[Laiusky]

Soooo just to give u a little background on the situation; I'm 24, my bf is the one with the SCI. I am not a very social person, I don't go out and try to make new friends or anything like that, so let's say I have had the same friends since I started dating my boyfriend over a year and a half ago. Which means they have either met him already, or they have had enough time for all the questioning and are done with it now.

I have started taking classes recently and I hang out with a few people from class, and like I said, I don't really like talking about my personal life with others, so they know I have a bf, that's all. Some of them have mentioned "I saw in ur facebook pics that he's in a wheelchair? Has he always been in one? how did it happen?" and that's about it.

Anyways, tonight I went for dinner with a few of my classmates, and a Stevie Wonder song came up on the speakers. And one of the girls was like: I dont like his music, I think he's basically famous for being blind, not because of his awesome music. And then someone mentioned that she went to a Stevie Wonder's concert and they forgot to help him out of the stage, so he stayed there sitting down till someone remembered. And then THE girl (lets call her X) says: oh the poor guy, people must forget to help him out of places all the time!!!
And thats when I mentioned that a couple times I had forgotten to take my bf's wheelchair out of the car and I had walked a few feet before I realized.

And then she goes: OMG! You're boyfriend is on a wheelchair??? How come you hadn't told me???? (And I think: well because it hadn't come up??)
And she keeps going: OMG! The poor guy! That is so horrible has he always been in a wheelchair? And I say no, he was in a car accident
X: OMG! But that is terrible! Poor guy poor guy poor guy
So I was trying to keep it cool, and I was just like, well you know, things happen, and people just have to learn how to live with them...
X: OMG OMG OMG is there any chance he'll walk again? I'm so sorry, poor guy.
And then is when I kinda lost it and I said: well, would u feel sorry for urself if it happened to you?
X: Yes, I would probably kill myself
And I say.............. Well do people feel sorry for you because you're fat? Are u gonna kill yourself because of it?
And that was the ending of the conversation and the beginning of the awkwardness for the rest of the dinner.....

I know I know I know I should know better and I could have just shut up, but she made me soooo mad!! Nobody had ever said so many stupid things all at once. So I just said something stupid in return.

Sorry for the super long post. I kinda needed to vent...

What are u supposed to say when people say those kind of things?

[kala0704]

WOW! That is a rediculous response she gave. Sorry you had to go through all that. Unfortuantly that is the way of life if you are with someone with a disability. I have told my husbands story a million times over the past nine years. I feel like it is a way to inspire others by sharing his accomplishments and how much he has overcome.

However, a surprisingly large amount of below want too many details and ask about urinating, bowel movements, and sex...when it comes to bathroom, i say "how the hell would I know, I dont go to the bathroom with him!" and when it comes to sex, i say "The viagra lasts for hours, lets just leave it at that."

It has to be hard if your a private person. But i really like how you standed up for your man with the fat comment. LOL!!

[Steviewo]

Good reply I think - to be honest I don't have any time for people like that even after 14 years of being paraplegic!

One example for me recently was when some random person (who was also fat) just said to me "what happened to you"

Just like that - that was all they said, no introductions or excuse me do you mind me asking....!

I just looked them up and down and replied "why - what happened to you?"

It really effing bugs me people like that.

[Dave Bishopstone]

Forgive me, but don't you think that it would be more productive to try to educate people who are maybe ignorant about the effects of SCI rather than insult someone who has hitherto perhaps been a friend?

This post has been edited by Dave Bishopstone: 18 August 2009 - 08:55 PM

[chickadee]

There are two sides of me right now - one, attempting to see her side of things and understanding (or attempting to) that she has thought this would be acceptable behavior and line of questioning, and trying to politely set her straight.

The other side of me wants to backhand her. *sigh*

Such is life.

[Laiusky]

chickadee, on Aug 18 2009, 04:02 PM, said:

There are two sides of me right now - one, attempting to see her side of things and understanding (or attempting to) that she has thought this would be acceptable behavior and line of questioning, and trying to politely set her straight.

The other side of me wants to backhand her. *sigh*

Such is life.

That's exactly how I felt. I did try to explain for a few minutes, (and the other girls in the table seemed to agree with me, or at least they just decided not to say anything at all) and all I got from her was a: POOR GUY POOR GUY POOR GUY, so I basically lost my temper. I would never call anyone fat just for the sake of it. Everyone is the way they are. And she is a classmate of mine, and we're kind of friends, but she just wasn't reasoning and I ended up losing it. What can I say, I am human.

[Lucydog]

The way I look at it is, did the person intend to be cruel or malicious? If not then I let it slide, people dont mean to be insensitive, I think they act like this becasue they are sort of shocked so what they say comes out as complete rubbish. I mean how many of us knew anyone disabled before it happened to us, how often have we heard it said, Id kill myself if....... Its all about perspective. Your friend didnt mean to be insensitive or hurtful but you did. make up with her, and forget it, we should know that life is too short.

[Laiusky]

Lucydog, on Aug 18 2009, 04:14 PM, said:

The way I look at it is, did the person intend to be cruel or malicious? If not then I let it slide, people dont mean to be insensitive, I think they act like this becasue they are sort of shocked so what they say comes out as complete rubbish. I mean how many of us knew anyone disabled before it happened to us, how often have we heard it said, Id kill myself if....... Its all about perspective. Your friend didnt mean to be insensitive or hurtful but you did. make up with her, and forget it, we should know that life is too short.

To be honest today was a bad day. I have been taking EVERYTHING personally when it wasn't, but that girl (X) has been picking on me all day. Just about how antisocial I am, how weird I am because I dont go to her parties, and blah blah blah. So I guess I was just fed up with her. But yeah, I'm gonna try and talk to her tomorrow, what I did wasn't right, and I know it.

[chickadee]

Quote

To be honest today was a bad day. I have been taking EVERYTHING personally when it wasn't, but that girl (X) has been picking on me all day. Just about how antisocial I am, how weird I am because I dont go to her parties, and blah blah blah. So I guess I was just fed up with her. But yeah, I'm gonna try and talk to her tomorrow, what I did wasn't right, and I know it.

I think it's appreciated that you are going to apologize to her for going off the handle... but I would be firm in telling her that what she was saying could be interpreted as highly offensive. Also, clue her in that you're not interested in being an extrovert, and that's okay with you! I will 'turn on' the extrovert in me when necessary, but I'm a crawl-into-my-shell babe myself. Being naturally introverted, if I'm having a bad day, I have a short extrovert fuse as well.

[chickadee]

This reminds me of a time when I was at my favorite bar/restaurant in town with a friend. As we were getting up to leave from dinner, I said thank you to the waitress, and she struck up a conversation with me. What happened to me, OMG, etc. Very similar to what happened to you, m'dear. She also kept banging on that she would pray for me, and so forth, and I was such a strong trouper and whatnot.

I just smiled and tried to be a good little gimp. Be nice, not condescending, explain politely, and try to get around those up-front and very awkward questions. It seriously took about 10 minutes, and it wore me out just standing there (was just beginning to stand again). What was funny is that I already knew what was going to happen next... I know my friend a bit too well.

My friend was seething. 'Why do you put up with that?! That's way too personal. Why the eff is she supposed to pray for you!?' Oh, yeah, he's also a pragmatic-sort of atheist. He doesn't see why I didn't just gently tell her to bugger off and leave me alone, so we could get on with our day. I told him that it was partly due to Minnesota Nice drilled into my head, and partially because I didn't want to be that one girl who flew off the handle. Plus, we were having a fantastic time (come on... who doesn't love pierogi and polka bands?!), and I didn't want to sour it at all by being a brat.

He rolled his eyes at me, smiled, and said 'Bah.' That's all you can really say, at the end of it.

This post has been edited by chickadee: 18 August 2009 - 09:45 PM

[LeahC]

I think you should only apologise for pointing out her weight issue in my opinion lol

I dislike it when people approach me and make either witty comments or try and do their good deed for the day by asking me how I cope or telling me how strong I am and how happy I am in the face of such tragedy. I find people think they can just approach me with 'why are you in a wheelchair?'. What difference does it make to them?

[Jax]

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 18 2009, 03:54 PM, said:

Forgive me, but don't you think that it would be more productive to try to educate people who are maybe ignorant about the effects of SCI rather than insult someone who has hitherto perhaps been a friend?

I'm going to tell you something you've apparently never heard.

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!

I've tried explaining stuff to people time and again. If they act like girl X, then there's no way in hell you're going to "educate" them about the effects of SCI. I've tried it, seen it tried, and heard plenty more stories just like that one from others who've tried it. Girl X was obviously set in her mind's view of how she felt and what she believed. Do you honestly think it's worth the time to try to "educate" her politely?

I'll bet that she got the point better from the fat statement than she ever would have through politeness. She wouldn't have shut up long enough to actually listen and hear what Laiusky had to say politely. If girl X had wanted to listen, she would have asked a question at a time and waited for the whole answer rather than flipping out like a 7th-grader on speed. What I'm saying is that "education" has many different methods, as individuals do not all learn in the same way. The nice turn-around method Laiusky used may have been the only thing that could have gotten into girl X's head and made her think for a second about how stupid she was being.

I've used similar methods to get my point across to a couple of my best friends. That's just what works for them-bluntness with the occasional example to feed their brains a different perspective. They don't get mad. I don't get mad when it's done to me. If girl X got mad, who gives a crap? That would just show that she's not open to the possibility that there's a world that doesn't revolve around her.

And for the sake of all that's truly worth giving a sh!t about, please do not apologize Laiusky. It just reinforces to her that she can be a and get away with it. That girl wants to make you feel bad because she's a moron? Are you seriously going to fall for that old guilt-trip routine?

I've had people try to do that to me when I told them I could get out the truck myself. They get all mad and act like they're doing me some big service, when they're actually just making it more difficult for me to get out. Same thing happens when I'm getting the chair into the truck and some dipsh!t decides that he (or she) can just come over and pick up the chair for me, and then gets mad when I tell them "no, thanks," or "I got it." People are so stupid and fake-nice. When they start pulling that pity and guilt trip crap, it really pisses me the off! What, I'm supposed to appreciate somebody automatically assuming that I'm an invalid or that I must need help just because I'm in a chair? I think not!

This post has been edited by Jax: 19 August 2009 - 10:10 AM

[Dave Bishopstone]

Jax, on Aug 19 2009, 10:56 AM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 18 2009, 03:54 PM, said:

Forgive me, but don't you think that it would be more productive to try to educate people who are maybe ignorant about the effects of SCI rather than insult someone who has hitherto perhaps been a friend?

I'm going to tell you something you've apparently never heard.

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!

I've tried explaining stuff to people time and again. If they act like girl X, then there's no way in hell you're going to "educate" them about the effects of SCI. I've tried it, seen it tried, and heard plenty more stories just like that one from others who've tried it. Girl X was obviously set in her mind's view of how she felt and what she believed. Do you honestly think it's worth the time to try to "educate" her politely?

I'll bet that she got the point better from the fat statement than she ever would have through politeness. She wouldn't have shut up long enough to actually listen and hear what Laiusky had to say politely. If girl X had wanted to listen, she would have asked a question at a time and waited for the whole answer rather than flipping out like a 7th-grader on speed. What I'm saying is that "education" has many different methods, as individuals do not all learn in the same way. The nice turn-around method Laiusky used may have been the only thing that could have gotten into girl X's head and made her think for a second about how stupid she was being.

I've used similar methods to get my point across to a couple of my best friends. That's just what works for them-bluntness with the occasional example to feed their brains a different perspective. They don't get mad. I don't get mad when it's done to me. If girl X got mad, who gives a crap? That would just show that she's not open to the possibility that there's a world that doesn't revolve around her.

And for the sake of all that's truly worth giving a sh!t about, please do not apologize Laiusky. It just reinforces to her that she can be a and get away with it. That girl wants to make you feel bad because she's a moron? Are you seriously going to fall for that old guilt-trip routine?

I've had people try to do that to me when I told them I could get out the truck myself. They get all mad and act like they're doing me some big service, when they're actually just making it more difficult for me to get out. Same thing happens when I'm getting the chair into the truck and some dipsh!t decides that he (or she) can just come over and pick up the chair for me, and then gets mad when I tell them "no, thanks," or "I got it." People are so stupid and fake-nice. When they start pulling that pity and guilt trip crap, it really pisses me the off! What, I'm supposed to appreciate somebody automatically assuming that I'm an invalid or that I must need help just because I'm in a chair? I think not!

Maybe I've got it wrong, maybe it is wrong to offer to help our fellows, even in the mistaken belief that you're doing the right thing, however hamfisted the attempt. Maybe we should all go about ignoring each others situation, maybe even resort to the odd offensive remark here or there - just so long as it makes us feel better - on balance I think I would prefer to live in a world where we strive to understand and get along with each other, whatever our situation. They say the hardest word to use is the word 'Sorry' whatever side of the line one is on.

This post has been edited by Dave Bishopstone: 19 August 2009 - 02:13 PM

[greybeard]

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 19 2009, 03:11 PM, said:

on balance I think I would prefer to live in a world where we strive to understand and get along with each other, whatever our situation. They say the hardest word to use is the word 'Sorry' whatever side of the line one is on.

Dave, I completely agree.

There seems to be a flaw in the argument proposed here and although I will probably be shouted at again for voicing my concerns, I would like to explore a little.

Should we always ignore those who apparently need help just in case we hurt their feelings by offering it?

How far do you suggest this non-intervention behaviour should go? Is it proposed that we should walk away from someone being physically abused? Or ignore anyone writhing on the floor in apparent pain?

Under what circumstances, would you consider that offering help was not insulting? Please advise as I am curious.

This post has been edited by greybeard: 19 August 2009 - 05:14 PM

[Dave Bishopstone]

greybeard, on Aug 19 2009, 06:12 PM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 19 2009, 03:11 PM, said:

on balance I think I would prefer to live in a world where we strive to understand and get along with each other, whatever our situation. They say the hardest word to use is the word 'Sorry' whatever side of the line one is on.

Dave, I completely agree.

There seems to be a flaw in the argument proposed here and although I will probably be shouted at again for voicing my concerns, I would like to explore a little.

Should we always ignore those who apparently need help just in case we hurt their feelings by offering it?

How far do you suggest this non-intervention behaviour should go? Is it proposed that we should walk away from someone being physically abused? Or ignore anyone writhing on the floor in apparent pain?

Under what circumstances, would you consider that offering help was not insulting? Please advise as I am curious.

Hi Greybeard,

I obviously don't go along with non intervention behaviour, as I think my comments indicate. I would and do, offer (and 'offer' is the operative word ) help where I think it might be needed, if it is rejected, hopefully politely and with good grace, fine, if however my offer is met with insult and abuse - then I would suggest that maybe someone else has a hang up or two to resolve.

Offering help ought never be insulting, if it is done sensitively, even if it isn't, is there really a need to resort to insult. After 32 years policing, I can assure you I had my fair share of being told to "p*** off" even when offering a helping hand, but I never stopped doing it (offering that is).

In the early days after my son's accident it was a temptation to over assist him maybe. I think that is a common problem with parents or loved ones. However I soon learnt to step back a bit and only help if asked, BUT, I was living with a spinally injured person, no one can possibly expect a person who doesn't come into frequent contact with SCI folk to gain the same insight - maybe tolerance and making due allowance for the less informed might not go amiss sometimes.


Dave

This post has been edited by Dave Bishopstone: 19 August 2009 - 05:48 PM

[edlee]

There is certainly nothing wrong with offering sympathy or help to anyone at any time. That some of us feel like it's be offered too much, doesn't change the fact that GOOD people empathize. Insulting them only reinforces the stereotype of the bitter cripple. That's one I would rather not perpetuate,,, nor have perpetuated by others for me.
ed

[Laiusky]

LeahC, on Aug 18 2009, 06:49 PM, said:

I think you should only apologise for pointing out her weight issue in my opinion lol

So I did talk to X today in school. And pointed out I was sorry about calling her fat, that I was actually having a bad day, and her attitude towards my boyfriend didn't help. I told her that she should be careful about what she says about situations that she doesn't really know anything about, because sometimes that might hurt people, or even make her look stupid. I told her that yeah, being in a wheelchair is a difficult situation, but that feeling sorry for someone is not the way to approach it.

I think she understood what I meant and this time the conversation didn't end up awkward or anything. She said sorry, and we moved on to talking about something else. YAY

[mcferguson]

edlee, on Aug 19 2009, 01:15 PM, said:

There is certainly nothing wrong with offering sympathy or help to anyone at any time. That some of us feel like it's be offered too much, doesn't change the fact that GOOD people empathize. Insulting them only reinforces the stereotype of the bitter cripple. That's one I would rather not perpetuate,,, nor have perpetuated by others for me.
ed

I generally, not always, let people help. Its funny, at my office and gym, there are doors that open with a push of a button. Still, people open the door for me and I don't discourage them. I tell them, "Thank you" and go about my way.

[greybeard]

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 19 2009, 06:46 PM, said:

greybeard, on Aug 19 2009, 06:12 PM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 19 2009, 03:11 PM, said:

on balance I think I would prefer to live in a world where we strive to understand and get along with each other, whatever our situation. They say the hardest word to use is the word 'Sorry' whatever side of the line one is on.

Dave, I completely agree.

There seems to be a flaw in the argument proposed here and although I will probably be shouted at again for voicing my concerns, I would like to explore a little.

Should we always ignore those who apparently need help just in case we hurt their feelings by offering it?

How far do you suggest this non-intervention behaviour should go? Is it proposed that we should walk away from someone being physically abused? Or ignore anyone writhing on the floor in apparent pain?

Under what circumstances, would you consider that offering help was not insulting? Please advise as I am curious.

Hi Greybeard,

I obviously don't go along with non intervention behaviour, as I think my comments indicate. I would and do, offer (and 'offer' is the operative word ) help where I think it might be needed, if it is rejected, hopefully politely and with good grace, fine, if however my offer is met with insult and abuse - then I would suggest that maybe someone else has a hang up or two to resolve.

Offering help ought never be insulting, if it is done sensitively, even if it isn't, is there really a need to resort to insult. After 32 years policing, I can assure you I had my fair share of being told to "p*** off" even when offering a helping hand, but I never stopped doing it (offering that is).

In the early days after my son's accident it was a temptation to over assist him maybe. I think that is a common problem with parents or loved ones. However I soon learnt to step back a bit and only help if asked, BUT, I was living with a spinally injured person, no one can possibly expect a person who doesn't come into frequent contact with SCI folk to gain the same insight - maybe tolerance and making due allowance for the less informed might not go amiss sometimes.


Dave

Sorry if you thought my questions were aimed at your post, Dave. I should have made it clearer that they were actually in response to some of the earlier posts in the thread.

This post has been edited by greybeard: 19 August 2009 - 09:16 PM

[chickadee]

Quote

I think she understood what I meant and this time the conversation didn't end up awkward or anything. She said sorry, and we moved on to talking about something else. YAY

Good to hear! Aaaah... Another happy ending.

[Dave Bishopstone]

greybeard, on Aug 19 2009, 10:07 PM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 19 2009, 06:46 PM, said:

greybeard, on Aug 19 2009, 06:12 PM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 19 2009, 03:11 PM, said:

on balance I think I would prefer to live in a world where we strive to understand and get along with each other, whatever our situation. They say the hardest word to use is the word 'Sorry' whatever side of the line one is on.

Dave, I completely agree.

There seems to be a flaw in the argument proposed here and although I will probably be shouted at again for voicing my concerns, I would like to explore a little.

Should we always ignore those who apparently need help just in case we hurt their feelings by offering it?

How far do you suggest this non-intervention behaviour should go? Is it proposed that we should walk away from someone being physically abused? Or ignore anyone writhing on the floor in apparent pain?

Under what circumstances, would you consider that offering help was not insulting? Please advise as I am curious.

Hi Greybeard,

I obviously don't go along with non intervention behaviour, as I think my comments indicate. I would and do, offer (and 'offer' is the operative word ) help where I think it might be needed, if it is rejected, hopefully politely and with good grace, fine, if however my offer is met with insult and abuse - then I would suggest that maybe someone else has a hang up or two to resolve.

Offering help ought never be insulting, if it is done sensitively, even if it isn't, is there really a need to resort to insult. After 32 years policing, I can assure you I had my fair share of being told to "p*** off" even when offering a helping hand, but I never stopped doing it (offering that is).

In the early days after my son's accident it was a temptation to over assist him maybe. I think that is a common problem with parents or loved ones. However I soon learnt to step back a bit and only help if asked, BUT, I was living with a spinally injured person, no one can possibly expect a person who doesn't come into frequent contact with SCI folk to gain the same insight - maybe tolerance and making due allowance for the less informed might not go amiss sometimes.


Dave

Sorry if you thought my questions were aimed at your post, Dave. I should have made it clearer that they were actually in response to some of the earlier posts in the thread.

Hi,

Thanks and noted - cheers!

Dave

[greybeard]

Laiusky, on Aug 19 2009, 08:07 PM, said:

And pointed out I was sorry about calling her fat,

Good for you. Another beautiful friendship saved!

[wheeels]

I liked your response, sometimes being nice and "politically correct" just does not work some people just don't listen

[Steviewo]

I think that Dave and Greybeard are missing the point and going a bit off track here.

The original post never refered to refusing and being ungrateful for somebody offfering help.

Infact the Girl X came out with the line "Yes, I would probably kill myself" when being asked what she would do if she was in a chair.

What an insult and how upsetting this must have been for Laiusky.

[Scribbler]

Laiusky, on Aug 19 2009, 08:07 PM, said:

LeahC, on Aug 18 2009, 06:49 PM, said:

I think you should only apologise for pointing out her weight issue in my opinion lol

So I did talk to X today in school. And pointed out I was sorry about calling her fat, that I was actually having a bad day, and her attitude towards my boyfriend didn't help. I told her that she should be careful about what she says about situations that she doesn't really know anything about, because sometimes that might hurt people, or even make her look stupid. I told her that yeah, being in a wheelchair is a difficult situation, but that feeling sorry for someone is not the way to approach it.

I think she understood what I meant and this time the conversation didn't end up awkward or anything. She said sorry, and we moved on to talking about something else. YAY

I think you were very kind to have done that, its obviously made X think plus she's also said she's sorry. Your approach was correct and shows you have a kind nature. Its cleared the air with your friends and things are back to normal.

I wouldn't worry too much about some of the other posts, especially when members forget your original problem and end up arguing amongst themselves.

I've been injured over 50 years and seen it all. You'll always come up against people who ask questions, show pity, mention religion or just ignore you. I've found those people are in the minority; the majority of people are kind, helpful and well meaning. Just be prepared for the ignorant ones and try not to let it upset you.

When I go somewhere new or have to meet new people I always make the first approach by smiling, looking them in the eyes and saying hello. I get much better service that way and it makes the other person feel at ease.

Good luck.

Mike

[greybeard]

Steviewo, have another read of Lucydog's post. It offers what I suggest is a more balanced view.

[sarcak]

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 18 2009, 11:54 PM, said:

Forgive me, but don't you think that it would be more productive to try to educate people who are maybe ignorant about the effects of SCI rather than insult someone who has hitherto perhaps been a friend?

I think it is useless

[greybeard]

sarcak, on Aug 20 2009, 12:38 PM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 18 2009, 11:54 PM, said:

Forgive me, but don't you think that it would be more productive to try to educate people who are maybe ignorant about the effects of SCI rather than insult someone who has hitherto perhaps been a friend?

I think it is useless

Do you. Perhaps it is. But does it really hurt so much to try? Seems like if you don't, you'll soon end up friendless in situations like the one described by the OP.

How else are those who may be ignorant about the effects of SCI supposed to learn if all us gimps are just too bitter to try and explain?

[Meadowlarkmark]

I really used to try to do the "education thing" and the "nice thing" and now more often then not I do the "silent thing". I have pretty much accepted people are ignorant and always will be in the 'whole' and if I have the time and the emotional strength I'll try to enlighten but most the time I just smile and move on--life is too short...

[Karl187]

Jax, on Aug 19 2009, 10:56 AM, said:

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 18 2009, 03:54 PM, said:

Forgive me, but don't you think that it would be more productive to try to educate people who are maybe ignorant about the effects of SCI rather than insult someone who has hitherto perhaps been a friend?

I'm going to tell you something you've apparently never heard.

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!

I've tried explaining stuff to people time and again. If they act like girl X, then there's no way in hell you're going to "educate" them about the effects of SCI. I've tried it, seen it tried, and heard plenty more stories just like that one from others who've tried it. Girl X was obviously set in her mind's view of how she felt and what she believed. Do you honestly think it's worth the time to try to "educate" her politely?

I'll bet that she got the point better from the fat statement than she ever would have through politeness. She wouldn't have shut up long enough to actually listen and hear what Laiusky had to say politely. If girl X had wanted to listen, she would have asked a question at a time and waited for the whole answer rather than flipping out like a 7th-grader on speed. What I'm saying is that "education" has many different methods, as individuals do not all learn in the same way. The nice turn-around method Laiusky used may have been the only thing that could have gotten into girl X's head and made her think for a second about how stupid she was being.

I've used similar methods to get my point across to a couple of my best friends. That's just what works for them-bluntness with the occasional example to feed their brains a different perspective. They don't get mad. I don't get mad when it's done to me. If girl X got mad, who gives a crap? That would just show that she's not open to the possibility that there's a world that doesn't revolve around her.

And for the sake of all that's truly worth giving a sh!t about, please do not apologize Laiusky. It just reinforces to her that she can be a and get away with it. That girl wants to make you feel bad because she's a moron? Are you seriously going to fall for that old guilt-trip routine?

I've had people try to do that to me when I told them I could get out the truck myself. They get all mad and act like they're doing me some big service, when they're actually just making it more difficult for me to get out. Same thing happens when I'm getting the chair into the truck and some dipsh!t decides that he (or she) can just come over and pick up the chair for me, and then gets mad when I tell them "no, thanks," or "I got it." People are so stupid and fake-nice. When they start pulling that pity and guilt trip crap, it really pisses me the off! What, I'm supposed to appreciate somebody automatically assuming that I'm an invalid or that I must need help just because I'm in a chair? I think not!

I'm gonna agree with Jax here- sometimes telling them to get is the best policy. Some people are so PC I feel like sometimes they might insist on pushing me up a hill even if I'm violently resisting, because they are so dumb they think they know better. I can get up the damn hill and I'll do it in my own frickin' time aswell. If I want help I'll ask, simple as that.

I think the whole 'oh that poor guy' thing is a knee-jerk reaction for most people hearing about people they know with SCI's or some other sort of deblitating injury. Sometimes it will end at that, other times they just won't shut up. My knee jerk reaction (pun intended) is to speak straight which would likely mean telling them to shut up or stop being silly, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

(You can't fix stupid, according to Ron 'Tater' Salad' White- funniest man alive!)

This post has been edited by Karl187: 21 August 2009 - 05:43 PM