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Have You Changed?




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13 replies to this topic

#1 *XxMaddiexX*

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Posted 30 January 2006 - 09:03 PM

Since your partner etc. accident has your personality changed much? Jason has now been in hospital 2 1/2 months (and counting) and I think I've changed more than him.
Before his accident I was kind of wreckless and would go out drinking with all my friends etc, and be the first one to do something really stupid and dangerous as a 15/16 year old girl does, but now I'm like, well, what if I fall on my head or something. I drink less too, actually since like November I've only drunk at Christmas, wow, anyway, I'm not constantly paranoid or anything, just way more cautious. I just wondered if anyone else had changed since their accident or if it's just me.
thanx,
maddie xxx

#2 Lucydog

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Posted 30 January 2006 - 10:37 PM

Yes of course I have changed but without wanting to sound holier than though, probably for the better. I really appreciate the small things in life, in particular I love weather. I try to be a kinder person, to thank people more and generally just be a bit gentler in my life. I dont worry about bad things , but instead I try to concentrate and enjoy what I have and not worry myself sick chasing what i havent got.

#3 hillarymcarter

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Posted 02 February 2006 - 03:35 AM

I have changed big time. Most of my change has affected my relasionships with others. I just feel very guarded around people now. I just feel like I need to protect Bruce as much as I can....I don't want anyone to say or do anything to hurt him. I used to be very talkative and outgoing, and now I'm just kinda quiet and I kinda come off as a b**ch. Plus, I am 23 and everyone thinks I'm 30!

#4 *Gary*

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Posted 02 February 2006 - 10:36 AM

Hilary

I have spent days catching up on threads. You'll know from the previous postings thta I was involved in an accident with my nephew and am "plastered" - not from the drink.

Anyway, no way could you be described as a B**CH. I found your story heartbreaking and think you do a great job with Bruce. HOw lucky he is to have you. So young too. I was in my 30s when I was paralysed - my wife left me. Now, 16 years later, I am in another relationship but that may be fractured due to the recent accident and my partner finds it terribly hard that I am now totally dependant on folk until my plasters come off. Not easy for a paraplegic.

I wish you and Bruce best of luck. Hope your job goes well and trust Bruce got his job as a despatcher. I am from the UK, so what is a Police Despatcher?

I love reading your threads as they are so positive and teh advice so good.

Gary

#5 *Guest*

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Posted 02 February 2006 - 11:28 AM

Well, yes, of course things and people change after something as significant as the arrival at home of a wheelcahir and associated things. I must have been more fortunate than gary, though, as my wife said we had to accept the problems and wiork with them. She even mentioned something that most couple end up saying at their wedding, ' in sickness and in health'. She is right and the vows taken at a wedding are pretty serious and probably not thought through beforehand.

Anyway, of course we have both changed but I hope for the better, though I found and sometimes still do, so things are very frustrating. I have had to become a bit more outgoing, whilst my wife still finds the art of sloping off when shop or other staff are asked a question by me and then start talking to my wife!

#6 *Gary*

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Posted 02 February 2006 - 03:57 PM

Guest

Lucky You! Perhaps my wife did not realise "in sickness and in health" meant. However, without going into details, I suspect that my accident only hurried things along - she would have gone anyway. Partly because my injury is not an SCI - it is damaged nerves as opposed to cord - it makes me more unacceptable of my situation. I know that despite what is said, I would give my eye teeth to be able to walk again and will continue to do all that I can to get back what little mobility I had. As long as I can, I will struggle around on sticks instead of using a chair.
Just me and it is only my opinion. To anyone else who has changed for the better, congratulations.

#7 Joed

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Posted 02 February 2006 - 06:48 PM

I agree that most people don't really absorb the depth of what they're saying when they promise "in sickness and health, for better or worse". Having had a disability all my life, I knew exactly what I was saying...not just in reference to my own health situation, but the possibility that my husband also may come up against significant injury or failing health someday. But I don't think my husband was fully aware of what that promise could mean.

We struggled...and still do...with issues since my main injury. Legally separated over two years post-injury, but we're now trying to work things out. I feel that he has changed quite a bit...at first it was for the worse...but since our reconciliation and attending counseling, he has had some ephiphanies that have made a huge difference in how he perceives my realities. He's much more involved with the daily tasks around the house, and has taken on a bigger role in the parenting too. All in all, the way it stands right now, I'd say the changes have been positive.

I have changed in ways I can't really identify. My zest is gone, as I'm always so fatigued and/or in pain. I'm not as spontaneous and light-hearted as I once was, but I do make an effort to try and compensate for that when I can. I have a young son, so I'm always trying to find ways to create happy memories for him during this tough time. Not always an easy thing to accomplish, but we do okay.

My son has changed. He's more responsible than he probably would've been if the paralysis hadn't happened. He does have some anger at times, but I've always encouraged him to express himself, so all in all, that is a good lesson for him too.

My extended family has changed somewhat as well. They never babied me before, but now it seems that they worry all the time about how I'm tolerating things. Plans are made based around what is easiest for me. I'd rather that things were how they were before, but the fact is, they're not. I have noticed that as I've become stronger and more independent, that they have started to place less emphasis on my injury, and now we can actually have conversations that have nothing to do with my spine.

My father has not spoken to me or seen me since my paralysis...he's afraid, I suppose...and I can't help him with that...something he'll have to figure out on his own.
* * * * * * * * *

Female. Incomplete para following a cord stroke in '03. Spina-bifida, severe scoliosis. 18 surgeries total...five spine-related: Three fusions w/hardware, two tethered cord releases.

#8 hillarymcarter

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Posted 03 February 2006 - 03:47 AM

Gary-I heard that you got 'plastered'! I'm sorry to hear it...I hope everything will be okay.
A police dispatcher is the guy who gets on the police radios and gets them to the places they need to be. They answer the phone calls that come into the station and send the police their way....unfortunately, he didn't get the job.....see my job interview subforum....it is a shi**y situation that I don't want to talk about again today! :mfrlol:

#9 *Gary*

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Posted 03 February 2006 - 03:57 PM

Hilary, sorry to hear that and sorry for opening up old wounds. I have not quite got the hang of the different forums yet. I think that is a lot of C**P. Hopefully the State Police and the Sheriff will come up with something. Here's hoping. After all, a guy is only trying to move on. I thought USA were better towards the disabled than us in the UK - that;s what my yankee friends tell me anyway.

Good luck.

#10 hillarymcarter

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Posted 07 February 2006 - 03:25 AM

Generally, Americans are very accepting of disabilites and actually look for diversity in the work place. These guys are just a bunch of redneck :hug: !!!!
I think he is too good for the job anyway. I think he should go get a second degree and teach school. Right now, I'm just letting him figure it out by himself. I've gone back to work, so he can take a couple more months to figure out what he wants to do.
Anyway, you didn't open up any wounds. I know that jobs are what they are, and maybe the people hired were great....I'm just a little sore about it because I have to see the one I love upset and disappointed.

#11 carolline

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Posted 09 February 2006 - 04:30 AM

Hi to all,

Just to let you'll know I'm still alive! I was busy for the past few months,that make me absent here.And knowing that there's a changes here "wow" I like those SMILIES.

About this thread....."Have You Change?" I would say "Yes" not because someone in my family got injured (no one,thanks God) Coz as I observed here in my work theres a lot of patients got MVA and injured secondary to SCI and Vegetative stage.And some of them are pedestrian accident also,ppl here are reckles driver.
That's why I change a lot....I can say I got a phobia for crossing the street.I never cross the street alone and If somebody with me,If I see those stop lights my heart is throbbing so strong and I'm perspiring.Im very careful to myself when Im walking on the street as Im thinking somebody will gonna hit me. :)
Sometimes I'm thinking how to overcome this fear.
Naughty Carer (SKMC)

#12 Joed

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Posted 09 February 2006 - 06:42 AM

It's good to see you, carolline. :cheers: I had wondered where you were and was thinking of putting out a shout to you. I always enjoy reading your posts...so you've been missed.

There is good news about your phobia...I recently read that 90% of most phobias can be completely cured. Using desensitization therapy, primarily. If it's negatively impacting your daily life, I'd suggest considering finding ways to lessen that anxiety. Anything to make life a little more user-friendly, right? :lol:

Being a nurse and caring for those with SCI, I'm sure that the stories begin to creep into your thinking over time. Keep in mind that you're seeing a concentrated slice of the population, heavily represented by injury. The risk of being hit by a vehicle is smaller than it would seem if you spend most of your time caring for those who have. Rationally, I know you know that, but I think it would be very easy for those accumulated stories to start skewing a person's perspective. I guess that's why I'm not a nurse! :mfrlol: God bless you. :)
* * * * * * * * *

Female. Incomplete para following a cord stroke in '03. Spina-bifida, severe scoliosis. 18 surgeries total...five spine-related: Three fusions w/hardware, two tethered cord releases.

#13 carolline

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 12:18 PM

Thanks Joed....I've always wanted to try overcome this bit of phobia.
Do'nt you know I tried one time to across the street I stood there on the other side for 30 mins.more or less.I want to go but my mind telling "I will Go! and Oh no do'nt go! the cars gonna hit your ass!"...Then finally I did it!!!...I phoned my friend that she need to congratulate me....I acrossed the street for the first time... :mfrlol: But I never do it again...coz it will take a long time to decide.
Naughty Carer (SKMC)

#14 wheelie182

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 02:08 PM

HI CAROLINE

Good to see your back, i was wondering where the crazy nurse had got too :hug:

been busy huh :mfrlol:
That's what she said!


Spinal Cord Injury & Cauda Equina Syndrome Support

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