22 replies to this topic

[ctom3]

In August my husband will be 1 year post accident, should I plan a party or do anything?

[fatdave]

Mine was April 9th. Didn't have a party, didn't really do anything. I did some reflection about myself and the things I've learned in the last 365 days, the friends I lost, the ones I gained.

[norma]

It was 1 year for me in January and it was a bitter/sweet day. I was thankful for all the progress I had made in a year. How things that were difficult at the beginning were now quite easy.
BUT I was sad too, thinking about how my life was before that day. I am planning a party for the end of summer when my new addition to the house will be done and have everyone
come out to see it. If that is what you or your husband want then do it. Congrats on one year!!!!

[Trinity]

Maybe ask your husband if he wants to mark the occasion? For my 1 year anniversary I went out for a big dinner with all my friends as a big thank you to them for everything they did for me, and obviously got very drunk. For my 2nd year I wallowed in self pity, I decided not to mark the occasion with anything special, plus it was mid week this week so everyone had to work, me included!

[Valo]

It's always is and always will be a weird day for your husband and your whole family for that matter. I generally make a plan to do something different for a change or try something new.
Some ideas:

Go out for a nice family meal somewhere
Any bands touring he'd like to tickets to see?
Any sport events he'd like tickets for?

Try and make a day of it, The most important part is don't lock yourselves away and be sad and upset, of course refelect but in a possitive way look back on how far your husband has progressed.

I'm coming up for 5 years post injury....and i'm considering having a party!

[ctom3]

Congratulations to everyone and thanks for the ideas. My husband would say no party because he doesn't like to be the center of attention but will everything he has accomplished I'm so happy and proud I'm ready to party.

[T11WALKER]

Is this Tom from FL ? Were you at Shepherd ?

[araitn]

ctom3, on May 4 2009, 01:41 PM, said:

Congratulations to everyone and thanks for the ideas. My husband would say no party because he doesn't like to be the center of attention but will everything he has accomplished I'm so happy and proud I'm ready to party.

I believe you just answered your own question. If your husband doesn't like to be the center of attention, then do not give him a party. It would just add more stress to what will probably be a stressful day to start with. I would just tell him that you are proud of him and remind him of the progress he has made since his injury. Let him know that you love him and that you will be there for him as he continues to recover and adjust to his new life.

I like a good party, but I, too, do not like being the center of attention. My wife knows this well and didn't give me a party. We had a nice dinner out a few days after my one year anniversary. She reminded me of how far I've come since my injury and how proud she was of me and that she loved me and will be there for me in the future.

I've managed to not dwell too much on significant dates. I just passed the year and a half mark (18 months) on April 27th. I didn't even realize it until someone asked me a couple of days ago, how long I had been injured. I had to think about it and said "well, it was 18 months just the other day".

My advice would be to let him decide. Just ask him. Definitely don't surprise him with a party.

[ctom3]

T11WALKER, on May 4 2009, 01:55 PM, said:

Is this Tom from FL ? Were you at Shepherd ?

No Tom from Michigan. I wish Florida.

araitn, on May 4 2009, 01:57 PM, said:

ctom3, on May 4 2009, 01:41 PM, said:

Congratulations to everyone and thanks for the ideas. My husband would say no party because he doesn't like to be the center of attention but will everything he has accomplished I'm so happy and proud I'm ready to party.

I believe you just answered your own question. If your husband doesn't like to be the center of attention, then do not give him a party. It would just add more stress to what will probably be a stressful day to start with. I would just tell him that you are proud of him and remind him of the progress he has made since his injury. Let him know that you love him and that you will be there for him as he continues to recover and adjust to his new life.

I like a good party, but I, too, do not like being the center of attention. My wife knows this well and didn't give me a party. We had a nice dinner out a few days after my one year anniversary. She reminded me of how far I've come since my injury and how proud she was of me and that she loved me and will be there for me in the future.

I've managed to not dwell too much on significant dates. I just passed the year and a half mark (18 months) on April 27th. I didn't even realize it until someone asked me a couple of days ago, how long I had been injured. I had to think about it and said "well, it was 18 months just the other day".

My advice would be to let him decide. Just ask him. Definitely don't surprise him with a party.

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it.

[Jax]

trinity, on May 4 2009, 12:26 PM, said:

Maybe ask your husband if he wants to mark the occasion? For my 1 year anniversary I went out for a big dinner with all my friends as a big thank you to them for everything they did for me, and obviously got very drunk.

I did the same thing on my first anniversary... Forgot (for the second time) that i couldn't walk and got out of the truck face first...

I have gone to dinner and a bar with a friend of mine every yr on the anniversary of his head injury for the past several yrs. We now also go out on the anniversary of my SCI. Some other friends go with us, and it's always an interesting night. From talking about the crazy shit we survived (lots of stuff before the injuries) to what we're working on at the time.

araitn, on May 4 2009, 12:57 PM, said:

ctom3, on May 4 2009, 01:41 PM, said:

Congratulations to everyone and thanks for the ideas. My husband would say no party because he doesn't like to be the center of attention but will everything he has accomplished I'm so happy and proud I'm ready to party.

I believe you just answered your own question. If your husband doesn't like to be the center of attention, then do not give him a party. It would just add more stress to what will probably be a stressful day to start with. I would just tell him that you are proud of him and remind him of the progress he has made since his injury. Let him know that you love him and that you will be there for him as he continues to recover and adjust to his new life.

I like a good party, but I, too, do not like being the center of attention. My wife knows this well and didn't give me a party. We had a nice dinner out a few days after my one year anniversary. She reminded me of how far I've come since my injury and how proud she was of me and that she loved me and will be there for me in the future.

I've managed to not dwell too much on significant dates. I just passed the year and a half mark (18 months) on April 27th. I didn't even realize it until someone asked me a couple of days ago, how long I had been injured. I had to think about it and said "well, it was 18 months just the other day".

My advice would be to let him decide. Just ask him. Definitely don't surprise him with a party.

Araitn is right. Definitely do not surprise him with a party. Dinner and support are the best things you can do for him. (Who doesn't like dinner? ) It's nice to see how supportive so many people are here. You seem to be getting some pretty good advice. Take Care.

[E-DOG]

Why on earth would anyone want to celebrate the anniversary of a life changing, (not for the better in most cases) catastrophic injury?

Sorta like "Happy Hurricane Katrina Day"

Or maybe you've got an old Jewish lady living across the street, numbers tattooed on her forearm, so ya say:
"Happy Holocaust Day Mrs. Cohen! Say, how come we never see a MISTER Cohen around here?"
So she says,
"Oh gosh, you know how some marriages end up, Mr. Cohen was thrown into an oven and incinerated a few years back. Happy Holocaust
Day to you too!"

I can't remember my injury date. Late April, early May. Somewhere in there. Not something I like to dwell on myself but then again, someone's roof is very often some one else's ceiling.

E-dog / and don't forget guys n' gals, September 11th is Happy World Trade Center Day!

[bobm]

Impossible not to be thinking about the past 12 months...but you do what you are comfortable with.

in my case the "event" was diagnosis and surgery, in April 08..

I didn't at first mention the anniversary to family, because what they remember is four months of confusion and fear, rather than a particular date.

But, when I did mention it, my wife reminded me what we have managed to do in the last year, and I reminded myself of how glad I was to have found Simon's site and all the people on it.

[sweeper]

My sons "One Year" is on Monday. A while back we thought of having a fundraiser gettogether, but to be honest now that it has arrived, we are all just too tired to organise it. He hasnt said anything and he will probably sail through the day without making an issue about it.
Me , on the other hand, its not going to be so easy! You see his accident was on Mothers Day! Every year I will be reminded. I am just trying to concentrate on how far he has come in the year and how lucky we are. It could have been so much worse.

[hooplady]

All due respect to E-Dog, but there are a heckuva lot of "holidays" that are based on un-happy times. Memorial Day, Veterans Day, D-Day, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos. Or as my Jewish friend likes to say, all Jewish holidays pretty much follow the same format: 1) They tried to kill us; 2) It didn't work; 3) Let's eat!

If he wants to consider this a special day then it's up to him how to best mark the occasion. Personally I consider my own birthday a day to be quiet and a bit somber - no parties for me, I'm one year closer to death thank you very much!

[Hikkakaru]

hooplady, on May 9 2009, 09:48 AM, said:

All due respect to E-Dog, but there are a heckuva lot of "holidays" that are based on un-happy times. Memorial Day, Veterans Day, D-Day, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos. Or as my Jewish friend likes to say, all Jewish holidays pretty much follow the same format: 1) They tried to kill us; 2) It didn't work; 3) Let's eat!

If he wants to consider this a special day then it's up to him how to best mark the occasion. Personally I consider my own birthday a day to be quiet and a bit somber - no parties for me, I'm one year closer to death thank you very much!

Most of those holidays didn't affect people personally , though.

I agree with E-Dog. For me at least it wasn't a holiday worth celebrating. Seems more like a kick in the face. I just got drunk with friends. Haha.

Glad your husband is doing great, though.

Edited by Hikkakaru, 09 May 2009 - 05:54 PM.

[hooplady]

Hikkakaru, on May 9 2009, 01:53 PM, said:

Most of those holidays didn't affect people personally , though.

I agree with E-Dog. For me at least it wasn't a holiday worth celebrating. Seems more like a kick in the face. I just got drunk with friends. Haha.

Glad your husband is doing great, though.

True. I guess I just meant that throughout the ages humanity has found ways to celebrate or mark any number of occasions.

Tom is also coming up on his one-year mark and I don't think he knows whether he wants to make it special or just ignore it. Methinks "get drunk with friends" will do just fine.

[E-DOG]

hooplady, on May 9 2009, 12:40 PM, said:

I guess I just meant that throughout the ages humanity has found ways to celebrate or mark any number of occasions.

For example, "at the drop of a hat." LOL
Any excuse is a good excuse to run down to the liquor store. I say.

Love what yer Jewish friend said! Toughest, most resilient people on earth. Always have been, always will be.
(reckon I' may have just started an argument. again. oh well.)

E-dog

[Brooke]

My 1 year anniversary is in a week and a half. Not sure what I'll do yet, maybe go out to eat. I figure, it would be a very sad anniversary, so I celebrate it in order to turn it into a not-so-sad day. Also, I celebrate how far I've come this past year.

[musical-poet]

alcohol and friends is how i did mine. I rate this year i'll follow a similar format. My birthdays, bad times, loss of jobs, first pay cheques, first lays by new girls, new songs all of these have the same format.

I go to the most out of the way open mic night and performe my most comfortable songs on my most comfortable instruments(bass and harmonica) generally fairly drunk and completely solo on stage (you keep time to a clock at 132beats a min while you're drunk and see how many people you can play with) and have a good laugh with the audience about how drunk my timing sounds.

The important notes here are simple, comfort and my favourite things.

Give him those two he'll do well.

Comfort and favourite.

[StillFingers]

Congrats on your husband's first anniversary, the first few years are often the toughest. For my first I had a nice dinner with friends and family; a thank you of sorts from me to them for all their wonderful support.

Since that first year mark I've not celebrated in any formal way. Choosing instead to reflect on each year's accomplishments, disappointments and failures, and make some initial goals for the next year. On a few occasions throwing a rather self indulgent pity party, consuming copious amounts of dark chocolate and a random selection of mind numbing spirits...sometimes you just have to throw your arms up and say wtf.

Last Thursday, May 7th, was my 31st anniversary. I continued healing/recovering in bed, chatting with my many lovely friends here on Apparelyzed. Pondered the future with my incredible/wonderful lady/soulmate. Then managed thru another night of bowel care. Just another day of life after SCI. And, a pretty damn good one at that, considering I'm still breathing.

Never surrender or give up. Live now. Life can be mighty fine if you chose to make it so.

Jerry

Edited by StillFingers, 13 May 2009 - 01:12 AM.

[mjtpopus]

I'm coming up on 15 years this October. I can honestly say that after year 5 the anniversary was just a day like any other. I usually don't even remember the anniversary until after it has already passed and I think, "Oh shit, it's been 14 years (or 8 years, or whatever)." I don't do anything special. I don't really view it as a day to celebrate though. If anything, if I really thought about it, I think I would have mixed emotions. Happiness for all the things I know I wouldn't have done if I had been able bodied and sadness for all some missed opportunities.

Tom

[wheeliebear75]

We JOKED about going out to Sizzler for dinner. (I got hurt going to Sizzler) I think it best to ask as well. He may just want to sit & think like Dave said, or he may be want to go out & get schnockered.

[ClaraTaylor]

This year is my 5th year.

For my first I wanted to celebrate but no one understood why and I had so many pain killers going through my body I think I slept through it

For my second I spent the week crying my little eyes out and on the day took myself off to the middle of no where and hid. Turned the mobile off and just tried to escape from the world. All that happened was that when I got back to the car as it was getting dark I learnt that the car park was a regular spot for a sport called "dogging" and my estate car with the rear seats down and blankets spread across (I'd taken my recumbent out for a spin and the beast fills the car) to protect the interior had attracted some attention from hopefuls.

For my third I tried to carry on as normal and bounced from manic giggling to curling up into a smallish ball and crying, I couldn't tell whether I was wanting to knock on the door of the driver who did this to me and ask him if he ever thought about it, or whether I wanted to remove his teeth with a brick. I brought everyone I knew (and several passers by in the street) cakes to "celebrate not snuffing it" and everyone shuffled around looking very uncomfortable

For my fourth was very quite - almost dignified. I took a chap I was rather keen on (now my partner!!) out for a quiet meal, the day carried on as normal. No one was uncomfortable around it and for my parents at least they were happy to have "moved on" and wanted to almost forget about it.

Some scars take a long time to heal and picking at them don't help.

But I'm happy with who I am, I don't feel angry about what happened - certainly I wont be thanking the bloke that did this any time soon but it takes so much energy to stay continually bitter. It is so much more fun to look at the nicer sides - how I wouldn't have met my partner were it not for the accident, I wouldn't have changed my career from race mechanic to engineer assistant hoping to do a degree in engineering in a nice clean office that doesn't demand blood from you.

So this year - we're going to party like it's never happened before. It's not just a celebration of the accident, but just for the hell of it. It provides a fantastic excuse to dragging people round and giving them permission to let their hair down.