[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

Hey guys,

So..I'm in need of your advice, how do you maintain your relationship with your partner after they have a
spinal cord injury.He(the boyfriend) was paralyzed in Jan. and is still in the hospital, and we were together
for a while before his accident. We are hoping that he gets out in the next couple months, but I just have no
idea what to expect when he gets home. Obviously things aren't going to be the same, but I dont know how
to maintain the relationship we once had with his newly acquired injury.

This is mainly directed toward caregivers, but if others can shed some light from the other side to that would be
such a big help.

Thanks.

[Pelly418]

I had the same problem, I got into my accident in november 2007. me and my girlfriend were dating for about six months before my accident, and just having her around made me feel better (until she left because she couldnt handle dating a guy in a chair), and no things arent ganna be exactly the same but the love for he has for you and you have for him will not change, just show him that you dont care that he is in a chair, and treat him as if he is not in one, and if things are meant to work then they will.

[mricks]

My advice would be just to give it time. Things will be different, but you can still do almost anything together, with a little preparation. Depending upon his personality, I probably wouldn't fuss over him too much and let him do as much as he can or wants to. Just be there to help when needed. It has been almost 9 years since my wife's accident.

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

yea..okay i'm hoping when he goes to rehab it will help his spirits giving him a lil confidence
knowing he can do this. Thanks guys!

[kdenon01]

I think you will just figure things out as they come up. Just give it time, be patient..and be there for him! Good luck with everything!

[ClaraTaylor]

Be prepared for tantrums, yelling, sobbing. Don't try and promise anything you can't deliver and don't feel bad if you want to walk away or wonder if you can cope with it all.

My parents once compared my being at home for the first few months to looking after a toddler - the trying to build my own independence but at the same time being completely reliant on my mother. I feel guilty now for the mess I would make in the kitchen trying to make my own food which she would then have to calmly clear up after I'd gone into the garden to sulk because I couldn't reach something in the top cupboard

... doesn't sound fun does it?

If he starts being an idiot tell him and don't wrap him up in cotton wool. The best thing my parents did for me was to tell me when I was behaving like a spoilt brat. The smack of reality really wakened me to how I was treating others.

Wish him all the best for rehab!

[heavenandhell]

i understand the situation: If I aproach to help I receive a harsh answer, if I keep my distance I receive a comentary of dissapointment: "You were not here when I needed you". It seems that after 20 years, my disable wife (we've being married for one year) keeps some deep problems in her mind I cannot handle. I hope this person adapts soon to his new condition, for bitterness and punishing towards the persons that live with disable persons sometimes becomes a hell. stressful experience can sicken the aiding persons, not only mentally, but physycally: like heart diseases. Just give him time and let's see. Also remember to keep some emotional distance, for sometimes those episodes of thunderstorm vanishes so fast you wander where are you. My deep best whishes to that couple.

[geek1]

When i got injured in 2006 ,my g.friend visited me twice and never saw her again.It bothered me but I was too pre-occupied with my pain,injuries and what awaited me at discharge time.I had no family here but God provided me with a strange couple that later became my god-parents and they started visiting me ,assisting me with all my needs to this day.
Its not going to be easy when he finally gets discharged.He will be trying to learn his new way of living ,will be adjusting ,will be needing a close person like him on his side and pls be there for him,,,,,put yourself in his shoes.Be of help to him but dont over spoil him ,show him how things are done but do not do them ,,,be loving but firm ,,what they call tough love.
Do not disability come in between your feelings for each other ,just work on how you can do things NOW that your partner is in a different self.Keep trying new things.World will look at you with pride if you stand by him the way it was bef the accident but the same world will hve no respect for you if you abandon him.
Good luck and hopefully things will work out for you two.

[buff]

well the best advice is to pay attention to his caregiver and watch how they do his everyday care. that is going to be the biggest thing because you will have to know how to do it. in fact he may not know how his caregivers do everything if he is pretty drugged up so you are going to need to take notes. also i am guessing its sorta like starting over but with somebody you already know. which is nice. just remember that its all new for both of you and learn together. try not to dwell on the past. good luck.

[theJuiceisWorththeSqueeze]

Thanks guys for all of the helpful info..I really do appreciate it!

..and I will definitely work on not spoiling him..its hard but I'll work on it..