9 replies to this topic

[irisheyes]

This is call to caregiver/partners! I want to know how y'all manage to take on all the disability responsibilities that come with a paralyzed partner while maintaining your own personal goals and dreams, your hygiene needs, and all your responsibilities as a spouse/partner? not to mention your career! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Fairygirl72]

I don't know...still trying to figure that one out myself....I think I actually get to my nails done and possible go on a date with my husband on Saturday...keep you fingers crossed for me...I NEED TO GET OUT.....

[kdenon01]

ooh, I get a massage, get my hair done, go to the mall, go to lunch with my Mom. Also because I am my husband's 24/7 caregiver we have kinda made our "alone time" together. For example, I will sit here at the computer for 30 minutes, he will watch TV next to me for 30 minutes...but we just don't talk to eachother...we block eachother out...and that is our alone time.

That sounds mean...but it works. lol

[Tash]

Well irisheyes that had been a hard one for me. I was not only a carer for my boyfriend but also have two small children and I have a full time job. I during the week I was everything to everyone. So often times all the things you mentioned for myself got very much neglected. I did have a home health aide for my man mon - sat. during the day while I went to work. At night I was a full time carer and a dulltime mom.

Finally I worked it out that on Saturdays my children went over to the sitters for 3 hours and my bf was being taken care of by the home health aide. Duiring those 3 hours...I spent every minute working on me and only me. No laundry, no preparing for dinner, no cleaning the house, no nothing for anyone oneelse. It was called my "All About Me Time." No one can disturb me during that time - NO ONE!

During that time I would do things like sleep, or take a long shower or bath, paint my own toes (no money for professional care - you cant have it all), I would read a book, work on the computer, rearrange my bedroom around ( a personal favorite passtime), talk on the phone, meet a friend in town for lunch, go tote mall to window shop, go garage saling, go for a walk. Sit and do absolutely nothing but stare at the walls and reflect on my life, or write letter. Basically, I have been trying to find myself most importantly trying to find the woman insinde of me again. I have two boys and my man.

My suggestion is that maybe on saturdays designate 3 hours or what ever you can to apply time for you and only you and make it all about you. If you have no children then you are already half way there with that goal. If you have family members to help get them envolved in this and only ask for 3 hours. Those who love you and thosewho try to understand will help you out.

There is my suggestion so let me know if that works for you!

[qtdavis]

my husband was in his accident almost a year ago...we have two children. i havent returned to work yet. i fear going to work and him needing me. plus...i can barely keep up with the house, him, the kids and the animals now....how will i ever do it with a full time job!?

Edited by qtdavis, 17 February 2009 - 08:16 PM.

[brandielaw]

I think the all about me time is a great idea. I have been struggling a little to find away to deal with all the stress. I care for my husband level T8, 3 year old, full time 1st grade teacher, and much more that comes with life and family. I am bad about letting it all build up and then well we all know that doesn't go very well. I have found that just every now and then doing something totally by yourself even if it is only grocery shopping that it does help some.

[edlee]

qtdavis,,,,, don't worry about him,,,, he can handle it,,, as a matter of fact,,, he needs to be looking for a job, too.

Unless he already has one,,,,, then what are we talking about?
ed

[tessa]

qtdavis, on Feb 17 2009, 09:15 PM, said:

my husband was in his accident almost a year ago...we have two children. i havent returned to work yet. i fear going to work and him needing me. plus...i can barely keep up with the house, him, the kids and the animals now....how will i ever do it with a full time job!?

It will get better with time. I remember the first time my brother came out of rehab, I was afraid to leave the house even if only for a couple of minutes because I was afraid something might happen or he might need me. Eventually, I had to get back to work and, in fact, he was relieved too, to have me out of the house for a couple of hours

Now we have kind of found our routine: I'll get him out of bed in the morning etc.., will go to work, come back for lunch and get back to work.
And to keep me sane I joined a yoga class three times a week

However, having kids will give you even more tasks, so I can imagine that it's not so easy to go back to your job. Good luck, though!!

[kelbos]

My husband is a c5-c6. I met him 3 years after his accident. I am his caregiver, and I have a part time job, and I am helping him raise his three daughters. It is a struggle everyday. We use humor alot of the time to get thru the day. I still am able to get some Me time. I get him up every day. He goes places by himself sometimes in his chair. He needs his own time away from the kids and me. He was a mechanic before his accident, so with his help and instruction the girls and I are able to fix our vehicles. Just take it one day at a time. That is my best advice. Good luck!

[cubanito_016]

everybody thats in a wheelchair need help every now and then some say that they are 100% independable but that not true.But try to to do as much as possible.