17 replies to this topic

[cubanito_016]

My name is Adrian I am 19 years old and ive been injured for one year already.I get piss of alat cause I have to deal with many things like neuropathic pain and alat of the times I feel like crap and less of the time I feel good so I feel like if my life is a piece of shit.I look aroud I see people having a good time going eveywhere and like if there are people lifes are perfect and if they never had eny serious problem like me.I get mad alat sometimes I thinks of doing crazy things but I would never go that far in hurting myself.Enybody got a advice cause I feel like if I am alone in this but I know I am not.

[fatdave]

Take it from someone that was very violent and very angry when they were young. Seek help.

Injuries like we have can cause a sane man to do things they would never think of before. I've been pissed off enough to cut my legs, punch them and ultimately try to kill myself, yes there were more factors at play than just dealing with my injury but I felt that everything went wrong because of it.

let me say again, seek help.

[wheeliebear75]

I 2nd what Dave said ,if you have been thinking of or feeling like doing anything seek help & fast!

But you are NOT alone. Just read through some of the posts & threads in here. I've also had to deal with that pins & needles & I can't even count how many times I've said "I wish I could just cut my legs off". I know it can be hard to focus on anything but the neuropathy.......it's pretty hard to ignore sometimes(OK understatement) but if you can "zone in on" something else it can help tremendously. Many of us use music, some use playing an instrument , playing a game, some other hobby......the point that you give your brain something else to focus on is the key.

You had your accident when you were young & there is a thread just for those who were hurt young.

For the rest of the world how we get around or where we can or cant go does not effect them......until they become friends with one of us. Do you live in a city that has accessible things for you to do and places that you can go? Being cooped up & not getting out can also add to depression & sometimes after a stroll through the park hearing the birds and feeling the sun on my skin I feel somewhat better (no I'm not saying it's going to cure you of depression).

I hope you'll check back in with us. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[nomis]

Don't be too hard on yourself, cubanito. You've only been at this for about 18 months and I reckon that's about the time I (and others, I presume) got frustrated. It sounds like you've got some built-up energy that you'd like to put into action. Wheelbears suggestion of getting out more might be the thing. What is one big thing you want to do during your life - set yourself a target? What about a visit to Cuba? Obama looks likely to loosen up on the restrictions. If you were serious enough that'd be a big project to get the funding together, etc

[Yasko]

nomis, on Apr 30 2009, 05:17 AM, said:

Don't be too hard on yourself, cubanito. You've only been at this for about 18 months and I reckon that's about the time I (and others, I presume) got frustrated. It sounds like you've got some built-up energy that you'd like to put into action. Wheelbears suggestion of getting out more might be the thing. What is one big thing you want to do during your life - set yourself a target? What about a visit to Cuba? Obama looks likely to loosen up on the restrictions. If you were serious enough that'd be a big project to get the funding together, etc

That's a great advice Nomis! Set the goals for your self and go for it! Just be reasonable, of course. Trust us, we all went trough those fazes! Good luck!

[edlee]

Yep,,, end of year two,,, depression and anger,,, looks like you're right on schedule,, next comes about six months of self examination, more or less ( more if you're like nomis) then ,, with luck,, moving on with your life.

Try to figure out what you like doing,,, probably not the same as before, so stay open to possibilities. If you never tried pier fishing,, ya never know.
ed

[Murray]

Hey cubanito -

There are some great martial arts classes for gimps out there. Find one. Get into the business of finding who/what you are physically, mentally, emotionally - all that jazz. The exercise is great and the successes help the "shit" wear away.

And listen to the ol' timers here. These boys know the game.

Lynn

[hurbshankin]

Yup, it's damn hard. But you will find your direction. I'm 20 months post and it's been the roughest 20 months of my life. But I've found, with the help of family, friends and this forum, you can start a new life. I was so desperate to be my former self and do all that I used to that I was driving myself crazy. You just have to realize that everything is differet now. Be grateful for what function you still have as there are many members here and elsewhere that are worse off. Acceptance of your new found limits is not defeat, it is what will aid you i moving forward. Find something to keep you busy. Going back to work was great. Make sure your life has meaning and direction.

Hurb

[a la carte]

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Try to figure out what you like doing,,,

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Make sure your life has meaning and direction.

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Get into the business of finding who/what you are physically, mentally, emotionally

Lots of gems in this thread!

I lived in denial of my condition for over 10 years - wouldn't "give in" and get a disabled parking plate, never would even consider looking another gimp in the eye, MUCH LESS becoming great friends with them! Shiite!!!!

I have, over the past several decades, figured out a lot of the things quoted above. Thank God.

Now, I have lots of friends with all kinds of disabilities (and, yes, lots of able-bodied friends, too...). We like to hunt a lot. I have even developed a video scope for hunting and have taken a few blind friends deer hunting (very successfully)!!!

In 1982, when I got paralyzed, I'da never thunk it possible... HANG IN THERE!!! Lots of good people and advice here, and everywhere around you, if you are up to it.

Most important...? Perhaps this quote I learned from a high school teacher:

Quote

Laugh, and the world laughs with you... Cry, and you'll cry alone.

[longhaul]

Hey man you are getting it from both sides, at 19 you have a load of testosterone running through you and that has a big impact on you. Being in the chair you'll get used to in time. The injury is something you can't change and that will frustrate you and make you angry, it still pisses me off. Get in your chair and go when you feel angry where you go doesn't matter just don't sit and sulk do something. If you think about bad or negative things all the time it will become your world so don't waste time on it. You have to keep your since of humor, look for the things that are funny and smile a lot. Hang in there............it does get better.

[musical-poet]

i'm t5 an 6 and there's virtually sodall people can do to understand and a little less they can do to help.
This is a rather frowned upon approach but you need to decide where to be.

You can choose your approach not your position. Yes the setting of goals helps alot of people but i feel that it's abit hollow, i've achieved this goal and then what?
The way i look at it, yes i know it's a bad view in itself, is that i'll be my best at whatever i feel like doing.

Examples:

I feel like getting to gym and mental tests alone without a car or an AB to help.
It's 2.5km there, 2.5km back.
It takes time to build up stamina but the first try i didn't rush. An hour and a half later i was there, 2hours for the return trip. It wasn't the best, maybe the worst but hey it was my best.
I'm alot faster now but i was my best.

I have a son, he's about 10kg and is almost impossible for my strength to pick up.
I now hoist him to a table type thing about 15cm high, then i put myself back into the upright position and he helps me to get him on my lap.
Takes long and not by any means a world best but none the less my best.

Sure doing things doesn't make my mental state any better but like the other posts say distraction is key to aliviation.
Help helps but i use the suspect approach of an old frog metaphore: see the crowd but be deaf to their disbelief and negative vibes.

Moral of all this rubbish i've said, patience with one's self is the way i haven't killed people.

I give myself time, too much all the time but enough all the time.

[Slowlegs]

Hi Cubanito, sorry you are feeling angry but it is a good sign that you are asking questions about it because it suggests you are open to changing things. The advice above is great. Getting out more is good but I have often thought and recently realised that what you do is up to you. When you get out you may feel like people are staring and they probably are.

At first it feels like they are all staring because they feel like you are a freak, thing is that is usually how you feel about yourself at that stage. After all they would probably stare at some hot woman or Ferrari rolling through their neighbourhood, right? You are often just something they don't see every day. Try setting easy goals first. Even if it is just getting out to check the mail once a day - then once a day within half an hour of the mail man arriving. Take on some responsibilities like helping with the groceries or whatever . Not sure of your life now so some of these suggestions may sound a bit lame. As for regular exercise, it does wonder for self esteem which I feel you are lacking right now. You will be surprised how many people are keen to help you get into exercise or other recreation and it is often subsidised so may not be as expensive as you may think.

Once again, don't be afraid to ask for help either here or professionally. We have all probably been through the same frame of mind, especially when being injured at 18. Let's face it - that is when we are usually in the peak of our "life's great and I'm bullet proof" phase.

[twisted_ophelia]

Hey Adrian,

The first couple years after an injury can be really tough. How about getting active in various sports? They are a lot of adaptive programs out there and you will be amazed at how free from your chair you can feel when you are skiing or waterskiing or mountain biking. You live in Florida, right? I bet there are a lot of adaptive water ski/wake boarding programs down there that you could sign up for and it's lots of fun. And how about adaptive surfing? Check out the Life Rolls On Foundation website under the "They Will Surf Again" section and see if there are any surfing events scheduled near you. Getting active, especially getting outside and out of your house, and doing stuff is going for your body and good for your soul. And if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, maybe considering finding a good therapist to talk to. You are definitely not alone.

Edited by twisted_ophelia, 02 May 2009 - 05:04 PM.

[Jax]

Cubanito, check out some of my posts around here (particularly anything dealing with politics and medicine) and you will see that you are definitely not alone in being angry. I've been angry for a long time though, and about lots more things, too. So the injury didn't make me angry and didn't make me the ass that I am, it just gave me a few more things to be an angry ass about.

It's a good thing that you are asking these questions on this forum. I know the more experienced in the SCI community have given lots of good advice. They always make me think about things in some ways I wouldn't have otherwise. And they really know how to deal with SCI better than I do. I do know that getting out of the house helped me to keep from being so depressed, and most of the initial the anger over the injury got drank away with some friends just a few months post injury.

I like to discuss the stuff that pisses me off with my friends. One in particular does a lot of good. He has a head injury (almost 10yrs ago), and he understands a lot of it. He also gets pissed off quite often. What I'm trying to say is that it's good to discuss what makes you angry with others who might share some of those experiences/feelings. This forum is a good place to do that.

I agree that you need to seek help, and professional help from a doctor can good. But doctors can't compare to good friends or people who share some of those frustrations. The doctors could never understand really. They can give you all the advice and psych garble in the world, but it will never match the understanding of others with similar issues.

Edited by Jax, 02 May 2009 - 10:06 PM.

[cubanito_016]

Thanks you all for the responce I am more relax now its youst hard to deal with this pain in my stomach I think is excessive gas I dont know but someting is making my belly hurt so much and thats whats really getting me mad but I am trtaying my best to relax is yous some time I lose control and get mad.

[wheeliebear75]

Hey ya know just a thought but if you don't have a good bowl routine you can get backed up & have excessive gas & such. I get really bad bloating & such when I have not been able to And especially in the beginning I had a lot of problems getting that.....sorted out.

[Trinity]

I guess Cubanito was just too angry....

[CrazyLucky]

It's interesting to read what others go through from a mental standpoint. I think I am pulling out of the 1.5yr depression and into the self reflecting portion of the program. I definitely agree with the message of patience. I tried to mentally push through this quickly and got burnt out. You'll go through bad times. But it is good during those times to have some type of goal that makes you push toward better days.