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Feeling More Depressed As The Holidays Approach.




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17 replies to this topic

#1 fatdave

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 01:35 AM

Today is thanksgiving here, and I am fighting a very depressed mood. I don't know where it is coming from. I hate these feelings, sometimes I feel so alone yet I am surrounded by people. I had such a great outlook until now, I hear the holidays are hard for people, I wish I could enjoy more but I regret everything and everyone.

I want to run my nephews over with my chair because they think its a toy, and I would love to roll over the feet of certain family members that feel like they must tell me what I need to do to get better.

I wish this lonely feeling would go away. I want to move onto bigger and better things.
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 - 1915)

#2 araitn

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 02:21 AM

I know how you feel, I get depressed for no apparent reason every once in a while and I too feel alone sometimes even though I have a great family and friends. Yeah, some of the comments from people are hard to handle. Just today after Thanksgiving dinner somebody made a comment about my shoes, saying that they look good and I should be able to wear them forever since I won't be wearing out the tread by walking on them. I just laughed it off, becasue I know they meant well. Some people just don't know what to say.

I see that your injury is at the L5/S1 level with cauda equina. I've got a similar injury. I'm fused from T10 to L2, but I have severe pain at the L5 area and cauda equina. My L5 is pressing on my spinal cord from the burst fracture during my accident just over a year ago. The doctor initially wanted to do another surgery, but he's since determined it to be too risky, so I'm stuck with the pain because all of the meds I've tried have not worked.

Hang in there man! Hopefully, it will get better soon for you.

#3 Ches

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 06:53 AM

I went through the same things last year Dave, I skipped Thanksgiving with the family simply because I didnt feel up to it. I felt like sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I did... and all I accomplished was an appetite for turkey which I completely missed out on. I decided to go to Christmas and to my surprise it was just another one of those things I needed to do to be reminded of the simple pleasures in life. I'm not sure why the holidays make it so hard but there's so many other days in the year to sit around and mope, I recommend you dont miss out on the festivities!
Our Handicaps Exist Only In the Mind

#4 aggzy

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 10:10 AM

i am a ventilated quad with no movement and i can't talk people have to lip read me i have to have someone standing next to me 24/7 incase my tube disconnects.

I always try stay positive with a smile on m6]y face because if I start to feel sorry for myself i go downhill very quickly

sometime i wish i could just talk so it was easier to make conversation with people let alone be able to drive around myself

sorry to say this but you don't know how lucky you are

i always think "well it could be worse i could be locked in, have brain damage or even died"

so try thinking that way next time your depressed and it might change your attitude abit

sorry I don't mean to sound knatky because im not just trying to make you look at your injury in a different way

Ag's
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HIGHER THAN SUPERMAN

#5 DaveP

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 10:55 AM

I can't help but think you grab any opportunity to have a moan!

People will only take so much of this before they turn their back on you, so you're creating your own problems and then complaining about the end results.

Have you ever thought about how you got to this crossroads in your life and what you could have done to avoid this end result? From your messages that I did read, I think you're the only one responsible, yet you seem to think the world owes you some sort of special treatment!

The only one that can make this better is you, and moaning only makes it worse for you - and everyone else around you. You're the one sat in the driving seat of your life, so get on track and take responsibility for your actions and in-actions.

Edited by DaveP, 28 November 2008 - 10:56 AM.


#6 Scribbler

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 11:38 AM

Hi Dave,

The festive season is the most depressing for even AB people. Everyone has low points in their lives, its how we deal with them that counts.

I wonder if you'd feel any better, wheeling over the feet of the Family member you mention? I doubt it.

There's no short answer to getting out of depression, we each have to deal with it the best way we can and as everyone's different, its hard to give advice.

This site helps me a lot. Since joining here I've done more than I've done for a long time; encouraged by the great people here who I class as friends.

I've been getting out more, especially to my local Theatre, which took some guts at first, but now I'm always there. Tonight we're going to see the tribute Bee Gees, which is a great show. I've also been on trips to London and had an adventure in Africa; I don't think I'd have done these things if it hadn't been for this site.

I hope you feel better soon, which I'm sure you will; it just takes that sudden jolt to get your mind back to thinking positive again.

Good luck

True Happiness can only be achieved if you share it with someone. Scrib's


#7 fatdave

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 09:54 PM

You're right Dave.....the world owes me Cookies
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 - 1915)

#8 nomis

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 10:02 PM

The good thing about festive seasons is that they come around every year and the longer you live the better you learn to deal with them, whether it's to enjoy or avoid them. So this is a great opportunity to take on board this year's learnings which might include things like realising your frustration is your thing and not the fault of others. But nothing is worth taking too seriously so might as well forgive yourself and forgive the world cos that's all you've got. Go treat yourself to a silly private giggle.

"We are all different - but we share the same human spirit. Perhaps it's human nature that we adapt - and survive." - Stephen Hawking 2013


#9 Texas Angel Ang

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 01:44 AM

[size="2"]Hey Dave, I have been having a lot of family issues here lately and for the first time ever I DID NOT SPEND THANKSGIVING WITH MY FAMILY! It was the first time I have not spent the holidays with my sister, niece and nephew. While I know that you are down and out about your life right now... think about the fact that you got to see your family on Thanksgiving. I missed my niece crawling in my lap sitting on me and talking to me 90 to nothing as a typical 3-year-old would do. I missed my nephew, who is one, climbing on the legs of my chair trying to learn how to walk... yes kids might think it's a toy and you are frustrated for being in it but try to enjoy the moment. At least they're not scared of you and want to be around you! I have been very depressed but I finally decided about 30 minutes ago to think positive and be grateful for what I have, will have, and memories... don't stay so focused on the negative. Cheer up!!! And enjoy the cookie :(

[/size]
"Become your own roll model, your wheelchair is just another accessory in life" Me

#10 longhaul

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 02:07 AM

The days get shorter in the winter humans don't get enough light and that causes SAD (seasonal affective disorder) the amount of sun we get affects our mood big time. I have a bright light that I sit in front of it really helps, they sell lights for this that you can get. Also just the motion of smiling can have a positive effect on mood even thought you don't feel like smiling. So just GRIN and turn up the lights.....................

#11 Slowlegs

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 05:01 AM

Hi Dave,

The festive season is the most depressing for even AB people. Everyone has low points in their lives, its how we deal with them that counts.

I wonder if you'd feel any better, wheeling over the feet of the Family member you mention? I doubt it.

There's no short answer to getting out of depression, we each have to deal with it the best way we can and as everyone's different, its hard to give advice.

This site helps me a lot. Since joining here I've done more than I've done for a long time; encouraged by the great people here who I class as friends.


I agree.
Nobody can get you out of your depression and you can't just jolt yourself out of it either. I used to get really depressed in the past, these days I still do but it isn't as bad. It may sound really dumb but I try to spot something beautiful every day. It can be anything. Perhaps a cloud, a flower. One day it was even the yellow colour of a no parking line on a dull day. Probably sounds really stupid I know.
I also get a bit down when I am low on testosterone. I have replacement injections every three weeks. Mid way through the second week I start getting low so usually schedule dinner with good friends who usually pick me up. A number of years ago I got pretty down but didn't realize it. I spent my time at home working on my house, building decks, painting, making stuff etc. I was trying to prove I was still the guy I was before my accident I suppose but I was also hiding from the world. After my dog died I got even worse, crying for no reason. I got forced to go out for coffee one day and sat there excited about movies, the world, gorgeous women and other things I had been shutting out for many years. Best thing people weren't staring at me like they had done or I thought they had in the past.
I tell you, those "coming out of depression moments" were the most uplifting I ever had. There is light at the end of the depression tunnel and it doesn't have to be as long as you'd think. Try and have ways of avoiding it by doing something you like once every few weeks or so. It could just be a hot dog or a game of cards and a beer with friends, whatever. Those hypothetical cookies the world owes you (I know you don't think that FD), buy your own. Then you get exactly the ones you want and they last as long as you want. AB's also get depressed around family times, just make sure you include the people you want, exclude the ones you don't, make plans to avoid or include others and you can create the times you want. And buy a big motherfreaker of a light if that helps (I hear they do) too.
Slowlegs

#12 reaven85

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 08:06 AM

:double-puke: :(

Edited by reaven85, 29 November 2008 - 04:45 PM.

Heaven - H + R = Reaven

#13 JesseB

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 08:16 AM

Yeah bricen is the same way. Granted he has always gotten crabby around the holidays before and after his injury. This year he spit on me hit me with my shoes broke my fave pic of my daughter, kept turning off electricity, and tried to get me to leave him. (almost worked) But after a few choice words on my end and pretending to call the cops he calmed down apologized and helped me finish getting things ready for friends and family when they arrived.

I love the holidays always have...but now I feel for him. I make sure that whatever the plans are He can do it and if he cant and it cant be somewhat modified I never mention them so he doesn't feel like we are missing out because of him.

He does have anger problems and I am signing him up for anger managment. But I cant imagine how he feels. SCI truly does suck Im sorry. But if there is anything I could do to help anyone just ask. I know there is something but I cant figure it out



wow... thats pretty harsh what he did, for just getting crabby. :(

guess everything turned out okay though..

#14 Hapahowlee

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 07:09 PM

Dave, you'll pull out of your funk, just hang in there the best you can until the holidays are over. I used to get really down at the end of Christmas day. Guess it was all that exciting stuff going on before and within a few hours, it's over.

But, I learned to get out of that funk by focusing on the new year and what exciting things are just around the corner. Longhaul is so right about the weather having a lot to do with how people feel. My oldest sister has visited with her family and our mom the past 4 years at Christmas and she gets so depressed when she goes back to STL. They are moving out here when my brother-in-law can get his full pension from his job. Since we moved to Arizona, I haven't really had that many funky days, guess it's all the sunshine and warm weather.

Back in STL, Mr. Hapa would get so depressed during the cold months. An inch of snow was like a foot to him b/c it was difficult for him to go anywhere. He was housebound a lot b/c of the cold and I'm sure everyone with SCI knows what cold can do to your body.

Try to find things that make you happy. Just outside my den where I'm sitting now, I have a powder room that I've decorated in a tropical theme. I have pics of Hawaii and Cancun hanging up with seashells and other things that remind me of warm weather and the fun times we had on our trips. Surround yourself with things that make you happy and watch out for anything that may eventually bring you down. Just try and turn the negative into a positive. If a negative thought pops into your head, find the positive in it. So like with my powder room, I can look at my pics and get down b/c I miss those places and want to be there, but I was there and had a great time and will return one day. Focus on the silver lining.

Peace,
Hapa

#15 DaveLeRave

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Posted 30 November 2008 - 12:06 PM

From one Dave to another,

I know how ya feel Dave I tend to get real down too once in while. I find the best thing I can do is to find something funny, a book, a tv show, a great internet clip. Ive read some of your other posts and know that your a fellow WoW player so try the Leroy Jenkins video. I've never been able to watch that one without crackin a smile.

Hope ya feel better man.

#16 Dave Bishopstone

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Posted 30 November 2008 - 08:10 PM

Hi Dave,

The festive season is the most depressing for even AB people. Everyone has low points in their lives, its how we deal with them that counts.

I wonder if you'd feel any better, wheeling over the feet of the Family member you mention? I doubt it.

There's no short answer to getting out of depression, we each have to deal with it the best way we can and as everyone's different, its hard to give advice.

This site helps me a lot. Since joining here I've done more than I've done for a long time; encouraged by the great people here who I class as friends.

I've been getting out more, especially to my local Theatre, which took some guts at first, but now I'm always there. Tonight we're going to see the tribute Bee Gees, which is a great show. I've also been on trips to London and had an adventure in Africa; I don't think I'd have done these things if it hadn't been for this site.

I hope you feel better soon, which I'm sure you will; it just takes that sudden jolt to get your mind back to thinking positive again.

Good luck



Hi Dave,

Scribbler is right, I am AB and I get pretty fed up with the world's expectation that because the 'festive' season is upon us I am expected to be over the moon about it - I'm not! However that doesn't mean I'm depressed. NOMIS mentioned the regularity of the festivities and that we should by now be learning how to deal with them - I guess he's right also. Save for the religious side of the Christmas season, I want nothing to do with all the commercial hype and if peace and goodwill is to be confined to one day a year - then the message has been lost. My preference is to be at peace with myself and where possible those around me.

#17 qbounce

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Posted 03 December 2008 - 06:19 PM

Dave,
You post quite often here with depressed anger/ anxiety. Ever considered antidepressant meds? No joke
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

#18 aggzy

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Posted 03 December 2008 - 11:01 PM

im on citalpam(anti-depresant) once a day never tried without it so i dont know if i would get depressed without it

i think i would be fine
come see my website

HIGHER THAN SUPERMAN


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