[cnm2b]

Hi all! I'm new to the site and enjoying what I've read so far.

I'm in a loving new-ish relationship of about 6 mos. with a wonderful man who had a C3 SCI 15 years ago. We are both "grownups" in our late 30's, both with grad degrees so WAAAY too many brain cells butting heads sometimes!! but overall we are good together

Our situation: We've just moved in together, so are in a period of adjustment. My partner works full-time and is committed to this, which I admire! His functional mobility is limited to partial use of one hand/arm. Since he has a decent income, he's no longer eligible for Meidicaid etc. and pays out-of-pocket for home health aides. I do a great deal of this also to fill in the gaps, and am very happy to - but at times he is verbally and emotionally abusive when I am trying my best to do what he needs. I completely understand his frustration at not being able to do things for himself the way he would like them done, and he's also exhausted - 50 hrs/ wk is considered the bare minimum at his workplace. His life consists of getting to/from work, personal care, and sleep...

Next week I'm starting a new job of my own and will not be available 24/7. Bob (not his real name) has gone through SOO many aides due to his no-so-nice attitude toward them that the situation is iff-y.

Long story short: any useful thoughts/ suggestions are appreciated!! and thanks in advance

[cnm2b]

Thanks, Onion for your reply!

Yes, I usually take a time-out. We've talked about this several times, and he does get it (temporarily). I've made clear that I DON'T work for him, and that I'm only one person with two hands ! Sometimes it's just frustrating b/c I'm trying my best, and even "please" or "thankyou" is few and far between. By chance I'm also an RN, although in a totally unrelated field, so I really do a lot of stuff - just changed out his suprapubic catheter a few minutes ago - in addition to just everyday things.

One thing that really upsets me is being criticized for the way I help him with meals - it's never right. More rice, no! more chicken, less chicken, needs salt, the fork isn't straight, etc. etc. When I told him this upset me, his reply was that he couldn't believe I still hadn't figured out how to feed him correctly....

I'm wondering, has anyone else here experienced this type of behavior? Or is it more that my partner has always been ornery, as his family says? (Of course they also totally cater to his every whim...)

[knovack]

Ok this is what I have to say.........

I know this sucks more for the person with SCI than the able bodied HOWEVER no one has the right to treat you poorly!!!!!!!!

This is a new relationship correct? You should be in the honeymoon stage.. There are ways to express wants and needs with critisizing.

Look at the relationship are you getting anything in return (besides hurt)

[bubbleandsqueak]

I don't thank this is going to help any one but me.

I just want to say that the most difficult thing for me is accepting the fact that I can't control my bowls or bladder. My live would be so much better if I could. And I know there’s things that I can do like a condom cath and so on but I will not do that with the tube and the lag bad I find it hard to move and get in and out of my chair vary easily and fast.