[Allie]

Hi my name is Allie. I'm 22 and a paraplegic T-12 incomplete. I just got engaged and my fiance wants to know how to do my cares and what he should all know about taking care of me. I have a hard time explaining what you all have to do and some of it is embarassing but i know it won't bother him he loves me no matter what. I was just wondering the best way to explain it all to him and what he should all know about taking care of someone who is a paraplegic. I would really appreciate some help

[Unbreakable]

Well, at your injury level, you should be relatively independent, right? Transfers, feeding, grooming, bladder, etc. Of course, all situations are different. How long post-injury are you? And don't you think you should have discussed this BEFORE you got engaged? I mean, didn't it ever come up before now?

[twisted_ophelia]

I agree with Unbreakable. Unless you are newly injured or have some other health/disability issues other than SCI, you should really be striving to be independent, especially at your injury level and you being incomplete. Everyone is absolutely different but being independent with all your own care makes life a hell of a lot easier.

This post has been edited by twisted_ophelia: 18 March 2009 - 11:54 PM

[Jax]

One other question I thought of that hasn't been asked yet is do you have flaccid bowel or flaccid bladder sphincter? I understand that at a low injury level, most should be pretty independent, but I also know how having flaccid bowel and flaccid bladder sphincter can sometimes require help. Especially with a long set of hardware like mine. I am reinforced from T10 through pelvis, so that can make cleanup after bowel accident a problem sometimes. Having no flex means not being able to reach certain places if not properly positioned.

Also, as Unbreakable said, didn't this ever come up before?

When my wife and I got engaged, she and I had already talked about what I could need help with, and she had helped me at most of it by then as well. Of course, our situation made it a bit easier to talk about everything. (She's a nurse.)

[Unbreakable]

Jax, on Mar 18 2009, 08:36 PM, said:

One other question I thought of that hasn't been asked yet is do you have flaccid bowel or flaccid bladder sphincter? I understand that at a low injury level, most should be pretty independent, but I also know how having flaccid bowel and flaccid bladder sphincter can sometimes require help. Especially with a long set of hardware like mine. I am reinforced from T10 through pelvis, so that can make cleanup after bowel accident a problem sometimes. Having no flex means not being able to reach certain places if not properly positioned.

Also, as Unbreakable said, didn't this ever come up before?

When my wife and I got engaged, she and I had already talked about what I could need help with, and she had helped me at most of it by then as well. Of course, our situation made it a bit easier to talk about everything. (She's a nurse.)

Once again, an excellent post from you Jax, and reinforcing my statement that all situations are different, regardless of injury level.

This post has been edited by Unbreakable: 19 March 2009 - 03:18 AM

[Nickleblue]

Hi there, My partner is paraplegic and is very embaressed about talking to me about this at the moment. Naturally the situation with arise when it "has" to (when we eventually live together). Although i do have a concern about an "introductory" period if you like where we experiance the care angle together before moving in (my place is not accessible for the chair re the toilet / shower at the moment) to see if we are "Both" happy with how we take care of her requirements.

How would I best like to be told? as the partner of someone with paraplegia who see's that area as purely medical and a requirement.

Answer? - Directly. As bluntly and directly as possible so as I knew exactly what was entailed and what wasn't so I could not only make up my own mind as to what I could offer but so as I understood the whole situation and how to rectify it if anything did go wrong. Now thankfully my partner has strong family support and has been in touch with social services and other organizations for years. So I will (hopefully) always have someone to rely upon if theres ever something I cant take care of.

However for now its just a case of waiting for her to be more comfortable with me dealing with the situaitons then her mother and waiting for us to move in together.

If the guy really cares about you and if you have hit this stage it sounds like he does - anything you tell him wont scare him off.

As soon as i found out about spina bifida (partners condition) I hit the forums and found this site and read up everything i could about it. all situaitons are unique and your needs are unique to you. However it may help for him to read through all the details of other people/situations paperwork etc especially the worst case scinario stuff. Because then when it comes time for you to tell him your personal requirements they wont seem as "daunting/difficult" - thats just my take on things.

Good luck.
Nickle.

[mricks]

My wife was injured back in 2000 and sent to the Shepherd Center in Atlanta. While she was there they offered classes that both she and her caregivers could take to kinda explain the processes. At the time, we had been dating only 2-3 months so I didn't go, but what I've learned is mostly from her. Anyway, point is that if there is a program or specialty hospital near where you live it might be a good place to start.

[buff]

best way for him to learn is to watch. who cares for you now? let him see how they help. then let him start helping where he can. he will get the hang of it quick. just be sure not to get impatient with him. he is learning and is doing it cause he loves you

[edlee]

Allie,,,, are you still out there????? You ask a question, then never came back. Don't leave us hanging like this. Come back and tell us how you're doing.

Are you still engaged,,,, to the same guy,,,, . How did he take the education,, and how did you end up teaching him.

These are all questions that a lot of people , here, would love to have answered.

Hope you are well
ed