14 replies to this topic

[wheelie-cool]

Hey guys, new to chair and this forum!

just wondering - I seem to be relying on my boyfriend alot to lift me to assist in awkard transitions - chair to car in a hurry, chair to bed when im tired....do you get embarassed and self conscious on front of friends and family when you need help or need to be lifted???

thanks

Mortified!

xxxx

[KarenFerguson]

As a "low" para, sometimes I'll be on the floor (or heaven forbid have fallen) and want (or need) to get into my chair in a hurry. To me, it is kind of embarrassing - and I'll admit I feel very self conscious - when I need a little boost to get up. But really, the alternative is staying on the floor. I just kind of suck it up.

I know that my hubby would love to transfer more easily into bed, cars ...etc... but he knows the alternative is taking a face plant on the ground. So my simple advice, is to just suck it up and be happy you have someone who cares enough to help you.

[Ches]

As a woman,, there isnt much thats more sexy than being in a mans arms. No matter what circumstances.. Stop worrying so much and try to enjoy it!

[LeahC]

I love being carried, only by friends and family mind - no randomers just picking me up cos that would be horrible! I even get my friends friends to carry me to the toilet if it has to be done!

[Pelly418]

I know how you feel but I have come to accept the fact that I need help sometimes, and your friends, family or boyfriend or girlfriend dont care that you need help they love you for you not because you can or cant walk. I get my friends to carry me up and down stairs and help me to the bathroom if I need it, and they dont care they are just happy that your with them.
I hope this helps
Tony

[alflyhigh]

BEING CARRIED REALLY SUCKS. IM TRYING TO THINK OF WAY TO OPERATE AN ELECTRIC HOYER LIFT ON MY OWN. NEVER THE LESS I REALLY APPRICIATE IT. WHEN IM REALLY DRUNK OR TIRED I FEEL EXTRA GUILTY AND TRY TO HELP OUT MORE WITH THE TRANSFER. P.S. I REALLY DONT LIKE PEOPLE BREAKING THEIR BACK FOR ME, SUCKINESS.

[twisted_ophelia]

Ches, on Jun 24 2009, 07:47 PM, said:

As a woman,, there isnt much thats more sexy than being in a mans arms. No matter what circumstances.. Stop worrying so much and try to enjoy it!

I have to agree on that one!

I don't get embarassed by stuff like that if I genuinely need the help. If it's something I know I am capable and am just maybe feeling lazy or tired, I will suck it up and do it myself because being an independent as is humanly possible is REALLY important to me. I don't let people help with stuff that I know I can take care of on my own. There's no point in getting embarrassed about really needing the help though. My best friend has a giant pick up truck that I can't get myself into and he picks me up and lifts me in. I don't think attracts anymore attention than me getting myself into my own SUV does. I've had friends carry me up stairs (I don't let strangers do it though, I'd rather drag myself and my chair up haha), through deep snow or deep mud, etc. The other day, I even had someone lift me up to the chin-up bar at the gym and hold my legs so that I could try some chin-ups. I'm sure it was quite a spectacle for the other people in the weight room but I didn't care. Even tonight for example: I was playing chair rugby and it's really difficult to get out of the rugby chair and into my own chair since neither has brakes and the rugby chair is super low to the ground. I had three people helping me out--two of the other players holding the chairs in place (total sweethearts) and the able-bodied girlfriend of one of the players holding onto my waist and swinging me into my chair while I transferred. I'd rather accept the help than fall on my face. There were strangers around watching and it maybe looked awkward to them but it just doesn't bug me anymore. I could care less what people think of me. Things are the way they are.

Edited by twisted_ophelia, 25 June 2009 - 04:05 AM.

[StillFingers]

wheelie-cool,

Through the last 31yrs SCI there are times when my strength allows me to transfer unassisted using a transfer board. Other times, tired, drunk, sick as a dawg, assistance is my only way to transfer or pressure release. I'm alive and a c5 incomplete.

Do I like being cared for, yes. Do I like having to be cared for, no.

Life sucks sometimes, what real choice do us quaddies have. Love your brothers and sisters for they are loving you by lending a hand or two in your time of need. And, whenever possible, extend your hand, do what you can for them, however small.

In those times when asking for help, you feel sick for doing so, smile instead of frowning, say thank you instead of saying...well ok...and, say I'm sorry, thank you, when you just can't take it anymore, when the hurt shows.

Forgive yourself when you are weak, we all need help from time to time.

It's okay, we're human, we are of broken body, but not broken spirit.

Be well and strong,

Jerry

[Travelling Blackbird]

When I was new to the chair, yeah, I felt self-conscious sometimes, but I learned to get over it. Two things I realized helped me get over it.

1. Whenever I thought I was being observed or somehow on display, I wasn't. A lot fewer people are actually look at other people in the way that a self-conscious person thinks. People don't register half of what they see.

2. Even if someone sees you getting lifted, they'll think that's a lot more normal than seeing you fall in the middle of a transfer because you were too tired to complete it.

There's nothing wrong with taking help when you're tired, sick or sore. It doesn't make you any worse or weaker to receive freely offered help. You know you could transfer if you were in good form, and so does your boyfriend, and you will transfer when you're in good form again. That's all that matters.
All the best,
Derek.

[alex4bs]

when ever your boyfriend assists in any movement of you he is showing love and care dont ever refuse there help even though some situations may be embarrasing take no notice of johny public>>alex

[Ratticis]

I don't mind someone offering help, but what really drives me nuts is when they just decide i need help without so much as asking if/what they can do. Usually that ends up in screwing me up worse. I've got my arms and i'm damn well gunna use them. If i do fall on the ground, then i might ask for some help back up. Maybe i'm stubborn (actually, i know i am) but I still want to do things for myself

[ConnorC3]

Imagine how a high level quadriplegic feels needing to be spoon fed, needing someone to scratch their head for them if they get an itch etc..

[Heather1984]

I think everybody has to have help at some point.I have been in my chair a little over a year and I have finally gotten pretty good at transfering by myself. I don't really get embarassed when I need help. It makes me get aggravated when I can't do it by myself. I have been blessed with a great husband and wonderful friends that have stuck by me. Give it some time you will get to where you can do pretty much everything by yourself. Don't give up!!

[dsindc]

wheelie-cool,

Looks like we have similar situations, I am now approaching 6 months post injury and am also a c5. I ALSO rely on my boyfriend for all kinds of lifting, often in public, or even in front of his roommates. He carries me up and down steps, on and off of chairs/beds. The other day he put me on the grass at the park and I sat between his legs so I wouldn't wobble so much / face-plant. It probably looked like we were doing some kind of weird neo-sexual-yoga to passersby...

I too deal with some embarrassment, but mostly, I feel a great sense of pride and gratitude that my man is standing by my side and it never seems to cross his mind what other people think. he just doesn't give a shit, and that in turn makes me feel 10x better.

if anything is really embarrassing for me, it is that I'm petite, have lost more weight since all this and now look VERITABLY like a 12 year old girl - I wonder how many people think my boyfriend is a child molester. But it makes me crack up more than anything.

My biggest goal, as I'm sure is yours, is to transfer independently so that I don't have to trouble others , or put their backs at my mercy, and so I don't have to sit around and helplessly WAIT to be moved--that is undoubtedly the worst.

good luck!

Edited by dsindc, 17 July 2009 - 02:55 PM.

[dexter]

wheelie-cool, on Jun 24 2009, 10:24 AM, said:

Hey guys, new to chair and this forum!

just wondering - I seem to be relying on my boyfriend alot to lift me to assist in awkard transitions - chair to car in a hurry, chair to bed when im tired....do you get embarassed and self conscious on front of friends and family when you need help or need to be lifted???

thanks

Mortified!

xxxx

I am a C4 quadriplegic since 2007 and I get lifted everywhere as well. At first it was kind of embarrassing just like you said but now I'm definitely used to it. At least you got somebody to do it for you. I use a hoyer every time. It is definitely a pain in the ass. But hey, what can you do.