4 replies to this topic

[Adam Richmond]

Hi,

I've just stumbled across this forum whilst looking for information about Baclofen pumps. I thought some of you might like to hear my story.

My mum is confined to a wheel chair since she had a spinal tumour removed from the level of T7. She lives with bi-lateral spastic paralysis of the lower limbs but fortunately there was no damage to the nerves which control the bladder or bowels. I was 8 years old when this happened. I am now 31.

There is no doubt that my mum's problems had a massive impact on me as I was growing up and still do (I am an only child and still live with my parents to help dad care for mum). I had to grow up fast, I believe this has shaped my personality in several ways some good and some not so (who's perfect!!)but on the I have benefited from the experience.

I will cut the story short and spare you the details but essentially I now have a very rewarding career in musculoskeletal health. I have my own clinic where I work as a sports injury therapist and I'm also studying for an undergraduate master's degree in Osteopathy. I am able to earn a living working 3 days a week which leaves me time to help Dad look after mum and I can lead my own life.

The reason I am telling you this is because I want you to know that I was that young child with a paraplegic mother. Growing up and dealing with this has been bloody hard, there is no shadow of doubt about that. I have been there on the black days, I've been there when she's been suicidal, I've been there when the morphine has given her constipation but I tell you this because I want you to know it is possible. I've seen the strain it has put on my father but I still live with it. If anything life gets harder as both my parents are getting more frail and less able to cope but I know that this whole experience has made me strong. It has given me strength of character and insight which few people will ever experience. Having said that I think there are many people on this forum who know what I am talking about.

I just want you to know it is possible and the outcome can also be positive. Yes it is bloody hard work but so is everything that is worth anything.

If I can give any disabled parent one nugget of advice it would be "Don't hide anything." Us kids are stronger than you think, we know when something is wrong and the worst feeling in the world is when your intuition is telling you one thing and your parents tell you another.... having said that don't worry too much because as soon as your children mature enough to realise this they'll tell you in no uncertain terms!!

I hope my experiences are useful. I am contactable through this site and I am happy to talk to anyone who is dealing with similar situations.


Adam

[litttlebeats]

hello i was browsing for research and came across your post, and was wondering you could help me. i need to find research that strongly supports the fact that persons with sci or tbi continue to be successful at parenting and shows that having a parent with a disability does not harm a child's physical and emotional development. any help is appreciated.

 Adam Richmond, on Dec 8 2008, 03:07 PM, said:

Hi,

I've just stumbled across this forum whilst looking for information about Baclofen pumps. I thought some of you might like to hear my story.

My mum is confined to a wheel chair since she had a spinal tumour removed from the level of T7. She lives with bi-lateral spastic paralysis of the lower limbs but fortunately there was no damage to the nerves which control the bladder or bowels. I was 8 years old when this happened. I am now 31.

There is no doubt that my mum's problems had a massive impact on me as I was growing up and still do (I am an only child and still live with my parents to help dad care for mum). I had to grow up fast, I believe this has shaped my personality in several ways some good and some not so (who's perfect!!)but on the I have benefited from the experience.

I will cut the story short and spare you the details but essentially I now have a very rewarding career in musculoskeletal health. I have my own clinic where I work as a sports injury therapist and I'm also studying for an undergraduate master's degree in Osteopathy. I am able to earn a living working 3 days a week which leaves me time to help Dad look after mum and I can lead my own life.

The reason I am telling you this is because I want you to know that I was that young child with a paraplegic mother. Growing up and dealing with this has been bloody hard, there is no shadow of doubt about that. I have been there on the black days, I've been there when she's been suicidal, I've been there when the morphine has given her constipation but I tell you this because I want you to know it is possible. I've seen the strain it has put on my father but I still live with it. If anything life gets harder as both my parents are getting more frail and less able to cope but I know that this whole experience has made me strong. It has given me strength of character and insight which few people will ever experience. Having said that I think there are many people on this forum who know what I am talking about.

I just want you to know it is possible and the outcome can also be positive. Yes it is bloody hard work but so is everything that is worth anything.

If I can give any disabled parent one nugget of advice it would be "Don't hide anything." Us kids are stronger than you think, we know when something is wrong and the worst feeling in the world is when your intuition is telling you one thing and your parents tell you another.... having said that don't worry too much because as soon as your children mature enough to realise this they'll tell you in no uncertain terms!!

I hope my experiences are useful. I am contactable through this site and I am happy to talk to anyone who is dealing with similar situations.


Adam

[norma]

thanks for sharing Adam! I'm a mom to a 14 year son and a 10 year old daughter. I've been in my chair almost a year and my kids are great. I do often wonder if they resent this or the fact that our life has changed and we no longer do all the things we used to do. I remember being in rehab and being so...upset that I was going to be the Mom in a wheelchair. I've come a long way since then, thankfully. Your parents are very fortunite to have you.Like anyone's life there are bad days and good days. My kids are very strong willed and I am sure that they will continue to grow into caring, emotioally adjusted adults. Thank you for your story, it gives me hope and put a smile on my face and in my heart today, Norma

[nomis]

 litttlebeats, on Jan 16 2009, 05:02 AM, said:

hello i was browsing for research and came across your post, and was wondering you could help me. i need to find research that strongly supports the fact that persons with sci or tbi continue to be successful at parenting and shows that having a parent with a disability does not harm a child's physical and emotional development. any help is appreciated.

I've never seen a research paper along these lines, littlebeats, but I haven't specifically been looking. As a parent myself, I'd be highly sceptical of such research and would question why anyone started it...but then I am biased.

I suspect the best "research" you'll get will be any true life stories such as you're seeing here. Add my son to your "turned out ok" column...that is ok so far, he's independently living his own life a few thousand miles away and I've no idea what he's actually doing at this very moment.

[Adam Richmond]

Hi Littlebeats,

Perhaps I should have sent this to you as a Private Message but I think it's an important point which I would like to share with every body.

I'm afraid I can't help you with your research because I feel uncomfortable with the initial premiss that 'having a parent with a disability does not harm a child's physical and emotional development.'

To my mind there have been negative aspects on my development directly related to my mother's disability.... but there have also been positive ones. I think the important point is that events in my life and the lives of those around me have shaped me into the person I am and I am very happy with who I am. To ignore the negatives would take away much of my strength

My point is that to argue my physical and emotional development have never been affected would, to me, be arguing that I'm perfect... I'm not, or be to argue that my personal weaknesses are due to other factors in my life... how can blame specific floors on specific things, that's absurd?!! The same could be said of the children of non-disabled parents - everybody has positive and negative experiences and that is how I see myself. Nobody is perfect and my life has shaped me the way I am..... I'm happy with that.

I hope this insight might be useful to you

Adam