17 replies to this topic

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

Hey,

I'm new to this site..I found it while doing some research to learn more about my boyfriend's injury. He was in a swimming accident in the beginning of January and was told he had a C5 injury, and as to be expected he is very depressed. I've been doing my best to remain as positive as I possibly can hoping that it will rub off on him, but its like nothing makes him feel better. And I just don't know what to do or say anymore to make him feel better, so I was wondering if anyone can offer me some words of wisdom/advice that I can pass along to him. It would be much appreciated! :]

[Illinois Boy]

Welcome to the forum..........

Have you tried a lap dance?
Jus kidding, I'm one of the circus clowns in here......

He's gonna be pissed at the world for awhile.......

Stick with him if you really love him....

Good Luck....

Jim

[jaquie_farmer]

is he complete or incomplete? im c6 but c5 was the one that was crushed. i was in a diving accident?

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

Ya know I'm not really sure if he's a complete or incomplete, I asked him and he didn't know either..I will ask his doctor..haha he would love a lap dance..too badd I can't dance.

[jaquie_farmer]

well either way it DOES get better. im not going to sugar coat it though. it SUCKS and its HARD but i've come to love it. it makes me me and ive learned a lot from it and ive only been injured for 8 months. it gets better and if he can he should get on here. its been a life saver for me.

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

"it does get better"..thanks I've needed to hear that.

[Scott_C4-5]

It was two to three months before I even started talking to anyone other than family. I was depressed off and on a lot for many more months and even after almost 19 years, I still get a little down. Once he's at home (if he isn't already) he'll need both support and space given his mood. If you can put up with mood swings for a while and he realizes how lucky he is to have someone (not family) to stick with him it may fade sooner. I lost my friends after I came home and it was nearly as hard as the injury itself, but I'm still here (even though I still bitch about at times.) Give him time and see if things change. The best thing I can think of to avoid depression is keeping his mind and body as active as possible. Find hobbies he can still do and don't let him become too much of a hermit if possible. I've done that and am just now trying to crawl out of my proverbial cave. Show him this site and see if he finds some kind of activity on here that can give him the joy of doing something with as much as self-sufficiency as possible. Other than that, don't be afraid of showing affection. Nothing makes a guy happier than a pretty woman showing him a little adoration. (Not too much or it might seem insincere)

Good luck...

[jaquie_farmer]

 theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze, on Mar 25 2009, 07:11 PM, said:

"it does get better"..thanks I've needed to hear that.

just reassure him that you'll be there no matter what. its always nice to hear that from my boyfirend.

[tmcph]

that sucks to hear, people deal with it all differently, i know that personally i had 1 maybe 2 days i was pissed, that was also right after i met with my lawyer to make a living will because things weren't looking good, i was told i was a c 1 & all the stuff that goes along with that, well luckily that ended not being the case, but my dad came across a quote that he brought to me & it brought a smile to my face & I have it on a piece of paper on my person at all times

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy shit...what a ride!'"

depends on the person but it helped me

i also helped plan out my van that I was gonna need to get & stuff to do like that

i wasn't trying to distract myself from what was going on, but get myself to look to the future.

sounds like your boyfriend & i are along the same lines, i'm a c 5/6 complete, i was 20 at the time of injury & am now 26.

[Jax]

Regardless of how well or badly you think you dance, the lapdance is the best idea I've heard yet!! It worked for me!! (I had a few bad days about 3 months post injury, and found myself in the bottom of a single malt scotch bottle a couple times, and BELIEVE ME, that is NOT the answer!)

I don't know about the getting better part. To some degree, it does get better. But mostly he will learn to adapt to it. He's probably going to keep hating the world for a while, so he is really going to need you there to support him more than ever. There is one thing I know-Having you there will make a lot of difference in his recovery. Probably more than you know. He's going to need all the support he can get.

As others said, see if you can get him on here to check out some of this stuff, you never know what he might find. I'm going to post a link to a youtube video of Clay Egan. He's a quad that drives in rock crawler races. Also, you might want to rent or buy the movie Murderball. It's about Quad Rugby athletes, and has lots of cool stuff in it (The special features are pretty awesome too). There's also a section of this forum dedicated to quad rugby if he likes what he sees.

Wish you luck,
JAX

Clay Egan Video

Clay Egan Racing

Murderball Trailer on youtube

Edited by Jax, 26 March 2009 - 06:26 PM.

[Slowlegs]

I don't know if it would help but my family used to have a saying when I was going for surgeries, etc. We used to say "prepare for the worst but hope for the best". It is easy to concentrate on the bad things that come from a situation and it is hard to be positive but as Jaquie said, things do get better. People would say to me that one day it will all be an ancient memory, and to some extent it is. I think if you introduce him to this site it would really help him as it will show that better times are yet to come. Tell him just to take whatever the legendary E-Dog says with a grain of salt.

[E-DOG]

Young lady, you must live a charmed life cuz you just got real lucky.
I, E-dog used to be a professional lap-dance instructor.
I don't have much time for it now, what with my mobile stem cell service and being a body guard for all the "Victoria's Secret Models" and researching the effects of medical marijuana on SCI's an' stuff. But I will occasionally take on a private student if I feel the situation warrants it.

And it sounds like your boyfriend is indeed in dire need of a lap dance, that's fer sure.
Please get back to me quick as you can, I gotta go pick up Adriana Lima at the airport. She gets pissed if I'm late.
Don't worry about the cost of the lessons. Like I say to the kids at school when I'm sellin' 'em heroin, "the first one's always free!"

Oh, and get with my secretary Slowlegs; I left some of those little fastfood packets of salt with him just in case any body needs one.
And YOU are gonna need one big-time.

E-dog

[Slowlegs]

 E-DOG, on Mar 27 2009, 03:54 AM, said:

Oh, and get with my secretary Slowlegs; I left some of those little fastfood packets of salt with him just in case any body needs one.
And YOU are gonna need one big-time.

E-dog

Right on cue - thanks Boss.

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

Lol! Okay I'll keep you in mind when I'm ready to get some lessons.

Thanks JAX for the video's as soon as I can get a computer in his hospital rm I will definitely show him this site and those videos. I was searching around here the other day and found some guy who was grinding a rail in his wheelchair ..SoulSurfer..or something I'm not sure, but I was completely amazed! And the bf was really into skateboarding before all this happened..so i'm really anxious to get him on here and see everything this site has to offer.

[Jax]

 theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze, on Mar 27 2009, 09:44 AM, said:

Lol! Okay I'll keep you in mind when I'm ready to get some lessons.

Thanks JAX for the video's as soon as I can get a computer in his hospital rm I will definitely show him this site and those videos. I was searching around here the other day and found some guy who was grinding a rail in his wheelchair ..SoulSurfer..or something I'm not sure, but I was completely amazed! And the bf was really into skateboarding before all this happened..so i'm really anxious to get him on here and see everything this site has to offer.

The SantaCruzSoulSurfer. That link will take you to his youtube page. There's tons of cool stuff there and here on this site. There's one guy, Aaron Fotheringham, who did the first ever wheelchair backflip! Somebody said something on here a while back that kind of stuck with me- You eventually learn to conform your disability to your life instead of conforming your life to your disability.

JAX

[buff]

try not to be TOO positive. i mean def don't be negative but i know when my man is down and i am like "hey well at least...." it tends to make him feel worse about hiself and he tells me sometimes he feels stupid for feeling the way he does so i just try to be understanding. when he talks i will say "i know, im sorry but....." throw something in to focus on. another thing i am doing is getting my bf into murder ball. i have a friend that has played for three years and it has done wonders for his attitude and helping him to adjust. its a pretty cool game, its like wheel chair rugby. you would be surprised how popular it is. research it and see if you can take him to watch a practice. another thing we are doing is taking him horse back riding, he loves being outdoors. he was injured rock climbing so all the sporty stuff i can get him to do that doesn't make him feel "disabled and useless" really seems to help.

[Nickleblue]

Hi There. Not sure it will help at all but you throw enough mud at a wall....

My partner is paraplegic. We have been together six month's I started using this site when we first met as i was looking for information on her condition she was paraplegic when we met.

She does have moment's of depression (doesn't everyone).

I tend to find alot of inspiring stuff on the web / cards etc and text them to her randomly.

The initial one was (which she actually quotes to "me" now on occasion.)

"If i beleive I have the ability to achieve something. I gain that Ability. Even if I did not have that ability to begin with"
Mhatma Ghandi.

Whatever works for you.

I have read numerous articles where "humour" is the key. sometimes sensible. Sometimes vulgar. I think its important to be able to "alter" mentally whatever's thrown at you that appears "too harsh" to deal with at the time. to - Minimize it - at least on one level.

best of luck.

Nickle.

Ps. - 6 Months me and the lass have been together. I was in two long term relationships previously and both were a waste of time. Those 6 month's with this lass so far have been great! - I know theres alot of disabled people out there cautious of entering a relationship because of all the physical/medical issues. It can work tho,

Nickle.

Edited by Nickleblue, 23 July 2009 - 03:59 PM.

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

 Nickleblue, on Jul 23 2009, 07:59 AM, said:

I tend to find alot of inspiring stuff on the web / cards etc and text them to her randomly.


I have read numerous articles where "humour" is the key. sometimes sensible. Sometimes vulgar. I think its important to be able to "alter" mentally whatever's thrown at you that appears "too harsh" to deal with at the time. to - Minimize it - at least on one level.

OooOo thanks I will definitely keep an eye out for that inspirational stuff..

 buff, on Jul 12 2009, 07:16 AM, said:

try not to be TOO positive. i mean def don't be negative but i know when my man is down and i am like "hey well at least...." it tends to make him feel worse about hiself and he tells me sometimes he feels stupid for feeling the way he does so i just try to be understanding. when he talks i will say "i know, im sorry but....." throw something in to focus on. another thing i am doing is getting my bf into murder ball. i have a friend that has played for three years and it has done wonders for his attitude and helping him to adjust. its a pretty cool game, its like wheel chair rugby. you would be surprised how popular it is. research it and see if you can take him to watch a practice. another thing we are doing is taking him horse back riding, he loves being outdoors. he was injured rock climbing so all the sporty stuff i can get him to do that doesn't make him feel "disabled and useless" really seems to help.

thanks..for the murderball thing i will definitely show him some of that stuff, I'm sure he'd be into it.