8 replies to this topic

[buff]

i read a lot on here about the person in "the chair" taking their loved one for granted and treating them like crap. i am a little concerned because my bf is great he doesn't really let me help with too much he likes to do it himself but he has snapped at me when getting frustrated because i was not helping the way he wanted i guess. is he going to end up taking me for granted over time like all these other men that have been hurt for longer? i noticed that the few of us on here that just started dating or marrying our men seem to not have this problem but those of you that have been married longer and your spouce has been injured longer seem to all have this same complaint. i am a little worried. i don't want to end up resenting him.

[CR_L1]

I think you are reading into things to much,
One partner taking the other for granted can happen in any relationship, AB’s break up over that one all the time its nothing new.

[Ches]

buff, on Jul 12 2009, 01:50 PM, said:

i am a little concerned because my bf is great he doesn't really let me help with too much he likes to do it himself but he has snapped at me when getting frustrated because i was not helping the way he wanted i guess.

Hell I do that....

No worries though, eventually you'll be 'trained'.

Dont contribute all ones out-lashes to an SCI, people are still people.

[DustyP]

You have to remember is that the people most likely to post about their relationship are the ones that are either extremely unhappy with their relationship were extremely happy with their relationship. Very few individuals feel that it's worthwhile to post about how average their life or relationship is. What you're getting here are the polar extremes of a very wide spectrum of relationships. The vast majority fall somewhere in between of what you're reading. Like the individual above said, don't read too much into it and just focus what's best for you at any given time

Edited by DustyP, 12 July 2009 - 07:30 PM.

[qbounce]

Buff,
That responisibity may fall in part, on your shoulders. Only do things for him when asked. That way, your bound to get a thank you out of it, or at least he'll appriciate what he asked of you. In other words, don't do the things for him that he can do himself. You just might be creating a monster, a very spoiled one at that.

All that aside, you're reading about failed relationships. As CR_L1 pointed out, they happen. Hell, for all we know those guys may have been TRYING to get rid of their wives.

I suppose it's worth a shot if that's what you want to do. Just constantly run the 'ol lady ragged 'til she gets those panic attacks, goes on paxil, and decides her pool man's the best anecdote for her ills.

Otherwise, communicate. Don't go above and beyond his expectations of what he asks of you, because you might be cutting his potential short.

[keidra]

my fiance is a c2-c6 incomplete and he gets frustarted at me at times when i tyr to help things along by doing things he can do !! I have learned only to help whe he asks!! He lkes to do things he can still do and i respect that !! I do things i know he cannot do !! i respect him as he does me

[WetRain]

have to say some people do look to deep into things

fair enough every now and again through frustration and not any hidden agenda he throws a wobbler

but then every 28 days or so 7 of those women are throwing a wobbler for no reason other than u breathed in the wrong direction

so if your relationships going to last you have to learn that your both allowed to lose ya rag every now and again

coz after all this time one thing i hav noticed is the person i usually flip at because of frustration is the one I trust the most

hope all is well and Monday isnt getting you down to much

Mark

[ohio4282]

I agree with what qbounce said. I've noticed you mention a lot that he gets frustrated when you are trying to help him, but you haven't shed a lot of light on exactly what you are trying to help him with. My boyfriend likes to do what he can on his on. I don't blame him for that. If he needs help, he will ask for it. And while it might be easier for me to do some things for him, it doesn't mean I should. My bf cherishes his independence and worked hard to get it. My place in his life is not to take that away from him.

As for the possibility you will some day burn out, don't set yourself up for it by taking on little things that he can for himself. Overtime, I can easily see how that would build a resentment towards someone. The best thing to do is to not start that pattern.

I also agree with the folks that have stated burn-out is something that happens in many, many relationships. I've ended a few myself with AB guys for that reason. And that people posting are either really happy or really miserable. I love my man more and more each day, and I am extremely happy. But he has become part of my life and the newishness and desire to shout to the world just how happy I am has faded.

At the end of the day, I would try to not worry about it too much. It will drive you crazy, thinking about something that hasn't happened and may not happen. Live in the moment...cliche, sure, but it really is all you've got. And it you fixate on the future, not only will you not enjoy what you have in front of you, you may be creating the situation that you are worried about. Live life, take it easy, talk to him about how you feel and don't take too much of his life on as your own. Whatever is meant to be, will be.

[buff]

thanks for all your help. i am not too worried about it. i was just more curious after reading all those posts about the sci person taking the other for granted. i can't actually ever see my man wanting me to do everything, he is great about doing things himself and i don't help unless he asks. for the question on what am i helping him with; i help him cath mostley and he does everything else himself. yeah i know other relationships can turn out like that. i have quiet a bit of experience of getting tired of relationships myself. but i love my bf so much i don't want anything to ever get in our way to the point that we can't handle it.