Help
Hello...me again....yeah I know the name kinda gave it away...im just trying to think of how best to explain. here goes...
I'm familiar with depression Hell i'd consider myself to have "Beat" depression. I don't beleive the chemical imbalance in the brain jargon nor the its a "sickness / disease" aspects of the "illness" and I don't want to get into a whole are anti depressants useful/useless debate etc etc.
My issue is quite simple.
I have known people come through depression through all diffarent methods / means even people with sever panic attacks and other ailments (agoraphobia / claustraphobia / needlephobia etc etc).
I consider myself to have beat it with mantras/meditation/hypnosis and generally changing my "thoughts" CBT if you like amongst knowledge of other therapies including art therapy.
Now - there's a lass who I know (In a chair / paraplegic) and I have tried every trick in the book. She still appears depressed. She will have bouts of feeling better but her default mode is "I give up" or "I am useless" I have tried everything I know and will keep working on her and she has said she wants to go back to her "Old self" (mentally / she has always been paraplegic) just not always been depressed.
From what I have read anyone with a disability as physical as hers is more prone to depression.
However I didn't feel it would be on such a drastic level.
anyone have any suggestions? my questions - "do you feel the same?"
Gotta go time running out at library
take care
Nickle.
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Depression A Bigger Issue?
Ive seen depressed....
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#1
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Posted 23 February 2009 - 12:59 PM
#2
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Posted 23 February 2009 - 04:19 PM
Depression is something I know all too well. It hasn't been a fun ride for me... Like you, I was never keen on the chemical imbalance theory, but the worse I became I had to start wondering. I tried medication, but either it made me less able to function (which was at the 'barely surviving' level as it was) or it did nothing for me at all. Just because something didn't work for me though, doesn't mean it wouldn't work for someone else. I'm now taking a supplement called 5-HTP that is supposed to boost serotonin levels in the brain. I'm not jumping for joy because of it, but there is a definite difference with it.
Neural pathways are built over time. Certain pathways become 'expressways' because they have been built up for so long, over so many years, that they become the default path for thinking. The more I think about this and focus on how and when my depressive thoughts arise I find I'm able to break out of those neural pathways. I may not be able to break out for long, but I do. Each time I do, the huge, depressive pathways I've built become a tiny bit weaker. Without conscience guidance, thoughts will follow the path of least resistance. It takes effort to break out, and sometimes the energy to do so just isn't there.
Something else to think about; denial of spirit. This is what happened to me recently (well, 2.5 years ago). There was something I desperately needed to do. Call it my spirit guiding me, a calling from god, a strong gut feeling, or what have you, but I knew I had to go down that path because there were things I needed to learn / do / experience / understand before I could take the next step in my life. I jumped at it. I committed everything I had to following it. I was excited, full of energy, motivated, and saw nothing but good coming from it. And then, after I'd already made the leap, it was taken from me. And with no energy, no excitement, no motivation to hold on to I fell far deeper into depression / anxiety than I've ever fallen. I'm in my third year of a two year grad program because of it... Still trying to pass one class. I see what I'm missing in myself, and it's a huge chunk of what I would have learned had I been allowed to follow my spirit. I'm nowhere near the person I was when I started grad school, and not for the better. I've been devastated mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially...
Has your girlfriend really wanted to do something and was talked out of it (either by someone else or by herself)? Did a great opportunity come her way and she didn't take it? Is she stuck in the past in a 'what would have been' train of thought? Is she fighting with herself, trying to better herself but not knowing how? Just some things to think about.
Well, that's my 2 cents worth. Maybe these two things will give you a couple of different ways to help your girlfriend.
Neural pathways are built over time. Certain pathways become 'expressways' because they have been built up for so long, over so many years, that they become the default path for thinking. The more I think about this and focus on how and when my depressive thoughts arise I find I'm able to break out of those neural pathways. I may not be able to break out for long, but I do. Each time I do, the huge, depressive pathways I've built become a tiny bit weaker. Without conscience guidance, thoughts will follow the path of least resistance. It takes effort to break out, and sometimes the energy to do so just isn't there.
Something else to think about; denial of spirit. This is what happened to me recently (well, 2.5 years ago). There was something I desperately needed to do. Call it my spirit guiding me, a calling from god, a strong gut feeling, or what have you, but I knew I had to go down that path because there were things I needed to learn / do / experience / understand before I could take the next step in my life. I jumped at it. I committed everything I had to following it. I was excited, full of energy, motivated, and saw nothing but good coming from it. And then, after I'd already made the leap, it was taken from me. And with no energy, no excitement, no motivation to hold on to I fell far deeper into depression / anxiety than I've ever fallen. I'm in my third year of a two year grad program because of it... Still trying to pass one class. I see what I'm missing in myself, and it's a huge chunk of what I would have learned had I been allowed to follow my spirit. I'm nowhere near the person I was when I started grad school, and not for the better. I've been devastated mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially...
Has your girlfriend really wanted to do something and was talked out of it (either by someone else or by herself)? Did a great opportunity come her way and she didn't take it? Is she stuck in the past in a 'what would have been' train of thought? Is she fighting with herself, trying to better herself but not knowing how? Just some things to think about.
Well, that's my 2 cents worth. Maybe these two things will give you a couple of different ways to help your girlfriend.
Kevin
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."
Albert Einstein
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."
Albert Einstein
#3
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Posted 24 February 2009 - 11:53 AM
Nickleblue, on Feb 23 2009, 04:59 AM, said:
Hello...me again....yeah I know the name kinda gave it away...im just trying to think of how best to explain. here goes...
I'm familiar with depression Hell i'd consider myself to have "Beat" depression. I don't beleive the chemical imbalance in the brain jargon nor the its a "sickness / disease" aspects of the "illness" and I don't want to get into a whole are anti depressants useful/useless debate etc etc.
My issue is quite simple.
I have known people come through depression through all diffarent methods / means even people with sever panic attacks and other ailments (agoraphobia / claustraphobia / needlephobia etc etc).
I consider myself to have beat it with mantras/meditation/hypnosis and generally changing my "thoughts" CBT if you like amongst knowledge of other therapies including art therapy.
Now - there's a lass who I know (In a chair / paraplegic) and I have tried every trick in the book. She still appears depressed. She will have bouts of feeling better but her default mode is "I give up" or "I am useless" I have tried everything I know and will keep working on her and she has said she wants to go back to her "Old self" (mentally / she has always been paraplegic) just not always been depressed.
From what I have read anyone with a disability as physical as hers is more prone to depression.
However I didn't feel it would be on such a drastic level.
anyone have any suggestions? my questions - "do you feel the same?"
Gotta go time running out at library
take care
Nickle.
I'm familiar with depression Hell i'd consider myself to have "Beat" depression. I don't beleive the chemical imbalance in the brain jargon nor the its a "sickness / disease" aspects of the "illness" and I don't want to get into a whole are anti depressants useful/useless debate etc etc.
My issue is quite simple.
I have known people come through depression through all diffarent methods / means even people with sever panic attacks and other ailments (agoraphobia / claustraphobia / needlephobia etc etc).
I consider myself to have beat it with mantras/meditation/hypnosis and generally changing my "thoughts" CBT if you like amongst knowledge of other therapies including art therapy.
Now - there's a lass who I know (In a chair / paraplegic) and I have tried every trick in the book. She still appears depressed. She will have bouts of feeling better but her default mode is "I give up" or "I am useless" I have tried everything I know and will keep working on her and she has said she wants to go back to her "Old self" (mentally / she has always been paraplegic) just not always been depressed.
From what I have read anyone with a disability as physical as hers is more prone to depression.
However I didn't feel it would be on such a drastic level.
anyone have any suggestions? my questions - "do you feel the same?"
Gotta go time running out at library
take care
Nickle.
You'd have to be pretty stout not to get depressed after inflicted with a life altering non-curable illness. Put yourself in her shoes. There are tons of things that she will never do again, regardless of no matter how many people tell you that your life will still be as full and complete as it was pre-injury.
There is no winner. You just give up, or keep trying.
#4
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Posted 25 February 2009 - 04:32 PM
Thanks Kevin for sharing your story. Not only has it given me a wonderful insight into things connected with myself it has also made me think diffarently about issues relating to LIR. (My GF) thanks alot.
HIK - I understand your perspective however my GF has had a SCI since birth so there was no immediate impact/trauma/"life changing" event. However of course she has issues which i could never relate to on a 1-2-1 basis. I can simply do what I can and hope thats enough.
Update: I dont think I have found the "cause" of the depression and its going to take a long time to get around that issue although I have gained valuable insight from her recently (day after my post to be honest) and although I think the SCI issue does relate alot to a person feeling "Unable/useless" I dont think this is the "whole" cause in her life although anyone "reaffirming" that to themselves every time theres an issue cannot be productive for them and I can see how it would be "easy/easier" to get into that negative thought pattern. I still remain unmoved and beleive that it "can" be beaten. Probably diffarent ways for diffarent people but im going to keep plugging the positive stuff to her and see how it pans out. Not only to "combat" a depressive aspect / thought pattern but because I beleive the majority of people done actually "deserve" to be depressed they are worth so much more but have involuntarily allowed themselves to get into that negative perspective. (thats what happend with me anyway, althought I dont have the added SCI issue so no "constant" difficulties to elaborate on for me I still think with patience/perserverance and a desire to "alter" it can be acheived)
Anyone out there "Beat" depression / Panic attacks and simular who are not AB to back my theory up?
Thanks for the feedback people - always appreicated.
A more clarified individual - Nickleblue.
HIK - I understand your perspective however my GF has had a SCI since birth so there was no immediate impact/trauma/"life changing" event. However of course she has issues which i could never relate to on a 1-2-1 basis. I can simply do what I can and hope thats enough.
Update: I dont think I have found the "cause" of the depression and its going to take a long time to get around that issue although I have gained valuable insight from her recently (day after my post to be honest) and although I think the SCI issue does relate alot to a person feeling "Unable/useless" I dont think this is the "whole" cause in her life although anyone "reaffirming" that to themselves every time theres an issue cannot be productive for them and I can see how it would be "easy/easier" to get into that negative thought pattern. I still remain unmoved and beleive that it "can" be beaten. Probably diffarent ways for diffarent people but im going to keep plugging the positive stuff to her and see how it pans out. Not only to "combat" a depressive aspect / thought pattern but because I beleive the majority of people done actually "deserve" to be depressed they are worth so much more but have involuntarily allowed themselves to get into that negative perspective. (thats what happend with me anyway, althought I dont have the added SCI issue so no "constant" difficulties to elaborate on for me I still think with patience/perserverance and a desire to "alter" it can be acheived)
Anyone out there "Beat" depression / Panic attacks and simular who are not AB to back my theory up?
Thanks for the feedback people - always appreicated.
A more clarified individual - Nickleblue.
#5
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Posted 25 February 2009 - 11:15 PM
Nickleblue,
You're welcome. As much as I hate what I'm going through, I have learned a bit. If I can share a bit and help someone else in the process, so much the better.
As for finding a cause for the depression, it's possible you won't. Clinical depression often doesn't have a cause (or it's 'normal' depression that has gone on for too long). I can point my fingers at a good many people and say, "Look at me! You did this to me! How dare you!" But, truth be told, I know my depression comes from within. Life happens to everyone. It's how we choose to interpret what's happened that determines how we feel about the event. Unfortunately, people with depression are far more prone to see things in a negative light, and are more likely to cave in when any challenge arises rather than muster up the courage to fight it. When my spirit was taken from me 3 years ago, I was devastated. But, I also caved in and refused to fight the decision. I have a huge amount of anger and resentment towards the person who did it, but I have to accept my share of the blame as well. That just makes it worse and the anger and resentment is towards me as much as the other person. It's a vicious cycle between what happens in the outside world and the inside world. So, as for finding a cause of depression... Look within. It's much harder than pointing fingers, so expect a good deal of resistance. Some people just can't do it yet.
Some techniques that have been a bit helpful to me are the release technique (there are several versions), H'oponopono (which is something you would do in order to help her), and exercise (yoga, tai chi, qigong, swimming, etc.).
Hope that gives you some more food for thought. Now back to my papers I'm trying to write... A huge amount of anxiety there, so I'm stalling...
Kevin
You're welcome. As much as I hate what I'm going through, I have learned a bit. If I can share a bit and help someone else in the process, so much the better.
As for finding a cause for the depression, it's possible you won't. Clinical depression often doesn't have a cause (or it's 'normal' depression that has gone on for too long). I can point my fingers at a good many people and say, "Look at me! You did this to me! How dare you!" But, truth be told, I know my depression comes from within. Life happens to everyone. It's how we choose to interpret what's happened that determines how we feel about the event. Unfortunately, people with depression are far more prone to see things in a negative light, and are more likely to cave in when any challenge arises rather than muster up the courage to fight it. When my spirit was taken from me 3 years ago, I was devastated. But, I also caved in and refused to fight the decision. I have a huge amount of anger and resentment towards the person who did it, but I have to accept my share of the blame as well. That just makes it worse and the anger and resentment is towards me as much as the other person. It's a vicious cycle between what happens in the outside world and the inside world. So, as for finding a cause of depression... Look within. It's much harder than pointing fingers, so expect a good deal of resistance. Some people just can't do it yet.
Some techniques that have been a bit helpful to me are the release technique (there are several versions), H'oponopono (which is something you would do in order to help her), and exercise (yoga, tai chi, qigong, swimming, etc.).
Hope that gives you some more food for thought. Now back to my papers I'm trying to write... A huge amount of anxiety there, so I'm stalling...
Kevin
Kevin
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."
Albert Einstein
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."
Albert Einstein
#6
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Posted 26 February 2009 - 05:18 AM
I've been with the same man since 1977-we are h.s. sweethearts. We got engaged in 1983 and he was injured in a car accident leaving him paralyzed (c-345) quad. only 3 months before our planned wedding date. I became his primary caregiver and fortunately it has worked for us as a couple. We never married-medical insurance would be jeaporized if we were married with joint incomes. Long story short-depression is a daily part of anyone's life-we choose to not make it the life-sucking force that can dictate your life. We have a dog that is so instrumental in keeping us focused on the present. We figure that if our dog is loved and cared for and feels secure and depends on us for his everything-we can spend less time zoning in on problems that go with the territory of spouse/carer of someone disabled that you love and are committed to. If our dog is happy and a joy to be around it's because we chose to devote our love and time to him. He's a reflection of us and what we are made of-he is the bigger picture when you consider what's important - provided that you both are on the same page regarding life's rewards and work together to make all of you happy. Just something I've found helpful when feeling sorry for myself doesn't quite make it.
#7
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Posted 26 February 2009 - 11:37 AM
Thanks kevin - troubleshooter.
Kevin - Thanks - I'll certainly look those up although im vaguly familiar with a couple. She seems to enjoy massage alot (who doesnt :0).
Troubleshooter - that sounds like a great idea. I have 100 diffarent positive thoughts stemming from what you said there but I cant find the right way to place them into words without it being misinterpreted by people. Although its evident the main point there is people being able to have/acheive a sense of responsibility. Thankyou.
Nickle.
Kevin - Thanks - I'll certainly look those up although im vaguly familiar with a couple. She seems to enjoy massage alot (who doesnt :0).
Troubleshooter - that sounds like a great idea. I have 100 diffarent positive thoughts stemming from what you said there but I cant find the right way to place them into words without it being misinterpreted by people. Although its evident the main point there is people being able to have/acheive a sense of responsibility. Thankyou.
Nickle.
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Posted 29 August 2010 - 08:49 AM
Thanks guys/gals.
Well, Two years down the line and we split two month's ago. My choice. Normal (Big Queston mark?) relationship issues I guess. Non compatible/untruths.. Can safely say I worked my backside off at it. Unfortunately wasn't to be. She was a cracking lass and I'd not change the experiance for the world.
I ended up with a border collie too just to add to the dog theme you spoke of! I'd bought it to assist her which it did greatly.
Unfortunately she was happier seeing the dog then she was me! :-)
Life goes on. Just to those few people I did 1 to 1 message who had questions/issues regarding relationships...
Ive had three long term.. two I couldn't care less about that's over and LIR (the paraplegic lass). I can safely say Yeah, It might have only been two years. However i'd not of changed it for the world. I won't be with her. I can't handle her ways. (attitude) however I don't regret a day I was there.
I can't "tell" you what to do. Your life is your choice but I seriously recommend if your contemplating a relationship but letting your concerns/fears/intimate issues hold you back. - Just go for it. It might not last forever.. But it will be a fun two years.
Guess there's not much point me hanging around the forums anymore. I learnt everything I wanted to from LIR. You guys were a great help when i first started out. THANK - YOU!
I'll update my profile and i'm offski.
Keep smiling guys/gals.
Maxnickleblue.
Well, Two years down the line and we split two month's ago. My choice. Normal (Big Queston mark?) relationship issues I guess. Non compatible/untruths.. Can safely say I worked my backside off at it. Unfortunately wasn't to be. She was a cracking lass and I'd not change the experiance for the world.
I ended up with a border collie too just to add to the dog theme you spoke of! I'd bought it to assist her which it did greatly.
Unfortunately she was happier seeing the dog then she was me! :-)
Life goes on. Just to those few people I did 1 to 1 message who had questions/issues regarding relationships...
Ive had three long term.. two I couldn't care less about that's over and LIR (the paraplegic lass). I can safely say Yeah, It might have only been two years. However i'd not of changed it for the world. I won't be with her. I can't handle her ways. (attitude) however I don't regret a day I was there.
I can't "tell" you what to do. Your life is your choice but I seriously recommend if your contemplating a relationship but letting your concerns/fears/intimate issues hold you back. - Just go for it. It might not last forever.. But it will be a fun two years.
Guess there's not much point me hanging around the forums anymore. I learnt everything I wanted to from LIR. You guys were a great help when i first started out. THANK - YOU!
I'll update my profile and i'm offski.
Keep smiling guys/gals.
Maxnickleblue.
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