that SCI has done, is to take away those things,,,,, My greatest pleasures in life,,,,with the exception of my children,,, have been alone,,, in places others couldn't or wouldn't go. That, too, is gone.

I never took any pleasure in team sports,,,, enjoyed relying on myself,,,,, well,,, I guess you can see where I'm going with that,,,,

So ,,, my answer must be,,, NO,, not better off,, and YES,, worse off.
ed

Hmm odd one, I would say life is a journey and you can make it worse for yourself, or you can make it better for yourself. I of course wish it had never happened, but life is what you make of it, and I enjoy my life, SCI or not, I think I would still have enjoyed my life had it not happened, but that is a BUT!!! I could say a thousand "whats ifs" and "buts", but it doesn't change anything!

I'm still the same person, it hasn't changed the person I am. It has not worsened my life, it's changed a few things, it puts some things on hold sometimes, and of course sometimes I have a good scream inside about it, but you never know what your life might have been like had it not happened. If's and buts eh ;)

So, no, I am not better off, BUT, I'm not worse off either, everything is manageable in some way and .... it could be worse! (Says flesh wound t12!)

I love my life the way it is -- if I could go back and change anything I can honestly say "no". All the challenges, accomplishments, disappointments and learning about other people, myself included -- I don't think I would be who I am today. I like who I am and continue to grow to be.

Sure, there are things that piss me off about being paralyzed but then I see people that aren't paralyzed and going through way much more than I am.

Do I wish I could be more independent? Yes.

Do I sit around and do well on it? No.

In my eyes, being happy isn't about what you can or cannot do... it's about knowing who you are and challenging yourself EVERYDAY, chair or no chair!

Hi Edlee,
Thanks for pointing that out. Sorry, I think it was after midnight (here) when I posted that. Unfortunately I am not able to go back and change it. I was intending it to be

YES: Your life is better.
NO: Your life is worse.

Sorry about the confusion. Thanks for the replies everyone. A lot of thought went into some of them and I was surprised to get pretty well a tie. If you have voted differently than you wished, please go back and post a double vote for what you intended to vote for. The first one will cancel out your original vote and the second will be your correct vote. It will quite possibly screw up the percentages though.

Slowlegs

I AM happy being me but I do not think my life is better post injury--granted the injury kept me out of the Viet Nam war and I did and have gotten alot of breaks over the 40+years but I am sure I would be much further ahead in my life if I had not had my injury.

Hi, yes I know what you mean. It was a difficult one to post. I voted it is better - just in different ways than I probably valued before. My life was OK but not the best (some would say it was total ) but I feel I have grown in ways I never possibly would have if I had lived without my injury. In that way it is better but perhaps those things would have come with getting older, who is to know. If I could see what my life would have been like, perhaps my life would have been a lot better but then again if I could see into the future I wouldn't have had my injury in the first place. I think perhaps my idea of "better" now is also a lot different than it was. Just being able to go to bed with a high chance of waking up in the morning is a lot better than it was immediately after my injury so I think perspectives also change.

Some things are better i supose,some worse,i was a professional motorcycle racer so it was a MASSIVE change especially if you throw in a divorce! i loved my life even if it was at an extremeley fast pace,i can't do hardly anything i used to for enjoyment or a buzz etc let alone all the real obvious stuff like pain,bowel accidents,mobility,frustration,etc,etc
On the other hand some plus points i guess are not having so much pressure of work,i found a new partner who is wonderfull,i have a diferrent outlook on life now obviously too,even more so now that i'm Athesist,it's made me see so much clearer!

Slowlegs,

Yes is my answer. I am a better person and I'm happy with my life now; I'm happy with what I've been able to accomplish, contribute and share. I was 21 when SCI graced my life; and destroyed a young man's dreams. I am now 51 nearing 52...what a sad state of affairs I would be if I had not been able to become more of a caring, creative, compassionate, educated and loving human being.

Jerry

Hmmm I guess it's not really Krippledom that has made my life much worse its just now I suffer from severe OPS as well (Other Peoples Shit ) too many AB's who think they know more about how my SCI affects me that I do .

I think life is hard and so much nerve pains life now its a bitch I hope it gets better one day.

The question is tricky because it's tough to really look past the physical reality of life being harder in a wheelchair, the emotional reality of a harder life being more draining and less satisfactory than the life we see other people having, and the issues we deal with as wheelchair users. The gut reaction answer is "no, of course it's worse", because the gut reaction is to treat the question as one about quality of life and happiness.

However, I guess you're really trying to see if people feel they are a better person for their experience, or if they feel they've learned to be someone happier by gaining a greater appreciation for life. Is that the real question?

In my case, I don't feel emotionally better or worse off - I certainly learned things about the world, and I'm sure the experience changed me, but I don't feel like I'm a better or worse person inside. My life is tougher, and I'm a little more cynical than I used to be perhaps.

NO i cant think of one thing that is better now im in a chair than before when i was able bodied nothing not one thing i still enjoy life as a para fully independent but there is no comparison if you prefer life post injury your life must of been really sh=te back then

I met my loving wife in rehab. She was my nurse. Since the question is about how one feels about self as a person post injury, I have to say this- I was an asshole pre-injury, and I am still an asshole. SCI just gave me a few more things to be an asshole about. It also gave me some new ways to mess with people, as I find people's stupidity can be an extremely entertaining thing to play with... In thinking this over, I have realized that who a person is cannot really be determined by pre or post-injury as there is more to a person than can be explained in these simple terms. I am not much of a believer in people changing, but I guess things affect different people differently.Why is there an assumption that someone who has SCI HAD to have changed who he or she is just because of an injury? Seems a bit presumptuous to me. I have had people from my little home town tell me that I was an inspiration, to which I replied "Why? Just because you're scared of being in a wheelchair means you think I would be?" I don't get it. One of my friends said something interesting to me when he came to visit me one day in rehab. He told me that he had worried about how I was going to be emotionally after the accident, but the first time he visited me in rehab, he knew I was still the same jackass I was before. I was glad to hear that from an outside perspective.

Or, maybe I have a difficult time looking back to compare what and where I was. Life is ever changing, evolving, and growing. This question asked me to reflect on who I am now and what I have, vs. what I had pre injury. And, although I led a pretty full life, and was much healthier in body, I was very unhappy with my job and my spouse.

There are always pros and cons on a toll sheet to consider, but with a possitive attitude driving me through life, I will expect to find that where I am now will ALWAYS be better than where I was.

but getting a new girlfriend and job still been better!!!

I must say that Im not as happy but I am content with where Im at.....at times

i had a wonderful life before my injury, i was traveling around skiing & wakeboarding full time and just having fun, but since my injury i feel like i have become a better person. i went back to school and finished my degree which i probably wouldn't ever had done, i've been able to go out in the community and help educate about sci and chair use, of course i would want to be upright and traveling again but i truly think i've become a better person because of it

Hmmm... if you asked me that question 10 years ago, about 1 year post injury i would have said no.. and probably thrown somthing at you for asking me such a stupid question. but life has changed again and again since then, and i currently like the path im on now. so for now, my answer is yes. 10 years from now.. who knows?

i'll still stand by my answer, anybody thats better off without body function that is better off must have had one fooked up life, i never let mine get ourt of control, aqnd enjoyed every minute i was walking and doing thinjgs the normal way, the way God meant it to be, life in a wheelchair sucks, no if and or butts..............