6 replies to this topic

[tjams3]

My husband had an aortic dissection in March during surgery, he had a spinal stroke that left him a paraplegic. He has devoloped pressure ulscers(stage 4) from his wheel chair. He is having another operation to remove part of his hip bone. He will now be required to spend 20 hours a day in bed. He is very depressed about all that has happened to him. And this has sent him over the edge. I am looking for suggestions on how to help him. He needs things to do in bed. Any ideas? I love him so much and I hate seing him so down in the dumps. We have three young daughters and he feels like he is missing so much.......

[araitn]

Laptop computer..... Apparelyzed

[codakitty]

hi. i have spent more hours than i care to say over a coccyx area that has broken down several times. i was offered a colostomy in order to get up right away (well seven weeks as opposed to six months) and i declined.

#1. up protein intake. soy is good, seitan is better (0 fat/cholesterol)
#2. get him some weights, barbells if he can lift them. hey, there's nothing else to do in prison or lying in bed 20 hours a day, may as well have something to show for it.
#3. read.

i'd say knitting but most men don't knit. and lying on his stomach is important but lots of people don't like to do it. i can't sleep on my stomach but 4-5 hours a day can be done.

he can do it. good luck.

[Denny]

araitn, on Oct 21 2009, 03:58 AM, said:

Laptop computer..... Apparelyzed

Laptop with internet / games is very good option.
Alternatively try to set some goals every day with activities. Think of things your Hus may enjoy and challenge him.
Here are some of the things I will do if I have to be on bed rest. So far I been lucky and worked from home full time when I was unwell
Be online and catch with all friends online, and full time Apparelyzed.com
Write/ type autobiography or what ever on mind and share it.
Get games like sudoku that will stimulate brain.
Get some weights / exercise and set goal to improve daily
Use this time to learn some thing new, and set goals for exams if applicable or plan to put it in to practice one out of bed.
Bird feeder (if like to watch birds, not shoot
Play party games or board games. This will refresh mind as well as opportunity for casual talks.
http://www.hobbycraft.co.uk there are many hobbies, if not already got one, start new. Model making, jigsaw etc.
Activities to do with children.
Read some good books.

[chickadee]

I always recommend knitting - and it doesn't matter if he's a guy. It's difficult enough (when you start) to keep you interested, and once you get it, you can space out and do it while watching TV for easier projects. Maybe he can make something for your daughters (my friend made a baby bib for his daughter the first time, and a small baby blanket the second time). Also, my friend taught his oldest daughter how to knit, and they got to share that together.

I'd also plan a vacation with him, so that once he's up, he can spend quality and uninterrupted time with his family outside of his bedroom walls. And until then, have him be in charge of planning. For instance, when I'm feeling really down, I order boatloads of tourism brochures and start dreaming. If I scratch up enough money, I have a killer trip to Iceland planned out! I mean, literally - down to the exact activities.

For intimacy (which might be on his mind), maybe consider giving him an awesome massage during your alone time. My back is totally jacked up, along with my shoulders - but I love having my head, neck, hands, etc. massaged. Do the less obvious places, like just under the elbow. I was pretty well stunned to feel how sore those really were! I really believe that the closeness and touch is helpful to get out of a funk.

As for feeling like he's being left out, depending on the age of your daughters, maybe he can help out with their cares. If they're younger, maybe after a bath, have him detangle and braid their hair. I know it sounds weird, but if he can feel a smidge important in their mundane daily life, maybe that'll make him feel more involved. If the kiddos are older, maybe he can teach them something - guitar or whatever. Have him help out with their homework.

Otherwise, studying is a great way to keep your mind off of things. Me, I'm studying a new language, and brushing up on a computer language. Maybe he's interested in learning a musical instrument?

Finally, I agree with whoever noted the exercise above is a good plan. Making sure that his upper body especially is in shape will make when he gets out of bed will make life so much easier. When I started coming out of my 'fog', I realized how weak my muscles really were - and I always considered myself to be in shape!

A great way to stave off depression is to have a set daily schedule of some sort. Moping in bed for eight hours in front of the TV isn't going to distract him. He's still recently injured, and he's going to go through loads of emotions - heck, I'm still going through the process myself. Keeping your brain and body as sharp as you can is really for the best.

[codakitty]

Quote

Bird feeder (if like to watch birds, not shoot.

this made me laugh. i left out, "wheel the bed onto the balcony, give him a water glass full of gin and a shotgun to take potshots at pigeons." that's a joke, albeit a sick one. i have two cats, i love animals, and i don't drink at all. i don't recommend it for someone on bedrest or someone who has had heart surgery either but however people want to entertain themselves is none of my business. it's just that alcohol is a depressant, and probably doesn't help the heart or the skin.

knitting is an excellent idea if he will do it. especially if you know how and can teach him. i knitted about six afghans when i was initally injured because i was in bed for six months and i also had a scoliosis surgery a year later and was bedridden for about three. i play the piano as well but that didn't work from bed. i'd go with knitting or learning a new language. the laptop is also a definite but not everyone has one. they aren't that expensive though and it would really pass time for him.

you might also want to think about an antidepressant, however, i have tried about eight over my life time. the only one that did anything is wellbutrin and it isn't a first-line choice. a friend of mine told me it did wonders for him and that i should at least try it, so i did. i'm not saying that pills are a magic answer either. prozac made me weird and cymbalta was okay at first but at a therapeutic dosage it gave me a flat affect and i doubt that's what you're after. the rest did nothing at all but some did have unpleasant side effects.

i still advocate weight lifting in bed because you can still do it, and people always can improve their upper body strength and it gives them something to look forward to when they get up. being bedridden really can wreak havoc with one's strength and stamina, which is doubly depressing. i did it and i was definitely not sorry.

i thought i was the only person who planned fantasy trips. mine is australia but i also am not holding my breath. but maybe it will happen.

[brython2]

Learn a language from a CD course. The Michel Thomas ones are very good, and hour here and there, enough to start off with. I have an 8 CD German course that I listen to when the mood hits, I'm far from proficient, but it keeps the grey matter stimulated.