5 replies to this topic

[stephy]

hi all! im really new to all this forums & discussion boards. it never really occured to me to turn to these..ive been reading through & i forget how helpful & how much information you can get from these things. my injury occured in mar '09. my level of injury is t1-t8 (i feel silly..but not sure if complete/incomplete- i keep forgetting ) anywho - my injury was due to a car wreck - no seatbelt, passanger. the guy i was with at the time (my x now) he's ok..bruised bones thats all.. after the wreck..he was kinda supportive. ive never known anyone w/the injury i have..and i guess it didnt really settle in till a month after the incident the extent of my injuries. my everyday question is .. am i going to walk again? im continuing w/intense therapy everyday. the bf (x) became a drunk & druggie & thought outside extra curricular activities <ie: basketball game > was better then spending time w/me & helping me when i needed him. long story short. ive dropped him. ive been single for a couple of months trying my best & putting my all into my recovery & my independance.
ive known this guy for about 5yrs..so he's known me since b4 my injury. recently we've talked about dating & possibly getting married. im all for it! i know its possible for us..but im kinda embarrassed or shy(?) to live with him. he knows im a paraplegic. he hasnt asked me any questions about my injury. on the other hand..i havent really volunteered any information. im pretty independant. from transfers to grooming, to dressing.
i have to self-cath..
now, he hasnt seen me since b4 the accident. he's planning to come see me next week. if he plans to stay longer then 5hrs or so..how do i tell him to leave the room so i can cath???? will it b wrong if i feel weird if he wants to stay?? i dont think he will .. but im just excersising all possibilites.
im really shy about the suppository thing. i get that nightly (im still in a nursing facility) and im still wearing a breif.
now in the event that he wants to get intimate..and he see's my brief..isnt that a turn off????
i dont think he knows what i go thru everyday & the things i do..how can i approach him & just tell him this things??
im in a motorized wheelchair as well (temporarily due to broken colar bone - but healed completly now..my manual is being customized at the moment) and im really shy for him to see me in this huge thing .. i cant go anywhere..in my opinion..its not something we can just fold up & put in the backseat.
i think all in all i feel like i will be a huge inconveince or too much work for him & he'll just realize that later & think "what did i get myself into..???!" & either be a grump about things & i'll feel "stuck" or he'll just drop me. i really really love this guy! he's showing me the attention i havent had in over a yr. he says he loves me, i love him..i just hope im not setting myself up for failure.
i guess im asking how can i ask him if he's really ready to be with someone thats a paraplegic.
then again i dont wanna give him false hopes & say 'i WILL be able to walk again' thats something, i guess thats up in the air..50/50 chance?


thx!!

[JesseB]

Well, firstly, welcome to the forums, glad you joined, lots of great people and information here.

I think you should just start off with asking him if he has any questions and just get them out of the way.
Well thats what I would do anyway. And for your personall care, just go as needed, if he curious
I'm sure he'll ask, some of my friends do and I'll jsut tell them straight up what I have to do now,
but I'm pretty open about stuff...

But it would probably be possible for you guys to go somewhere, just trasfer into the car and leave your chair behind
or maybe borrow a hospital chair from where you're staying. Getting out and about will do you alot of good - I know it did
for me when I first got out of the hospital.

And for all that relationship junk.. haha.. well.. no experience in that field post injury for me yet..

But you can't stop love I guess, If it's ment to be it's ment to be.

Just be yourself. good luck

[zilyma]

Welcome!

I am new here too, but I will try my best to give you a little insight from the opposite side of the spectrum. I am now the gf of a man who is Level c-5 incomplete. My situation is a little bit different, because I took care of him for some time before committing to a relationship with him. But, as for all the personal aspects of your daily life, I can say this: Just be honest with him. In my experience, it was his honesty and openness that allowed me to feel comfortable enough to be with him on a personal level. I'm sure your guy has some sort of inkling about how your ADL's differ from his. As "V" said, see if he has any questions & do your best to answer them as they come. Don't sugar coat anything though as it might give him a false hope or idea of what the future might hold.

If he truly loves & cares about you, then it won't matter to him.

It is perfectly natural to worry about and fear the unknown -just as it is for an AB person- but try to relax a bit and if it's meant to be it will be.

Good luck and keep us posted on how things go!

~Z~

[stephy]

volc0m101, on Jul 4 2009, 05:29 AM, said:

Well, firstly, welcome to the forums, glad you joined, lots of great people and information here.

I think you should just start off with asking him if he has any questions and just get them out of the way.
Well thats what I would do anyway. And for your personall care, just go as needed, if he curious
I'm sure he'll ask, some of my friends do and I'll jsut tell them straight up what I have to do now,
but I'm pretty open about stuff...

But it would probably be possible for you guys to go somewhere, just trasfer into the car and leave your chair behind
or maybe borrow a hospital chair from where you're staying. Getting out and about will do you alot of good - I know it did
for me when I first got out of the hospital.

And for all that relationship junk.. haha.. well.. no experience in that field post injury for me yet..

But you can't stop love I guess, If it's ment to be it's ment to be.

Just be yourself. good luck

But it would probably be possible for you guys to go somewhere, just trasfer into the car and leave your chair behind
or maybe borrow a hospital chair from where you're staying. Getting out and about will do you alot of good - I know it did
for me when I first got out of the hospital



the chairs they have here arent so great & the arm rests arent removeable. i mean we could just go for a drive & whatnot..

[stephy]

i wanted to thank you guys for you welcomes & replies!!! u guys are great!!
i'll try asking him if he's got any questions..thing is..we're both shy LOL! this should b interesting

[qbounce]

Wohhhhw Stephy,
First thing . . . slow down there a little. You JUST got rid of a loser bf. Now you've rekindled an old flame. Hey, no one would deny you that's GREAT news. But, I'd just suggest that you take it a little easy there for a bit first.

You're still doing therapy,probably . . . . right? Trying to see where things are in your new shoes? I suggest you stay focused on your therapy and recovery first. It's good to date, go out, have fun with a s/o. But, for now at least, put MARRIAGE on the back burner until you two have spent a little time together, okay?

I'm guessing, since he likes you, he's probably looked up SCI info online. He's gonna find out soon enough everything else that there is to know. You don't have to cath in front of him on the first date, though. Some couples never see each other in that possition. Again, just go easy. What's the rush?

Lastly, even if the hospital chair arm rests don't come off, you can still transfer into it with the help of a slide board. You just need to scoot up a bit on the cushion first. It takes a few tries but it's doable, like everything, with practice. Hopefully you can figure something out. My hospital disharge coordinator was able to get me a rental WC until my fitted one came. It took 6 months to get my manuel WC, but until then, I was still able to go out in the rented clunker!

And lastly, Welcome!!