8 replies to this topic

[Carly/Kevin]

i asked my boyfriend what he felt when they told him he could never walk again. i wonder what goes through his mind. i know i will never really know but i would like to kind of know. i just want to be there and help him as much as i can. and he never really answers me when i ask him. he says, "i don't feel like talking about that right now." i honestly don't understand why he wont tell me. i wish he would open up more to me. so my question is, what did you guys feel when this happened to you? and how could i get him to talk to me about his accident?

[C6-JEN]

Hey,
i cant really explain how it feels to be told that you'll never walk again, but it is a scary prospect at first. As for talking about the accident, it takes each person a different amount of time to open up about it, aslong as u make sure he knows you are there for him he (hopefully) open up to you eventually. You dont want to push the issue to much as it might make him shut down.
hoppe this helps a little

[Lucydog]

I think most people are not totally surprised, but correct me anyone if Im wrong. When youve had an SCI injury, you sort of know that this is serious. At least I did. You know you cant feel anything, or it feels weird or wrong or whatever, so for me it wasnt like I woke up one morning and couldnt walk, there is usually the preceeding cause. So you already have the clue that life has changed.

Initial reaction for me was 'f**k, f**K, f**K', but I have never dwelt on it and this may be how your boyfriend feels. I dont really want to talk about it, I dont want to think about how awful it is, I dont want to become so negative about my life, which can happen. Instead I prefer to look forward and enjoy every moment I had. Im alive and grateful and love living whatever it brings.
Cheers and take care!

[Coach]

It's tricky, as you've noticed. Unless you've grown up with someone who uses crutches or a wheelchair, I think there's an aversion to thinking of oneself as one of them, and this is one of the attitudes that a new SCI is processing. He probably doesn't know what he feels, except that this s*cks and changes everything. It does s*ck, and does change everything, even though on certain levels it changes nothing at all. Your kind of impossible challenge is to reassure him on the unchanged levels and respect and not play-down the changed ones. I was brave early about not walking and talked of what I'd still be able to do with my hands and arms. I was miserable, but played the upbeat role as best I could. When I eventually learned my hands would remain paralyzed, I felt I'd been put in a false position in which my bravery had put me into a falsely pathetic posture and I tended to resent it. I would have preferred being told the worst first, which would have saved me from seeming so to count on what wasn't going to happen.

Your boyfriend may not want to tell you what went through his mind when he was told because to recreate it for you gives it a reality it doesn't need to have. You can imagine it. You really can. And if you can't, that's okay. He couldn't either, it happened, and it may be best to just move on from there.

[Lucky]

When the consultant told me I may not, that was bad enough and I had full sensation. The first thing that came into my head was......how will I get to the pub? Luckily I can now walk but to be told somthing like that is very ...how do we say...sur-real?
You sound like a wonderfull girl-frend so I'd either give it time or get him drunk! That gets me chattering.

[Iamalliepara2000]

I was upset and scared. I thought my life was over. Mind you, I was 14 at the time. I thought I had the world on a string. I thought I was invincible. The accident changed that thought very quickly. My friends changed, my life changed. I grew up alot those 6 months in and out of rehab. I learned alot about myself and about how one foolish mistake can change you forever.

[Joed]

In my case, I was somewhat mentally prepared, or as prepared as one can be in these circumstances. I've dealt with neuro-stuff all my life, and I knew the risks of a tethered cord release...so somewhere on the back burner of my mind, I knew paralysis might be the outcome. But the alternative would've been even worse, so I feel like I came out of things pretty well.

There was never a definitive moment when I was 'told'. Like some have posted above, I knew that there wasn't any signals reaching down there. They did tell me that they weren't getting any movement, although at first there was some. I just knew what that meant, and really, looking back, I guess I didn't skip a beat. I just started concentrating on getting the most strength and ability back that I could.

[Carly/Kevin]

Thanks for all of your guys replies. I'm just going to back off of it until he wants to talk about it. I know everything is still new so I'm just going to give it time. Hopefully he will eventually come out and talk to me about it. But for now I'm just going to be here and make sure he knows I'm here. And he don't have to talk about it until he's ready.

[Lucky]

You'll be fine. This is the worst bit and things surly can only get better. Esspecially with someone like you by his side.

All the best to you both.