4 replies to this topic

[irisheyes]

I have been here before but never posted. My long-term partner (ten years) is C5-6 quadriplegic and we are trying to decide if we will have a child. I desparately want a child with him, but with our everyday disabled life already being moderatley crazy (and extremely crazy at time), I worry that my head will explode if I put another human being to care for on my shoulders. I'm interested in stories of all sorts about how people have addressed this issue. Peace

[Trishtack]

irisheyes, on Dec 31 2008, 04:24 PM, said:

I have been here before but never posted. My long-term partner (ten years) is C5-6 quadriplegic and we are trying to decide if we will have a child. I desparately want a child with him, but with our everyday disabled life already being moderatley crazy (and extremely crazy at time), I worry that my head will explode if I put another human being to care for on my shoulders. I'm interested in stories of all sorts about how people have addressed this issue. Peace

Hi - We are very new to my husband being paralyzed. He took ill on Sept 7 and our daughter is 3. She has been accepting and supportive but doesn't truly understand. It is hard to manage all the day to day activities by myself yet my husband is a very loving father and they are so in love with each other.

We are discussing whether we will still go forward in adopting a second child. On one hand I can't imagine doing it all by myself care wise but I can't imagine not having the chance to watch another child grow.

If the love is there then everything is possible. Hard but possible. I wish you the best in your decision.

[qbounce]

Irish,
I feel your sentiments. Since my Ex and I split over a year ago, I've met and fallen in love with a new lady. We would love to have a child together but know the procedures involved could be costly and ultimately disapointing, as I'm not sure if it will even work at this stage of our lives (she's soon to be 37, and of course my SCI makes for a lot of questionable factors).

Regret is a hard pill to swallow. imo, don't wait to long to decide. But yah, read Simons experience at the top of this Forum on how he conceived. It's involved, but I think worth it in the end.

[Fairygirl72]

Hello Irish...I say you should absolutely go for it....because if you don't you will regret it...that is something you can't wait 10 years for and try again. I am a full time caregiver for my husband who is a C5/6 and full time mommy to our 3 beautiful daughters. I was 8 months pregnant when my husband has his accident and my baby was less than 3 months old when he came home from the hospital....is was the hardest things I've done in my life....I was so scared of everything...didn't know what the hell I was doing with my husband..he was laid up in bed with his halo on....my baby was nursing I had an almost 2 year old and my oldest was 6 at the time...we didn't have much help....and we survived!!!!! I'm still sane (only a little though lol) and my husband and our girls are so close...the baby ADORES her daddy and can't get enough of him. Yes it's going to be a lot of work but so worth it in the end....and things just always seem to work themselves out...they just do....an on top of all that I'm still head over heels in love with my husband....I NEVER stop feeling like his wife....no matter what task I'm doing for him...Also my husband as crazy as he is wants another one....the main thing that is stopping that is finances...if we had enough money we would try next year and I'm 36...

I wish you the best...

Also Trishtack...go for it too! YOU WILL MAKE IT WORK!!!!!

[JaimeL]

Hi everyone,

I am new to the forums. My husband is a C4/5 quad and we have been talking on and off about having kids. I have always known that I wanted to have kids and I doubt that will ever change. My husband always wanted kids until he broke his neck and since then he goes back and forth. He doesn't know if he can cope with not being able to physically be involved with parenting. He wants to help them get dressed, take their first steps, play catch etc. He says that being a spectator would be to much for him to bear. The hard part for me is that he keeps changing his mind and I have no way of knowing if it will ever happen. I know his life is difficult enough and I don't want to needlessly add anymore stress to it. I do however believe from reading some of the forum posts that the good out weighs the bad and it is worth it. I don't want him to have any regrets. I plan on staying with him regardless of the final decision but I am really hoping he comes around. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions that might help, please reply.

Thanks
JaimeL