10 replies to this topic

[Myssa]

Just 2 quick questions..I do tend to do jump up and help my husband before I let him try but it hurts me to make him struggle. People say I have "itchy hands" and I don't see that as really a bad thing.

Does it get easier to let him try things on his own more?
How bad is it really to help him all the time?

[Trinity]

Myssa, on Sep 4 2009, 08:39 PM, said:

Just 2 quick questions..I do tend to do jump up and help my husband before I let him try but it hurts me to make him struggle. People say I have "itchy hands" and I don't see that as really a bad thing.

Does it get easier to let him try things on his own more?
How bad is it really to help him all the time?

I think the general rule is, "If you don't use it, you lose it" ask your husband to let you know when he is struggling with something and needs your help. He can probably do a lot of things on his own if you give him the time and he doesn't get too frustrated. See it not as letting him struggle but more promoting his independence!

[Jax]

trinity, on Sep 4 2009, 03:38 PM, said:

Myssa, on Sep 4 2009, 08:39 PM, said:

Just 2 quick questions..I do tend to do jump up and help my husband before I let him try but it hurts me to make him struggle. People say I have "itchy hands" and I don't see that as really a bad thing.

Does it get easier to let him try things on his own more?
How bad is it really to help him all the time?

I think the general rule is, "If you don't use it, you lose it" ask your husband to let you know when he is struggling with something and needs your help. He can probably do a lot of things on his own if you give him the time and he doesn't get too frustrated. See it not as letting him struggle but more promoting his independence!

Second that.

[luis85]

Myssa, on Sep 4 2009, 03:39 PM, said:

Just 2 quick questions..I do tend to do jump up and help my husband before I let him try but it hurts me to make him struggle. People say I have "itchy hands" and I don't see that as really a bad thing.

Does it get easier to let him try things on his own more?
How bad is it really to help him all the time?

third that

[qbounce]

I'm going to add that the more independant he becomes, transversely you'll become more independant of his needs. Look at the big picture, do him a favor . . . . AND yourself by allowing him to do whatever he can on his own, no matter how long it takes him.

He's a lucky guy to have you around! Let us know hw things are working out.

[Myssa]

qbounce, on Sep 5 2009, 11:22 PM, said:

I'm going to add that the more independant he becomes, transversely you'll become more independant of his needs. Look at the big picture, do him a favor . . . . AND yourself by allowing him to do whatever he can on his own, no matter how long it takes him.

He's a lucky guy to have you around! Let us know hw things are working out.

Thank you all and I know I do need to let him do things on his own more. Everyone tells me I do to much for him, in time I think I'll get better at it

[Courtney]

Just remember, the more independant he is, the better it will be for both of you. The main think that I still do is get him dressed and undressed.....sure, he can do it, however it would take him an hour and alot of cursing So it's just easier if I take 5 minutes out of my day and do it so that we can get on with our day. But there are still times he will as me to go get him something or do something for him that he can easily do himself. It's a balancing act.......

[CollegeGirl]

Just keep in mind that if you do everything for him then he can't do anything for himself. If he never gets a chance to try to do anything then there's no way he will ever be able to learn to be as independent as he could be. No one enjoys feeling like they have to have everything done for them, so the more he can do for himself the happier he will be.

[Meadowlarkmark]

Let him have something to do he'll feel better and so will you.

[ohio4282]

Myssa, on Sep 6 2009, 09:26 AM, said:

qbounce, on Sep 5 2009, 11:22 PM, said:

I'm going to add that the more independant he becomes, transversely you'll become more independant of his needs. Look at the big picture, do him a favor . . . . AND yourself by allowing him to do whatever he can on his own, no matter how long it takes him.

He's a lucky guy to have you around! Let us know hw things are working out.

Thank you all and I know I do need to let him do things on his own more. Everyone tells me I do to much for him, in time I think I'll get better at it

I don't really have much to add, but I agree with everything that has been said. The less you do for him, the more reliant he becomes on himself. I don't know how long your husband has been injured, but with my boyfriend, I have to remind myself sometimes that it isn't his first day. Sure, I can do things faster and easier than he can, but that really isn't the point. I haven't always been there, I am not always with him, and I hate to even say this, but I may not always be around. It is best to let him do what he can and he keeps strong that way.

And also, I think it is a matter of pride for my guy that he hold open doors for me or open the car door. It seems like a small thing to me, but for him, it is a matter of pride and dignity.

And for the things that take longer, like transferring to the car and getting his chair in...I know I have the urge to just do it for him, but instead, I just talk to him. It keeps my mind off of trying to help and I get to enjoy a conversation with him.

[Myssa]

I saw the light today and saw i'm creating a bit of a monster. I put a pile of clothes on the table and just asked him to sort them, when I asked he said Babe i'm watching the game. I snapped and said I don't care if their palying in the living room press pause and go do it. Me yelling put him in the best mood he's been in since he was hurt, I asked why he's so happy and he told me that was the first time in 6 months I told him to do something.