9 replies to this topic

[zilyma]

Hello again!

I need some advice please and preferably (if possible) judgement free. As stated in my earlier post, I am the friend and part time caregiver for someone w/ Level c-5 incomplete. Just to give a little bit of history: he's been disabled for over 10 years now & when I met him (as generic as it may sound), I didn't see the injury... I saw HIM for who he is. Of course I acknowledge its existance, but he is so much more than that! He and I are close in age, have a lot of similar interests, and get along very well. The problem though (why I feel I'm in way over my head) is that feelings for each other have developed. Please don't misinterpret that, because that is not where the problem lies. It's because I'm a paid caregiver. We have talked about it extensively and still have not come up w/ a solution. The easiest thing, I think, would be to resign but even then, the possibility of being together is slim because I have worked for him. Please, if anyone has any insight on this, I'd love to hear from you. It's hard enough to find the right person in this life, let alone once it's happened, to not be able to act on it.

Thanks!

~Z~

[topperf]

Dear -Z-

Without knowing where on earth you are and what laws apply in your area - It's not a crime to be caregiver and girlfriend/wife/husband? is it?

[CollegeGirl]

Caregivers and the receivers fall for each other very often. Stop and take a deep breath, because I think the two of you are making a bigger deal about it than it actually is. If you search through the forum you'll find that others here were in your situation once. I agree that we need to know more about your situation. Are you working for a company or just him personally? Where do you live and what are the laws? Fill us in a bit. But still take a breath!!

[qbounce]

Zelima,
Boy are you in my realm of how this kind of thing can easily transpire. My wife (as of last month) and I met exactly the same way.

We became good friends first, with nothing between us but many great conversations and innocent flirtations. As soon as we decided to take our "friendship" to the next level, a "relationship" . . . . .Fe called her employer and told the boss she no longer could work HERE with me because of our feelings for one another. Easy enough. She requested, and was given work elsewhere, and continued coming to see me on the same time schedule, but without receiving any monetary compensation for it.

But, as others have said, I'm not sure what your "set up" is, due to your Country's/ businesses rules and regulations of practice. I wish you well, and if you're employer is possibly also an understanding sole, or even somewhat a friend, then I'm sure they will understand and not make a problem for you out of it.

[Texaswheelz]

Hell what could be better, I would have loved if my wife was getting paid to spend all day with me when we first met and started dating. I saw take the pay and and the guy and see where it leads. I've had plenty of friends that took things further with their caregivers but never into a serious relationship and they kept getting paid to see them.

[DustyP]

As others have said, don't worry about it it happens all the time. Actually, I first met my ex when I interviewed her for a caregiving position for myself. Ironically, I didn't hire her at first but ended up hiring her a few weeks later. Then one night she asked over and watch a movie and you can imagine where things went from there . Shortly after we realized she couldn't work for me and continue a relationship for me so I hired someone else to do my care and continued seeing her for almost 2 years. In the end, I think the personal care and without getting in the way of our relationship and I hear similar sentiments being expressed from other individuals that have been put in that position (although I hear some very encouraging success stories on this site). The skinny of it is that if you really feel like it could be something in that there really is a spark between you two then maybe it's time to think about what relationship is more important to you (being a caregiver for him, or being someone who truly and intimately cares for him). It might just be me, but I think there's a difference.

It's tough to find good people to work for you that are reliable, trustworthy, and dependable, but they exist and there are several of them out there. But it's only once in a very long while the meet the right individual to fill your other more personal and intimate needs.

Hope that helps

[zilyma]

Thanks to everyone who responded! I thought about it -after the fact- that I didn't specify where I am, sorry. I'm in the US and will have to research the laws in my state, as well as the company's policies with whom I'm employed. I will also need to take a deep breath (as someone suggested) and relax a bit while the two of us figure out what step to take next. In the mean time though, I think it's best to remain "quiet"

I do appreciate all the advice though, and it's a relief to find that I am not the only person who has gotten caught up in this type of situation!

[qbounce]

There are no laws against you're getting together here in the states, so the only concern you may have is with your employer. And even THAT shouldn't e such a huge concern.

If the agency your working for now frowns upon your new foulnd relationship, and ends up letting you go because of it (which I sincerely DOUBT they will go to THAT extreme). There are MANY other agencies who will hire you without hesitation, especially if you have multiple patient care knowledge, like SCI, and the elderly.

BTW texaswheelz,
I would have loved if my wife was getting paid by the someone else too, but unfortunately, she was getting paid by ME. That's why she had to tell her employer about this relationship. To get her another patient, AND to save ME some money.--hehe.

[zilyma]

qbounce, on Jul 3 2009, 02:53 PM, said:

There are no laws against you're getting together here in the states, so the only concern you may have is with your employer. And even THAT shouldn't e such a huge concern.

If the agency your working for now frowns upon your new foulnd relationship, and ends up letting you go because of it (which I sincerely DOUBT they will go to THAT extreme). There are MANY other agencies who will hire you without hesitation, especially if you have multiple patient care knowledge, like SCI, and the elderly.

Thank you so much! I tried every avenue I could think of to research the laws here and could not find anything remotely close in relation. That information that you gave has lifted a world of weight off of my shoulders!!

Just as an update, he and I talked about it more today and have mutually decided that it's in our best interest for me to tell the company in which I work for, and as you mentioned, if they have a problem with it, then I'm sure I can find employment elsewhere. Thanks again!

[buff]

how hard is it to stop taking care of him then start dating? you can always say after you quit that he called and asked you out as a friend which developed into more. nobody needs to know right away