4 replies to this topic

[cousin of L4/5 incomplete]

My cousin Allister is on here as L4/5 incomplete, he was taken into hospital nearly 2wks ago, no bowel/bladder movement, now no movement at all in legs.....
Over the last 8 yrs or so i have seen a much loved member of my family deteriate slowly, then"BAM" along came a steam train.....complete shutdown..
The family are all trying to help, but most of them are upsetting one another, not knowing what to do for the best....
The doctors are baffled big time, not sure why his legs,bowel & bladder wont work, Allister feels Fantastic, he pain free for the first time in years, just can't use legs or wee/poo..
Allister for many yrs has been doing this , but thanx to all the wonderful information & help from this site/forum he smiling again... so mega thanx guys....
He has a wonderful partner, Gary, who also needs support & understanding at this traumatic time... i just wish i could split myself in 2..
Can any-one give me any advise or help on how to learn more about Allisters condition & how to support Gary???
I used to care full-time for an epileptic lady, who was a wheelchair user, but need understand spinal injuries more...... How do i help both my disabled cousin & his wonderful partner???

[JustJayde]

I don't have any words of advice other than to just be there for him but I wanted to send you and your family some supportive vibes. Hang in there.

[ClaraTaylor]

Having spoken to Allister a few times the best thing you can do is ask him what he wants, what he needs. He doesn't seem the kind of chap to be too shy and want to hide from life. Certainly the relief he has expressed about finally being pain free is clear from what he writes to me.
Perhaps you could find something for him to do all day while he waits for "the next move" from the doctors... whether it be books, puzzles, chocolate... something to keep his brain active!

As for Gary - perhaps you could invest a wee bit of time helping him look into social services, what is available to transform the house (i.e. grants), how you get nurses into the house to help Allister when he's finally allowed home so that there is no fear of him worrying about being "left alone" to care for Allister (though by the way he is trying he might not need much more help we hope!).
Ask Gary how he is. He must be overwhelmed by people asking how Allister is it is too easy to forget to ask how the partner is coping. Make sure he has everything he needs.

And make sure you look after yourself - the hard work comes when Allister is allowed to escape from hospital and start his new life at home. There are so many things in life that will try to trip him up, whether it be the first time he falls off the toilet or when he gets dog muck on his wheels (transferring rapidly onto his hands and ewww), it'll be times like this that he'll need people around to help him out of depressive thoughts and keep him laughing.

Keep safe.

[wheeliebear75]

Just being there for BOTH of them & letting them know that you're interested in what THEY WANT & are there for them. Who knows maybe just taking Gary out for a nice relaxing cup of coffee/tea may take a lot of stress & weight off his shoulders. I've read some of the posts by Allister & it would seem that he feels he is much more content with life being unable to feel the pain........I know that constant pain can be very stressful on the body......and so is being totally paralyzed.......but once the Dr.s get his bladder & bowels working again I think that Allister will be a much happier person & THAT is really what all of this is about.

Best wishes to you all.

[allister]

cousin of L4/5 incomplete, on Jul 21 2009, 10:23 PM, said:

My cousin Allister is on here as L4/5 incomplete, he was taken into hospital nearly 2wks ago, no bowel/bladder movement, now no movement at all in legs.....
Over the last 8 yrs or so i have seen a much loved member of my family deteriate slowly, then"BAM" along came a steam train.....complete shutdown..
The family are all trying to help, but most of them are upsetting one another, not knowing what to do for the best....
The doctors are baffled big time, not sure why his legs,bowel & bladder wont work, Allister feels Fantastic, he pain free for the first time in years, just can't use legs or wee/poo..
Allister for many yrs has been doing this , but thanx to all the wonderful information & help from this site/forum he smiling again... so mega thanx guys....
He has a wonderful partner, Gary, who also needs support & understanding at this traumatic time... i just wish i could split myself in 2..
Can any-one give me any advise or help on how to learn more about Allisters condition & how to support Gary???
I used to care full-time for an epileptic lady, who was a wheelchair user, but need understand spinal injuries more...... How do i help both my disabled cousin & his wonderful partner???

Love you so much, I couldn't ask anything more than you've already done for us both.(Big Hug) Think Gary needs the help more than me right now to get the home side sorted out, and what help etc is available, should I need it. Your one in a million Hel's so very glad your my little angel x x x x Al x x x x
Thanks for taking such a huge intererst to learn - help and understand my changing needs, and those of Gary. Not many ask Gary how he is.xx

Edited by allister, 25 July 2009 - 10:05 PM.