[bocktribe]

I tore the nerves that run the motor control of my bladder about 20 or so years ago. I was 18. After using my hands to press the pee out of my bladder for 10 years my kidneys began to shut down due to reflux. I didn't get much follow up care prior due to being young and scared shitless of doctors after the initial months in the hospital. I felt like a science experiment. So ten years later, I had been puking every morning for the last 2 years of that stint. One morning as I was driving to work trying to puke out the window instead of in the car. This was an everyday thing. I decided to go in to the Dr. They said I had to self cath from then on and they stuck one in me. I screamed so loud that when I walked out a half hour later everyone stared at me and I could tell they were feeling sorry for me. After the Dr. did this he made me do it. Then said u have to do this 5 times a day! I felt everything. It was a decent experiment in meditation and focus for me as I had to goto another place in my mind to do this (self Cath). I couldn't do it enough so they put in a Super Pube Tube, as my Dr. called it. Hell of a lot better for me. I have had about 24 (yes24) kidney infections in the past 8 or so years that I have had it in. Maybe this is due to the fact that I refuse to wear a leg bag, so I 'cork' the catheter until I feel I need to pee, not the best thing. I have tried al the anti depressant pills there are and had side effects that were too much to keep taking anything. I have also used all bladder relaxing drugs such s Ditropan and won't take them either anymore due to side effects. I leak occasionally around the cath with out these meds. when I spasm, but deal w it. I take Tramadol a lot for pain. Too Morphine for 4 years and was way to out of it and physically addicted.Tramadol is better for me. Tried the interstem in my back to no avail and don't want more surgery. Thought I would share