3 replies to this topic

[Joed]

Hi alessandra...

I've become so used to being stared at that I guess I hardly notice it.

I was once late in meeting my sister and a friend for lunch...when I arrived at the restaurant they were already seated. My sister later told me that nearly the entire room stopped what they were doing to watch me walk by, and asked me how I deal with that, as she had never had such a front-row seat to this reaction before. I honestly hadn't noticed at all. I figure they're looking at me because I'm so stunning.

I guess the one thing I'd want to say to you is to be very careful in not assigning thoughts to those who are looking/staring. We don't know what they're thinking...and it could range from "oh, that poor lady!" to "oh, somebody in a wheelchair...I wasn't expecting that."

When people stare, whether you have a disability or not, we often are quick to think in negative terms, as far as what on earth they're staring at or thinking to themselves. What we think they're thinking then makes us feel self-conscious.

Most people are naturally drawn to injury or 'other-ness'...it's hard-wired into us, I'm convinced of that. Most of the time, I believe it's born out of a natural curiosity. And ignorance comes into play when mature people cross that unwritten boundary and look too long, just to satisfy that curiosity.

I've become quite good in returning stares when they go on for too long. And when I start one of my staring contests...you can be sure that I won't be the first to look away! I'll order an urn of coffee and stay there staring back all day and night if I have to.

Most intelligent, thinking people should know better. But there will always be those who won't/don't/can't properly filter how their staring might make someone else feel. These are probably the people we don't need to get to know anyway.

[joisliniad]

Hi, what level of amputee are you? are your stump healed completely? Where do you live? I can beleive someone told you that the prosthesis will infect the incisions, once the wounds are healed, and if they healed properly, a prosthesis can be fit, if the two can't be fit, one can be fit for transfering purposes...Again I give the example of one of my cases, He was Paraplegic with an amputation too, and i help him to get fit for a prstheiss, and a brace for the other leg, and hip braces support and he learn to walk, it took time, and practice, but it is possible...I would ask for another opinion...I even had very elderly patients bieng fit for a prosthesis being bilaterally amputee, and get them to stand up at the sink for prvention of further phisiologic damge of their system, so prosthesis are not all the time for ambulation, there are differents ways to jsutify the usage of prosthesis, but the main reason for me is the intense desire and dedication of a patient fro trying it again, I truly beleive that hard work, and exercises can make a differeence in any type of rehab..So I advise you for getting another opinion...

[juls]

alessandra, on Feb 16 2006, 03:12 PM, said:

Hi everyone,
My name is Alessandra, I’m 21 years old. Last October I was in a car accident and lost both of my legs. I had to drop out of college and go to a rehab center, after three months of therapy I was told that I was never going to be able to use prosthetics because it would cause infection and the thought of being on a wheelchair for the rest of my life scares me. Now I am back to college and it has been harder than I thought it would be. I can’t help feeling embarrassed, people stare at me the whole time and they really make me feel uncomfortable. Everyone has changed towards me including my friends and family. I mean, is it always going to be like this? How do you people cope with it? Any advice? I would really appreciate it.
alecard84@yahoo.com

I think (and this is just my opinion) that peoples attitude toward you will only change, if you've changed. When i first had my accident i went from being a happy, bubbly, party girl to a very depressed and angry hermit. Luckily for me my best friend gave me a big boot up the bum..i was losing all my friends at that stage...he made me realise it wasn't me being in the wheelchair that was causing everyone to leave, it was because i was horrible to e around! Now when i meet people or around my friends i'm friendly, talkative, cheeky etc.. but there will always be some people that just wont know how to act around you, weather you're ab or disabled!

As for the starers it's not that common to see someone in a wheelchair etc..so people love to stare you just have to learn to take it in your stride or find something that will help you cope with it. When i go anywhere i like to look really nice so i feel good about myself and the staring doesn't bother me as much...although having said that, i am a huge starer! my favorite thing is people watching and if i see someone who's in a wheelchair i practically break my neck (again!!) trying to get a good look at them

Sorry for going on a bit...you'll become more comfortable with yourself and others, it just takes time