[SoliK]

I'm really new at this so I hope this question doesn't sound too odd! Recently I met a very nice man that I'm looking forward in getting to know better..From what I've read and observed I think he is T4 or T5..but I don't know how to ask what happened to him. We've only been out twice as friends but the topic hasn't come up yet. I really want to know but don't want to commit a faux pas and offend him in anyway because I really like him and can see myself dating this man in the near future. Sometimes when I talk to him, I get so caught up in the fact that we have so much in common that I forget that he is in a wheelchair. But I do want to know.. How do you bring this up? Is it better to wait for him to tell me? I just have so many questions but will take it one day at a time. Thank you so much.

This post has been edited by SoliK: 03 October 2009 - 06:24 AM

[mox]

I say you should just go ahead and ask him. Some may be a tad apprehensive when talking about it but a very small percentage I think. Being T5 myself I would not bat an eyelid about it and friends of mine who are in w/chairs would not hesitate either. People are curious about it by nature and personally, it doesn't bother me to tell them if they should ask.
If he's into you to, I can't see him getting too edgy about it.

[Kwag_Myers]

Generally, people who are most likely to get offended are the ones with a "victim mentality". They blame everything that happens to them is because they're in a wheel chair and get offended by the stupidest things. I see it all the time in this forum.

Judging from the amount of time you've spent with him and it hasn't come up yet, I'd say he's not going to be offended by your asking.

[bobm]

Kwag_Myers, on Oct 3 2009, 02:40 PM, said:

Generally, people who are most likely to get offended are the ones with a "victim mentality". They blame everything that happens to them is because they're in a wheel chair and get offended by the stupidest things. I see it all the time in this forum.

Judging from the amount of time you've spent with him and it hasn't come up yet, I'd say he's not going to be offended by your asking.

This is a bit strong, Kwag;

I wouldn't be a regular visitor to a site populated by professional "victim". I come here for the positive thinking that is always on show

[SoliK]

Thanks so much for the advice. I think the next time we go out (which I really hope will be soon) I'll ask him. He is such a nice man, and you're right, if he is in to me..(which it does appear he is) he won't get mad. Really looking forward in how things turn out..I might be back to ask more questions if this does lead to something special.

This post has been edited by SoliK: 03 October 2009 - 09:44 PM

[wheeliebear75]

I think most have gotten used to the "what happened" question coming up. If he was a NEWLY injured person like less than a year or something I could see it maybe being a bit upsetting. But if you are thinking you would like to see him romantically then this will be something you'd kinda "need to know"; can't count how many people have asked my Mom, friends, etc. what happened, so I'm sure you'll get asked before long "what happened to him?".

[Kwag_Myers]

bobm, on Oct 3 2009, 10:32 AM, said:

Kwag_Myers, on Oct 3 2009, 02:40 PM, said:

Generally, people who are most likely to get offended are the ones with a "victim mentality". They blame everything that happens to them is because they're in a wheel chair and get offended by the stupidest things. I see it all the time in this forum.

Judging from the amount of time you've spent with him and it hasn't come up yet, I'd say he's not going to be offended by your asking.

This is a bit strong, Kwag;

I wouldn't be a regular visitor to a site populated by professional "victim". I come here for the positive thinking that is always on show

Trust me, they show up from time to time. I remember one guy who was offended because someone in a store asked him, "Are you in line?" Another got mad 'cause a store owner had the nerve to greet her as she entered his store. There is a reason for the "Bitter Disabled" stereotype. Fortunately, they are the minority and, as you say, most of the folks here are above all that.

[geek1]

Like many on this forum (im t4) say , ask him .It only shows you care about him and moreso you dont want hear-say or ask anyone other than him.Yes ,it can be offensive if someone asks you with a certain strange attitude but HEY personally I answer and pray that perhaps one day ,they will learn how to ask respectfully.In your case its different ,u just want know coz u care for him.Go fast for it!

[Jana09]

Hi SolIK, I can relate to this. I met my new man just recently and we discussed
his SCI during the very first phone conversation, before we'd even met. I asked him how
he'd had his accident and he was very happy to discuss it. But then again, I'm a very
open person and as long as I don't think I'm going to offend someone, I come out with it.

I agree with the others and say you should bring it into the conversation. Say something like
"how long have been in a chair" and then take it from there. If he's as nice as you say he is,
I'm sure it'll be a good conversation. He's probably dying to tell you about it but doesn't
want to bore you - that's what my guy says when we talk about his disability. But the more
I get to hear about what happened to him and how's he's dealt with it, the more I like him.
Like you, I'm hoping it will lead to something very special indeed....

[SoliK]

Thank Jana!(and everyone else too again) I'm actually really shy..but he is worth it..and just from the few times we've been together I am finding myself really liking him more and more everyday. I've seen him around but only recently started talking to him. (He approached me first) One of the nicest men I've ever met. I found this website by accident..but glad I did. I'm sure I'll probably have tons of other questions if this moves in the direction I want it too, so I'll keep lurking and maybe posting some more in the near future.. Hoping I'll see him this week... Can't wait. :-)
SoliK