24 replies to this topic

[blue eyes]

so me and my boyfriend who is a c6/7 complete go out sometimes on the weekends and go clubbing. we are young (22 and 25) and we like to have fun. well everytime we are out drunk girls always find the need to come up to him and dance on him right in front of me. i know he doesn't want to be a dick and say get the hell off of me but it bothers me. i don't care if he's in a chair or not, i don't want other girls all over my boyfriend. i just don't know what to suggest to him to tell these girls so they stop. i don't want to have to be a bitch everytime we go out and tell these girls to get the hell off my boyfriend. any advice?! i'm lost!

[tmcph]

 blue eyes, on Jul 10 2009, 01:19 PM, said:

so me and my boyfriend who is a c6/7 complete go out sometimes on the weekends and go clubbing. we are young (22 and 25) and we like to have fun. well everytime we are out drunk girls always find the need to come up to him and dance on him right in front of me. i know he doesn't want to be a dick and say get the hell off of me but it bothers me. i don't care if he's in a chair or not, i don't want other girls all over my boyfriend. i just don't know what to suggest to him to tell these girls so they stop. i don't want to have to be a bitch everytime we go out and tell these girls to get the hell off my boyfriend. any advice?! i'm lost!

does it bother him? you stated that it bothers you, if he isn't interested in them then that's all he needs to say to them, that's what i do when i don't want girls dancing on me & it works on most, for the super drunks you need to be a 'dick or bitch' (whatever the case is) & say get the hell off me.

maybe it doesn't bother him, if this is the case then you need to see it as be in the clubbing scene & get over your jealousy, besides you're the one going home with him

[blue eyes]

he told me before that he doesn't like it. i guess he just figures that if he ignores them that they'll stop soon enough. i know i will always have to deal with this because he's a really good looking guy but i want to know some way to make it slightly easier.

[CollegeGirl]

If it were me, I would tap them on the shoulder and say, "Sorry, he's my boyfriend" just so they know that he's taken. If they already know he's with you and don't care then physically telling them will show that they need to back off.

Edited by CollegeGirl, 11 July 2009 - 03:13 PM.

[blue eyes]

i think that's what i'm going to need to do. although i think it's going to come off a little bitchier! i'll probably say "can you please get off my boyfriend!". hopefully that makes them feel like dumbasses too! he was joking last night with me and told he was going to get a t-shirt made to go out in the says "i'm taken, no rides, out of order". haha!! i've never really voiced my oppinion about this before to him before last night so hopefully he knows now how much it bothers me and will do something more to prevent this from happening. regardless i know some girls just can't help themselves and he doesn't see it coming most of the time!! haha!

[DustyP]

Hmmmmmm, a 25-year-old guy that doesn't like young drunk girls dancing on him and the club.......... tell me he really didn't pull that one over on you. The same thing happens to me all the time when I used to be out with my girlfriend and I would tell her the same thing, except she would just shoot me this look back because she knew what I was saying was absolute bullshit, and so did I. The way I see it is that if you're in a club or a bar, everyone is fair game until told otherwise. I've hit on plenty of girls not knowing whether they were with someone or not, but once told that they are then that's the end of the line.

Besides, what I'm out with a girl I have no problem with her dancing with other guys and she usually won't have a problem with me dancing with other girls because at the end of the day she knows that she's the only one I truly care about and that I'm going home with her no matter what. Certainly I don't think you have to worry about him getting Attached to some drunk chick in one night just because she was grinding on his knee.

So, either you let him dance with them and have a good time knowing that you're the only one he truly cares about or you ask him to politely say "sorry but I'm with someone".

Remember, it works both ways too. I doubt that you don't have a bunch of guys coming up to you in the bar and offering to buy you drinks. I don't mean to sound harsh but I suggest taking a step back and reminding yourself that when you're out everyone's just there to have a good time and that if you truly trust your boyfriend and know that he cares about you then you have nothing to worry about.

"He says he doesn't like it"............. I'd love to hear what E-dog thinks of that

Edited by DustyP, 11 July 2009 - 07:11 PM.

[qbounce]

It's kinda nice to take your SO out for a drink and some dancing, then spend actual quality time with EACH OTHER. Maybe I'm from a different generation here than others. . . . call me old fashioned if you will. But, when I go out with my woman, I like to spend time flirting, teasing, and talking (if you can actually hear in the club), with her, not someone else.

It isn't always a matter of trusting your SO, because they're right in front of you. I could understand how feelings get hurt when the person your SO's having fun with isn't you.

It could be that some people enjoy playing games with their SO's, or . . . . . maybe they have an "understanding" where by anything goes in the club. Including allowing someone to rub up against you, fondle you, and kiss you . . . . as long as you go home with me. Hey, if that works for you, fine. When I'm out with someone special, THAT person gets my UNDIVIDED attention. When I'm out with friends, then it's a different story (not to say that's it's okay to go out on your SO either).

I think there's a time and a place for every situation. You should know what's appropriate, and when. But, if you're up for drama, and can only get turned on through make-up-sex, then I'm guessing a fight after getting a chair dance is what you need.

Blue eyes,
talk to your guy and tell him how uncomfortable you are with others grinding on him. Nuff said.

[wheeliebear75]

Well my question is why doesn't he just say "sorry ladies......I'm with the bombshell over there" or "sorry my dance card is already booked"? He can let them know he is taken with out being rude about it.

You wouldn't like other girls dancing up against him if he was AB either........so why does the chair change that situation?
The thought pattern of a drunk. "woah.....they're cute.......I didn't know cute people got stuck in chairs.......hey if they're at a club they must be here to dance.........holly shit..........OMG dancing with someone in a wheelchair would be so cool".

I use the term "thought pattern" very loosely.

[CollegeGirl]

 qbounce, on Jul 11 2009, 08:53 PM, said:

It's kinda nice to take your SO out for a drink and some dancing, then spend actual quality time with EACH OTHER. Maybe I'm from a different generation here than others. . . . call me old fashioned if you will. But, when I go out with my woman, I like to spend time flirting, teasing, and talking (if you can actually hear in the club), with her, not someone else.

I couldn't agree more. I understand the whole concept of "you're the only one he cares about and as long as he's going home with you then why does it matter," but c'mon, really? If he cares about you then he should be wanting to dance sexy on you, not random drunk chicks.

I love my boyfriend, and don't care about strange guys in a bar/club. I don't see the point in flirting/dancing/whatever with others when him and I are out. In my opinion (and I realize that other couples are different), he's the one I care about so he's the one I pay attention do.

[buff]

I wonder if these drunk girls think they are "doing him a favor" or boosting his confidence. i am sure its fun for them to think they are boosting his confidence and they are drunk and just not thinking it through. if they were sober they make think about it first. however if your guy is anything like mine women still fall all over him. but at the end of the day he is with you. and my guy still will say he never thought anybody would ever love him after his accident. so i just let the girls have their fun (within reason) and let him sorta enjoy it. it does help boost his confidence. but i go up and kiss him when they are looking or go dance with him myself. we go out a lot too. its hard to know where the line is. i totally understand. i just sorta feel out every situation and if i can tell they are just drunk and he is not enjoying it "too much" i let him enjoy the attention. i know if i were in his situation i would need those little confidence boosters every once in a while. its nice to know you are still wanted, even though you want and love them i think they need that feeling you know when you walk by and men check you out. so maybe tell him how you feel and then just let him enjoy it A LITTLE!!

I mean common who doesn't like that little feeling of satisfaction when being checked out by the oppiste sex? it makes you feel good and you would not cheat on him right. but lets be honest you enjoy being check out too.

Edited by buff, 12 July 2009 - 02:21 PM.

[CollegeGirl]

 buff, on Jul 12 2009, 09:13 AM, said:

I mean common who doesn't like that little feeling of satisfaction when being checked out by the oppiste sex? it makes you feel good and you would not cheat on him right. but lets be honest you enjoy being check out too.

I understand this, but she didn't say she had a problem with girls checking him out. I think there's a big difference between looking at someone and grinding on them, but like you said it's difficult to know where to draw the line and I think the line changes depending on the couple. I wouldn't really have a problem if a girl checked my guy out. I know he's hot so girls are going to look, but if one of thm comes up and starts rubbing her body on him or sitting in his lap then I would have to speak up. I understand the confidence is nice, but he would have a problem if I did that with guys, so it's not ok for other girls to do it to him

That's where our line is, so I think you just have to find the limit for your own relationship.

[Hapahowlee]

This sort of thing seems to happen when hubby and I are at a wedding reception. Mr. Hapa claims he doesn't like it either, especially when our sister-in-law, who we find obnoxious sits on his lap, in which case he's been known to purposely spasm and knock her to the floor.

I usually don't care and figure my hubby has a mouth and he can speak for himself if it really bothers him. If there was ever a case where some chick starts touching him inappropriately, I'd tell her to back the f**k off and help her.

[Mike Honcho]

 CollegeGirl, on Jul 12 2009, 07:45 PM, said:

I wouldn't really have a problem if a girl checked my guy out.

I wonder what your guy would feel like if the two of you were out for dinner and you checked another guy out? And what if it was a guy in a wheelchair?

[blue eyes]

i dont see myself as a very possesive girlfriend. we go to strip clubs all the time and i don't care when girls come up to him and tell he's sooooo hott and blah blah blah. i secretly like that he gets the attention too because i know i have someone that everyone else wants and can't have. but...i don't want to see them getting a little piece of him and grinding their ass all over his lap! i like men's attention of course but i don't like it when they act on it. when i say he said he doesnt like it, he doesn't like the fact that drunk girl's find the need to jump in his lap, risk flipping him backward in their drunken stupor, and most of them he doesn't find attractive at all (he'd let me know if he did b/c we are very open about that). i let him know the other day that i found it very uncomfortable and i don't want to have to stand next to him the whole night holding his hand just so that no girl comes up to him. i told him the reason i walk away everytime a girl starts dancing on him is because i'm afraid that if i tell the girl to stop and she doesn't or if she gets cocky with geme then it's going to turn into a fight. i'm a lover not a fighter but i am fiesty when someone crosses me and i won't back down. i'm realizing that maybe that's the risk i'm going to have to take to protect my sanity i guess. and that's what he said too. i wish i could have the mentality that he's the one coming home with me and that it's all fun but i can't. i love him and to tell you the truth i forget sometimes he's in a chair so regardless of whether he is in a chair or not i don't want to see other girls on him just as much as he doesn't want to see other guys on me. it's just a little harder for him to get away from a girl dancing in his lap opposed from me getting away from a guy trying to grind on me. i was thinking i could say "can you please get off my boyfriend" just to make them feel a little ashamed (probably not) because most of these girls are ignorant i'm sure and don't think that guys in chairs can have decent looking AB girlfriends. they just assume he's fair game. any suggestions on what i can tell them when i have to step in?

 Mike Honcho, on Jul 13 2009, 04:04 PM, said:

 CollegeGirl, on Jul 12 2009, 07:45 PM, said:

I wouldn't really have a problem if a girl checked my guy out.

I wonder what your guy would feel like if the two of you were out for dinner and you checked another guy out? And what if it was a guy in a wheelchair?

i think he would probably think i have a fetish. haha! me and him check girls out all the time and i did wonder what he would do if i checked a guy out and said something to him like "damn he's hott". guess there's only one way to find out....

[buff]

well it def depends on your relationship. i wouldn't like somebody sitting in his lap either, however she said dancing with him and when you are all on the dance floor squished up against eachother then you are all sorta dancing together and that wouldn't really bother me. but i don't get to jealous. don't get me wrong if i feel something is not right ill get jealous but if he is doing it in front of me there is prob nothing to worry about. i flirt at the bar when i get drunk. not full on flirting but little ones here and there. if a guy comes up and hits on me ill be polite. and my bf seems to like it he says he loves that he has the woman everybody wants and we love eachother so much we just enjoy it.

Edited by buff, 16 July 2009 - 09:38 PM.

[CollegeGirl]

Well, I wouldn't CHECK OUT another guy, whether I was with him or not. I think there is a difference in acknowledging that another person is in the room and checking someone out... a big difference actually.

 Mike Honcho, on Jul 13 2009, 10:04 AM, said:

 CollegeGirl, on Jul 12 2009, 07:45 PM, said:

I wouldn't really have a problem if a girl checked my guy out.

I wonder what your guy would feel like if the two of you were out for dinner and you checked another guy out? And what if it was a guy in a wheelchair?

[buff]

there is a big difference but who said anything about "checking out" somebody? you're at the bar to be social i assume or you would just stay home and drink. so it doesn't hurt to be polite to people and chat.

[buff]

you know i think i just found that line... my boyfriend just called and said his friend just broke up with her boyfriend and didn't have anywhere to stay tonight so he said she could stay there. hello he is in a care center. they okayed it for me to stay but im his girlfriend. good thing i trust him. see this is what i get for being an understanding nonjealous girlfriend.

[blue eyes]

haha! when you are on a dance floor yes it is crowded and everyone is kinda smashed against eachother but there is a big difference between being smashed and being purposely danced on. i go out because yes i want to be social and yes i want to dance. i just don't want to see my boyfriend being half raped in front of me. our relationship is the kind where we will both sit down and check girls out and comment on them and i'm all good on him checking other girls out and girls checking him out. i just don't like the acting on it on their part. i don't just go up to random guys dancing on them. some girls are just soooo trashy. i know it has to do with the fact that he's in a wheelchair and they think it would be "cool" to dance with a guy in a wheelchair but they really need to get a clue and grow up. i'll check another guy out to the extent of "damn he's hott" and that's it. i don't flirt with them.

 buff, on Jul 17 2009, 01:59 AM, said:

you know i think i just found that line... my boyfriend just called and said his friend just broke up with her boyfriend and didn't have anywhere to stay tonight so he said she could stay there. hello he is in a care center. they okayed it for me to stay but im his girlfriend. good thing i trust him. see this is what i get for being an understanding nonjealous girlfriend.

that sucks. girl must be but ugly or obnoxious b/c to say your last resort is too stay with your guy friend at a care center is pretty pathetic. doesn't she have a family?

[buff]

 blue eyes, on Jul 16 2009, 07:22 PM, said:

haha! when you are on a dance floor yes it is crowded and everyone is kinda smashed against eachother but there is a big difference between being smashed and being purposely danced on. i go out because yes i want to be social and yes i want to dance. i just don't want to see my boyfriend being half raped in front of me. our relationship is the kind where we will both sit down and check girls out and comment on them and i'm all good on him checking other girls out and girls checking him out. i just don't like the acting on it on their part. i don't just go up to random guys dancing on them. some girls are just soooo trashy. i know it has to do with the fact that he's in a wheelchair and they think it would be "cool" to dance with a guy in a wheelchair but they really need to get a clue and grow up. i'll check another guy out to the extent of "damn he's hott" and that's it. i don't flirt with them.

 buff, on Jul 17 2009, 01:59 AM, said:

you know i think i just found that line... my boyfriend just called and said his friend just broke up with her boyfriend and didn't have anywhere to stay tonight so he said she could stay there. hello he is in a care center. they okayed it for me to stay but im his girlfriend. good thing i trust him. see this is what i get for being an understanding nonjealous girlfriend.

that sucks. girl must be but ugly or obnoxious b/c to say your last resort is too stay with your guy friend at a care center is pretty pathetic. doesn't she have a family?

don't know. i have never met her. in fact he has never even mentioned her until now. he says they have known each other forever and that all her family is out of town and that her ex sorta made her not have friends. but she went to highschool here so i don't buy her story. i trust him. but i don't know about her that just doesn't add up

[blue eyes]

 buff, on Jul 17 2009, 02:46 AM, said:

 blue eyes, on Jul 16 2009, 07:22 PM, said:

haha! when you are on a dance floor yes it is crowded and everyone is kinda smashed against eachother but there is a big difference between being smashed and being purposely danced on. i go out because yes i want to be social and yes i want to dance. i just don't want to see my boyfriend being half raped in front of me. our relationship is the kind where we will both sit down and check girls out and comment on them and i'm all good on him checking other girls out and girls checking him out. i just don't like the acting on it on their part. i don't just go up to random guys dancing on them. some girls are just soooo trashy. i know it has to do with the fact that he's in a wheelchair and they think it would be "cool" to dance with a guy in a wheelchair but they really need to get a clue and grow up. i'll check another guy out to the extent of "damn he's hott" and that's it. i don't flirt with them.

 buff, on Jul 17 2009, 01:59 AM, said:

you know i think i just found that line... my boyfriend just called and said his friend just broke up with her boyfriend and didn't have anywhere to stay tonight so he said she could stay there. hello he is in a care center. they okayed it for me to stay but im his girlfriend. good thing i trust him. see this is what i get for being an understanding nonjealous girlfriend.

that sucks. girl must be but ugly or obnoxious b/c to say your last resort is too stay with your guy friend at a care center is pretty pathetic. doesn't she have a family?

don't know. i have never met her. in fact he has never even mentioned her until now. he says they have known each other forever and that all her family is out of town and that her ex sorta made her not have friends. but she went to highschool here so i don't buy her story. i trust him. but i don't know about her that just doesn't add up

it's good that you trust him. i'm sure it would be easier if you were to have met her before. something does sound fishy though. how do you not have a key to your own parents house? hmmm....

[buff]

well it all worked out. i guess his nurse ended up kicking her out. ha. yeah i do trust him i will usually have a feeling if something is going on with a guy im dating but i believe him when he tells me he loves me and he called me like 3x while she was there so i was not to worried. he said her parents are out of town but she grew up here she must know somebody. oh well. so did you talk to you guy about the dancing?

[blue eyes]

i did talk to him and he just laughs at me and thinks i'm blowing it out of proportion. i told him the next time it happens then i'm going to tell the girl something. hopefully i won't have to though being that he knows how much i don't like it now and he'll take a more drastic step to stop it before i have to. i guess i'll find out soon enough!

that's awesome that your boyfriend called you alot to reassure you. it's sounds like you have a great boyfriend and it's funny as a hell that she got kicked out! haha. his intentions may have been good but hers might not have and he might not of picked up on it. guys can be oblivious sometimes. good that it all worked out though!

[buff]

 blue eyes, on Jul 18 2009, 07:24 PM, said:

i did talk to him and he just laughs at me and thinks i'm blowing it out of proportion. i told him the next time it happens then i'm going to tell the girl something. hopefully i won't have to though being that he knows how much i don't like it now and he'll take a more drastic step to stop it before i have to. i guess i'll find out soon enough!

that's awesome that your boyfriend called you alot to reassure you. it's sounds like you have a great boyfriend and it's funny as a hell that she got kicked out! haha. his intentions may have been good but hers might not have and he might not of picked up on it. guys can be oblivious sometimes. good that it all worked out though!

i know thats what i told him. i didn't trust her and i didn't know her thats why i was worried. cause he couldn't understand how i could trust him and still be worried. i was not worried about him cheating. if he is going to cheat he is going to cheat but i was worried about her getting all in his head and trying to make him question our realtionship. ya know.

[blue eyes]

i get you completely. i've seen it happen to my friends. nothing nice!