18 replies to this topic

[skinnylatte]

Hi everyone! I hardly ever post, but I read a lot and I've learned so much from all of you and your experiences. I will be marrying my amazing man at the end of the summer. He's a C5/6 quad and he is just lovely and gorgeous and amazing. We are looking forward to spending our lives together.

I have a question for those of you out there who are in a similar position. Do you ever feel like you have to do it all? What tips or modifications have you made to balance things out? Maybe it's all about perception? How do you split things up around the house so the able bodied partner is not completely overwhelmed?

We will be moving in together right after we get married, and I'll be taking care of his caregiving, at least at the beginning. Plus, I work a demanding job. He is working from home, finishing school and trying to build his own business.

I don't want to come across as "freaked out" because I'm not. Really. I'm just looking for ideas to prevent the burnout that I imagine would come at some point or another.

Thanks in advance for your support and ideas!

[CollegeGirl]

So glad you decided to start this thread! I have a lot of similiar questions, thought my boyfriend and I aren't quite at the engagement stage yet! However, I definately still think about this and try to come up with ways that he could help (he's a C5).

He watched me do the dishes one time and was like "Sorry I can't help." I told him that I thought he could though. I could just put a towel in his lap, after I rinsed off the plate I could place it in his lap and he could push around a rag that I throw on the plate! He just laughed and said "well, I didn't like to do dishes before my injury anyway. However, I will definately be trying this out with him and think that it wouldn't take much practice before we got in a steady rhythm and made this easy!

I also worry that multiples run in his family. Not just twins, but triplets too!! What would I do if I had 2 or 3 babies AND had to take care of his needs? I know mine or his family would help out, but I can't expect them to be there every night when I put him to bed or give him a shower in the morning! 3 infants and helping him get up and going in the morning? Ahhhhhh!! haha...I'm not so worried about it, but the thought has definately crossed my mind!

I'm looking forward to reading your responses, sorry I don't have more help myself!

[newwife08]

My husband and I just got married in August after being together for only a few years. I feel like I have to do almost everything, and in certain ways, I do. You know how life works and what goes into getting through a day or a week. Everything from doing the laundry and dishes to shoveling the snow and mowing the grass. I do it all. The only thing that I don't do is get my husband ready for work in the morning or worry about this bowel program. He has caregivers that come and handle those things. Oh, and he's a really great cook! So, that part is nice. But, I still have to do the dishes and keep the house clean. Take care of the animals.... blah blah blah!

I, for the most part, knew what I was getting myself into, but I never thought I would get as tired as I do. When we first met, I always wanted to help him do things. I didn't realize that there are a lot of things that he is able to do. He finally told me that if he needs help, he'll ask me for it. After he had back surgery in February of 08, he wasn't able to do a lot, but I realized that if I don't make him try to do it, he'll rely on me that much more.

I won't lie and say that I'm never overwhelmed, cause there are days when I just want to scream. Those are the days that I have to take a step back, look at my hubby and remember all the reasons that I fell in love with him. Make a mental list and take a deep breath. In the end, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

The only good advice I have is to figure out now what it is that he is able to do around the house, and make him do it. You can pick up the rest.... and being the good wife, you will! Just remember not to forget WHO YOU ARE. Remeber who your family and friends are and don't forget to take time for yourself, to do the little things that you love to do.

Good luck to the both of you and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!!

[kdenon01]

Unfortunately, I have to agree with NewWife. I do it all! All the housework, plowing the driveway, mowing the grass, taking out the trash, taking care of the dogs, etc, etc.

As of right now, I never really feel overwhelmed by it. But I also do not work. Well, I work, but my job is taking care of my husband.

I do worry when I think about how it will be when we have kids. I think at that point I will have to hire help to either clean the house, or take care of Richard.

The best advice I can give you, is to always take sometime out for yourself. My hubby always makes sure that I still get taken care of. And he realizes that I do a lot, so he puts up with my crabby butt on my bad days. =]

[irish]

from the chair side of the relationship, I agree wholeheartedly. There are times when my wife choses to do things that I could easily do. It's that mothering instinct that gets a bit magnified when dealing with a para. We've generally been able to talk it through, but find that a periodic meltdown is somewhat therepeutic. Not sure whether it's psychological or physical, but sometimes we need to be reminded that we can do it. Well meaning caregivers can be facilitators, so when in doubt, let him do it

irish

[keidra]

i am living with my fiance a c2-6 and i do everything because he isnt able to do much around the house!! I dont mind it though because i love him and willl do anything i can for him !! he pays the blls for our apartment . cable,lights, phone,etc. i even get him up m-f and put him to bed daily!! i do his bowel program ad well everything!!! I am tired but i feel thankful just having him in my life !!! i thank God daily for him !!! i wish we could get married and his ssi not change any !! that sucks in ms!!!

[boduke]

I want to say thanks for posting this question! I too feel so very overwhelmed sometimes with all I have to do... and I really agree with Newwife08's quote

"I won't lie and say that I'm never overwhelmed, cause there are days when I just want to scream. Those are the days that I have to take a step back, look at my hubby and remember all the reasons that I fell in love with him. Make a mental list and take a deep breath. In the end, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

And just to add a little something to vent, today I was listening to a conversation my parents were having with a friend who is/was the wife of a man with progressive ms and they are now splitting. My parents told her about my bf being a quad and she looked at me and was like "oh geez honey all I can say is good luck" as if I was entering into something horrible! That really upset me and to say the least, pissed me off. I KNOW its hard and I am still struggling with it everyday.. I was with him for 5 years before his accident and the adjustment at times seems to be too much.. but then I stop and take a breath and think, I love this man with all my heart and while dealing with this is really hard right now, leaving him would be even worse! So tonight I came on this website just to hear other s/o of quads say that it is hard for them too but they still love their disabled s/o and it is 100% possible to be happy with them after injury. (was just looking for reassurance and I knew I'd find it here!)

[skinnylatte]

Thanks everyone for your replies and support!

I have a couple of ideas of little things we are doing so that I can feel like I'm not doing it all. We won't be living together until after we're married, so hopefully once we are together, these ideas will work day-to-day and we will be able to come up with some more creative ways to work together!

1. We are hoping to get this trash can off our wedding registry from Target. It seems so neat - it's motion sensored!
http://www.target.co...amp;bckreg=wedd

It is expensive, but I think it would be worth it to not be the only person in the house throwing trash away all the time!

2. I got the dog an "easy walker" harness, these are neat because they prevent the dog from being able to pull on the leash. This way, future hubby can take the dog out. (He is a small dog, but still pretty strong!)

3. I am giving him a drawer in the bathroom that is at a level he can reach (thankfully the hardware is accessible for him to be able to pull it out on his own) and we will keep two plastic cups in there that he can use to brush his teeth. I am resolved to be okay with wiping the pasty water out of the drawer and off of the counter We've done this on visits and it's worked well. I really like for things to be "put away," so hopefully this concept will work for both of us. Thankfully the bathroom is nice and big, so he can be independent with draining his bag and now, brushing his teeth!

4. I am thinking we will take a laundry basket in the car with us when we go grocery shopping. That way, after I unload future hubby, then I can unload some of the groceries into the basket on his lap!

5. We just thought of this one on our last trip: Keeping the dog food in a plastic container with an easy pop-open top, and a plastic measuring cup with a handle inside. I will have to make sure to keep the container full so he can reach it, but this way, he can feed the dogs independently, too!

Got any other ideas? I swear, it's going to be these little things that are the saving graces! I'm so thankful to have this message board, too. I want to be pro-active and intentional about seeking out support from the get-go so hopefully I can avoid at least some of the burn-out and lonliness I've read so much. Hugs.

Edited by skinnylatte, 01 June 2009 - 09:57 AM.

[Travelling Blackbird]

My partner and I made a clear split of the household tasks, and stuck to it. I got all the jobs I could do, he took care of the rest. I had to help him realize what I could do was more than he thought, and that if he did things I could do, that was nurse-maiding. We also had ways of shifting the balance of tasks for the bad days - I get days when I can't do much at all - and both learned that things could be put off, that it was better to leave a job undone than for him to be exhausted by doing too much.

You ideas all sound good.

I could recommend a wire shopping basket rather than a laundry basket for the shopping trips. Plastic laundry baskets are slippery, and he can't shift his legs to keep it balanced. I put a wire basket in my lap when I'm doing the shopping, and it works better. Don't load it up too heavy though - I made that mistake once.

Talk to a dog trainer about getting the dog a little extra training with the wheelchair. Our two dogs were trained to walk with the chair, and not to pull. There's also a pooper scooper on a long handle with a bag attached that you can get. Do you civic duty with your dog's doody.

We had one counter in the kitchen dropped to a comfortable height, and removed the under sink cabinets in the bathroom and kitchen. We also dropped the sinks. Things like that really help if you want to split tasks. I couldn't help out in the kitchen without a low enough surface to work on.

Make a rota, see if it works, adjust it, then stick to it.

I could list the jobs I did, but I don't know how necessarily useful that would be: while I have upper body coordination issues, I'm not a quad, I have a reasonably strong grip, and I have learned to do quite a lot with my hands, including using a knife. However, there are a fair few jobs that I'm sure you could both agree to him doing.

One last thing: accept broken plates if he's setting the table or loading the dishwasher, accept spilled water if he's watering the plants. Just accept them and move on. It's much more comfortable in the long run.

[coopert85@fuse.net]

My husband and I have been married for seven years. He was just finishing his teaching certification when we married. He is a substitute teacher and frequently turns down opportunities to work. I work at our local school district as well. I coach 3 sports, sub in the cafeteria and classrooms and I am the special events coordinator for our division I district. My husband is yet to apply for a job. I have made him aware of job posting and can't seem to get any results.

I love him very much. I am very frustrated

[CollegeGirl]

coopert85@fuse.net, on Jun 4 2009, 11:49 AM, said:

My husband and I have been married for seven years. He was just finishing his teaching certification when we married. He is a substitute teacher and frequently turns down opportunities to work. I work at our local school district as well. I coach 3 sports, sub in the cafeteria and classrooms and I am the special events coordinator for our division I district. My husband is yet to apply for a job. I have made him aware of job posting and can't seem to get any results.

I love him very much. I am very frustrated

Well I think this really needs it's own thread started, just because it's a bit far away from our current topic (about splitting household chores and keeping things as equal as possible). But welcome to the forum! Try giving this it's own area so people are directly reading your problem and not responding to skinnylatte.

So, Tuesday I was unloading groceries for my grandma and I definately thought "Man, I wish (bf) was here so I could get that laundry basket to put in his life and have him carry these heavy things in!" I decided that helping carry in groceries is definately the BEST idea EVER! What's the worst part about groceries? Carrying in the milk, laudry soap, canned food, etc. Yeah, he can totally take over those items when we get hitched!

Thanks for the ideas! Hopefully we get some more in here!

[newwife08]

skinnylatte - all of your ideas are really good!

My hubby is a quad due to an injury he sustained while his mom was delivering him. He has full use of his arms, but can only pinch with his thumb and first finger on his right hand. He has adapted to so much over the years that, other than his personal cares, cleaning the bathtub and doing laundry, he was able to live alone and take care of everything else.

In regards to shopping and carrying groceries, if your husband is in a power chair that had handlebars/pegs, use those too! We ask for plastic bags for this reason. I can put the bags on his handlebars, he takes them into the house and I unload them from there. He also carries stuff on his lap, but I try not to put too much heavy stuff there since it tends to pull on his back.

We have 1 dog and 2 cats and we bought a tub with a lid that has two "levers" on the lid and he scoops the cat food from there. for the dog food, we put that into a plastic containter that has a lid that flips out intot pour spout and he is able to feed the dog that way. I do recommend training for your dog. Make sure that is your husband tells it to sit or stay, that she actually listens. This has been a problem for us and we are working with our dog right now.

I do like the idea of making a list if things that he can do and a list of things you will do. Also nice for everyone to keep in mind that it's ok if certain things don't get done right away. If they can wait, you both have to be ok with that.

If you have any other questions or need other suggestions, let us all know!

[skinnylatte]

Thanks! I'm going to look for a wire basket so we don't have the skid problem. And yes, dog training is likely in our very near future! I wish there was a way we could rig up a pooper-scooper, but I think I'll just have him run the dogs out for their quick pees, and I'll handle the doody duty. I don't mind.

I'm thinking of putting a microwave in the office, so he can warm stuff up to eat while I'm at work. (He works from home)

What about cooking and cleaning ideas? Anyone have any creative adaptations they've made in order to do things together? I know there will be days I will want stuff done quickly so I'll just do it, and days where he's just going to be a typical man and not want to do anything, but I do want the duties to be shared as much as possible. I think at least shaking the perception that I'm doing it all will go a long way!

[gordonr]

Hi folks,

Some of the things I am going to say here will be in disagreement with the tone so far prevailing, especially in the female partner posts. I will try to be delicate, but firm.

To begin with, the whole subject of what hubby is going to do to help, is not restricted to the discussion of wife-caregivers of the severely disabled. This subject is also standard fare in the more heated communications among able-bodied couples. And, although the female has been traditionally saddled with an unfair burden (unfair when considered in the modern context of a working woman), the menfolk also have some very valid points.

It turns out, that a woman's work, as the old saying goes, really is "never done". The typical homemaker gets up at six, starts breakfast, and then goes through a whole day of unremitting stop watch style racing from one duty to another until the house has been polished, the kids are back from sports, everyone has been fed, hubby has been convincingly serviced, lights out, six hours and bam! the whole thing starts again.

Now if the woman goes to work, and if the tasks are to be fairly divided, that is 24 minus six equals eighteen hours of intense activity to be divided between two persons, that is nine hours each. However, both people are working eight hours, plus at least two hours of travelling time, and an hour preparation (more for many women) after getting up in the morning, for a total of 11 hours devoted to preparing for work, getting to work, and actually working. So, if we add on the 9 hours shared tasks, we have 20 hours per day required by each person in order to keep the same standard of domestic quality AND the income of two jobs.

Naturally people cannot function on 4 hours sleep. And the inevitable conclusion reached by modern couples is that something has to give. That is, some compromise must be made. Some things will simply not get done. OK. That much is clear. But which things? And this is where the male and female psyches appear to operate differently. Men often seem to take things very lightly, which women take very much to heart. And this is nowhere clearer than in the domestic tasks. A woman wants a comfortable beautiful home. A man, choosing between his children and his home, will probably feel strongly about getting the boys to football practice, but would like to rationalize and minimize the cleaning and landscaping. This subject is way too large to address here, but suffice it to say that what most men call rationalizing, takes us to a level of dirt and disorder which is way below what most women have been taught to consider completely unacceptable (usually by mothers who had nothing else to think about).

Therefore, between Woman, who would like to maintain as much of the traditional home-life standard as possible, even while complaining that she is on the verge of a mental breakdown provoked by stress and overwork, and Man, who is naturally trying to minimize the impact of an added and alien workload upon his already active and demanding life, there will naturally be a very fertile ground for discussion, debate, argument, and outright quarelling. And contrary to myth, there is no easy solution. This is a complex social adaptation, which our society has not yet succeeded in negotiating. Individual couples bear the brunt of conflict without the benefit of a working model. So none of us here, nor anywhere else, are free of these problems.

That said. There is a special dimension to the situation involving a quad or a para. The disabled individual is not capable of working anything like the same hours as his able-bodied counterpart. If he does, he will have serious health repercussions. And the hours that he does work(depending on the work) are much less productive. Therefore, the time deficit experienced by the normal able-bodied couple along with the negotiating and bickering which it engenders, is translated, for the disabled couple, to a situation so totally impossible that a giant step back must be made and a giant breath be taken to appreciate the simple and unavoidable conclusion, to whit: If the female is intending to work outside the home, and if these people are not fabulously wealthy, then they, and in very unfair and severely particular fashion the female, is going to have to put an "X" upon what she has hitherto considered normal and possible, and begin preoritizing and compromising with the nature of what is both essential and possible, way, way beyond what she has ever considered as legitimately open for discussion up to this point in her life.

Your home can not POSSIBLY look like the homes of your friends. Dirt and disorder will be inevitable. Attempt, then, for your own sanity, to develope an aesthetic sense based upon the "lived in" the "homey" the "casual" and the "original" because believe me, your house is going to be all of those things.

Next, with regards to children. Love them. Be with them. Ten minutes spent cleaning something, no matter what it is that you are cleaning, will never benefit them in the way that ten minutes talking to them, chauffering them to sports, or doing homework will. Of course many will look at the house and the gimped up hubby and say "Ah ##(insert expletetive)##, this place is already more than I can handle. How can I have a kid (the idea of two or more being completely inimagineable)?

And the answer to that is simple. Forget all about the magazine pictures and the homes of your friends. Lay down a line in the sand. Claim your right to a real life. Realize that, if you work hard, you CAN have a job and a family. With happy, educated and well-loved kids. But you will have weeds growing around the house and the grass will be in seed before you get around to cutting it.

But once again, this is not only a disabled thing. Every able-bodied woman has to choose. Does she want to live in a work of art with no human intrusion (meaning absolutely no kids)? Or does she want one kid in daycare who must watch cartoons even when they are home while she does laundry or worse, perfumes the cat? Or does she want several kds who don't bathe or change clothes every day, but who are happy and love her and will bring her little babies to hold when she is old?

No. You can't have it all. But... You can have so much that you will honestly not miss the rest.

Once again, I see that I am getting quite, er, passionate. But that is because, my wife and I have made these compromises, with the disability, with the kids, with the dirt, and wow! I can definitely recommend it.

But you have to be ready to step beyond the catty little rules announced by those females who only have the magazine pictures and the neurotic kids.

Best Regards,

Gordon

P.S. I realize I have said nothing yet about what the disabled hubby can do. But I had to make these preliminary remarks to place his contribution in a fair social context. More later...

[gordonr]

Hi Folks (continued from preceeding post...) Part II

Back to the original question then: What can hubby do to help his mate around the house?

What should he do?

There are both emotional and pracitical elements to these questions. To illustrate the difference, take a look at this quote.

SkinnyLatte

I know there will be days I will want stuff done quickly so I'll just do it, and days where he's just going to be a typical man and not want to do anything, but I do want the duties to be shared as much as possible.

Clearly, the most expeditious fashion of approaching these chores is just to do them. This is easier, faster, and more efficient. Many women keep their children incompetent for this same reason. It is easier to do the chores alone than to teach a child and in the immediate situation this often seems advantageous. However, as children get older, if they have been properly trained, they can be a huge help to their mothers, with equally huge benefits both for their own selfestime, and for the comfort of the family.

So should the same logic apply to disabled spouses? The answer is not so easy. Unlike the child, the gimp is not going to "grow up" and eventually do the chores as easily and effectively as the mother. It is always going to be much harder for him to do than for a normal person. Therefore, if this path is to be followed, then the envisaged task should be, from a practical point of view, very important indeed. But as this should be part of our "practical" section we will leave it for a moment.

Suffice it to say now, that if the truth be known, considering that the AB partner can always do whatever it is faster and better, and may be waiting for the gimp to produce a result, the likely scenario is that the AB spouse will lose patience and take the task over half-way through, which will totally piss-off the gimp because after he has worked so hard to roll seventy five little beans up the tall hill, he recieves as thanks, first an unreasonable demand to hurry up, and secondly, the spectacle of his spouse running by with whole sacks of beans, completing his day long task in a mere twinkling of the eye, and likely muttering under her breath something to the effect that she really has to do EVERYTHING around here!

So what about the emotional component then? In the quote above it is revealed that the AB spouse is willing, at least on occaision to spend MORE TIME, organizing and overseeing and probably also assisting the gimp in some trivial task, for no other reason than that it makes her feel better. Really, I am not poking fun here. I understand how important this can be. I don't pretend to be able to explain why, but I understand the importance, not because it is important to me, but because I know it is important to her (and yes I too have a significant her grappling with these same issues).

From an absolute standpoint of two people in love, whatever is important to one should be taken seriously by the other. And it matters little whether the little lady wants to discuss music and art, or go bowling scores, or play little dishwashing games as the very lovely College Lady has described. The husband, whether AB or disabled should be ready to humor her, no questions asked, because this is what people who love one another do. They act out fantasies for each other's pleasure for no other reason than that pleasure ensues, and that pleasing the other is what love is all about.

Fine.

But then there should be some consideration of the feelings of the other also. That is, unless this is a fantasy of cruel domination in which the pleasure results from abusing and humiliating the disabled partner and ultimately clipping off his shriveled little testicles once and for all, some guidelines should prevail.

*gordon pauses, wondering for a moment whether this image is as funny to others as it is to him, but then resolved to follow the modus of his estimed mentor the Dog-E, he decides to leave judgement to the reader and simply allow the forum chips to fall as they may*

The rules I am speaking of can be derived from our example above.

Rule 1: Never, ever take the task away once it has been assigned. If the husband is to pretend, for the sake of your emotional benefit, that he is capable of making a meaningful contribution to the domestic establishment by accomplishing task "X", then you, should be prepared to pretend the very same thing, and under no circumstances have the bad taste to complain about either the speed or the quality of his execution and certainly, upon no considerations at all, to show up his relative incompetence, with a display of your own (relatively) Super Powers, which enable you to acheive in a trice what he has been painstakingly attempting to accomplish for all the day.

Rule 2 : Because makebelieve is always more convincing when there is an element or ressemblance of truth in it, you should try to pick tasks which at least appear to be neccesary, and if possible address skills in which you are yourself somewhat defficient, and thus where your hypothetical need for him to help you, will both clothe the game in believability while drawing out his better instincts and allowing him the satisfaction of really doing something that you need done and are unable to do yourself.

Remember, that we are still talking about makebelieve. You are given the satisfaction of feeling that he cares and appreciates your heroic efforts by participating, and, if you are delicate in your behavior, he will, like a three year old, actually believe (or pretend to believe) that he has done something useful. This is a lovely game. Both can take pleasure, and although the context is alien for the male psyche, because he knows it matters to you, he will be prepared, after perhaps a bit of pleading and a bit more recrimination followed by a healthy dose of mature reflection, to participate willingly.

And that is the emotional component. Much more could be said, but space and attention spans are short.

Let us move on to the practical.

Let us make the radical assumption that all of the elements of the emotional game above can be fitted to features of practical reality such that tasks can be found which are really important. So important that they are worth even the painstaking attention that he must bring to them. Not just in play, but in reality. And that the accomplishment of these tasks really makes your life easier and better. And perhaps, that there are even tasks he can accomplish which you cannot accomplish for yourself. It is clear that the identification of such tasks would be a benefit to you and a source of selfestime for him. And whatever satisfaction can be had by playing at a useful division of labor between you two, will be raised to the nth power with the shared realization that such a division can and does exist, in earnest.

Someone really should write a sequel in which it is considered what tasks a disabled partner can perform which are Really Useful, and perhaps even Impossible for the Partner.

Or failing that, what tasks can best be played at in creating an illusion of utitility and neccesity.

Both are good, but the former is infintely better than the latter.

Best Regards,

Gordon

[newwife08]

gordonr ------

I think that you may have taken the original post and looked a bit too deeply into it. From my POV, skinnylatte is simply looking for some ideas that can help her husband to be able to help around the house. A lot of SCI's that I know either don't help, because they aren't sure how to help, or becuase they think they will be in the way or don't do a good enough job.

I agree that there are some things you need to let go of, how things get done and whether they get done well enought to satisfy one or both parties. And unless the AB partner is the quintessential Ward or June Cleaver, in this day and age, we all live and deal with some type of "filth" in our daily lives.

My hubby does the things that he is good at doing and the things he enjoys, like cooking. If there are things that he wants to do and has a hard time with, we either figure out a way for him to do it himself, or a way to do it with my help...... and I pick up the stuff that he can't do at all or help with what he has problems with.

Megs

[CollegeGirl]

newwife08, on Jun 14 2009, 10:05 PM, said:

gordonr ------

I think that you may have taken the original post and looked a bit too deeply into it. From my POV, skinnylatte is simply looking for some ideas that can help her husband to be able to help around the house. A lot of SCI's that I know either don't help, because they aren't sure how to help, or becuase they think they will be in the way or don't do a good enough job.

I agree that there are some things you need to let go of, how things get done and whether they get done well enought to satisfy one or both parties. And unless the AB partner is the quintessential Ward or June Cleaver, in this day and age, we all live and deal with some type of "filth" in our daily lives.

My hubby does the things that he is good at doing and the things he enjoys, like cooking. If there are things that he wants to do and has a hard time with, we either figure out a way for him to do it himself, or a way to do it with my help...... and I pick up the stuff that he can't do at all or help with what he has problems with.

Megs

I agree with Megs!!!

[shaney333]

Hello everyone, I met my husband C-5 -6 aprox 12 years ago. Being a hairdresser and catering to house calls is where it all began. I never new anything about spinal cord injury until I met Ed. I thought ok man in a chair this will be more of a senior aged gentleman. When ever I met Ed I was touched by this beautiful young man that I now call my husband.

We married in Vegas in May of 2000. We share a beautiful home along with 2 shelties. Ed was injured from a diving accident at the age of 18 so I never saw him when he walked only in pictures. What he has taught me was the true meaning of love, love that is much deeper then most people are able to understand. Yes, people thought I was crazy to put my self in a situation that they new was going to be hard on me.

I will be honest he is the greatest, strongest man I ever met in my life. I work full time, I get him in his suit and tie everyday as well as put him to bed and do his bowel program. Yes, there are times I reach a melt down and soon down the road I am hoping to get some help as I am getting older. I am grateful that God has brought him into my life. My life would be empty without him...

God Bless you All

Shaney

[CollegeGirl]

shaney333, on Jun 16 2009, 01:00 PM, said:

Hello everyone, I met my husband C-5 -6 aprox 12 years ago. Being a hairdresser and catering to house calls is where it all began. I never new anything about spinal cord injury until I met Ed. I thought ok man in a chair this will be more of a senior aged gentleman. When ever I met Ed I was touched by this beautiful young man that I now call my husband.

We married in Vegas in May of 2000. We share a beautiful home along with 2 shelties. Ed was injured from a diving accident at the age of 18 so I never saw him when he walked only in pictures. What he has taught me was the true meaning of love, love that is much deeper then most people are able to understand. Yes, people thought I was crazy to put my self in a situation that they new was going to be hard on me.

I will be honest he is the greatest, strongest man I ever met in my life. I work full time, I get him in his suit and tie everyday as well as put him to bed and do his bowel program. Yes, there are times I reach a melt down and soon down the road I am hoping to get some help as I am getting older. I am grateful that God has brought him into my life. My life would be empty without him...

God Bless you All

Shaney

Beautiful post. I'm very happy that you have found someone that you care so deeply about. I hope for nothing but the best for both you and your husband.