Posted 14 September 2009 - 10:51 PM
For the best qoutes, just ask Archie Bunker;
"There's plenty of fish in the woodpile"
"I musta died and gone to the wrong place. 'Cause yas all sure sound like hell"
"Well in the words of Harry S. Truman, if it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook"
"Robin Hood was an English fag! That's why the sheriff run him into the woods"
"You are a MEATHEAD. As in Meathead... dead from the neck up"
"You can't really buy beer... you can only rent it"
"Everyone I like stays the hell away from me"
"Three Men in a Tub, they had a water shortage in them days. So everything in Fairyland was in threes, you know, except the dwarfs. There was seven of them 'cause they was little and the wolf was after them so the wolf came running after them and boy he had one hell of a breath. He blew down their house and they had to find another joint so they run through the woods and they run into Goldilocks and she took them all in to live with her and there's nothin' wrong with that because she was a nice girl and they're old anyway. So they got another house but the wolf came along and blew that one down too so then they run through the woods again and they come to a brick house and that belonged to Disney so they all moved in there and started working for him."
"London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, the Limeys built it wrong"
"Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?"
"A four letter Italian word for 'goodbye'. Bang. B-A-N-G"
"I got bigger fish to fly"
"Ha ha ha. Oh that Dennis. He really is a menace. Such a rotten kid I love him"
"We lost a daughter but gained a meathead"
"Don't talk to strangers unless you know them very well"
"California is full of nuts and fruits. Every fruit is a little nutty and every nut is a little fruity"
"What has hate got to do with this, you dumb Polack?"
"He's a strong kid there, this morning he bit right through a nipple. Luckily it was on a bottle or he could've hurt someone in the family"
"When a plumber's business goes into the toilet you're sitting pretty"
"When you're older, I'll be telling you fairy stories. No, not about them people"
"Silence is golden, so stifle thy self"
"I hate entertainment. Entertainment is a thing of the past, now we got television"
"You gotta grab the bull by the corns"
"If I was the last man on Earth and you was the last woman, I would go to bed with a bush"
"You know the story about Noah's Ark there, don't you? You know how the animals come up the gangplank there and into the ark. They came in twos: the sames with the sames and the differents with the differents. The tiger come up with the tigeress, the lion, he came up with the lioness. The zebra, he come up with the zebraella and the elephant, he came up with the... Uh... What? Geez, I forget the term. You know, the point I'm trying to make is the elephant didn't come walking up there with a Polack"
"Well, I remember one winter during the Depression when we didn't have any money because my father lost his job, we was all bust. And I wore out a shoe. One shoe. So I couldn't go to school with only one shoe. But my mother found a boot, so I had a shoe on one foot there and a boot on the other. A shoe and a boot. So the kids call me 'Shoebootie'. They used to holler, "Tutti fruitti, here comes Shoebootie." They called me that until they learned my name was Archibald and they thought that was funny. And then I wished they'd go back to 'Shoebootie'. "
"He took a jawbone from the grass and slew the Palistine army"
"We was like two ships that clashed in the night"
"You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo. You're getting a cavity in your brain"
"All over the world they celebrate the birth of that baby, and everybody gets time off from work. Now if that ain't proof that he's the Son of God, then nothing is"
"He ain't been the same since he had that vassexomy"
"She ain't gonna saying nothing more because the smoke has given her an attack of, what do you call, laryngosis"
"Just like that Ralph Nader, you're giving the whole country a pain in the butt"
"God can do anything! He can turn your jawbone into an ass!"
"God don't make no mistakes, that's how He got to be God"
"Why don't you go take a short walk on a long pier?"
"You're a regular Edgar Allen Polack"
"If my dead father was alive to hear that, it would kill him"
"Now don't go telling Lionel! He'll get on his tom-tom and alert all the other jungle bunnies"
"Like the Good Book says, 'Let him who is without sin... be the rollin' stone'."
And my personal favorite;
"Meathead, I never thought I'd be saying this, but YOU'RE too good for HER!"
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