The only thing that is stoping must of us is that we hope there is going to be a caur or some thing in the near future like the used of your bowel's ETC back and other little thing's. p s ang thing at all. so can ang one out their can tell us what is going on and when do you think we will see some thing.Hope fully in the near future not litght year's away some say 10-15 year's way.But do thay know must of us can not wait ? But as i say gave us some thing ETC try to keep it simple so we can understand it and please do not say go to a sit and look for help for the problem it will be stil thire .This year next and year's after.And for any one to say it get's easier as time go's buy is talking RUBBISH ? this is only my view It would be good to read your's view's DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR YOU DO NOT NOT KNOW ME

Well you're just a little ray of sunshine aren't you and with an attitude like that I don't want to know you either. Go ahead and kill yourself if that's your thing.

Think I'll stick around and live my life-even the parts of it that kind of suck are better than being dead.

Hi,I'm Amanda,c-5
I must say the thought has crossed
my mind,(But I never would)or why could'nt I have just died in that accident,
Then I think about my mom,sisters,and my son,
I know it's hard,noone will judge you,there are people
who arent even in our situation,that contimplate everyday
to live or die,Before this,Did you think about it(Suicide)
I didnt,I look back now and see how good i had it.
I look on the internet and tv and talk about the "CURE"
everyday,So I'm sure most of us can relate to what you
are saying,I can say or hope you have something or loved ones in your life
to give you a reason to live,Nothing is more devastating to a mother
then losing a child,

Manda

I have been depressed, I have been down, I have raged against what was done to me and what someone else took away from me, I have been bitter and angry with the world and with myself, but I have never seriously considered suicide because of being in a wheelchair. I have never looked at the chair and thought that I should end my life because of needing the chair.

I am trying not to judge you: as you say, I don't know you. It does sadden me to think that you are at this point where you see suicide as a viable option in the face of their being no currently available cure, and I would urge you to find help in the people around you, or with professionals.

If you are not seriously considering suicide, then I am unsure of what question you are asking. Do I believe that it is possible to find ways to repair nerve tissue and reverse the effects of an SCI? I believe it is possible, but I cannot speculate when it might happen. If you are asking if I believe things get easier with time, then the answer is that things don't get physically easier, but your heart and mind may adapt and accept. Mine did, after a few years.

I hope you find something to help you through this tough time.

I've thought about it at times over the past 31 years but a few things keep it as just a thought. I could never do that to my family and friends. I'm too tough to just give up. My life really isn't bad at all, as a complete T8 para I have it pretty good with no major health problems.

So pick some reasons to stay around and think about them. It could be worse...it could be raining. ;)

BTW I kept looking out for a cure when I was younger but now a days I don't worry about it. Over time I've seen lots of fad cures come and go. After all of this time I realize even if there were a cure tomorrow I'd still have some much atrophy and other problems that it wouldn't help me much.

skeaman, you know it is the truth when I say that adjusting to the experience of being paralyzed is the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life. I am certain that it is the most difficult thing I ever will face ouside of preparing for my own death, maybe. However, I have also learned more from being paralyzed than any school I ever went to. As for seeing suicide as the only alternative outside of a cure, I have sort of formed this viewpoint: Did you ever see "Castaway" with Tom Hanks? Well, think of it that way. Each of us is kind of on a desert island. The island represents our paralysis. We can either stand around and become emotionally bitter and angry while we gaze at the sky, looking for our rescuers (stem cells/science/whatever) wondering why they aren't here yet. Or we can make the best of our situation, and even THRIVE and SUCCEED and FLOURISH under the conditions we exist in. The choice is yours.

The thought of suicide crossed my mind pre-injury when going through some teenage drama and then again years later after becoming SCI. In both cases it was a thought with no action. I suspect most of the population have considered it, however briefly, at least once.

I doubt that any "cure" they discover, whether now or in 10 years, will have any benefit for any existing spinal injured people - maybe one or two but new discoveries will be aimed at new injuries.

So dwell on the cure fantasy if that's what rocks your boat OR make the best of life with what you've got. I don't know your details skeaman, but at mid-T I know through my own experience that life is fantastic. I wouldn't swap it for any alternative.

Thank you, Sir. Wise words.




Likewise, nomis. We don't see eye to eye on politics, but I agree with you on this.

I've thought about it on my 'dark days" and at first wondered if my family would be better off w/o me if I had died that horrible day but they wouldn't. With a wife, and three kids to raise, I've still got things to do. I think everyone needs a reason why to fight and live on. You have to find what that reason is for you.

I've never contemplated suicide. Sure, I've been depressed - very depressed ... I had a nervous breakdown almost 8 years ago while in college. It was a very emotional time. Right now, I'm dealing with trying to conceive and the depression is slowly coming back. I don't think it will ever be as bad as it was, but I know kind of what you're going through. I never got depressed or angry at being in a wheelchair. Perhaps because I've been disabled all my life, this is all I really know.

I really hate saying to 'go get therapy' as I hate how that sounds so simple when your emotions are so complex. But perhaps talking to someone about your situation might help. I know that talking to others on this forum is so helpful in many ways.

Maybe get involved with wheelchair sports or camps for disabled youth. Hubby did wheelchair rugby for a number of years and it really helped him, not only being around so many other guys who knew exactly what he was going through, but to play a sport like a "regular" guy.

I can tell you that a "cure" will be in our future. It is not a pie in the sky idea. Perhaps not a total cure of walking again, but a possibility of getting some return back. In 2005 (10 years after is injury) hubby went to China with me for OEC (olfactory ensheathing cell) transplant very similar to stem cells. He didn't gain much but he did get a lot of strength back in the muscles he already had, abdominal muscles (he can now suck in his tummy) and some slight finger movement. Another patient we met there got the ability to sweat back and some additional movement - I think he was a C6/7. I was blown away thinking that what if hubby had actually gotten stem cells transplanted? Wow, what function could be have gotten then?

Today hubby and I talk sometimes about stem cells if hubby will ever benefit from them. He's realistic in the fact that he'll probably never walk again, but surly with stem cells (as judging from the OEC cells) he will get more function back (like triceps or even bowl and bladder). We also know that we'll have to go to another foreign country for a stem cell transplant - we're hoping for possibility Japan.

Anyway, all you can do is live your life the best you can. And when your feeling down and really depressed, talk to someone. As hubby & I say to each other some days ... "Life sucks", but at least we're together. And you my friend, are not alone either.

skeaman we're all going to die. I have thought about ending my life when it gets to the point where it's no longer worth going on. It doesn't matter what other people think. If God is in control of our death he should go to an old folks home and he would see that he's way behind. If I help him out maybe he will give me a cookie or something.

I have thought about killing myself allot.And i have wished i would have died in my wreck. So i understand all that but tonight i saw my grandson walk about 10 feet and fall then get up and fall again. It was the coolest thing Ivie seen in a while so I'm sticking around for some more.Thats what keeps me going grab something and hang on. Any way i laughed don't think i could of done that dead.

Q: “Suicide, did you ever think about it”
A: No because that don’t get you anywhere.

“QUOTE” And for any one to say it get's easier as time go's buy is talking RUBBISH ?

This is true, it doesn’t get any easier. You have to learn to accept it or you will be depressed forever.

If any cure turns up BONUS but I am not going to mope around until one is found.

I can relate to this a lot and it's not actually being in a wheelchair that makes me depressed cos I can get around in my chair. I do what I can and push myself and I'm used to what I can't do. It's things like pain and incontinence that really get me down...body image sometimes. Some people don't seem to be prone to depression and others it can effect really badly and I don't think people should jusge you for me (cue barage of abuse) When you're depressed (and I'm talking from experience) it's difficult to think logically and you think about things in a way you wouldn't even contemplate when you're feeling well.

I've had some counselling/psychotherapy and it really helped me. It was difficult finding someone who was the right person to talk and relate to and it was very hard work but definitely worth it.

I can't relate to your high injury level but all I can do is offer my advice.

I hope you feel better soon

Many times i have struggled with the thought of suicide, even made a few attempts to off myself when i was a teenager.

After my mother died i injected myself with 2 grams of freshly made pure (as in no cut) Meth. It should have killed me, but it didn't and no one knows why....maybe a built up resistance to the drug.

Once i tried to shoot myself with a .380....the gun jammed.

the point is: There has to be a reason why i am here..... i tried...and failed to kill myself.

Nah, just more proof that yer a big fat failure!
E

skeaman,

If you wanna sit there all day contemplating suicide then great!
It'll give you something to do. And it'll occupy so much of your time, you'll never actually get around to doing it. And eventually yer head will head in other, hopefully more healthful directions.

When first injured I thought about it every day. But then again, before my injury I didn't have much of a life and so therefore just after my injury I had even less of one. Add to that, turning fifty, losing the use of my leggs, being at least a hundred pounds overweight, having no family or support system what so ever and losing vertually everthing I owned. For the third time!

Hey, but what the hell. Just another challenge to over come! I'm still fast enough on my feet, so to speak, that I can't make another small fortune.

Don't know how old you are, or how long you've been injured but I see from your level you can still do alot of stuff. Let go of what you can't do, and consentrate on what you can. You've been given an opportunity here kiddo, use it.

FROM SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS COMES SOMETHING GOOD!

E-dog

All I can say is when I was 1st hurt I thought life was over too. My Mom was an OT & she found people already living in chairs from a variety of things......maybe not SCI but still in chairs 24\7. And now years down the road I can see they weren't feeding me any lines........it was true "there is life after wheelchair". All around I'd say I am a fairly happy person; I have friends and a family who love me.......including 4 beautiful children that I wouldn't have had if I had given up. I have hobbies and I get out and go places and do things. Not bad for someone who is legally blind, brain injured AND in a wheelchair eh.


There aren't too many judgmental people around here.......I'd say it safe to say MUCH less than what you'd find in the general population.
Nothing worthwhile is easy........and life and LIVING are definitely worthwhile.

You don't do things by halves do you Wheeliebear75?!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT A LOT HAS COMMENTED ON THE SUICIDE BUT NOT A LOT ON A CURE ? I HOPE TO BE ROUND FOR THE CURE WHEN IT COME'S

I think it's hard for people to speculate on the cure unless they've done some research or know something on the subject. Tough a subject as it is, suicide is easier to comment on because even those who haven't contemplated it have probably known someone who did.

I hope you're around for the day a cure comes too.

skeaman,
Do not. I repeat, DO NOT hold yer breath m'boy.

Instead, call me!
Do you know about my mobile stem cell therapy service?
Read some of my other posts on the subject. Very high success rate, low, low, prices, a clean and sterile environment and on top of all that ya get me, the Dawg who has all kinds of experience repairing the spinal cords of a cat, 2 dogs and a gold fish.

Dude! Trust me on this one. Ya can't go wrong here, and I tell ya what. Be the first to call this week and I'll throw in not one, but two Gobi Desert Slugs with the service. That's a $1,400 savings right there!

Let's talk soon,
E-dog

skeaman,

Don't listen to E-Dog or our other competitors! Whatcha gotta do is come on down to Unbreakable's Depository of Unborn Umbilicals! Come to where we have a plethora and profound profusion of preposterous programs for the paralyzed person pursuing paradise!!!! Serving the customer and slashing prices (and hopefully not spinal cords) since July 2007 (we're cutting edge, not inexperienced)! Listen here friend, why get your stem cells from just any old place, when you can come to OUR facility staffed by Cuban refugees and equipped with the finest and latest surgical equipment from Hunan province, PRC. That's right, communist quality so good, your spinal cord will thank you! Smell that fine slave labor craftsmanship. Cutting edge, I tells ya!! Call today, mention our ad in Apparelyzed, and recieve a special $50 off coupon, PLUS I'll throw in dinner for 2 at Denny's! Can't beat that!

Life is about not how many times you fall but how many times you get back up. You kill your self and you will never get back up.

I've been injured for 15 years with a c-5 c-6, so If I was injured with your level of injury of the t6-t10 area that would be like walking to me. You have to keep your problems in perspective. EVERY ONE HAS PROBLEMS!! Even people that walk. Just remember to all who read this post. No matter what goes bad in your life it could always be worse. You think you have problems then you see another person and find out you'd rather have yours than theirs. It could always be worse just remember that.


As far as a cure goes? There are many great scientist working on stem cell as well as other ways for nerve and spinal cord regeneration. I work at an acute rehab and talk to Dr.'s and PT and OT professionals every day about new treatment options and what the future may bring, but I'll advise you to live your life to the best of your ability as if you knew there would never be a cure, but have hope for one. Never give up hope, but don't put your life on hold or wait around for "the cure" or that is just not living either.

Yep. Case in point, Jean Dominique Bauby and what happened to him in "The Diving Bell and The Butterfly". Watch the movie and then just be glad that you are able to get online and type out your feelings to the world. It can ALWAYS be worse and it can ALWAYS get worse without a moment's notice. This second is all we have.

Yes, in my late teens...1st love stuff...pre sci. Not since though.

During my rehab a depressed former hardcore athlete t4 decided to end it. I sat in the hallway watching him wheeled out to ic, blood beneath his bed, beautiful girl friend, family his/hers and his other friends outside picnicing...

I thought...what a waste, even with a brace on my neck, almost no arm strength and not many "friends" left...I WAS STILL ALIVE! ABLE TO LOVE, LAUGH AND ENJOY LIFE...

It is going to be tough, but its gets better...I've been wheeling around for 30yrs now, and I do love, laugh and enjoy life, I also cry and get frustrated.

If you can, stay with us living human beings, enjoy the beautiful people on this forum, chat a bit, learn to love yourself.

The world would be an emptier place without you! Stay, its worth it!

Jerry

I agree totally. Near my place there is a bridge that has a light at mid span, the highest point and keeping driving past that point each night in rush hour traffic in winter was a real challenge some days. I had even thought of a method of keeping body fluids off my carpet if I wasn't found for a while before I realised it would probably be my parents or siblings who would find me.
Then I thought of just heading off into the forest with a tent. The thing that stopped me was the thought of my family. It almost killed my parents when I had my injury as they were told I would die and my siblings, aunts, uncles etc were really upset too.
Eventually I saw a psychiatrist and a counsellor. Having been through it really helped me later on as a voluntary counsellor. I still get my down times. There was light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately it isn't always visible from within the tunnel. No, things don't always get better. They often get worse too. It is just our outlook that helps us cope with the things we experience in everyday life that changes.

My fiance's best friend committed suicide the day before he was supposed to visit him in the hospital after his accident.

I knew him and knew he would probably take his own life someday. I never judged him.

Wow! You're complaining at your level of injury? If I had your injury I would be SO happy. All I can move is my head and shoulders. I would give my PENIS to be able to use my arms.

You are one lucky guy.

Dexter

If you had the OP's level of injury originally then you wouldn't necessarily be happy. The level of injury is all relative.

As it has been said before many times, Tetras want to be paras, paras want to be AB and AB want to be superheroes.

Injuries affect different people in different ways, a high C level may be the most happy well adjusted person in the world where as a L injury may feel like their life is over and their limitations are just too much to cope with.

Everyone is different, as are their abilities to cope with what life has dumped on them.

I remember not so long ago you were having issues too, well at least you can breathe, right? Eat? talk?

Sometimes it's difficult to see the plus sides in a situation, but generally they are there

Everyones experience is obviously different in this regard and others. But I have gotten stronger with time, being a quad. That said, I've nothing left to add regarding death and the rest. I just got a perscription for Cialis and I intend to use it up!!

I think you are upset and that is understandable BUT I think there is another way to look at this. Taking your life is not the answer. There are folks on this site that are far worse (if you will) than you are. Not to deminish your thoughts or to EVEN JUDGE YOU. My bf/finance' is C5/6 incomplete. He still enjoys life and has excepted what has happened to him and he has chalked it all up to be a learning experience. My man is my hero...even though we have ups and downs in our realtionship I still think he is my hero.

My man is wonderful ( at times ) BUT I still love him and I still think he has a great outlook on life and the circumstances that the Lord has bestowed upon him.

I wanna commit Suicide every time Kyle Bush wins a NASCAR Race.........

Jim Click to view attachment

T6-T10 that would be bliss,

Haha... Redneck.

Think about it every single day.

I was like that pre-injury though as well.




Using the word lucky to describe an SCI is pretty ignorant.

It's all relative.

I get the impression that some of the American contingent on this message board are convinced that the cure is around the corner.

I do not know whether this is the influence of the Christopher Reeve effect but as much as it pains me to say it I don't believe it's coming any time soon.

I sometimes fear some people are just waiting for it rather than living in the here and now.

Don't look too far into the future as it may mean you take your eye off the ball.

You only have to look at Christopher Reeves he died basically because of the pressure sore and negligence from those looking after him.

I don't know maybe it's the reserved sceptical Englishman in me and I will be walking by Thursday.

You guys are full of optimism that whole American dream ideologies you cling to its just hilarious.

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!

?????????? ROFLMFAO!!!!!!! ??????????????

Been running things thru my mind,, but havn't got it yet....A little help, please
ed

ROFLMFAO - Rolling On Floor Laughing My F***ing A** Off

Also, same noise a dawg makes when barking and farting at same time.

look, I just survived a suicide attempt. Its more than just my disabilities that made me do it. my depression meds had stopped working and the doctors had refused to refill my gabapentin and pain meds along with life letting me down in many ways.

I believe in a persons right to die.

and nomis....if my dog makes that noise i'd run away thinking he was going to explode

when chelsea lose

life could be a beautiful thing......try it!

Im with ya on that one m8.

That usually cheers me up!

Seriously just to add to this thread...

I am 4 and 0, 4 attempts to kill myself all before I broke my back technically 0 successful thankfully! I have suffered from depression for the past o I dunno lets say 8-9 years, my first proper attempt or more of a cry for help came when I was 14, I tried to hang myself. My father who I live alone with thought this straight away although I denied it even when we were at our local hospital. I got away with a week off school and looking like crap for that week, the night before I was due to go back to school, same thing happened again. Of course then there was no hiding it. I went through counselling and started the anti-depressant game, I dropped out of mainstream school completely and never got back other than to do a couple of exams in an empty room on my own. Lots of traumatic times between the ages of 6-16 really contributed quite badly to what I felt at the time was a shite way to live.

Anyway when I finally became old enough to cast away school and do whatever the hell I wanted, I was forced pretty much to work so I could keep a roof above mine and my dad's head. Crappy agency work followed until I found a job at my local hospital which opened my eyes to alot of things in life. I then switched jobs inside the hospital from portering too sterilisation which was a terrible idea! I injured my shoulder quickly after joining them and then several arguments with my new manager followed. I got depressed again, was off work for a while with this shoulder problem but one really bad argument with that bold dickhead (pardon my french) pushed me over the edge. Got home and swallowed just about every pain killer I had for my shoulder and some other crap, that was a bit of a pain really because it meant I had to go back down to the pharmacy to get more painkillers. Problem being I collapsed in front off my dad and had to be hospitilised for 3 days after the overdose, doh!

After that again had an epiphinay of sorts, started a computer course to learn how to repair computers, got back to work, hated it! So I joined the portering again, which lost it's appeal very quickly, again. I finished my computer studies and went to take my two exams to get my qualification. First one I passed no problems but the second I failed by the smallest margin which sucked badly and hit me very very hard, I decided two weeks later to try again but failed again. I was pretty down after that but then I met someone, had a nice relationship for 2 weeks but then the rest of it 8 months or so was a nightmare I had partnerned with an attention seeking vampiric like thing who had a family alot more disfunctional then the bloody osbournes! So this pushed me to the very edge, I mean the edge aswell I was struggling some days to even get up, I was ready to go to work one morning, picked up some turkey to make my sandwiches and it was out of date. Next minute I picked up the phone and told them I wasn't coming in (this was a thursday) but thought, o i'll go tommorow and not tell anyone about missing today. Of course didn't go the next day and come sunday night I phoned again and said won't be in monday morning.

It was that Monday morning I decided to get help, I went to work in my uniform ironically and explained the situation at home was getting worse and I needed help. I started counselling and more anti-depressents "yay", now I was 20 at this stage, I had played this game before and knew exactly what the outcome was going to be, the question was when. I broke up with the wench finally after too much arguing etc. got my arse back to work and thought for the first week wow this is better, it didn't help she was stalking me through that week and followed me to work everyday (I walked) but I felt a bit better. Then it all went tits up so to speak. Finances started going pear shaped, money was scarse and 4 weeks later I decided one morning that's it, cya later!

I went to work as usual, showed my face and then said I'll go and do something etc. That was though getting on the local bus and going to the local shopping center. I texted my two best friends to say goodbye (bless them they are the only two that have stood by me since) and switched my phone off. Got there, got the top of the tallest mutli story car park (54 foot to be precise) and after 10-15 minutes of listening to dragonforce on my mp3 player decided time to go and jumped.

That was number 4 and the reason I'm here writing this, I landed in a tree thank god. It saved my life but broke my back. It took away so much but then again gave me a 2nd chance. It's slumping at an angle now but I'm sitting up straight! It was the best thing that could happen to me, I went through my rehab faster than you could say man united european champions (sorry chelski fans ) and since I have felt much better. Yes I am still on anti-depressants, so what? I feel happier now than I ever have, I am closer to friends and family now and I can still do the things I love.

What I would say to people who are thinking about suicide is why? Why are you thinking that way? How often? Have you tried things to take your mind of it? Have you seen a counseller or psychologist?

Stay Positive, it could be worse, life has alot to offer all of us, but it won't just come to your doorstep, you have to go out there and find it! Most importantly if you are feeling suicidal or thinking that way, talk to people about it, talking helps and is incredibly important!

James

Thank you nomis, that was very nice of you.
E

Thanks for sharing, James!

Hi Skeaman,

I'm not going to judge or give you advice so don't worry. You say not many have mentioned a cure.

I'm a C4/5 and been injured 50 years. YES 50 YEARS. There's hardly any differences in the treatment of SCI today as when I was injured 50 years ago. There may be better drugs for spasms and other aspects relating to SCI, but the basics are still the same.

People still get pressure sores today, they still get UTI's and kidney stones so not much has changed other than the treatments.

Personally I'm not the slightest bit interested in a cure for 2 reasons.

1. I don't believe there is a real cure.

2. If I woke up tomorrow and found I was AB again, I wouldn't know what to do; I'd probably die of shock.

I've tried to live my life to the full and think I've done ok.

I'm heading towards 70 now so live each day as it might be my last; although I've hedged my bets and booked for a few Rock & Pop Concerts in 2009....

Good luck

A man who hedges his bets with rock concerts will not commit suicide.

Scribbler, You're my hero, the fact that you survived 50 years c4/c5 is - well, I'm 32 now and I can't get my head around it..
And I think of you and the few like you when I'm down and hopeless - But I also think that I'm not done getting better, I still work hard and I still believe there is help coming our way, maybe not a cure, but most definitely life improving remedies of various kinds.
50 years ago, 90% of SCI's died within the first couple of days (again, how you've managed to pull through?!..) - today only 10% is. There has been a development and I'm 100% positive that the near future holds even more for us.