7 replies to this topic

[mariaterry]

Hi
My husband is a t5 complete - accident at work 22-02-08, so 18 months ago. Been out of hospital for a litle over a year. We have 3 teenage children, 16,14 and 13.
My husband is ''disconnected'' does not interact with our children apart to scream abuse at them for any misdemeaner. There are screaming arguements almost daily in our house. He calls the children names, calls me names. Then spends hours crying saying how much he is just in the way! And how much he loves us. Much of his day is spent crying or shouting.
He is in constant pain and has trouble with his bladder. He keeps a diary which I have read which basically says that I don't love him. He has a bed in the living room which is his bedroom and bathroom until we are able to move.
He is quite clearly depressed but absolutely refuses to seek any help. he throws himself on the floor in frustration in front of the kids and it is my 15 year old son that has to pick him up. I have been ''dared'' to mention anymore that he needs help with depressiion. He screams out in front of the children that he is going to end it all.
I'm trying to keep things together but fear I'm loosing! Has anyone been in this situation and how did you handle it?

Edited by mariaterry, 01 October 2009 - 10:29 PM.

[nomis]

It sounds like your husband is not managing his situation and you're right to consider calling in help. It might be scary but my advice would be to lay down the law yourself and organise professional help. Your doctor is a good place to start and he/she can make the appropriate referral.

Your husband is probably going through what is basically a normal and even healthy reaction against his new disability. But the process has got stuck and it is not good for you, your husband or your family. He will benefit from some additional support to move him on to the next, more positive stage.

[Ches]

Im sorry, not to get off subject but I read this and think.. he's relocated but why havent you? Granted you dont need to, and its just a room away, but those type things are a team effort. Isolation may not be helping!

[wheeliebear75]

Ya know what? This kind of behavior is NOT in any way shape or form acceptable! And it is made even more so by the fact that he does this with the children. They nor you are there for his emotional punching bag. We all go through our own personal "Hell on Earth" but taking that frustration out on others is neither healthy nor productive. I'll be real blunt; if he is taking it out on the children than it is up to you as their mother to make sure that you do everything within your power to try & change the situation for their sake if not for that of you & your husband. They don't deserve to have that kind of stress & trauma, & they deserve to have a relationship with their father......which will be tainted if this is allowed to continue.

[Taylor9]

Hello.I am so sorry to what your going through.wish i could help you.I hope you will get some ease soon,and maybe get on abit better with time.I know its hard but you need some YOU time,but people deal with things in there own way,But remember there is always some one willing to help you. Take care.
From Margaret,(Scotland)

[allis53ca]

sounds like somebody needs a time-out...i'd let him visit the nursing home for a day and say "honey, this is where we send assholes that wallow in self pity and abuse all who love and care for them !"

[lk1home]

I am sorry to hear that your husband is having a tough time. I am the wife of a C7 Quad and I have two children 5 and 8. We have only been doing this a few months so I am no expert. It must be really hard for you and as the wife and mother you need to do what is best for your family. If your husband needs help then get it for him, he may be mad and upset at first but once he sees the light and what a wonderful wife and family he has he will only apprecite you more for sticking by him. We are stong women and love our familys and only want the best for them, get him the help he needs I am sure that you will feel better also you just need to make the decision and stick to it. I see the anger with my husband toward my childer sometimes when they are acting up and I step in and tell him to back off ( of couse mine are allot younger but they are still just kids). I have come to reliaze that this is one of the hardest things that me or you will go through in our lives and I am of the thought that if you look back even a year from now did you make the right decision and you have to have no regrets and being the wife, mother and cartaker you have allot on your plate. You are not loosing the battle just start fighting harder it is your life to.

[Tetracyclone]

MariaTerry,

You are only losing your patience with abuse and BS. Did your husband occasionally indulge in this behavior before his accident, or has he suffered a personality change? This is not unusual when the SCI includes a concussion.

As we all agree, YOU need help. Call the hot-line people for advice- they know their business. You may have been entirely willing to care for him after his injury, but suffering abuse and non-stop chaos is not part of care-taking. Talk to his Doctor.

I repeat- You are only losing your patience with a situation that is emotionally quite dangerous for ALL involved.

Your family is in my prayers.

Pwuff